just sittin here
just sittin here while sonia is out havin fun with her friends. normally it wouldnt bother me, but there is this guy with them that has a damn crush on her and i dont like it and it bothers me. i dont know why cuz i know sonia loves me and i trust her... but i just get this bad feelin about it. not sure what kinda feelin it is. mebbe like i wanna be there, or that im afraid hes gonna try something. i really dont like this guy and i know he really doesnt like me just cuz im sonia's man and future husband. and then like tonight after i got off work, they went to hooters and i called up sonia to let her know that i was off and that i could come meet them out there. i wanted to spend some time with her and give some hugs and kisses and make sure that ass hole dave didnt try any shit (dave=guy that hates me and wants to get with sonia). but sonia said that i shouldnt because of the fact that dave was there, and i understand all that, but i couldnt help but feel like she didnt want me there. i dont know why... but it just felt like she didnt want me there. and it hurts me when i think about it. i mean, its not like sonia is intentionally tryin to hurt me...but it does hurt. and i know if she reads this shes gonna apologize, so baby dont worry about it. im only writin in this journal to get the thoughts out of my head. ne ways, i cant shake ne of this. and i feel really left out if i didnt already say that. so right now sonia is takin her friend amanda home and then she is gonnna go home and call me. so when she gets home i might tell her all this. or just tell her to get online sometime and read my lj and she can figure out how i feel. cuz sometimes i have trouble sayin things... like i feel like im being selfish or an ass cuz i want to be the center or attention or i want her all to myself or something. ne ways....
what else has been goin on. well, i been workin lots. just one day off this week too. but its a day that sonia has off as well, so we can spend all day together. i look forward to it with much anticipation. i dont really wanna do ne thing(as in things you do when your by yourself with a hot sexy mami), just wanna chill and talk and spend time with her. i mean, of course there is gonna be kissin and huggin and holdin and mebbe a lil touchin cuz i cant seem to keep my hands off of her. but nothing freak nasty or whatever you wanna call it. we're gonna hang out tomorrow for a lil bit by ourselves after work, then go over to her best friends boy friends house and chill with them. so i dont get her all to myself all day, but for a lil bit. guess i cant be too greedy.
i just feel really lonely right now and i wanna talk to someone. but i dont wanna talk to sonia cuz i dont know what i would say. i mean, im not tryin to sound like i dont want to talk to her cuz im mad at her or something, i just dont know what i would say to her, and i wanna talk to someone else cuz if i tell her what im thinkin, she might think that im complain or being to... controllin or something. so i dont know what to really do. im prolly just gonna turn my game back on and kill some rebels and see how that makes me feel. its always nice to control the empire and conquer the galaxy.
well i guess ill go do that or play diablo or some shit. if someone reads this, reply and let me know how you feel about what i just said. am i being too controlling, demandin, and selfish... or am i justified in some way to think what i am? i dont know. im not sure of what im thinkin half the time ne more. it feels like there are so many thoughts and feelings goin on at once inside my head and i get really confused, so i stop thinkin about them. talk to you all later. do me the favor of replyin to this plz. i could use some feedback. much love~
what else has been goin on. well, i been workin lots. just one day off this week too. but its a day that sonia has off as well, so we can spend all day together. i look forward to it with much anticipation. i dont really wanna do ne thing(as in things you do when your by yourself with a hot sexy mami), just wanna chill and talk and spend time with her. i mean, of course there is gonna be kissin and huggin and holdin and mebbe a lil touchin cuz i cant seem to keep my hands off of her. but nothing freak nasty or whatever you wanna call it. we're gonna hang out tomorrow for a lil bit by ourselves after work, then go over to her best friends boy friends house and chill with them. so i dont get her all to myself all day, but for a lil bit. guess i cant be too greedy.
i just feel really lonely right now and i wanna talk to someone. but i dont wanna talk to sonia cuz i dont know what i would say. i mean, im not tryin to sound like i dont want to talk to her cuz im mad at her or something, i just dont know what i would say to her, and i wanna talk to someone else cuz if i tell her what im thinkin, she might think that im complain or being to... controllin or something. so i dont know what to really do. im prolly just gonna turn my game back on and kill some rebels and see how that makes me feel. its always nice to control the empire and conquer the galaxy.
well i guess ill go do that or play diablo or some shit. if someone reads this, reply and let me know how you feel about what i just said. am i being too controlling, demandin, and selfish... or am i justified in some way to think what i am? i dont know. im not sure of what im thinkin half the time ne more. it feels like there are so many thoughts and feelings goin on at once inside my head and i get really confused, so i stop thinkin about them. talk to you all later. do me the favor of replyin to this plz. i could use some feedback. much love~