stuck
so i havent updated in a while, things have been so crazy i dont even know where to begin, i dont even know if i feel like really updating i just feel so wierd lately, i dont even know how to describe it.... Things with me and Eric didnt work out, relationship wise anyways, im trying to have a friend ship because he is a really really really nice person and i do really care about him, but things are just so complicated right now, i dont know if i can deal... maybe its everyone at work coming at me with my life story... maybe for the first time in a while i look in the mirror and im not like..hey..im carlee..im awesome... lol.. not to sound cocky but i always had well for the most part okay self esteem and now its just...eh.. i look in the mirror and feel disappointed... dont really know why.. im just really lost and confused... maybe its because for the first time in a long time i have no one, romantically that is... not even anyone to fall back on... just ex's wanting a one night stand...yippy... but just.. NOTHING... this probably sounds like a really selfish post.. andi dont really care if it is... just..somethings changing around here i dont know what it is, but i dont like it... i just want to be happy... i dont know... i think so much anymore just lay in bed and think, and cry.... ive cried after or during work like twice in the past two weeks...WHY??? its fucking work... i mean yeah ive busted my ass cause its been crazy there but like why am i breaking down so easily... ugh... lots of dots in this post.. lol, maybe once i figure out anything ill post again until then... my downspiral begins.. hah...