Away From His Hand Chapter 15 (End of Part I)

[forever9218]

Title:  Away From His Hand Chapter 15
Current Music:  Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts
Author: forever9218
Pairing: Ennis and Jack
Genre: AU/Canon
Word Count:  5706
Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain is the intellectual property of Ms. Annie Proulx. No money is being made from this work and no copyright infringement is intended. Just trying to paint new horizons for our beloved boys.
Dedication: To everyone here who still believes and is willing to be patient with the slowest writer that ever graced the planet.
Summary: The year is 1977, and Jack is still playing by Ennis’ rules of meeting up once or twice a year for a “friendly” fishing trip. Never hope of anything more, and certainly no chance of living a sweet life together. This time, however, unlike all the years of missed opportunities, Jack is determined not to go down the mountain without some promises being made. Both men feel in their bones that time is running out for them so, as an alternative to pointless arguing, they actually begin to talk about planning a future together. When unforeseen circumstances arise and an orphaned wolf pup enters the scene, their world starts to change in many unexpected ways. Before they know it, actions are set into motion and suddenly the possibility of living a life together every day, doesn’t seem so impossible.

Well, here we are at the end of another Jack and Ennis journey. That is, at least, when it comes to the conclusion of Part I. When I first started to write this tale, it actually began as a one shot and then quickly transformed into a piece of longer fiction as a result of the encouragement of so many lovely Brokeback writers and readers.  Now, two years later, this story has become larger than I ever anticipated or planned. Not because I can’t stop writing, but because I promised to give these two men the kind of life and love story that they both deserved. Apparently, fifteen chapters just isn’t a large enough canvas to draw upon to achieve that goal.

I will be taking about a month off for a variety of personal and professional reasons, and will probably post the first chapter of Part II during the Thanksgiving holidays or early December.  I’ve been true to my word and published at least one chapter every month since I returned in February, but need a break from the rigor of writing and posting in real time. Who knows, I may be able to use this sabbatical as an opportunity to write a few chapters ahead of time (wishful thinking, I know) so when I resume our story again in the not too distant future, I won’t necessarily need to let everything else in my life go to pot. LOL!

Okay, enough background and explanatory text. I hope you enjoy this chapter and will continue to read along with the sequel to Away From His Hand, which will be entitled, Pulling Leather. The guys have come a long way since that first fight about having a real future together. Ennis finally beginning to realize that to have a future there first must be a present that consists of more than wilderness and fishing trips once or twice a year. Now that they have made significant inroads in that direction, let’s see if the foundation they are creating is going to be strong enough to last beyond tomorrow and the tomorrow after that. Because, after all, that is how love should always be. Full of tomorrows, and a future worth fighting for together. Enjoy!




Where we left the boys last:

Jim looked down, continuing to exhibit telltale signs of being a little distracted. “Oh, yeah. Almost forgot. I thought since you guys were supplying all the main fixings for today that I’d make dessert for us. You like bananas, Jack?”

“Sure do. What ya got in mind. Banana splits.”

“Uhm, no. You guys ever hear of Bananas Foster? No? Well, it originated in New Orleans several decades ago and uses dark rum. Thought you two might like it.”

“Wooo-weee,” Jack rubbed his hands together, obviously hooked. “Dessert with booze. That’s got to be good.” He winked before adding the snappy insinuation, “Guess the new drinking law in Wyoming means you can swallow at 19 now, hey Jim. No children allowed.”

Jim wet his lips nervously, his head hanging low, unable to make eye contact. “You, uhm, think you’ll be able to enjoy the meal today, Jack?”

“Well, sure. What makes ya think I won’t?” Jack was stumped by the out of the blue concern.

Jim locked onto Jack’s eyes, the vein in his temple throbbing and nodded slowly. “Your lips look kinda swollen and red. Seem to be a little flushed around the nape of your collar too. Kind of bruised up.” Jim took a couple steps forward and pointed his finger, hovering just short of making skin to skin contact.

