Fluffzilla's List - The things Sadhbh is no longer allowed to do in her wedding

[fluffworld]

1. I am not allowed to insist the ceremony be started with quotes from Princess Bride, "Mawwaige, the sacwed awwangement, is why we ah gathewed hewe today...Love, Twue Love.."
2. Also unsuited to the ceremony's opening  is anything from Full Metal Jacket or Terminator 2.
3. Also, I am not allowed to make the celebrant dress as Elvis.
4. I am also not allowed to dress up as Elvis.
5. I promise I will not wear a flame-throwing dress with neck frills.
6. 
   Nor am I allowed wear the vagina dress (see the pic) and then run around asking everyone what it reminds them of.
7. But I will at least wear pants.
8. The wedding is not on No Pants Thursday.
9. Velociraptors do not make great wedding presents.
10. Not even if they wear pants.
11. And have little hangbags and matching hats.
12. Good music for wedding CD's does not include Die, Die, My Darling (Metallica version) or anything by the Bloodhound Gang.
13. "That'll do, Pig" is not a valid alternative to "I do".
14. I am not allowed swear by love to Golden Boy by swearing.
15. The wedding party are not "my bitches". I will not insist on being carried everywhere by palaquin.
16. Or making them dress as organ grinder monkeys.
17. Roasting politicians over the fire is not an Irish tradition bringing good luck to the wedding.
18. Nor is a punch-up.
19. No one has to make me offerings of pony or fear my wrath.
20. I am not allowed to threaten guests with being thrown to the non-existent volcano to appease the angry SadhbhGod.
21. I am not allowed create a volcano to throw guests into.
22. Firepits are also right out.

Explanations of these events:
a) I have suggested to Peter, or friends, or occasionally horrified family members.
b) I witnessed another wedding do it.
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do.
d) Was the result of a clarification what I was not allowed to do, exactly.

This is heavily based on the format of the hilarious Skippy’s List: The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army, which I highly recommend reading.