Flawed Design - Ninety
Flawed Design (90)
Part: Ninety
POV: Zac
Pairing: Zaylor (Zac/Taylor)
Genre: Hancest
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Graphic sexual content, references to drug and or light substance (marijuana) use.:
Word Count: 3266
--After the show
Every single one of my limbs had ached with fatigue as I dragged myself from the stage, both excited and relieved that the show was over. The crowd was still roaring, chanting for a second encore, and my head still felt as though it was pounding just as loudly as the speakers had been blasting. Although exhausting, the show had been a success and had run pretty smoothly. I'd noticed that each show felt a little less nerve racking for me, I felt more like a member of the band and less like an outsider. The rush of performing tickled me, I'd missed it a lot more than I'd let myself believe over the lonely years and it was still bitter sweet to know that it was indeed only temporary. There was no sense in getting too comfortable.
It was obvious that the band was a pretty tight knit group when it came to the remaining members. I slipped away to the bathroom while the other guys laughed and talked about what they were planning to do later. Not too surprisingly, I hadn't been informed of the plans, much less invited, and the sting would have bothered me more had I not been so excited about just laying down. For as fun as performing was, it was also incredibly tiring and the rush of adrenaline often masked that. After relieving myself in the bathroom, I cleaned myself up as much as I could and changed from my sweaty jeans and t shirt into a fresh set of clothes. I brushed and shook out my hair and then tied it securely into a new pony tail before emerging back into the dressing room.
Only Taylor remained, the absence of the other guys initially surprised me but as soon as I saw Taylor, I could see exactly what was written in his eyes. Dark and smoldering, his stare felt like it was eating me up. Magnetically, I felt myself drawn to him and before I could even register what was happening, I felt his strong arms wrap around me, the feeling of his hot breath against the side of my neck.
"Where'd everyone go?" I asked, feeling my heart race, thoughts and fears of being caught in his arms all came racing towards me at once.
Taylor sighed softly, hands sliding beneath the bottom of my t-shirt and onto my lower back. "Out. Gone. I told them I'd be along... in awhile."
I swallowed. I knew exactly what he was insinuating and what his mind had fixed up as a plan. Slapped together, would be a more appropriate phase, there was nothing safe or secure about it and I hadn't been expecting him to be so prompt. I supposed he didn't want to wait.
"I'm going to meet the guys at the bar... we have enough time..." Taylor whimpered, voice thin and desperate, raspy in my ear and his fingers trembled as they raked up my spine. I could feel every bit of his want and his desire for me and under normal circumstances it probably would have driven me wild. A grungy dressing room, however? Not really where I wanted to spend... intimate time with him, but life on the road did not allow for the option to be picky, I reminded myself. Still, there was something about his desparity that was rubbing me the wrong way.
"I need you..." Taylor breathed, pressing his hard erection against my thigh and pushing me against the wall. "I missed you... I wish we were home."
"Me too" I paused, taking a deep breath. I had to be honest with him... " I'd rather..." My courage had been short lived and my words fell away. Once again, the coward in me took over and I felt my pride crumbling at my feet.
Taylor stared at me, blue eyes searching mine. "Rather...?" He paused, chest still heaving from his exertion.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen him so riled up.
"Just rather we could be somewhere..."
"Nicer?" Taylor finished for me, that innate ability to read my mind kicking in, even under the most frazzling of circumstances.
I nodded, feeling my cheeks burn. Taylor sighed and I felt a pang of guilt; was I being too demanding? I didn't want to disappoint him and my mind reeled to a very dark place. I looked up towards him and stepped closer, wrapping my arms more securely around him and sliding my hands to his lower back.
"It's okay." I told him.
Taylor closed his eyes and I began to fiddle with his belt, running my fingers along the smooth leather and then towards the buckle. Taylor let out a soft groan as I began to tug at the folded leather and pull it loose from it's clamp.
"Are you sure?" Taylor asked, remarking again on my previous apprehension.
And to be frank, I wasn't sure. I didn't like the idea of getting caught and I really wished we were anywhere else. There was something so... scummy, about what we were about to do and I didn't like that I'd be going 'home' alone. I couldn't help but feel a little bit... used.
"Positive." I looked up at Taylor and gave him my best smile before pulling his belt finally free.
Taylor didn't ask any more questions, in fact, he was fairly quiet as he leaned back against the wall and I assumed a kneeling position between his legs. I worked fervently, mindful of time and our chances of being caught as I pulled the zipper on his jeans lower and lower and then finally whisked the fabric down his long legs. I noticed little goosebumps on his cream coloured thighs and I heard him exhale loudly as I dug my fingers into the waistband of his boxer briefs. He held his breath as I lowered the garment and he was already fully hard and the notion of that couldn't help but give me the littlest tickle. At least I felt wanted.
