If you need me, me and Neil be hanging out with the Dream King
It's really funny, frightening, scary, ridiculous, how sometimes a song can take you back. And you can remember, in an instant, the smells, the feeling in the air, how you were staring at the stereo with tears streaming down your face, when you can still smell him in the air.
Why do we torture ourselves with such things?
It's been three years since the last time we really tried to do this. The last time we did, I turned him down, afraid of being hurt. Again. And I realised that I think in a lot of my discussion with new friends, and older friends, that I probably haven't made him out to be the best guy in the world. It was and still is a really significant relationship in my life, no matter the level of it. This will be the eighth year of this beautiful thing. Whatever form it takes, I still love him. He knows that. And I know that he loves me. That love hasn't ever been lost.
Strange things...
V inspired me to go through pictures last night, as she was doing the same, and I paused on a picture of him, and said 'That's J.' She said 'You fit with him. Like bookends' That shook me up. It didn't upset me, it simply affected me. Because it's reiterated what I think I've known since I was just turning eighteen. There's something about this man. Something I'm never going to be able to get over. Maybe it's his brilliance, his kindness, that smile he gets when he's laughing, those blue eyes that have allowed him to really see my soul, and been the window for me to see his. Maybe it's the mixed CDs and tapes he's put together for me over the years. Each one a testament to his feelings for me at the time. You can read past LJ posts of mine, and I've said so many times how I want to be with someone who makes me mixed CDs, who likes to cook, intelligent conversations, and so on. That's him. And maybe it always has been.
There are things that I need to share with him. And hopefully this evening, I'll get the chance. You see, our relationship is taking a turn, to the future, for the better. And even if it takes some time, we've got all the time in the world.
Do you know how lucky I am? To have friends that love me like they do? I am infinitely blessed. I have a beautiful girlfriend. She understands me in ways I didn't think anyone else could. I've been able to show her pieces of me that most people have never seen.
So I guess what I'm asking is. Please keep me in your occasional thoughts right now, as I could use the guidance.
I suppose this would also be a good time to announce that I'm moving at the end of this month. Most of you already know, and those of you who don't, if you want to know more, I will tell you. But I promise it will be a good thing. I'm staying in the state, and won't be too far away from where I am now. Still it's strange. But an exciting and scary thing. I love all of you very much.
M
Why do we torture ourselves with such things?
It's been three years since the last time we really tried to do this. The last time we did, I turned him down, afraid of being hurt. Again. And I realised that I think in a lot of my discussion with new friends, and older friends, that I probably haven't made him out to be the best guy in the world. It was and still is a really significant relationship in my life, no matter the level of it. This will be the eighth year of this beautiful thing. Whatever form it takes, I still love him. He knows that. And I know that he loves me. That love hasn't ever been lost.
Strange things...
V inspired me to go through pictures last night, as she was doing the same, and I paused on a picture of him, and said 'That's J.' She said 'You fit with him. Like bookends' That shook me up. It didn't upset me, it simply affected me. Because it's reiterated what I think I've known since I was just turning eighteen. There's something about this man. Something I'm never going to be able to get over. Maybe it's his brilliance, his kindness, that smile he gets when he's laughing, those blue eyes that have allowed him to really see my soul, and been the window for me to see his. Maybe it's the mixed CDs and tapes he's put together for me over the years. Each one a testament to his feelings for me at the time. You can read past LJ posts of mine, and I've said so many times how I want to be with someone who makes me mixed CDs, who likes to cook, intelligent conversations, and so on. That's him. And maybe it always has been.
There are things that I need to share with him. And hopefully this evening, I'll get the chance. You see, our relationship is taking a turn, to the future, for the better. And even if it takes some time, we've got all the time in the world.
Do you know how lucky I am? To have friends that love me like they do? I am infinitely blessed. I have a beautiful girlfriend. She understands me in ways I didn't think anyone else could. I've been able to show her pieces of me that most people have never seen.
So I guess what I'm asking is. Please keep me in your occasional thoughts right now, as I could use the guidance.
I suppose this would also be a good time to announce that I'm moving at the end of this month. Most of you already know, and those of you who don't, if you want to know more, I will tell you. But I promise it will be a good thing. I'm staying in the state, and won't be too far away from where I am now. Still it's strange. But an exciting and scary thing. I love all of you very much.
M