Jack and Ennis looked at each other cautiously. Each one processing what appeared to be taking place at warp speed. Not surprisingly, after an extended kind of edgy quiet that lingered much too long to be innocent, only one man found the words to push through the awkward impasse and address the pink elephant that had just stampeded into the room.

Meeting Jim’s gaze with fearless resolve, the implication in Jack’s words was undeniable and irreversible. “Well, friend, guess we’re about to have an adults only discussion this afternoon. Think I need me a shot of whiskey, first.”




_________________

Chapter 15

In rapid fire order, Ennis cursed beneath his breath, snatched up the weather beaten hat, which had been dangling loosely on a nearby hook in the corner, and resoundingly slammed the front door shut behind him. The harsh sound reverberated across the room with the kind of finality that made Jack flinch and a sinking feeling take shape in the pit of his stomach. Nearly tripping over his own two feet, he hustled over to the kitchen window in record time. Directly pitching aside the frayed curtain that, after years of neglect, now cleaved to the tarnished brass rod like an under the sea barnacle. Strategically positioning himself to gain an unobstructed view of where his man was headed, Jack stretched his neck as far as his busted up, middle-aged body could tolerate, while his heart throbbed wildly inside his chest.

Everything quickly receded into the background once Jack realized that all he could see were two fists curled up into tight symmetrical balls, and those normally broad shoulders hunched over into what easily could pass for a perfect portrait of crushing defeat. The powerful scene that was still unfolding, allowed for little doubt that a watershed moment had been reached in a relationship long grown acquainted with the inertia of circumstance. Completely unsure how much damage had been done, or if the harm already inflicted could be repaired with any degree of certainty, a feeling of uneasiness crashed down upon Jack like a lead balloon. He wanted to scream, to beg Ennis not to go. But, when a nerve racking panic seized up his vocal chords, he made the on-the-spot decision to stand his ground. He had been chasing after Ennis for what seemed like his entire adult life with little to show for his uphill struggle to conquer the highest peak of all. He didn’t know why, but somewhere deep inside he overcame the terror of possible failure. Understanding that this time he had to somehow gather up the strength to stay put and do the one thing he always found the hardest to do. He waited to see if Ennis would come back to him.

I’m not gonna grab me a rope to lasso you back in this time, Ennis. Don’t want ya to leave. But, ya need to show me we’ve made some real progress this past week. I’ll be right here whenever you’re ready to talk. Unless you’re able to look me in the face and tell me ya just can’t do this no more, I ain’t goin’ anywhere. You’re not alone, Ennis. Know ya think so sometimes, but ya ain’t.

Jack didn’t realize his world had nearly come to a grinding halt until he felt himself start to breathe again and some of the tension beginning to slacken in his firmly set jaw. Long accustomed to scorched earth departures, he was relieved that his stubborn Wyoming cowboy had simply stomped off into a nearby field, apparently to stew alone in a familiar posture of isolation. Instead of taking the easy way out by jumping inside his truck, intent on a speedy getaway to parts unknown, or to ride off to some darkly lit watering hole to drown his inner demons in an alcoholic stupor, Ennis had chosen not to bolt from the scene this time. He may have kicked at everything in his path that was not fastened down, the way he often did when he didn’t know which way to turn, but when the dust had settled, he still was within sight and, most importantly, within Jack’s reach, if a helping hand was needed.

Totally caught off guard by the sequence of events that had just spun out of control without warning, Jim blurted out with all the sincerity he could muster, “I’m sorry, Jack. Should have kept my big mouth shut. You want me to go talk to him?”

Head nodding up and down slowly, the next words out of Jack’s mouth were filled with the uselessness of someone who understood that the hands on the clock could not be turned back by anyone now. “That would be kinda like trying to lock the barn door after the horse is long gone, don’t ya think?” Although the sullen words seemed to be filled with complete dejection, the hope that still lived inside the star gazing child from Lightning Flat refused to be shattered. In some ways, this unexpected turn of events was like a dress rehearsal for the life Jack had dreamed about for almost longer than he cared to remember, a future filled with everyday challenges that he and Ennis would somehow figure out how to jointly work through. Each new test encountered along the way a living testament to their resolve to stay together, no matter what. If Ennis could not cope with a neighborly young man, who also shared their little secret, then how on earth could they ever hope to navigate in the real world where being normal didn’t include many folks like the three of them?

