home sick
I was off of work yesterday for a preplanned day off, but I'm out today because yesterday a head cold hit me like a Mack truck and put me out of comission. It didn't stop me from going to an interview that I had, or from being perky, but I sure did feel like ripe, squashed banana during it. The position was for an editor, which interests me greatly! I enjoy stories, I enjoy language and yesterday really felt the crunch of not being more outspoken with my language. I'm not sure if it's Corporate America that's gotten to me and has squeaked out all of my "fun" vocabulary to make way for vocab that's more professional - but either way, I do feel a pull to get back to words, back to books - back to being somebody interesting, damnit! When those questions on the surveys arise, "would you be friends with you?" I have to reply, 'yes'. Who wouldn't reply 'yes' to it? But most of the time I'm thinking, 'no - I'm quiet, I don't talk much when you first get to know me, and I really rely on others' energy in whatever situation/conversation we find ourselves.' The kind of friends that I'm attracted to are storytellers, people with exuberent energy, people who are unafraid of life and go for it, and go after what they want. My energy is very much effected by others - I tend to be sensitive to what others are putting out, but also able to let the negative stuff slide away. Whoa - hello pity party - wasn't planning for that, but I'm glad it's out of the way.
In any case, the interview went well, the guys were very nice and we laughed. But I have insider information that says it'll most likely go to a girl who's my age and made her living doing this - that's fair - sucks much, but it's fair. They gave me the manuscript to bring home and work on so that's exciting.
We moved one of our desks upstairs over the weekend, and Michele put in a couple of - oh, the best way I know how to say it is 'ledges' - she nailed them in and now I can put stuff on top, but they're cutesy and wooden and something I'd normally look at in a store and say, 'what the hell would I do with that?' So I've got a great craftsy, scrapbooky place for myself upstairs now. Currently the desk has been overtaken by four boxes, into which I'm sorting all the photos I've saved throughout my life. It's quite the task, but a great trip down memory lane - and most likely the reason I've gotten a little disenchanted and disheartened about myself of late. It's hard to see me in high school - happy and thinner (why do we women care so much about weight? it has the ability to make me feel great, or like dog poo) and knowing all of the different paths I could have chosen. But, for as much beating up of myself as I can do, I have to remember my spiritual belief of Divine Order - I'm where I'm supposed to be, and my main missions in life are to Love others, and to learn - because even in the hereafter we don't stop learning.
What else? I think perhaps I need to make a gratitude list in another post.
Sunday was a rockin' good day - in the morning I volunteered at the public market to help out the Chorus and our annual fundraiser. I ended up buying three items that day: Alannis Morrissette's Jagged Little Pill album for $1 (I lost mine years ago), a long necklace of sterling silver with a pear cut red-orange stone in it for $6, and a wooden box to hold my oracle cards, stones and pendulum in for $5 - nice!
Later I met up with Michele and Little Man at Church and during the message portion my friend, Jackie brought me a message from my father which made me cry - she's the only medium thus far who's made me cry. But she said that my dad stepped in behind me and put his hand on her shoulder, and that he really just wanted to talk a lot - to let me know that he loves me, to let me know that there were lessons in life that he wasn't ready/willing to learn that he's learned on The Other Side, he showed her Porky Pig and talked about wishing that he'd bonded more with me during life but is doing that now, and he talked about wanting to go camping with me and travel with me more. Just the day before I was helping Bonnie move into her new home in Fairport and we were riding in the UHaul together (priceless, two lesbians in a UHaul - teehee) and being in the cabin brought back so many memories of my dad that I had forgotten about: like how on the side windows there's a little piece where you can make the very front of the window move like a rudder as opposed to bringing the whole window down or putting it up, and in the middle of the seats the fabric changes so that it's just smooth and a lighter color, and on Fridays when he used to drive me out to Hamlin, at one point I'd lay my hand out and then when he noticed and was ready he'd put his hand down and hold it for the duration of the ride - except when shifting. So those memories, compiled with Porky Pig (we'd watch Saturday morning cartoons together) and knowing that I feel like I've certainly bonded with him more since his passing (I'll talk to him while doing the dishes or driving) opened the flood gates - poor Jackie. But she's good at what she does - homegirl has skills!
