alcoholic and very bitter
purchased my ticket today. so im leaving. we decided to make the return date in december, in case ginn cant come see me during winter break. my family may not be religious, but tradition is still valued.
departure is concrete: september 2nd, 8 am. its just as well; i couldnt face another drab year at unlv.
some things i already know will suck: i am not living on campus, i dont even get my class schedule until the day i arrive, i wont have internet in my residence. not to mention the whole being in another country whose language i barely speak. this could be the best or worst thing to ever happen to me.
wish id get my goddamn passport. wish i had less time to freak out about this thing. wish i didnt feel so betrayed still; i should be happy, why do i feel like my world is dying? this is what i want, right?
it probly doesnt help that i keep torturing myself, prodding the almost healed wound, watching the blood pool and the unmistakable sting of a deep scar to develop. no, i cant leave well enough alone.
what i mean is, its late
much too late for us
and im fixing to go home
with just my conscience
and a bitter sense of irony as my chaperone.
i hate what this town has made me into. the only lessons ive learned in this misogynistic tits&ass culture is that a pretty face and ass will get you anywhere and forgive you anything, but dont trust anyone, because theyll sell you out for the cheapest bid and at the first opportunity. yeah, im jaded, i dont know how i have all this energy to have an unyeilding rage inside of me, but there it is.
i cant eat. i cant sleep. i cant relate to a living soul. but i can drink and smoke and work still, so things are pretty much back to normal. heh.
departure is concrete: september 2nd, 8 am. its just as well; i couldnt face another drab year at unlv.
some things i already know will suck: i am not living on campus, i dont even get my class schedule until the day i arrive, i wont have internet in my residence. not to mention the whole being in another country whose language i barely speak. this could be the best or worst thing to ever happen to me.
wish id get my goddamn passport. wish i had less time to freak out about this thing. wish i didnt feel so betrayed still; i should be happy, why do i feel like my world is dying? this is what i want, right?
it probly doesnt help that i keep torturing myself, prodding the almost healed wound, watching the blood pool and the unmistakable sting of a deep scar to develop. no, i cant leave well enough alone.
what i mean is, its late
much too late for us
and im fixing to go home
with just my conscience
and a bitter sense of irony as my chaperone.
i hate what this town has made me into. the only lessons ive learned in this misogynistic tits&ass culture is that a pretty face and ass will get you anywhere and forgive you anything, but dont trust anyone, because theyll sell you out for the cheapest bid and at the first opportunity. yeah, im jaded, i dont know how i have all this energy to have an unyeilding rage inside of me, but there it is.
i cant eat. i cant sleep. i cant relate to a living soul. but i can drink and smoke and work still, so things are pretty much back to normal. heh.