Jim cleared his throat, figuring he needed to say something more to try and set things right. To stand in place like some spineless simpleton was not an appealing prospect for a young man eager to rectify the unintended consequences of his rash behavior. The problem was that the only coherent response that came to mind, as he agonized over what had just happened, cautioned him that he should have taken his father’s advice and pursued that college education when he had the chance. His ability to articulate with more than a primordial grunt was just another glaring example of his academic oversight, “Huh?”

Jack rolled his eyes in frustration, but made a conscious effort not to be too dismissive of the young man’s confusion, “What’s done is done, Jim. Think it might be best to let ‘im be for awhile.” A full-blown sigh on his lips, Jack pivoted toward his guest and rubbed a worrying hand across a deeply lined brow. “Where the fuck’s that whiskey?” Pulling open one cabinet door then another, Jack grabbed a bottle of Old Rose and poured a double shot of courage.

“Take a load off, son. Feel free to put that ice cream away before it melts all over the place and grab a beer.” Eyeing the young man even closer, “Or, would ya rather have some whiskey? Ya are, at least, nineteen, aren’t ya?” When no movement or audible sound was forthcoming, Jack assumed his trademark pissed off stance, hands on hips, eyes narrowed in close study. “Oh, great. Cat’s got your tongue all of a sudden. Is that right? Your imitation of a mute might have come in a little handier about five minutes ago.”

Springing into action, Jack belted down half the whiskey from the amber-colored tumbler that had been easily located in the front row of the cupboard then opened up the refrigerator door to grab two beers. The clinking bottles deposited on the kitchen table without a break in motion. Next, he gathered up the box Jim was still clinging to like a life preserver and popped the ice cream container into the freezer.  “Told ya to sit.”

Jim was silent and looked a little sick, eyes rounded like saucers. The perfect image of a gangly doe caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi-truck, afraid to move. Never one to be callous toward another’s suffering Jack tried to take pity on the younger man who certainly had no idea about the powder keg he had just ignited. Forcing himself to offer up a half smile, he walked forward and lightly placed a hand on Jim’s shoulder, making sure to remove some of the heft from the words he was about to speak. “It’s alright. Ennis is easily spooked about some things. Like anyone knowing about our personal business. Get my drift? Please, sit down and have a beer with me.”

Jim nodded nervously, acknowledging the kindness being extended, but walking over to the table with leaden feet as if he were about to face his executioner. Gulping down a long swig of beer, the young man leaned back in his chair to steel himself for whatever was about to come his way. Biting down on his lower lip he waited silently, making a mental note to start looking for another job on Monday morning.

“You ever hear of Brokeback Mountain?”

_________________________

I tried Jack. I really did. Just don’t see how this can all work. That’s why I fought all them years when ya wanted us to be together. Not because I didn’t want that sweet life too, but because it’s only a matter of time before people will know. Here we are just mindin’ our own business, holed up in this house, not botherin’ no one and we get one damn visitor come a knockin’, and he sees right through us the moment he lays eyes on our sorry ass faces. Oh, I know ya gonna say that Jim’s queer too so he has some kind of special powers, or sumthin’. Sort of like that Kreskin fella we was watchin’ on TV last night. But, I’m not stupid. Know Jim can’t read minds. But, that’s not the source of our problems though, is it? He didn’t need to read our minds ‘cause he could see as plain as day what we had been up to. Lips puffed up, clothes rumpled and dumbass me just had to bite that damn temptin’ neck of yours like some kind of wild animal makin’ his mark.

