Like We Used To (One Shot)

[forgottenhall]

One shot dedicated to the Birthday Boy. (However belated.)
Pairing: Zaylor
POV: Taylor - Third person.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Smutty smut. You know the drill. In case you don't, expect this story to contain adult language and concepts such as alcohol use, minor drug consumption and other general adult themes. Of course, this story also contains graphic sexual situations - and that's really why you're here, isn't it? ;)
Summary: Taylor finds himself lonely on his birthday, but an unexpected visit from his brother turns things around and stirs up memories and desires. Your basic Zaylor one-shot. Enjoy!
Authors Notes: This is one of those one shots that developed a little life of it's own. Feedback is greatly appreciated...! I like this Taylor a lot.I almost called it Guns + Ammunition.... that was it's working title.
Word Count: 6857

Taylor watches as the little black sports car zips down the long and winding driveway and disappears. He is alone. Closing the door slowly, he lets out a breath and wonders just what will he do with the looming house to himself. It's his birthday and his former wife, Natalie, has taken the kids for not just the evening but the entire weekend. It's a rare break; though the custody is listed as shared on paper, it had been Taylor who had taken to raising the children most of the time. Natalie had run off with a new man who was nothing like Taylor. They'd been separated for just under two years but out of love for much longer. The breaking point had been finding her in bed with another man after having come home early from a tour. He'd given his entire life to her and she'd kicked him to the curb. Taylor told her it was over and took the children to his parents, living out in the guest home that he and Natalie had shared before they'd bought their own place. It was nostalgic and horrible all at once.

But that was behind him, and life had resumed a somewhat normal feel. He'd fallen into new habits and kept himself busy, knowing that if he stopped for too long, his brain would take over and the loneliness would become overwhelming. He poured his life into raising what was left of his family and the children hurt for nothing. All in all, they were all happy.

So, why did he feel so lonesome on a day that should be marked with happiness - his birthday. Wandering into one of the long and stretching hallways, Taylor bent down and plucked various articles of clothing from the ground. Most of them belonged to his daughter of thirteen, Penny, who liked to change her outfit no less than half a dozen times a day. Before long, he'd gathered a baskets worth of laundry and took it down the stairs to his laundry room. Chores, they were exactly how he'd dreamt he'd spend his birthday, but it was really just another day, he said to himself. The weekend would surely offer him some relaxation, once he got the work out of the way. He still wondered just what he'd actually do with the free time, however.

In the early afternoon, Taylor tackled the chore of tidying the back deck. The early spring sunshine had melted away most of the snow, but left it a muddy mess. When he was nearly through, he heard the gate around the side of the house and he froze a little bit.

"Are you back there Tay?"

The familiar sound of his younger brother Zac's voice came from around the side and Taylor breathed a sigh of relief. "Around back, Zac." He hadn't been sure of what his brother was doing showing up unannounced, but it wasn't an unwelcome surprise.

"Happy Birthday!" A booming voice and an especially wide smile. Zac's eyes sparkled and he threw his strong arms around his older brother in a warm hug. "The big thirty-one."

Taylor laughed and sighed at the same time - he didn't want to be reminded of his age. Still, his brother was only trying to be kind and the hug was warm and genuine. He wrapped himself around Zac and breathed in, feeling his heart beat speed up a little bit as he inhaled the familiar, slightly spicy scent of his brothers favourite cologne. The same one he'd been wearing since he was seventeen years old. Taylor closed his eyes for a moment and then pulled away as the memories began to flood back. Too many at one time.

"What are you doing here?" He remained smiling as he searched his brothers face for a hint.

Without even a little bit of falter in his smile, Zac clapped his big hand onto his older brother's shoulder and replied; "You said that you didn't want to have a party..." He adjusted his weight a little bit and lifted a large bag to show Taylor. "So I brought the party to you. A guys night, you and me. Some beer, some pot, some steaks."

Taylor blinked and just stared in wonder at his younger brother; Zac had never ceased to surprise him. Besides that, Taylor thought that it was one of the kindest things that had been done for him in quite awhile. He felt his chest tighten up a little bit and he wanted to hug his brother, but he chickened out, not wanting to look too... emotional and just grinned. "Thanks, Zac. This is really great."