Sunday afternoon we went to my sister's for my nephew's bday party - I borrowed a swimsuit and jumped in the pool with the little kids and boy are they feisty! I lost count at the number of times I was nailed in the head with water from a water gun - it really drove me nuts! When we were kids we'd make a whirlpool or wavepool or stand on our hands - kids these days feel that it's full out combat! Either way, it was great to spend the time with the nieces and nephew, and I'm sure my sickness is somehow correlated to swallowing a gallon of chlorinated water.
And to top off the evening we went to the Old Country Buffet and had a large family dinner.
***I started this entry on Tuesday and have added this sentence on Wednesday - time to post!
In any case, the interview went well, the guys were very nice and we laughed. But I have insider information that says it'll most likely go to a girl who's my age and made her living doing this - that's fair - sucks much, but it's fair. They gave me the manuscript to bring home and work on so that's exciting.
We moved one of our desks upstairs over the weekend, and Michele put in a couple of - oh, the best way I know how to say it is 'ledges' - she nailed them in and now I can put stuff on top, but they're cutesy and wooden and something I'd normally look at in a store and say, 'what the hell would I do with that?' So I've got a great craftsy, scrapbooky place for myself upstairs now. Currently the desk has been overtaken by four boxes, into which I'm sorting all the photos I've saved throughout my life. It's quite the task, but a great trip down memory lane - and most likely the reason I've gotten a little disenchanted and disheartened about myself of late. It's hard to see me in high school - happy and thinner (why do we women care so much about weight? it has the ability to make me feel great, or like dog poo) and knowing all of the different paths I could have chosen. But, for as much beating up of myself as I can do, I have to remember my spiritual belief of Divine Order - I'm where I'm supposed to be, and my main missions in life are to Love others, and to learn - because even in the hereafter we don't stop learning.
What else? I think perhaps I need to make a gratitude list in another post.
Sunday was a rockin' good day - in the morning I volunteered at the public market to help out the Chorus and our annual fundraiser. I ended up buying three items that day: Alannis Morrissette's Jagged Little Pill album for $1 (I lost mine years ago), a long necklace of sterling silver with a pear cut red-orange stone in it for $6, and a wooden box to hold my oracle cards, stones and pendulum in for $5 - nice!
Later I met up with Michele and Little Man at Church and during the message portion my friend, Jackie brought me a message from my father which made me cry - she's the only medium thus far who's made me cry. But she said that my dad stepped in behind me and put his hand on her shoulder, and that he really just wanted to talk a lot - to let me know that he loves me, to let me know that there were lessons in life that he wasn't ready/willing to learn that he's learned on The Other Side, he showed her Porky Pig and talked about wishing that he'd bonded more with me during life but is doing that now, and he talked about wanting to go camping with me and travel with me more. Just the day before I was helping Bonnie move into her new home in Fairport and we were riding in the UHaul together (priceless, two lesbians in a UHaul - teehee) and being in the cabin brought back so many memories of my dad that I had forgotten about: like how on the side windows there's a little piece where you can make the very front of the window move like a rudder as opposed to bringing the whole window down or putting it up, and in the middle of the seats the fabric changes so that it's just smooth and a lighter color, and on Fridays when he used to drive me out to Hamlin, at one point I'd lay my hand out and then when he noticed and was ready he'd put his hand down and hold it for the duration of the ride - except when shifting. So those memories, compiled with Porky Pig (we'd watch Saturday morning cartoons together) and knowing that I feel like I've certainly bonded with him more since his passing (I'll talk to him while doing the dishes or driving) opened the flood gates - poor Jackie. But she's good at what she does - homegirl has skills!
Sunday afternoon we went to my sister's for my nephew's bday party - I borrowed a swimsuit and jumped in the pool with the little kids and boy are they feisty! I lost count at the number of times I was nailed in the head with water from a water gun - it really drove me nuts! When we were kids we'd make a whirlpool or wavepool or stand on our hands - kids these days feel that it's full out combat! Either way, it was great to spend the time with the nieces and nephew, and I'm sure my sickness is somehow correlated to swallowing a gallon of chlorinated water.
And to top off the evening we went to the Old Country Buffet and had a large family dinner.
***I started this entry on Tuesday and have added this sentence on Wednesday - time to post!