What the fuck was I thinkin’? Knew Jim was comin’ over today and I let my guard down. Acted like some lovesick fool. Like a teenager that can’t keep his hands off of ya. Don’t ya see, Jack? Ya drive me crazy. Can’t think straight when I’m around ya. I know Jim’s not gonna tell anyone, but that’s not the point. What if it had been somebody else not so understandin’? Yeah, I know Jack. You’d say, “Who the fuck would that be? Nobody ever comes to visit your scrawny ass anyway!” But, that don’t matter. Once people find out two men are shackin’ up together that’s when the talk begins. That’s when they come for us. When people start lookin’ at ya on the street suspicious-like. That’s what happened to Rich and Earl. They weren’t hurtin’ nobody neither. Trouble came to them. Earl sprawled out in a ditch somewhere and Rich left with nothin’ to hold onto in the middle of the night for the rest of his life. That no turning back kind of trouble that could get us both killed.

Don’t care what happens to me, Jack. But, I couldn’t stand it if someone hurt ya…or worse. Couldn’t live with myself knowin’ we should have been more careful and paid more attention to those who mean to do us harm. The kind of fire and brimstone crowd who want us to burn in hell. Callin’ us filthy faggots underneath their breaths. Those queer bashers don’t live inside our heads. They can’t understand what’s in our hearts. Don’t matter if I think highly on ya, Jack. And, I do. I think you’re the finest man I’ve ever known. A good man with a kind heart. Know ya feel deeply about all this or else you wouldn’t have the patience to put up with an old fool like me. But, that kind of feelin’ ain’t gonna keep us safe. Won’t get people to accept us or even just leave us be. Yeah, I know. You’ve said more times than I care to remember that when we’re not together, ya don’t feel like you livin’ at all so what’s the point? That you’re just walkin’ through the day. Hopin’. Waitin’ for sumthin’ to happen. Then when we’re finally together, you’re always tryin’ to make sumthin’ happen. ‘Course then I get angry with all your pushin’. Shit. We’ve been on a damn merry-go-round. Goin’ nowhere for fifteen years because we’re just travelin’ in pointless circles. Hurtin’ each other.

What are we gonna do, Jack? Think you’re right about this bein’ our last chance. We’re already in our mid-thirties. Won’t be long before we’ll be hittin’ forty. Kinda of scary that it seems like only yesterday we was just nineteen, everythin’ ahead of us. Won’t be long I’ll have no excuse when it comes to payin’ child support. ‘Course, by then I’ll be wantin’ to save up money to help out with tuition and such. That is, if Junior and Jenny want to go to college after high school. They’ll probably be gettin’ married in another ten years or so. Start havin’ children of their own. Gettin’ on with their lives. Might be a grandfather. Normal and all. But, ya won’t be there will ya, Jack? Know ya gonna leave. Only a matter of time. Just can’t picture ya hangin’ ‘round too much longer. You’ve already said as much. And where will I be then? Body broken down and bosses probably not wantin’ to take a chance on me no more. Can’t blame ‘em for that. By then, they’ll be no way I’ll be able to hold my own with kids half my age. Might be able to outthink ‘em but sure as hell won’t be able to keep outperformin’ ‘em forever. Not when it comes to the hard labor required to properly tend to a ranch anyway. Spirit might be willin’, but not when I’m carryin’ ‘round a broken down body.

Ennis turned around and stared for a long while at the three pickup trucks that were practically lined up in a row. Nothing seemed particularly out of place or unnaturally skewed. Not the vibrancy of the divergent colors or the sturdiness of the exterior or interior conditions. Not even the variant designs seemed to inspire any cause for concern. Each one was equipped with four properly mounted tires, a similar style of bench seat comfort and under the hood tried and true mechanics that functioned pretty much like any other vehicle.

Yet, if pressed to be more precise, he couldn’t deny they were all different in their own special way, and what was wrong with that? One was newer than the other. While the one to the right was a hell of lot flashier. His own vehicle may have seen better times, but the dated mode of transportation somehow still fit in with the other two fancier representations of the American Dream. No one could ever tell that all three were driven by men who were not of the marrying kind, and the trucks themselves surely didn’t care who filled up their tanks in the morning or grabbed hold of their steering wheels as they left work at the end of the day. And, if finding someone to hold onto, in the middle of the night, was the most important part of living, why would anyone else care who that person was? Why did it need to be so important for other folks to approve of the one he wanted to come home to and the person he wanted to be there when he needed to feel that he was more than just a hired hand, more than just another no-account that was traveling through the world alone?

