Comments | fm_island_plot: Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this?

neverbeenfree in fm_island_plot

Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this?

Sep 26, 2006 11:57

I didn't know what to do.

I guess that's what it all boiled down to, right? And what else would be new? I didn't know what to do, or how to act, or what the right decision was. I always kinda sucked at makin' those kind've calls but it wasn't like I could ask B or Angel to do it for me. I had to make the decision and the stakes were a little too ( Read more... )

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mr_angel September 26 2006, 17:45:23 UTC

I left Harry in the jungle and this time he promised he'd stay in one place. This time. He told me that before it had been because of seeing Faith and that he wouldn't wander off by himself again. If I got back this time and found out otherwise I'd.. well, I don't know what I'd do but there'd be something. Mostly it was because I didn't want something to happen to him and let's face it in this jungle things happened. A lot. Like being darted and kidnapped by scientists, getting knocked up by dead mothers, or having a run-in with the island monster. Things just happened here ( ... )

neverbeenfree September 26 2006, 18:25:44 UTC

"Obviously." I echoed hollowly as I rested my chin on my knee and kept lookin' out at the water. I couldn't look at Angel cause I knew the minute I did I was gonna wanna hit him and I was tryin' this new thing where I didn't hit him. Well, at least not until he pissed me off which probably wouldn't take all that long. I was trying, and I think I should get points for that ( ... )

mr_angel September 26 2006, 20:55:47 UTC

I pulled my legs up and just looked down when she spoke. It wasn't like I could get angry at her for how she felt because she was justified in all of it. I'd killed and turned her husband. I'd run off into the jungle with his body not minutes after she'd given birth to twins. I was sure racking up the points.

Anything I said right now was bound to piss her off even more, but I couldn't just sit here and say nothing. She was willing to talk, we needed to talk, so we would have to talk. Right?

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "For leaving like I did." I didn't want her to think I was apologizing for everything else because I couldn't be. Sorry for how it hurt her, but not for actually doing it.

"I.." God, how were we supposed to just start this out? "Do you understand? I mean.. do you?"

neverbeenfree September 26 2006, 21:12:49 UTC

"Do I understand?" I asked, finally turning my head so that I was facing him. "Understand that you had some kinda dream that told you to kill Harry. That you turned him so that he could raise his family, like you never got the chance to. That you dragged him off into the jungle so that no one would kill him. Is that what you want me to understand? Cause I've read the cliffnotes, I got the memo but it all seems to gloss over one thing." I bit down on my lower lip a little bit as I looked at him. Maybe I shouldn't have done that but hey I was rockin' the self-control a minute ago, I could do this.

"I understand that you thought you were saving him and maybe you were. I don't know." I sighed. "I understand that you made this huge decision about my life without even bothering to mention it to me. My life, Angel. It's mine. I had the right to know what you were gonna do, you should've told me. And maybe you're right, maybe I would've said no. But maybe I wouldn't have? Maybe you could have made me understand what had to be done, maybe I ( ... )

mr_angel September 26 2006, 22:27:10 UTC

I listened in silence as she spoke to me. Anger, hurt, confusion, it was all there in her voice. At the very least I owed it to her to get all that she wanted out. She could hit me if she wanted, and frankly I was expecting it, but right now she was staying calm. At least as much as she could ( ... )

neverbeenfree September 26 2006, 22:41:46 UTC

I just sat there, mullin' over everything he'd just said in my head. I hated that he always had to take everything on himself like that, maybe I didn't want him to have to carry it alone. Although don't get me wrong, I was glad that the burden of takin' responsible for Harry's changes didn't lay on me it didn't negate the fact that he'd make way too big of a decision for me. Yeah, he was thinkin' about my kids but they were my kids ( ... )

mr_angel September 26 2006, 23:18:51 UTC

"If I hadn't done it then, it would have been too late." It didn't make things any better, but it was the truth. Before that I hadn't decided exactly what I was going to do. Maybe I'd been leaning one way over the other, but the final decision wasn't made until seconds before it all went down. "I wish there had been another way to do it, but there's not. It happened and there's nothing I can do about it now ( ... )

neverbeenfree September 26 2006, 23:36:34 UTC

I felt like I was talkin' to Harry again, and he was making himself as small as possible so that I would trust him. God, they really had been spendin' too much time around eachother ( ... )

mr_angel September 30 2006, 20:51:52 UTC

I already knew coming here that she didn't trust me, but it stung to actually hear say it in so many words. Before it all went down, I thought about what would happen between the two of us. Now I guess I was starting to really find out ( ... )

neverbeenfree September 30 2006, 21:13:02 UTC

I narrowed my eyes up at him. He wasn't askin' me to trust him, he just wanted me to go against all of my instincts as both a slayer and a mother and give them a chance? Did he even hear the words that were comin' out of his mouth? He was askin' me to trust him and the sad truth was I just fucking couldn't. How could he even ask me to do something like that after everything that's happened? I might be dumb but I'm not stupid ( ... )

mr_angel September 30 2006, 22:00:51 UTC

I frowned and stared at her when she said she was okay. Was that.. it? She'd gotten everything out and just like that she was okay? Yeah, I wasn't buying it at all, especially with the way she sounded.

Frankly, the way she was keeping quiet and not letting loose was starting to make me a little or maybe a lot nervous. It just wasn't the way we normally handled things. Fuck we'd usually either fight it out or yell at each other until we were both blue in the face. This? Was different.

But then again. This entire situation was just a little different than what we normally fought or disagreed over.

I wasn't sure what to say after that. She was quiet, said she would try, but was.. quiet. What would we do next? I wanted to bring up what she wanted to do with finding a way to let Harry see his children, but I wasn't sure how to-

Wait, what?

"No," I said defiantely. "I didn't fuck him."

neverbeenfree September 30 2006, 22:14:06 UTC

I smiled slightly, kind of wryly, not a real smile. Course he didn't fuck him, but you couldn't blame me for asking. Not that it really mattered either way. Neither one of them had ever really belonged to me, not in the way that I wanted them to ( ... )

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