He groaned loudly when I wrapped my fingers around his shaft, giving it a good squeeze. His hips twitched and bucked, and I first teased the head of his cock with my tongue. When Taylor was moaning more desperately, I took him in my mouth and used my hand to guide the motions at first. I felt his fingers, long and nimble, push themselves into my hair and he held onto me, perhaps a little more tightly than usual but I responded as such. Using my hand, I began to stroke him in time with the motion of my mouth, confidently guiding my lips along his shaft and taking him deep again. After allowing him to slide past my lips, I teased his head a little more and then guided my hand between his legs, feeling his balls and hearing him whimper.
"Zac..." He panted, pulling at my hair until I looked up at him.
Sliding my mouth along him as I stared into his eyes, I watched as he squirmed and then bit his lip. I was driving him wild and that made my own cock grow stiff, my heart pounding a little harder. I wished that there was time and space for more, but I'd have to make do with what I had. It would be my turn again soon...
"You're so sexy..." He whispered as his eyelids fluttered closed and his fingers tightened in my hair.
Taking a deep breath first, I carefully took him into my mouth again and slid my hand back to his shaft. Taylor moaned heartily, his hips bucking forward a little bit and pushing himself into my hand. I stroked him for a couple moments while sucking on just the head of his cock, allowing my tongue to work it's way around the ridge. Taylor whimpered and moaned and finally sighed when I took him deeper. I fell into a comfortable tempo, guiding my hand in strokes that matched the rhythm in which my mouth was working. When Taylor began to buck his hips, it became a little bit uncomfortable but I could tell from the shaking of his thighs and the heaviness of his breathing that he was close.
"Zac..." He whimpered, his voice breaking and then sure enough, I felt his body tense up before he groaned and came hard.
Taylor held tightly to me and I closed my eyes as I felt him release several loads into my mouth. I swallowed quickly and he slid his fingers out of my hair as I moved away from him. Falling onto the couch that was near us, Taylor leaned his head back with his eyes closed. I watched as he tried to catch his breath, his chest rising and falling rapidly. After a moment or so, he looked towards me with confusion written in his eyes.
"C'mere?" He asked, patting the spot next to him.
For whatever reason, I hadn't really felt in the mood to cuddle. I tried not to let it show as I made my way to the couch and sat down next to him, leaning my head into his shoulder. Taylor wrapped an arm around me and things were quiet for a moment or two before he sighed.
"What's up?" I asked, sitting up.
Taylor shrugged. "Is everything okay?"
I stared blankly at him for a moment. I wasn't sure of what to say, and instead of helping me out or throwing me a hint, he just reached for his pants and pulled them back up. I swallowed around a lump in my throat and then took a heavy breath. "Why wouldn't it be okay?"
Taylor glanced towards me, sharp blue eyes looking straight into mine. "You're not really answering." He sighed and closed his eyes for a second before looking at me again, his expression much more gentle. "You need to talk to me, Zac."
"It's just..." I started and then stopped, wondering how exactly I was going to put into words how lonely he'd been making me feel as of late. How I felt really left out when I was excluded from their plans, even though all of us with myself included, knew that the bar scene just really wasn't my thing. I had no place going with them, but I felt just as out of place by staying behind. "I guess I just don't feel like I belong here, sometimes."
"Here with the band?" Taylor asked, his brows knitting themselves together. "Or here with me?"
I swallowed, feeling my body heat up and my cheeks redden. It was a loaded question with so many more queries etched behind it. "I want to be here with you, but I hate hiding ..."
"Hiding us?" Taylor finished.
I nodded and closed my eyes, feeling his lips brush over mine in a soft kiss. It caught me off guard a little, but not in a bad way. I actually felt a little relieved as I drew away and found him watching me, his eyes full of trust and understanding.
"Exactly."
"I hate it too." Taylor admitted. "But we don't have a choice."
"I know." I felt my cheeks heat up once again. He was certainly right, he just sounded a little bit frank.
"You're doing a really good job with the band."
I hadn't been expecting the compliment, but it made me smile. The other band members had all recognized my talent, but I still felt as though I made a lot of mistakes. No one ever got angry with me, but I felt bad for messing up songs that everyone else knew so well.
"Thanks." I said quietly. "I just feel a little.... left out? Sometimes."
Taylor's cheeks darkened and he looked away from me, taking a step backwards. "Do you want to come out with us tonight?"
I shook my head. "No... I know it's stupid." I sighed. "I don't want to go...but I don't like not going, either."
Taylor didn't really say anything, I hadn't given him much opportunity, though. It was as confusing of a statement to hear as it was to admit to yourself. Part of me, a deep, dark and selfish little part of me, had of course hoped that he'd offer to stay behind and keep me company. But, that didn't happen, of course. And expecting it to not happen hadn't eased the sting when he had failed to say anything at all.
"I guess you should probably get going soon." I offered while staring at my feet.
Taylor paused a moment before answering. "Yeah, probably. There's a car outside to take you back to the hotel."