After twisting up and sharing a joint, the two brothers sat back on Taylor's patio, sipping beers. The afternoon sun was warm for March, even in Tulsa, and Taylor felt happy that the day had turned around and was becoming so wonderful. After finishing one beer, they cracked open a second, deep in conversation about everything, heavy and light. Taylor's expression became icy when he shared some of the messy words that had been exchanged a few weeks prior when Natalie had dropped the children off late one Sunday after having them for the weekend. Zac listened diligently, nodding and inserting a few supportive words while his brother was able to pour things out that had been bottled up for too long. He listened as well, with a growing smile and a big heart, to stories about the day to day lives of his nieces and nephews. Zac was a wonderful uncle, he cherished each of the children dearly and he loved to spend time with them. Zac was no stranger, he was around all the time and even more so after the divorce. Always willing and eager to lend a hand, Zac was there for his brother through thick and thin. Almost like a shadow.

Taylor enjoyed being able to sit back as someone else prepared dinner; Zac stood with his back to him as he carefully turned the steaks. Taking another sip of his fourth beer, he decided that the alcohol was having an affect on him as his eyes wandered across Zac's broad shoulders. He remembered suddenly, the way he looked without a shirt, when they were younger and would run around the pool deck in the hot summer sun... he remembered the first time, in the pool house, no one had been home. Taylor had been terrified, every single limb quivering with fear as he clutched his younger brothers hand and dragged him towards the little pool house. Fifteen and full of sexual tension, Zac had been more eager than apprehensive and it had been easy to push away the guilt as he pushed his brothers solid body back against the bed and lowered his mouth to his for the first time. As they coupled, exploring each others bodies with their hands and then their mouths; it became obvious to Taylor that he hadn't been the only one who had been thinking about it for awhile.

It had been the first of what would be many encounters, each of them seemingly increasingly torrid and passionate and with each one, Taylor struggled to stifle the swell of emotions that would rise. A tidal wave and a combination of emotions that was difficult for him to wrangle; constant gnawing guilt combated the desperate look in Zac's eyes that Taylor saw every time his younger brother looked at him. Taylor struggled to suppress the way he felt about his brother; he found that no matter how hard he tried to find someone else who satisfied him in the same ways. More than just physical, the connection that ran between them was hard to describe. The brothers shared a way of communication that needed no words; Taylor could always tell what Zac was thinking by simply studying his face. He'd memorized every look, every expression, he knew his brother as well, if not better, than he knew himself.

But it had been years since the last encounter, and though he still occasionally saw 'that' look in Zac's eyes, he always fought off the temptation. Taking another long drink of his beer, he told himself that today was just another day like all the others. He'd once loved Zac wholly but those days had come and then gone. He'd moved on and he wanted to think that Zac had as well. He'd spent many years dating a sweet but quiet girl named Izzy, she had been a nice enough girl, Taylor thought, but something was missing. The breakup seemed imminent but Zac had a hard time hurting someone that he still cared about, he just felt it a waste of time to continue knowing that they ultimately wanted different things. Izzy wanted to be a mother, to stay at home and raise several children. Zac wanted to be free from such constraints; wanted to travel and paint, spend his time exploring his own life instead of nurturing another. Zac dated girls occasionally, Taylor wondered but never asked, if he saw men as well. He'd been 'officially' single for a couple of years, but Taylor's mind occasionally crafted up ideas of a secret lover. There were some things about Zac that would always evade him.

"Tay?" Zac's voice snapped Taylor out of the daze he'd fallen into and he sat up straight in his patio chair.

"Sorry Zac..." He smiled sheepishly and adjusted his sunglasses, pushing them up on his head so that he could see his brother more clearly. "What's up?"

"How do you want your meat?" Zac asked, barbecue tongs in hand.

Taylor stared blankly for a moment, mouth feeling dry and chest tight. His appetite had shifted, no longer so hungry for dinner but wanting for something else, instead. "Um... medium rare is good." He finally answered.

