cant say i didnt see this coming...
well my family no longer cares for me. the only family that i do have is my loving and caring girlfriend who i love more than ne thing this world could possibly offer me, and which im eternally greatful that she is there for me, and my grandparents that would do ne thing in their power to help me out when i need it. i mean, my mom and step dad dont care for me. they just want me outta the house. they are always tryin to find a reason to yell at me or threaten to kick me out. they dont care about what i think, or what i want... or ne thing about me for that matter. its like i dont even live in this house ne more. all i do is sleep here, shower, and eat occasionally. i pretty much live my own life, except that part where im constantly threatened of being kicked out. but yeah, i dont know what happened to the part that i can live here as long as i go to school. granted im not currently goin to school, but thats because FTCC fucked everything up in enrollment. they put in all there paper work that i was supposed to be goin to the fall semester when i explicitly told them that i wanted to attend the spring. so i forfeited my grant that i got for the fall and have to reapply to the school and my grant and all that good shit. i only hope that i can get it all done before the spring starts. if not, guess i get to enlist in the military. thats like the last thing i wanted to do in life, but i really cant do a whole lot without goin to school. my grandparents offered me the option to stay with them and go to the community college up there, but where would that leave me and sonia. we're here talkin about gettin married and havin kids together. i think that it would set us back if i left for 2 or mebbe even 4 years. and i dont think that either of us could handle being apart again and i would be worried that she wouldnt be there ne more if i were to leave, even if for only two years. so im kinda in the hands of the wonderful people of FTCC who are a bunch of procrastinating assholes that only care about their own paycheck and could care less about the people's lives that they are fuckin with.
i mean, sonia wants to join the airforce and we wanna get married, so that means that we would get housing together, so im gonna have a place to stay. but i dont want it to be like im depending on her and livin off her. i want to help and do something. i dont wanna be a bum living off my g/f's paycheck that she works long hard hours for. i dont want her family to say that she needs to get rid of me cuz all i am is a leech clingin on to her cuz i get a free ride through life. i dont want all of that. i want to be there to love my dearest and i want to help her through the life that we want to build together. i want to put in as much as she does, if not more. i still wanna go to school and what not, but that may mean gettin a job while she works. im all for that though, in fact im plannin on it. if she joins the airforce, we will move in together and i will work somewhere and earn a paycheck just like she does. that way we can save up to move out and have nice things and raise a child. i just dont want to be a burden on her. i dont want to hold her back in life. that gurl is capable of so many things and has soo much potential, and ambition and initiative to get her goin, that she could go farther than i ever wanted to in life. and part of that reason is that she has a family to encourage her and back her up, even though sometimes she does things that they dont always agree with.
and i think im jealous of her for that reason. jealous or envious. one or the other. she has family. family that sits down and talks with eachother. family that has family dinners, and works together to work out problems. im not sayin that her family is all that and perfect, or whatever. her family has flaws and blemishes just like anyother one, but its a lot more than i have right now. prolly more than i will have for a while, at least until we start our own family.
so heres where im standin right now. besides the fact that im all depressed right now cuz i havent seen sonia that much lately cuz we've both been workin a lot, but im about to be kicked outta my house if i dont get into college next semester. im worried about being an anchor on sonia when she tries to start her own life. i dont want to hold her back, yet im so worried that i will. it seems like with her goin into the airforce, that she will be the main support of her and me, and one day our baby. and i dont like that feeling. i want to help her as much as i can. i just see that me being the old fashioned gentleman that i am, i should carry the burden of supporting us. and i dont say that as a bad thing or whatever. i want to do that. i want her to be able to relax and chill out and not have to worry about so much all the time. i want to do it as a way to show that i appreciate everything that she does for me and all that she goes through to make me the happiest man ever. i dont want her to feel like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. and last but not least, i have no family here. i dont want to be here ne more. i have lost my home. home is not where you live, but where you find happiness and comfort. so with that in mind, i must search for a new home.
and with that i bid you farwell for now. i may be back sooner than later to update. we shall see. see ya's later.
i mean, sonia wants to join the airforce and we wanna get married, so that means that we would get housing together, so im gonna have a place to stay. but i dont want it to be like im depending on her and livin off her. i want to help and do something. i dont wanna be a bum living off my g/f's paycheck that she works long hard hours for. i dont want her family to say that she needs to get rid of me cuz all i am is a leech clingin on to her cuz i get a free ride through life. i dont want all of that. i want to be there to love my dearest and i want to help her through the life that we want to build together. i want to put in as much as she does, if not more. i still wanna go to school and what not, but that may mean gettin a job while she works. im all for that though, in fact im plannin on it. if she joins the airforce, we will move in together and i will work somewhere and earn a paycheck just like she does. that way we can save up to move out and have nice things and raise a child. i just dont want to be a burden on her. i dont want to hold her back in life. that gurl is capable of so many things and has soo much potential, and ambition and initiative to get her goin, that she could go farther than i ever wanted to in life. and part of that reason is that she has a family to encourage her and back her up, even though sometimes she does things that they dont always agree with.
and i think im jealous of her for that reason. jealous or envious. one or the other. she has family. family that sits down and talks with eachother. family that has family dinners, and works together to work out problems. im not sayin that her family is all that and perfect, or whatever. her family has flaws and blemishes just like anyother one, but its a lot more than i have right now. prolly more than i will have for a while, at least until we start our own family.
so heres where im standin right now. besides the fact that im all depressed right now cuz i havent seen sonia that much lately cuz we've both been workin a lot, but im about to be kicked outta my house if i dont get into college next semester. im worried about being an anchor on sonia when she tries to start her own life. i dont want to hold her back, yet im so worried that i will. it seems like with her goin into the airforce, that she will be the main support of her and me, and one day our baby. and i dont like that feeling. i want to help her as much as i can. i just see that me being the old fashioned gentleman that i am, i should carry the burden of supporting us. and i dont say that as a bad thing or whatever. i want to do that. i want her to be able to relax and chill out and not have to worry about so much all the time. i want to do it as a way to show that i appreciate everything that she does for me and all that she goes through to make me the happiest man ever. i dont want her to feel like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. and last but not least, i have no family here. i dont want to be here ne more. i have lost my home. home is not where you live, but where you find happiness and comfort. so with that in mind, i must search for a new home.
and with that i bid you farwell for now. i may be back sooner than later to update. we shall see. see ya's later.