Before going our separate ways, we embraced in a somewhat awkward hug. Taylor's end had felt genuine, but he paused as he pulled away from me and searched my eyes. I watched as the lines on his face seemed to deepen and he let out a heavy breath.
"You don't want me to go."
My cheeks burned a deep red colour and I could feel the shameful heat spread right to the tips of my ears. "That's not true."
Taylor rolled his eyes. "You're lying to me right now."
I sighed and locked my eyes on the floorboards. "I just feel like we never get to spend any time together. Why is going out so fun? What exactly are you looking to get from it? Or who?"
Taylor's eyes widened and my stomach twisted up in knots. I'd said a lot more than I'd intended to but the words had just flown. Like when you're trying to pour something out of a bottle and it all comes rushing out at once. You've got a mess before you even realize what is happening. I stared at him helplessly. "Tay..."
"Wow." Taylor sighed. "Why does it feel like you don't trust me? I have just been trying to have some fun."
"So, I'm not fun?"
Taylor rolled his eyes. "My god, Zac. That's not what I said."
I felt like crawling into a corner, I was as good as done by that point. I hate confrontation and arguments and fighting. Especially with Taylor.
"You're right, and I'm sorry."
There was a pause that felt as though it lasted forever, but in reality was probably a little less than a minute. Finally, Taylor stepped towards me and put his hand against my arm. I jumped a little at first but found I was able to steady my breathing when I looked up and found him staring at me placidly. He didn't look angry or upset, he looked rather calm.
"I love you. I don't want you to feel excluded, I just know that going out to clubs isn't really what you like to do. If you wanted to spend more time with me, all you had to do was say something."
I nod my head slowly. I don't say it, but I think to myself that if it were really that simple, I'd have done it. Instead, I give him a weak smile. "I love you too. I'm sorry for fighting with you."
"I'm sorry too."
Taylor gave me a quick hug and we pulled apart. He glanced down at his watch and frowned.
"I really better get going."
I nodded, feeling a bit guilty for having made him late. "Have fun."
"I'll see you later tonight. Want me to come by?"
"If it's not too late."
Taylor nodded. We embracedone last time and he quickly brushed his lips against mine. When he was gone, I paused for a moment before leaving. I really hadn't been looking forward to the lonely night ahead of me, but I didn't want to keep the car waiting, so I made my way to the back of the venue where Taylor had told me it would be parked. Sure enough, a black SUV was waiting and a guy waved me over. He asked if I wanted to stop anywhere before we went back to the hotel and I hadn't been able to think of anything I would need - the hotel was down town and close to food and other such amenities. I tell him not to worry about it and he nods before pulling out of the parking lot
My room is massive and I marvel at the giant jacuzzi tub in the bathroom. Of course, I have no one to share it with, but the idea of soaking in it solo doesn't sound so awful, either. Maybe later, I decide, and then take my bags and set them down near the bed. I flop backwards against the king size mattress and close my eyes, relishing the feeling of just laying down after an exhausting day. The bed is so large and comfortable compared to the cramped and stiff bedded bunks in the tour bus. I roll around a little bit and then sigh, looking out at the dark and starry night. Instead of wondering what Taylor is up to, I get up and cross the room to my backpack, remembering what I'd stashed in the inside pocket.
Inside of my backpack, I found the baggy I'd hidden away, but it's contents were not what I remembered. There was definitely some of the very small amount I'd purchased missing, leaving me with just enough for one last good joint. I felt angry within seconds - who would have taken it? The only person who had known about it happened to be the same one I'd kissed not an hour earlier. My hands trembled as I rolled up the remaining weed in a cherry flavoured paper and then locked up my hotel room, finding my way outside. The night was calm and clear, a welcome setting for my nerves that were still running wild. I walked through the parking lot and towards the side walk, taking it down along the street until I came across a quiet little park. I found a bench near the back and with nobody around, I lit up the joint and inhaled. I closed my eyes, finding peace in the darkness and the warm buzzing feeling that filled me with calm.
When I'm finished, I stop at a little pizza dive before heading back to the hotel. With me, I carry a slice of pepperoni, a bottle of Dr. Pepper and a bag of chips as I let myself into my room. I turn on the television and decide that the night could be worse, trying not to focus on something as trivial as ten or so dollars worth of pot. I inhaled my pizza and then polished off the bag of chips between swigs of the soda. When I was full, I crawled into bed and flicked the channels until I found a movie that I'd only seen half a dozen times. It didn't matter, because I was exhausted and as expected, I fell asleep pretty quickly.
I slept heavily right through the night, stirring only when morning came and not too surprisingly, finding myself alone in the king size bed. Taylor hadn't bothered to show up, but I also couldn't bother to really care. With the morning dawn just barely breaking the clouds, I rolled back over and fell back asleep, knowing that I still had a good couple of hours before I had to be up and at it again.