"You okay, Tay?"

Taylor smiled despite his heavy blush. "Yeah, fine, Zac. I think I just drifted off... the kids were up late last night."

Zac nodded and gave him a sympathetic smile before turning back towards the grill. Taylor exhaled slowly and closed his eyes, urging himself to calm down and relax. There was an energy flowing between them that was keeping him on edge. He suspected that Zac was oblivious to it or was better at hiding it than he was, anyway. Leaning back in his chair, he willed himself to think about anything other than his brother. He thought of his summer vacation plans instead; he'd just booked a week at a cottage on a lake. Before long, Taylor snapped to attention at the sound of Zac's voice once more; dinner was ready.

With tummies too full to do much else; the two brothers crashed upon the couch with more beer and turned on a movie that Taylor had picked out. He hadn't given it much thought; his mind had grown too fuzzy and he just wanted to lay down and relax; it didn't matter too much what they watched. He'd given up the chance to be picky about his entertainment when he'd had kids; they ruled the remote. As the movie started, Zac stretched out on one end of the couch, cuddling up against some pillows and pushing his feet onto Taylor's lap.

"Hey, ew. Get your stinky feet off of me." Taylor grimaced, pushing his brother off of him, more playfully than anything else.

Zac smiled lazily and rolled onto his back, but kept his feet on Taylor's lap. "I'm quite comfy actually."

Taylor rolled his eyes and took another sip of his beer. "That makes one of us."

Zac grinned at Taylor, his eyes sparkling with something - mischief, but beyond that, Taylor saw more. Before he could think about it any further, he felt the couch shift as Zac sprang back - and all but lept into Taylor's lap, landing so that his head rested across Taylor's thighs, where his feet had been just seconds before. The entire thing left Taylor without words, staring silently down at his younger brother while holding his breath; Zac's nose was just inches from his crotch. Taking a deep breath, he knew that he was faced with a whole new set of challenges when it came to resisting thoughts about his brother. But just what the hell was Zac thinking? He wondered as well.

"Is this better?" Zac finally asked, his smile slightly faded and his eyes finally showing a little bit of apprehension, as though he knew he may have pushed the envelope just a little too far.

Taylor was unsure of how to respond, so he simply nodded and then reached down and playfully patted Zac's head. "Whatever makes you happy."

Content with his brothers response, Zac got comfortable, adjusting himself a little bit and turning so that he could see the screen. Taylor's fingers hadn't really left his brothers hair and absent mindedly, he began to run them through the ends, slowly. Zac seemed to not notice for awhile, or maybe Taylor just wasn't paying attention to his brothers responses, he was far too caught up in his own mind. A thousand ideas, all swirling in a fog of guilt and confusion. His brother seemed particularly bold, or maybe it was just the alcohol talking. Taylor was unsure. Lost in his own mind, Taylor's fingers continued to tug at Zac's hair, twirling it around his fingers and though initially, Zac had been able to ignore the gentle touches, it was starting to become too much. Taylor finally noticed his brothers squirming hips, the way his skin had turned a deep shade of red and his eyes were closed instead of fixed on the screen. Taylor's heart plunged in his chest and he held his breath. He had so many things to say and couldn't find the single ounce of courage he needed to utter any of them. When Zac opened his eyes, Taylor was unsure of what he saw. So many questions, a lot of anxiety, a little bit of something else - something warmer. Finally, Zac speaks very softly;

"You didn't have to stop."

Taylor didn't know how to respond, he simply stared at his brother for a long moment, body rigid. Finally, he had to breathe and his muscles relaxed a little bit and Zac snuggled closer, pushing his head towards his hand.

"It felt nice." Zac whispered, sounding incredibly vulnerable but also a little bit drunk.