‘Member what ya said last night when I was holdin’ ya in my arms, Jack? How ya think we might have some guardian angel lookin’ out for us all these years. That maybe we were supposed to be with each other in another life and this spirit, or whatever it is, keeps bringin’ us back together till we get it right. Sounds kind of crazy, but can’t deny its odd how fate keeps pushin’ us toward one another. Maybe that’s why it always feels like it should…every goddamn time. Had to turn my head away so you wouldn’t see how much I was feelin’ when ya said how I meant the world to ya.  Felt real good to hear ya say you’d die a happy man, as long as ya could be in my arms just like ya was. Wantin’ me to know that’s how ya want to leave this world when you’re an old man, breathin’ that last breath. Truth is I feel the same way, bud. Guess, I should of told ya that when I had the chance, huh? Problem is, I always seem to miss out on the chances I’ve been given. Haven’t been givin’ many, but I’m not as dumb as I look. This past week has showed me I sure as hell could get use to wakin’ up to ya every single day. Course, that was probably your plan all along, wasn’t it, Jack? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not sayin’ ya got a concussion on purpose. I know that ain’t so. But, it sure was convenient, wasn’t it? Huh. Hell, Jack. This might have been one of them guardian angel moments again. Shit!

Sure wish I would of grabbed myself another pack when I finished off that last cigarette this mornin’. Need me a smoke real bad just about now. Come to think of it, should of grabbed me that bottle of whiskey Jack was talkin’ ‘bout before I headed on out here too. Would have gone a long way to soothin’ my nerves a bit, that’s for sure. Shit, might as well have grabbed hold of Jack too ‘cause that man somehow knows how to get me thinkin’ on other things. He’d be tellin’ me how Jim knowin’ the truth, ain’t gonna hurt us none ‘cause he ain’t gonna say nuthin’ to no one. You’d say, “Who the fuck cares, that he knows how we are with one another. I’m not ashamed of it.” I’m not happy how this has all turned out, but I can’t blame ya, Jack. Ya just figured it was best to staunch the bleedin’ rather than try to keep the lie goin’ that there’s nuthin’ ‘tween us. If someone had to find out guess Jim would be the one least inclined to do anythin’ to hurt us. Can’t deny that. He’s a pretty good kid.

Have to say, sky’s lookin’ pretty clear today. There’s some low level clouds over to the west, but don’t look like rain anytime soon. Maybe a slight nip in the wind from the snow thaws goin’ on right now, but a good day to just be outside.  A good day maybe for a cookout. The kinda day maybe for me to give Jack sumthin’ more than just grief for a change. Hmm. Wonder what those two magpies have been talkin’ ‘bout in there all this time? Knowin’ Jim, he’s probably tellin’ Jack ‘bout some of them fancy recipes of his. And, knowin’ Jack…, well, knowin’ that crazy man like I do, he’s probably givin’ the boy a blow by blow account of our lives together. Shit! What the hell am I still doin’ out here? Leave those two alone much longer and Jim will know I don’t have underwear on right now and the socks I’m wearin’ today got a hole in ‘em. I swear, that dang fool drives me to distraction. You best not be tellin’ that boy more than he needs to know, Jack Fuckin’ Twist. ‘Sides that lazy ass man needs to get on out here and help me fire up this grill instead of tellin’ tales out of school. He was the one with the bright idea we should show Jim our appreciation. What that lazy ass needs to be doin’ just about now is start showin’ me ‘bout all them barbequin’ skills he keeps braggin’ ‘bout learnin’ down there in that godforsaken place he’s been livin’. That place he says he don’t want to be no more. Best not go there right now, I suspect. Need to get on with that meal we promised Jim the other day. Kid’s probably starvin’ to death by now. Never mind his ears ringin’ off the hook from Jack’s blabbermouth ways.

