(no subject)
this has been one ridiculously intense week. and i haven't had time to process any of it yet.
my aunt is snorting. i suspected but always hoped not. that is where all of her money is going and has been going for who-knows-how-long.
and sensei bill dempsey, one of my biggest inspirations, died this week. i loved him so so much and can still remember those huge kisses he always gave me, and how he told me he'd be back for my black belt.
and i never made it there, nor he here, and i don't know how i will ever cross that bridge now without him. damn. the crazy nights. dinners at chopsticks house, him frying some weirdbutyummy flaming steaks at Vivian's, sipping on wine and wishing I'd grown up with a dad like him, the sticky cheek-kisses, the huge hugs, the stories and laughs.
i will never, EVER, forget that seminar weekend... (and thank god so much is on video, though I don't know when I'll have the strength to watch it), where he surprised me with rank and the very last of the original dojo patches and some of the most heartfelt and inspiring words i've ever heard. and so many pictures. i want to look for them but i am afraid to.
oh god. i will miss you bill. how i wish i had gotten to see you one last time.
so much more, but i am already at a loss for words.
my aunt is snorting. i suspected but always hoped not. that is where all of her money is going and has been going for who-knows-how-long.
and sensei bill dempsey, one of my biggest inspirations, died this week. i loved him so so much and can still remember those huge kisses he always gave me, and how he told me he'd be back for my black belt.
and i never made it there, nor he here, and i don't know how i will ever cross that bridge now without him. damn. the crazy nights. dinners at chopsticks house, him frying some weirdbutyummy flaming steaks at Vivian's, sipping on wine and wishing I'd grown up with a dad like him, the sticky cheek-kisses, the huge hugs, the stories and laughs.
i will never, EVER, forget that seminar weekend... (and thank god so much is on video, though I don't know when I'll have the strength to watch it), where he surprised me with rank and the very last of the original dojo patches and some of the most heartfelt and inspiring words i've ever heard. and so many pictures. i want to look for them but i am afraid to.
oh god. i will miss you bill. how i wish i had gotten to see you one last time.
so much more, but i am already at a loss for words.