Topic 1: Empty Gestures
(I was stumped at first. I admit it. And this incarnation may not be right on target as far as topic goes, but... I just have a lot of feelings, okay?)
I used to think words were enough. Because I say what I mean, and I believed, maybe naively, that I had good enough judgment to surround myself with people who did the same. Honest people, who cared enough not to spare my feelings and had the integrity to tell it like it is. I'm a big girl, with a pretty thick skin and a low tolerance for bullshit. And I thought as long as people were sincere and gave me no reason not to take them at face value, everything would be fantastic.
But I've realized that, just because someone isn't openly devious or an outright liar, that doesn't mean they're to be believed. That doesn't mean that what they say should count as the sum total of what they mean. Actions matter just as much as words. And no one would have caught me saying that, oh, a year ago. But I've had too many people in that period of time say they're there for me, then disappear.
Words are powerful. Trust me, I'm a writer. I'm completely aware. But they mean more with actions to support them. With intent, and follow-through, and an indication that it's more than a platitude.
If you're being nice to me because you feel like you need to, because you think it's the right thing to do, or because you'll feel better about yourself...it's fake. It's empty. And yes, I'll know.
I'm not touchy-feely, so I don't need a hug. I don't like gifts, so please save your money. Just be there. A text message is not being there. A phone call is not being there. Being there is being there. And if you can't be bothered to make the effort to physically be in my presence (when possible, of course - I'm not unreasonable), I'm going to assume all the words are for your benefit. To make you feel like less of an asshole for being an intermittently shitty person. If I mean anything to you, and I haven't yet told you to fuck off, you'll at least try.
Phone calls are still nice. I enjoy a good text message. But as I've gotten older, no matter how shy I may be, I've figured out that a person can't survive on that alone. There's no warmth in that. Don't get it twisted - I still don't do sappy. But show me something.
Otherwise it's just...empty.
ETA (much later): I realize, because this is public, that people may think I'm speaking directly to them. I'm not. I'm not calling anyone out specifically. This? Is on me. It's about me. Do what you do, my friends. If I can't reconcile it, that's my problem.
I used to think words were enough. Because I say what I mean, and I believed, maybe naively, that I had good enough judgment to surround myself with people who did the same. Honest people, who cared enough not to spare my feelings and had the integrity to tell it like it is. I'm a big girl, with a pretty thick skin and a low tolerance for bullshit. And I thought as long as people were sincere and gave me no reason not to take them at face value, everything would be fantastic.
But I've realized that, just because someone isn't openly devious or an outright liar, that doesn't mean they're to be believed. That doesn't mean that what they say should count as the sum total of what they mean. Actions matter just as much as words. And no one would have caught me saying that, oh, a year ago. But I've had too many people in that period of time say they're there for me, then disappear.
Words are powerful. Trust me, I'm a writer. I'm completely aware. But they mean more with actions to support them. With intent, and follow-through, and an indication that it's more than a platitude.
If you're being nice to me because you feel like you need to, because you think it's the right thing to do, or because you'll feel better about yourself...it's fake. It's empty. And yes, I'll know.
I'm not touchy-feely, so I don't need a hug. I don't like gifts, so please save your money. Just be there. A text message is not being there. A phone call is not being there. Being there is being there. And if you can't be bothered to make the effort to physically be in my presence (when possible, of course - I'm not unreasonable), I'm going to assume all the words are for your benefit. To make you feel like less of an asshole for being an intermittently shitty person. If I mean anything to you, and I haven't yet told you to fuck off, you'll at least try.
Phone calls are still nice. I enjoy a good text message. But as I've gotten older, no matter how shy I may be, I've figured out that a person can't survive on that alone. There's no warmth in that. Don't get it twisted - I still don't do sappy. But show me something.
Otherwise it's just...empty.
ETA (much later): I realize, because this is public, that people may think I'm speaking directly to them. I'm not. I'm not calling anyone out specifically. This? Is on me. It's about me. Do what you do, my friends. If I can't reconcile it, that's my problem.