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“Jeez, Jack. What are you guys going to do, now? I mean, do you think Ennis will send you away because I know about you two?”

Jack shrugged like what they were talking about didn’t mean that much, but Jim could see the weariness and the strain underneath the words. “Hope not. He’s still out there broodin’ over all this. Not sure what that means. Man has a wild imagination when it comes to dreamin’ up reasons to be apart. That or he’s thinkin’ about how to find another job before shippin’ me off to Texas with a big red bow and a one way ticket. He’s probably tryin’ to figure out how he can meet up with some woman to marry, just in case.”

“You don’t need to worry about any of that. I’ll be moving on. I don’t want Ennis to feel uncomfortable with me staying at the ranch. Don’t have any ties here to keep me. Can look for work elsewhere.”

Lips relaxed into a soft smile. “Awfully generous of ya, Jimmy. But, you don’t know Ennis. Won’t matter much what ya decide to do. He’ll probably just blame me for lettin’ this all happen, in the first place. If I only would have left well enough alone, I still could be a dirty little secret like he wants. We could still be safe and miserable in the back of beyond with only coyotes and Lodgepole Pines to keep us company.” He leaned back in his chair with unfocused eyes cast toward the ceiling and began to speak in an even tone, almost matter-of-factly, with a dose of restrained bitterness. “Here I thought this was an opportunity to show ‘im that we could really do this. But, this whole mess might just end up provin’ the exact opposite. That two men can’t really live together without people findin’ out what’s goin’ on behind closed doors.”

“But, he can’t blame you! It’s my fault. Not yours. He’d be an idiot not to know what he’s throwing away.”

Jack quirked an eyebrow at the emotional outburst before the seriousness returned to his eyes. “Don’t be too hard on ‘im, Jim. I know what he feels for me. Known since we first shook hands that day up in Signal. Felt this electrical charge shoot up my arm, like somethin’ sparked between us the moment we touched. The first few weeks, he kept lookin’ down or away from me, but I made sure he saw I was there and that he realized that I saw him too. Seein’ someone brutalized and killed at such a young age ‘cause of who he wants to be with, then losin’ his folks like he did, don’t do much for your feelin’ of self worth, or optimism about the world. Lose your trust when it comes to folks and their hatin’ ways. Truth is he fears what he feels for me. Fears people knowin’. Feels it will be taken away from him like everything else he’s cared about in his life.” Shifting in his chair, Jack finished up with the most troublesome thought of all. That somehow he had perverted Ennis from the man he used to be, “Ya know, he doesn’t even think he’s gay.”

“What! You’ve been together fifteen years. You’re kidding me, right?”

“Nope.”

“But….”

“Take my word for it, son. He thinks…he thinks what we have is a one shot thing. Nobody else’s business, but ours. Believes I’m the only one who does it for him. That I’m the reason he’s the way he is.” Jack leaned back in his chair again and made the kind of eye contact that let the other person know he meant business.  “I know you’re from California and all, but you tryin’ to tell me ya never met a man who was…what’s the word for it…conflicted? Hell, after three years of goin nowhere, ridin’ round the rodeo circuit, just bein’ lonely, even I thought I could settle down with Lureen, normal and all, when I first met her. After Bobby was born was when I finally knew for sure that it just wasn’t ever gonna work. It’s not a woman I want.”

Jim looked away sheepishly before returning to see the emotion in Jack’s eyes. “You been with other men, Jack?”

There was a long, measuring pause. “I’m not gonna get into details. That’s personal between me and Ennis. Let’s just say, I’ve ridden more than bulls, from time to time. Man’s got needs. But, it’s Ennis I’ve always wanted with my heart. That’s what matters. Everything else…well, everyone else just reminds ya who’s not there.”

