inexplicable yet somewhat redundant epiphany
The last few days at work have been boring. REALLY boring. Painfully, Terribly, Excruciatingly boring. There has Literally been nothing to do. And next week is shaping up to be worse! When this happens I usually distract myself with some random sketching or a stupid little side project, the most recent of which has been a 'zine I thought I'd draw up for the podcast.
But today I was having trouble bringing myself to work on even that. It was like I'd been drained. Like this place finally broke through my defensive layer and the desire within me to create had started to leak away.
But then something snapped back. I had a moment. A moment of clarity if you will. My mind started vomiting ideas. If I was on something I could just pass this off as some weird head trip but DER! I'm at work. All these really awesome, inspiring images flashed through my mind. I wish there could have been some way I could have captured them all. It was like some creative calling. Something telling me I have such better things to be doing with my time. so much I need to accomplish. It was energizing! Almost enough to make me just quit my job right now and fucking let loose. Just make every amazing idea that pops into my head come to life.
unfortunately this world is still based on rules. Rules that constrict me to spending 40 hours of my time a week to support my financial needs. The only way I can see out of this conundrum is to create something people will want to buy. Enough of which will allow me to soar on the wings of my creations so that I might make and do the things I REALLY want to.
But I've never been very good at marketing myself. And even if I thought anyone would pay money for my creations, I still have no idea what those might be. One of my worst fears is to fall under the dreaded title of the starving artist. But more and more I'm realizing I can't do this dance forever. There is going to come a time when I'm going to have to make a choice. Keep selling my time for far less then its actual value in order to hold on to a steady but Soul crushing job forever, Or break free and just do whats in my heart. Even if that means risking my a lifestyle I've grown accustom to and being in debt for a long long time.
But today I was having trouble bringing myself to work on even that. It was like I'd been drained. Like this place finally broke through my defensive layer and the desire within me to create had started to leak away.
But then something snapped back. I had a moment. A moment of clarity if you will. My mind started vomiting ideas. If I was on something I could just pass this off as some weird head trip but DER! I'm at work. All these really awesome, inspiring images flashed through my mind. I wish there could have been some way I could have captured them all. It was like some creative calling. Something telling me I have such better things to be doing with my time. so much I need to accomplish. It was energizing! Almost enough to make me just quit my job right now and fucking let loose. Just make every amazing idea that pops into my head come to life.
unfortunately this world is still based on rules. Rules that constrict me to spending 40 hours of my time a week to support my financial needs. The only way I can see out of this conundrum is to create something people will want to buy. Enough of which will allow me to soar on the wings of my creations so that I might make and do the things I REALLY want to.
But I've never been very good at marketing myself. And even if I thought anyone would pay money for my creations, I still have no idea what those might be. One of my worst fears is to fall under the dreaded title of the starving artist. But more and more I'm realizing I can't do this dance forever. There is going to come a time when I'm going to have to make a choice. Keep selling my time for far less then its actual value in order to hold on to a steady but Soul crushing job forever, Or break free and just do whats in my heart. Even if that means risking my a lifestyle I've grown accustom to and being in debt for a long long time.