Taylor exhaled a shaky sigh, really unsure of what to do or how to respond to the situation. His head was screaming at him to leap up off of the couch, to push Zac away and stop this before it got out of hand. But something else, something stronger and within himself, was telling him that he wanted this. And he knew that he did; there had been too many long nights where he'd been kept awake, mind stirring and spinning with torrid memories and forbidden desires. When Zac made a purring sound and pushed his head towards Taylor's hands, brushing across the innermost of his thigh and moving closer to his crotch, Taylor began to feel desperate. Without thinking, he closed his eyes and allowed his fingers to slip into Zac's hair, twisting and twirling around the familiar soft brown locks.

Zac sighed, content and his eyes fluttered closed as he rested his head mere inches from the hard on that was beginning to stir between his older brothers legs. He acted oblivious to Taylor's predicament and hesitations, but he was not. He was simply handing control over to Taylor; allowing his brother to make the first move, he had thrown the ball into the court... but how would Taylor respond?

Taylor, however, did not feel quite bold enough to surrender to Zac's wishes quite yet. He had to work up the nerve. He could feel the ice beginning to crack beneath his feet as he pushed his fingers into the soft hair that he could remember playing with so many times. Zac's eyes were closed, lips slightly parted and Taylor watched the steady rise and fall of his younger brothers chest, up and down, up and down. Curious, he tugged gently at the hair and heard the soft exhale that came a little more rushed. Zac's body shifted, squirming a little bit and Taylor held his breath as his fingers wandered down the side of his brothers neck towards his strong shoulders.

The guilt began to rise up in his chest as he caressed his brothers shoulder, no longer absent-mindedly but with purpose. He wanted to touch him; wanted to allow his fingers to wander and roam to so many places and he'd thought of doing exactly this so many times. And always been able to stop himself. The ice continued to crack, Taylor could hear the swell of the sea within himself as his heart pounded desperately and Zac released a quiet but contented sigh. All at once, a strip of memories began to play as if on a reel. He could see himself at seventeen and in the very back lounge of the bus with the curtain closed. It started as simple as watching a movie together, Zac would none too casually creep his way into Taylor's lap, a silent suggestion that he was interested in more than just hanging out. It had never taken Taylor too long to respond, he became quite adept at pushing down the guilt and allowing his inner desires to take over. Still, it was never rushed and never once had it been rough.

Fingers would take their time, caressing Zac slowly as his younger brother eased his way into his lap. He'd touch every inch of skin that he could reach and when he still needed more, Zac would pull off the first layer of clothing, most always his shirt. Taylor would usually do the same - because it was only fair - and as soon as the brothers were able to touch, warm skin against warm skin.... it seemed to be a slippery slope downwards. Things had been taken a little further each and every time, one of the boys would be naturally curious.... young and full of hormones, the two brothers had explored just about everything that they could think of, and then some more as well.

And now, Taylor found himself on the edge of a cliff, undecided and nervous, as he slipped his fingers just beneath the edge of Zac's shirt and felt his hot skin quiver beneath his touch. There was no doubt that Zac wanted it.

Just then, Zac squirmed a little more and rolled onto his side a bit before doing something that caught Taylor off guard. Casually, and as if he did it every day, Zac looked up and into Taylor's eyes before brushing his fingers gingerly along the inner most of Taylor's thigh. "That looks painful." Zac's large brown eyes moved from Taylor's swollen erection up to his face. So many things that didn't need to be said, questions that already had answers.

Taylor knew.

"Please..." Zac took a shaky breath and stared at Taylor in a way that could only be described as pleading.

Taylor closed his eyes for a moment, so many reasons to tell him no. He'd said it before. He'd been 'good' for so long and resisted something that he wished would fade but only remained. Taylor looked down at his brother and saw nothing but trust in his expression. The only person that understood how he felt. The only person he had ever really loved and trusted. And Zac the same. It was all written there in the way his brother looked up at him, desperate and aching.

Taylor couldn't say it, couldn't find the words. But he licked his lips and exhaled, guiding his fingers back into Zac's hair, tugging it free from it's pony tail and letting it spill free over his brothers strong shoulders. Taylor looked at his brother and saw many things at once. But most importantly, he could see that Zac wanted this more than anything. And if he was truly honest with himself, so did he.