Jim looked away momentarily like he was thinking about someone from long ago. But, when he finally began to speak, the lay it on the line acceptance of who he was surprised and pleased Jack. Without sentimentality, there was a refreshing sincerity and willingness to do battle with all comers that made Jack hopeful about the younger generation fighting to be true to how nature made them, instead of being forced to live a lie.

“Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t been with that many guys. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t know I’m gay. Known since I was twelve. Ain’t anything gonna wish that away. It’s how I was born. Besides a little experimentation in high school, I’ve been with maybe four or five hook ups, at most. Only one of them wasn’t a one nighter or weekender. Thought that person might have been the one. Was with him almost a year too. Life’s a bitch sometimes. Turned out it wasn’t the real thing like between you and Ennis. The selfish bastard was just using me.”

Jack nodded slowly and kept the grin on his lips respectful, “How old are you son?”

Sitting up straighter as if the extra backbone would mean he was worthy of the respect that came with manhood, Jim continued, “Just turned nineteen last month.”

Eyes grew wide with the prideful admission. “Shit, you’re a baby.”

“No, I ain’t. You were nineteen when you two met, weren’t you? Been on my own since I was seventeen. Don’t need anyone.”

Dark eyebrows puckered. “Jim, we all need people. Don’t matter how many years ya got under your belt. But, I apologize ‘bout the age thing. You’re right.”

“I’m sorry I got my panties in a twist,” Jim chuckled at the irony of his less than manly underwear selection. While Jack seemed to retreat further into himself, wanting to join in the jocular banter, but knowing that time was passing fast and still there was no Ennis anywhere in sight. A huge sigh came from somewhere deep, when the wayward thought took shape that maybe he needed to get use to the notion that his dream of a sweet life might be slipping through his fingers forever. “It’s gettin’ kinda late in the day, Jim. Maybe ya oughta go now.”

With that halfhearted suggestion, both men just stared at one another for a long while. In some ways, a true study in contrasts, yet two souls obviously connecting over what they might be about to lose. Jack wrapped up in the kind of glumness inherent in long years of frustrated experience, while the other, less world weary, still filled with the innocence and promise of aspiring youth. Neither individual quite sure what to do next with so much at stake in the outcome. Despite his earlier declaration to move on, Jim knew down deep that he did not want to walk away from these two men who he had quickly grown attached to and felt he could honestly now call his friends. He had been lonely since he had first arrived in Riverton, cloistered away like a monk with his pots and pans and measuring cups. Barely, venturing outside his place for more than a grocery run or to fill up his gas tank. Meeting Ennis, and now Jack, just confirmed that he needed to stop waiting for who knew what, and finally get on with his still yet to be lived life. There was no point in him trying to fool himself into thinking he was just on some Old West adventure. Pure and simple he had been hiding away from the world, his heart broken and licking his wounds. Feeling a little bit sorry for himself as if he had been the only one in history to choose an asshole for a boyfriend.

On the other hand, despite the depressing odds he now faced, Jack was still not ready to give up on a future with the man who was still missing in action. The only man he knew he could ever love, and who loved him in return. He hated being realistic. That’s what his father wanted him to be since he first cried himself to sleep after his favorite calf had fallen down an embankment and needed to be put down instead of nursed back to health. What L.D. had mocked him about from day one when he refused to misrepresent a piece of expensive farm equipment to a sweet elderly woman who had just lost her husband and was trying to keep the ranch going on her own. And, the kind of irreversible, cold-hearted truth Ennis had accepted from day one, without even putting up a fight. To his way of thinking, common sense and practicality only meant accepting a future filled with unhappiness and hard times. What was the point of living, if that’s all there was? Why did life have to be so unfair? So unbearably complicated.

Just when the bleakest darkness appeared to be extinguishing any chance of warming light, another sign seemed to come from somewhere off in the distance. Like the renewal of a spring rain, the sky immediately opened up with the sound of a voice Jack knew he would never grow tired of hearing, his very own version of a guardian angel here on earth. Or, was the voice he was hearing only living inside his head?  Conjured up from his stash of memories that he had carefully squirreled away to draw upon when he was at his wit’s end.

