So... I am hanging in there, but things are really rough.  I really still don't want to face the thought of matt being gone and things going back to status quo in my life.  It makes me so sad.  We went to drink at tavern one final time last night and ended up both crying a lot and he held my hand while we cried together - it was really sweet, but ( Read more... )

so, he's been living with me for a week, fresh out of an abusive relationship where he lost everything he had (minus his clothes, which are pretty important to him... but still - he lost his lover, his home, his dog, his material possessions, everything).

despite being somewhat overwhelmed for a good portion of the past 7 days, they've been some ( Read more... )

He caught me in the middle of a yawn as he opened the door.  He made some comment like "It'd be better to be yawning at the end than at the beginning!"  We walked down the small hallway and into the office.  The smell of his cherry incense wafted up my nose.  I awkwardly plopped into the chair, trying to get comfortable.

( More #38... )

So, I am still ridiculously stressed out about this decision.  I know I should just make it, etc etc.  I'd really like to talk to Suzi about it more.  It's weird because she is involved and has a vested interest in this, but I have to wonder what she would think about some of the things that have been on my mind (in favor of both moving AND not ( Read more... )

I don't think I've ever been faced with a decision this big.  Not even where to go to college was this hard... especially because it was mostly laid out for me.  I also don't think I've ever MADE a decision this big, then had to RE-decide it ( Read more... )

the decision to move into Mata's house is STILL up in the air somehow.  I met Lyle and Patrick at Denny's last night to talk through, what I thought was just going to be, the money stuff.  After 2 minutes of talking with Lyle about his bills and looking over at Patrick, I realized something was wrong.  There was total awkwardness in the air.  I put ( Read more... )

Through a much relieved heart and mind, I am writing this with the almost-100% positive notion that we ARE going to move in.  I am not going to say 100% yet because we still want to talk through some logistics (like, um, POTS AND PANS?  we have none! haha).  But anyhow, I'm almost certain.  At least some of the feelings are out of the way.

Patrick ( Read more... )

A few days ago, I was so confident about wanting to move.  I smelled "new" in the air, felt the coming of change in my bones.  I wrote this while thinking about it:

"Doing some mental packing
in preparing for the move.
Looking around my room;
So many former lives to take
with me
in my mind.

The pictures, the memories,
the love and the loss,
the ( Read more... )

David Suttle Jamison, also known as "Dr. Plosh," and I met approximately three years ago. It was my first day of band camp in the ninth grade - I walked in and sat down in what appeared to be the sax section. Next thing I know, there's this long-haired guy sitting next to me. I'd seen him around in summer school, and had gotten the impression that ( Read more... )