Taylor took a deep breath and then reached for the button on his jeans. He heard Zac take in a quick breath and felt his brothers eyes dart to his face, watching. Waiting. Taylor lifted his hips and pulled his jeans down a little bit and then paused, nervous. He really wasn't sure what to do.

"Tay..." Zac nearly whimpered, suddenly straddling him and leaning close.

Taylor felt his brothers warm breath against the side of his neck and felt his legs slide down against his thighs. Pressed against him was Zac's equally swollen desire and he felt his entire body warm as Zac pressed himself close. Closing his eyes, he surrounded himself in darkness but felt Zac's lips against the side of his neck, gentle kisses.

"I want you..." Zac purred into Taylor's ear. He paused and Taylor could feel his heart pounding as Zac's fingers slid to his inner thigh and began to slide up. "To let me..."

"L-like we used to?"

Taylor saw something seemingly 'snap' within his younger brother the moment he uttered those words. Within seconds, Zac had all but lept from his lap and had found himself between Taylor's thighs and on the floor. No longer trembling, his movements were swift as he yanked Taylor's jeans the rest of the way down his legs and stared up at his older brother with determination.

"Fuck..."Taylor mumbled, reaching for Zac and caressing his shoulders gently for a moment. "Please, Zac."

Taylor saw the edge of Zac's thick mouth twitch a little bit, the way he looked pleased with himself that he was wanted by Taylor. Closing his eyes, Taylor took a deep breath and willed himself to remain calm as he felt Zac's fingers slip beneath the band of his boxer briefs. He lifted his hips as Zac gingerly removed the final layer of clothing that had separated them and revealed Taylor for the first time in several years. Taylor felt a little apprehensive, suddenly nervous that what he had would no longer be enough. Would Zac be able to follow through?

"You're bigger." Zac finally whispered.

Taylor blushed deeply and before he could respond he felt Zac's strong fingers wrap around him. More confident, but so hauntingly familiar as well, Zac began to stroke him. It felt a little as though he'd been dreaming, for he'd lived this scene so many times in his head - or at least, variations of it. He had always remembered the way his brother had touched him, seemed to know exactly the way to hold him and which spots liked extra attention. Taylor gasped softly when he felt Zac's thumb brush against the edge of his head, the way he loved and then when it rubbed over the top he felt the slip-slide of the generous amount of precum that had already gathered there. It was no secret that he felt desperate.

Squirming, he couldn't help but push himself into Zac's hand. Zac took the hint and began to stroke him a little faster, squeezing him a little harder and when Taylor began to whimper, he flicked at the head of his brothers cock with his thumb.

"God, Zac..." Taylor breathed, feeling his toes curl as his hips slid to the edge of the couch.

Zac simply smiled, his brown eyes sparkling with a mix of deviant excitement and desire as well. Taylor wasn't sure exactly what he saw, but he was certain that he loved it. Moments later, Zac leaned a little closer and Taylor gasped as he felt the head of his cock slip between Zac's soft lips. Closing his eyes, he slid his fingers into Zac's long hair and moaned appreciatively as his brother slowly drew his cock into his mouth. Zac had always been particularly good at this aspect of sex and Taylor was delighted to discover that his skills had not gotten rusty and in fact had improved. Zac was able to take most of Taylor's length, and as he began to move his mouth upwards, his fingers slipped between Taylor's thighs and the older boy trembled.

Zac's eyes flickered up towards Taylor, watching him carefully as he wrapped his fingers around Taylor's sack and then took him in his mouth again. Taylor moaned loudly, pleased with Zac's instincts and as Zac continued to move his mouth and tongue along his length, he couldn't help but allow his hips to buck just a little bit. Zac finally used one hand to press Taylor's hips down, holding him still while his other hand wandered lower between his legs. Caught off guard a little bit, Taylor felt his breath catch in his throat and then tightened his grip in his younger brothers hair. Zac had started to take control and while it certainly wasn't a bad thing, it had surprised him a little. He was more than willing, however, to submit to Zac as he felt his brother suck him between his lips again.