“Jack! Hey, Jack! Stop your lips from flappin’ and c’mon out here. Help me fire up this charcoal. And, you two better not be drinkin’ up all that beer neither!” A few beats of silence and then the reconnection, “Don’t forget to bring Loopy on out with ya. He could use some fresh air and his bladder probably needs some emptying right about now.”

Both men’s eyes met with matching smiles from ear to ear. Jack the first to acknowledge the marvel that had just played out. “Well, I’ll be. Will miracles never cease.”

“I’ll get the beer,” Jim volunteered and immediately sprung into action, heading for the front door like a flash of light.

“You do that son.” But, instead of following close behind, Jack stayed rooted in place and quietly looked around the room, appreciating the door closing and the sound of familiar voices conversing nearby. He would be joining them soon, on that he had no doubt, but  he also knew that he needed a few more moments to enjoy the tranquil feeling that was surging through him. To maybe take some time and extend a little gratitude to whoever might be listening that he was grateful beyond words for what seemed like a genuine breakthrough after all these years.

This is it. The memory I’m gonna hold onto till my last dying breath. Always knew I’d recognize the sign, if it ever came. The day when we finally turned that corner to begin livin' a real life together. For once goin’ in the same goddamn direction. Shit Ennis. I could kiss ya right now. But, I think I’m gonna just flirt with ya all fuckin’ day and into the evenin’. Drive ya crazy and let ya know that you’re never gonna regret this.

Jack stood up cautiously, surprised how unsteady his legs had become before quietly walking over to Lupine’s makeshift bed. Gazing down, he gently reached into pick up his pint size charge, tenderly tucking the pup in closer to let their eyes meet.

“Ya ain’t an orphan no more, Loopy. Seems like we’ve both got us a real home now. Tell ya what though, this ride’s been a real arm jerker. Can’t deny it’s takin’ a toll on me. But, after all we’ve been through, looks like Ennis ain’t gonna spin away from my hand this time. Can see how’s he’s tryin’ to hold his ground for a change. That’s a good thing for sure. Don’t get me wrong. What we’re doin’ ain’t gonna be easy. There’s goin’ to be a whole lot more buckin’ and jerkin’ and a heap of resistin’ before this thing’s over. Still, I think we just got us into the Short Go round today. It’s taken fifteen long years, but we made it through to the other side. No matter what happens from here, promise me ya won’t be too hard ‘im, okay? He’s a real keeper.”

Jack sniffed a few more times, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. He tried to compose himself as quickly as possible by gruffly wiping away the hot tears that had spurted forth, without even a warning. Given the sanctity of the moment, the outburst was not completely unexpected, but he always hated how his heart sometime got the better of him. The tender trait made him seem soft when he knew he was stronger than most men. “Thanks for listenin’, little buddy. Now, let’s teach these greenhorns a thing or two ‘bout proper Texas barbequin’.”

“Jack, where the hell are ya? Get you ass in gear before our guest keels over from hunger.”

“My ass is always in gear, as you well know, Del Mar. Fifth gear in fact. You’ve seen it in action enough times for Christ sakes so don’t be subvertin’ Jim against me. Don’t forget, he’s my friend too so you might as well know now that ya just gonna have to learn how to share ‘im.”

“Jaaack.”

“Hell, ya know what I mean, ya crotchety old fool. I swear. You’ve got about the dirtest mind this side of The Mississippi.”

______________________________­­­­­­­­­­­­

End of Part I - Look for the sequel entitled, Pulling Leather

­­­­­Pulling Leather - Holding onto the saddle horn to keep from getting thrown when a horse is bucking.
Short Go-Around - Many competitions have a format that involves multiple rounds, sometimes called "Go-rounds." Generally, events span two to three nights. The rider is given a chance to ride one bull per night. The total points scored by the end of the event are recorded, and after the first or first two go rounds, the top 20 riders are given a chance to ride one more bull. This final round is called the "Short go". After the end of the short go, the rider with the most total points wins the event.