Favorite Game
I've let the anger and hate wash out of me, I'm sort of mellow and melancholy, and all I want is for the world to give me a break. That's all I'm asking for, just sometime where I don't have to worry myself sick or feel bad just for existing. I think I might be the world's favorite game, it loves to give me a minor solace and then tear it away from me and watch me self destruct. I can't really think why I'd be the one that was so special and deserving of this torture. There comes a point where trying is no longer good enough and I think I am about there. I don't want to imagine it, but it seems like I just can't get a break.
I'm loathed to admit it, but then again I might just be loathed. I don't know... I worry to much and I try so hard to make the world a place where I don't want to leave it. I try so hard to keep my friends as happy as I can, but I just cause more harm than good. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I'm just sort of lost in it all and I can't face the fact that I'm drowning. I used to think my head was just above the water, but I know now it isn't, it's just below. I'm looking up through the watery distortion and seeing the world through a warped and fluid view, missing the fundamentals of what it really is and who it is really for. I ramble a lot, but I can't always put my feelings into words. I used to be smart, used to be a wordsmith who painted lovely pictures with particular arrangements of letters. No more. I just bumble through half thought thoughts and rail against the welling insecurity within me. I could have been something once but I'm scared that time has long since passed.
Life has never been entirely for anyone and I'm trying to apply that knowledge to my friends as well. I know that aren't in the best of places either... but I feel selfish since my own woes keep popping into my head. There is this terrible pressure to be something more that what I might actually be capable of being. I don't know, I keep getting jerked around by people when I'm trying to find work and I serious don't know what to do, this isn't something I fight, this isn't an opponent that if all else fails I can injure physically... how do you fight that?
Eh, I'm sure no one cares to see this so I'm just going to stop since spilling myself here only reminds me of the things I can't escape.
I'm loathed to admit it, but then again I might just be loathed. I don't know... I worry to much and I try so hard to make the world a place where I don't want to leave it. I try so hard to keep my friends as happy as I can, but I just cause more harm than good. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I'm just sort of lost in it all and I can't face the fact that I'm drowning. I used to think my head was just above the water, but I know now it isn't, it's just below. I'm looking up through the watery distortion and seeing the world through a warped and fluid view, missing the fundamentals of what it really is and who it is really for. I ramble a lot, but I can't always put my feelings into words. I used to be smart, used to be a wordsmith who painted lovely pictures with particular arrangements of letters. No more. I just bumble through half thought thoughts and rail against the welling insecurity within me. I could have been something once but I'm scared that time has long since passed.
Life has never been entirely for anyone and I'm trying to apply that knowledge to my friends as well. I know that aren't in the best of places either... but I feel selfish since my own woes keep popping into my head. There is this terrible pressure to be something more that what I might actually be capable of being. I don't know, I keep getting jerked around by people when I'm trying to find work and I serious don't know what to do, this isn't something I fight, this isn't an opponent that if all else fails I can injure physically... how do you fight that?
Eh, I'm sure no one cares to see this so I'm just going to stop since spilling myself here only reminds me of the things I can't escape.