Taylor moaned as he felt Zac trace his entrance with just the tip of his finger while teasing the head of his cock with his tongue. His body felt as though it were on fire; heart pounding and limbs quivering. It had been awhile since he'd last been so worked up and everything felt as though it were moving too quickly. He was already worked up to the point of being on the edge and as Zac teased his tender slit with the tip of his tongue, Taylor groaned and tugged at Zac's hair a little roughly.

"I'm..." Taylor blushed, embarrassed with his lack of self control and Zac simply stared at him with wide but gentle eyes.

"Tell me what you want." Zac said simply, plenty of confidence but not a drop of dominance. He was gentle and soft spoken but also direct.

Taylor was unsure of how to respond to such a frank question; and beyond that, unsure of how to decipher what he wanted if he could choose. Zac was wonderful with his mouth, but he had deeper and darker desires as well.

"I could suck you..." Zac offered, grasping the shaft of Taylor's cock and guiding the head towards his mouth, giving it a quick suckle and kiss before looking back up at his older brother. "Or I could fuck you."

Taylor again felt his heart stop and his throat tighten. This offer was something Zac had never once done before.

"Or..."

Taylor held his breath, unsure of just how his brother would continue.

"We could do what I know you really want..." Zac purred, his voice sweet and almost syruppy as he whispered into Taylor's ear and slid his hand up Taylor's thigh. "I could get on my knees... like I used to. And you can..."

Before Zac could continue, Taylor stifled him with a kiss, crushing his mouth against his and wrapping his fingers in his soft hair. Zac groaned and growled, body trembling on top of his older brothers lap but his cock was hard and pressed tight against Taylor's. Zac kissed Taylor desperately as his hips rocked in tempo with Taylor's and his hands roamed to his brothers chest. When Taylor decided that he couldn't wait any longer, he took a breath and then reached for the button on Zac's jeans, his thumb pushing it through the hole and popping the pants open. Zac squirmed, easily sliding out of the garment and leaving himself in just his grey boxer briefs. Taylor fought the urge to stare at the swollen front of his brothers underwear, curious about what was hiding beneath the fabric, unseen for so long. But Taylor could tell from the blush that spread over Zac's cheeks that the younger boy was a little nervous; not unlike he had been. So Taylor allowed his brother to take the final step.

"Do you have... stuff?" Zac paused as he began to tug the garment down.

Taylor paused for a moment, unsure of what Zac meant but after a second he clued in. He remembered the box of condoms and bottle of lubricant that were stashed in the drawer next to his bed.

"I'll be right back." He promised his brother before slipping from the living room and heading for the hallway.

He could hardly believe that it was happening at all, feeling his fingers tremble and shake as he reached for the handle of the drawer within his bedroom. No less shaky were his movements as he ripped open the condom and rolled it onto himself. When he was finished, he headed back to the living room and what he found left him speechless. Zac had propped himself over the arm of the couch, his hips in the air and his head down, long shaggy hair framing his face. Taylor moved swiftly and slipped behind him, feeling Zac quiver as his fingertips trailed down along his sides for the first time. Zac sucked in a deep breath as Taylor moved closer and leaned over him, his chest against his back and began to speak close to his ear. He had to be sure.

"Are you really sure about this?"

"Positive." Zac affirmed.

That was all that Taylor needed and he pressed a simple kiss to the back of his brothers neck before standing back up. Taylor squeezed a little bit of lube onto his fingers and closed his eyes, trying to compose himself. Zac pushed his hips backwards, giving Taylor all the encouragement he could have needed. All Taylor did was slip his fingers between his cheeks and over his entrance and Zac was moaning loudly. When Taylor slid one finger inside of Zac's tight entrance the younger boy's fingers clawed at the couch and he hissed a little.

"Are you okay?" Taylor asked, pausing but leaving his finger inside.

"Y-yeah." Zac replied.

