"There was a time when love was blind..And the world was a song, and the song was exciting..."
Sometimes, I realize, I can't force myself to take a real, hard look at something that's bothering me. So instead of facing those things I'm dealing with, I convince myself that the way I feel about something similar is really the truth. When in fact I am pushing all my fears, worries, and doubts from one situation into another, making it seem bigger than it ever really was. Kinda like, pretending I feel a certain way because of this event, when in reality, those feelings are based off of something else I just can't honestly face.
I've caught myself there. I didn't admit it until I remembered an old song. And I didn't believe it until I talked it out. And now I'm facing it, looking up the old information, and the old pictures.
I don't want to.
It's normal. It was normal before, it's normal now. I guess. I don't know why I do that and I don't know why I think the way I do.
Please don't ask me to share. There's maybe one or two people, if at all, I would talk about it with. And if I'm having trouble facing it and believing it myself, it's highly unlikely I want to talk about it with anyone else. I'm sorry. Sometimes, I'm a girl and I'm complicated.
******
All of that aside, I looked up old journal entries for pure amusement as well. If anyone remembers a time, when I used "off your rocker" all the time. LOL Or when John went to Florida with me. Orange picker! Or when the Florida Boys came up here to visit. Or when I cut of all my long hair, only to be growing it back out for my wedding two years later. A long time ago (2-3years) things seemed less complicated and more stressful than ever at the same time. And even still, I've grown so much from all the heartache and all the love and all the expierence. But sometimes I miss who I was and how I was in certain moments. Or rather, how close I used to be with this person or that person. But again, I couldn't (And wouldn't) give up what I have now or who I am now. Still, a part of me misses that.
Yup. Complicated.
I've caught myself there. I didn't admit it until I remembered an old song. And I didn't believe it until I talked it out. And now I'm facing it, looking up the old information, and the old pictures.
I don't want to.
It's normal. It was normal before, it's normal now. I guess. I don't know why I do that and I don't know why I think the way I do.
Please don't ask me to share. There's maybe one or two people, if at all, I would talk about it with. And if I'm having trouble facing it and believing it myself, it's highly unlikely I want to talk about it with anyone else. I'm sorry. Sometimes, I'm a girl and I'm complicated.
******
All of that aside, I looked up old journal entries for pure amusement as well. If anyone remembers a time, when I used "off your rocker" all the time. LOL Or when John went to Florida with me. Orange picker! Or when the Florida Boys came up here to visit. Or when I cut of all my long hair, only to be growing it back out for my wedding two years later. A long time ago (2-3years) things seemed less complicated and more stressful than ever at the same time. And even still, I've grown so much from all the heartache and all the love and all the expierence. But sometimes I miss who I was and how I was in certain moments. Or rather, how close I used to be with this person or that person. But again, I couldn't (And wouldn't) give up what I have now or who I am now. Still, a part of me misses that.
Yup. Complicated.