Taylor paused, licking his lips and feeling unsure about how to continue. He could tell that Zac wanted it badly enough to work through the pain, but he could tell as well that it had been awhile and that it wasn't the most comfortable. Perhaps, Taylor wondered to himself, his premonitions of Zac dating other men had been false. It wasn't a time for deep contemplation, however, not with Zac pushing his hips backwards towards Taylor and he responded by sliding his finger the rest of the way inside. While Zac moaned and trembled, Taylor slowly worked the single finger in and out of his younger brother for several long moments. When Zac seemed ready, he slipped a second finger inside. Zac moaned heavily but did not seem too bothered, he'd relaxed and was becoming much more accustomed to the feeling. Finally, he was ready.

Taylor wrapped his hand around the shaft of his cock, straining and hard and he could hardly believe what was about to happen. Zac waited in front of him, stretched across the arm of the couch with his hips in the air and pointed towards Taylor. Zac inhaled deeply and Taylor felt his heartbeat speed up as he slipped the head of his cock between Zac's cheeks, pressing it against his entrance. There were many things that Taylor wanted to say to Zac; wanted to tell him that he cared about him, that he could trust him, and that he loved him. He didn't have the guts nor did he feel it an appropriate time to touch on deep feelings, so instead, Taylor brought one hand to the small of Zac's back and caressed him gently.

Seeming to sense the cause of Taylor's apprehension, Zac turned slowly, brown eyes searching for blue.

"I want you." Zac said softly, quietly.

There was desperation in his voice; submission as well. The usually boisterous and bold Zac was bending at his own will, handing all of his control over to someone else. Taylor wondered how the same act seemed so easy for him years before; what was different now? Was it the increased guilt or an increase of some other sort of feeling? Taylor didn't want to think about it; not at the moment, and he closed his eyes as he slowly pressed the head of his cock into his brother for the first time in years.

"Fuck" He couldn't help but hiss almost immediately, overwhelmed by the tightness that surrounded him.

Zac groaned as well, more pain than pleasure and Taylor paused, about halfway inside of him. Zac took several deep breaths and Taylor raked his fingers slowly over his spine. up and down and then across his shoulders. When he felt Zac's body soften, his muscles relax, he eased his fingers into his soft hair. Zac whimpered quietly as Taylor slid the rest of the way inside and then paused, exhaling slowly and deeply.

"You okay?" Taylor whispered as he leaned over Zac's back and pressed his lips gingerly to his shoulders. Closing his eyes, he took a moment to breathe and accept what was happening. His body felt as though it were on fire and every nerve was on edge. He hadn't been this worked up since... He'd always hoped that he'd find someone that satisfied him the way that his brother did; wholly and completely, but he never had. Coupling with him once again after so long, proved only to drive the point home, there was no one else that would satisfy him the way Zac could. He'd been trying for so long to dismiss this idea, to accept something else, but it seemed as though it were almost meant to be... in a dark and twisted way.

"I'm fine" Zac said, his voice airy and light. He turned his head and brushed his mouth over Taylor's. "Better than fine, actually." A shy smile.

Taylor attempted to smile back, blushing furiously as well. "Me too."

There's a long pause and it seems as if both boys know what the other wants to say. Taylor licks his lips slowly, shifts his weight around and drags his eyes away from Zac's. It's not as easy as it could be.

"I missed this."

Zac's eyes widen a little bit but his thick lips twitch their way towards a wider smile and Taylor feels relieved instead of anxious. "Me too." He admits.

They kiss one more time before Taylor lifts himself up, his fingers trail over Zac's sides as he rights himself behind his brother. Zac's head lowers slightly, dark and shaggy hair framing his lovely features. Nothing is heard besides the sounds of their heavy breathing, Zac offers a quiet whimper when Taylor draws out a little, only to push back in. Taylor moans as he finds his tempo, thrusting slowly against his brother who is whimpering and quivering with delight. It's as though someone has pressed a 'fast forward' button, his senses are sent into over drive and everything around him feels as if it's blurry. Closing his eyes, he's plunged into silence as he thrusts, but he still feels a little disoriented. Mind spinning and heart pounding, he can hear nothing but Zac's soft and sweet sounds, he responds not with words but with his body. Moving faster or slowing down, he listens to each of Zac's needs and responds accordingly. Taylor finds himself falling into a familiar rhythm, it's almost as though years haven't passed and it's the same as it's always been. He feels ageless, weightless, time is irrelevant, the only thing that matters is what is transpiring between he and Zac.

"Tay..." Zac's voice is shaky and it pulls him from his foggy thoughts.

"Love..." Taylor gasps, still caught up a little in his mind and immediately he regrets his choice of words. "Zac..." He repeats, feeling his body burn with heavy embarassment.

But Zac didn't seem to notice or maybe he just chose not to acknowledge it; but either way, he offered his brother a look of desperation. "I'm already close..." Almost apologetic, he seems regretful that his time is nearing an end so soon, but his lover is sympathetic and understanding.

Taylor feels close to edge as well and his body quivers as he presses kisses to Zac's shoulders. "Mmh... me too." He admits and then trails his fingers over Zac's sides to his abdomen. Finally he crosses his navel and wraps his fingers gingerly around the shaft of his brothers cock. "How's this?" He whispers, remembering the way he preferred it in previous encounters.

Zac moans loudly as Taylor begins to stroke him, matching the pace with his hips to the one he's set with his wrist. Closing his eyes again, he feels his grip tighten with one hand, holding his brothers hips and thrusting into him. When he increases the pace a little bit, he hears Zac moan approvingly and when he manages to angle his hips just right, he knocks Zac's prostate and the sound that comes from his brother's mouth is enough to nearly send him over the edge.

"Fuck!" Taylor gasps, feeling his brother's muscles tighten around him.

"Do that again" Zac pants, body quivering and head bowed.

Taylor takes a breath and pulls his hips backwards, hoping he can find the right spot again. Thrusting forward, he hears Zac cry out sharply again and his body tightens around him. Sure that he's found the right angle, Taylor continues to thrust, a little more slowly but with more consistency, and Zac's entire body begins to tremble.

"M-more" He whines, desperate.

Taylor squeezes his cock a little tighter, pumping his hand faster and then matching the pace with his thrusts. He moves against his brother for several more thrusts and then brushes his thumb across his swollen cock head, feeling the generous amount of precum that has gathered there and senses that his brother is almost painfully close. Leaning down, Taylor moves his lips close to his brothers ear.

"You feel so good..."

He thrusts one more time and then hears Zac let out one last moan, his entire body tensing up. Muscles tighten around Taylor's cock and he feels himself tumble over the edge; he hadn't been quite ready but it was as if the rug was jerked out beneath his feet and now his mind is spinning as his body releases several long loads inside of his brother. Whimpering, Zac is recovering from his own orgasm, a large puddle stains the couch but Taylor decides he doesn't give a fuck. It was well worth it. Trembling and quivering, Taylor's mind is white and fuzzy as he slowly draws out and then kisses one last kiss to the back of Zac's sweaty neck.

And now life has come back to normal; things crash to a halt and Taylor feels as though he needs to face something. With a deep breath, he runs his fingers through his hair and stretches out. "I'll be right back." He promises Zac, who is crawling onto the couch and reaching for the cozy quilt that always rests on the back.

Taylor wants to crawl onto the couch with Zac, wants to wrap his arms around him and hold his still sweat-dampened body and kiss him within the afterglow. But he doesn't have the courage for any of those things, and as if nothing is amiss, he takes himself to the bathroom to freshen up. He knows he's taken his time and when he wanders back out into the hallway, a familiar sound greets him.

Zac is found snoring on the couch, laying wrapped up in the thick blanket and with his head in his arms. He looks lonely and Taylor aches to be with him, to hold him, to love him, to have him again, maybe even. He crosses the room as quietly as he can and then sits down on the couch. Zac stirs, awakened by the movements and he looks at Taylor, a little confused and eyes full of sleep.

"Why don't we go to bed? It's more comfy there." Taylor offers.

"...Together?" Zac simply asks, staring directly into Taylor's eyes and offering a hundred more questions that neither of them have the courage to ask.

Taylor just nods. He can't be certain what the morning will bring, but for now, the night is worth it. If nothing more, one more chance to hold his brother as he falls asleep, just like he used to.