Thursday Morning Edition - 10 May, 2001
Date: Thursday, 10 May, 2001
Time: Morning Edition
Characters Involved: The Daily Prophet
Rating: G
A Bloody Baron Love Triangle!
Forbidden love in the arena-will player and owner duel it out?
By Monica Street-Porter (additional reporting by Rita Skeeter)
What better way to welcome the new season than with a little bit of gossip! For the past several months young heiress Pansy Parkinson and werewolf duelist Peregrin Derrick have made the headlines with their whirlwind romance. Quite a shock, indeed, to find the coveted position of Parkinson’s affection occupied by someone else!
That’s right dear readers; the end has come for Britain’s own Beauty and the Beast saga. Miss Parkinson has another man in her life, this one distinctly human-and married! It seems Parkinson has had a change of heart, and his name is Montague Morsus.
This girl obviously has a knack for trouble. Last year Parkinson served a brief sentence in Azkaban prison after failing to comply with Registry sanctions. Then in October she caused quite a kafuffle when she and her parents, esteemed businessman Adolphus Parkinson and his wife, Anna-Marie, were accused of Death Eater activity during the Second War. But Morsus is no perfect angel, himself. He is a Level II designee in the Ministry of Magic Registry; not to be outdone, Parkinson is a Level I.
And what tangled webs these two weave. Witnesses noticed Parkinson getting a little cozy with Morsus during a recent match of the entrepreneur’s dueling team, the London Bloody Barons. And with her boyfriend-a player for Morsus, mind you-completely oblivious and only metres away! The trio was later seen having a friendly evening out at The Green Fairy, but Morsus and Parkinson were noticeably very involved with one another, leaving Derrick on the sideline to watch. Morsus’ wife Millicent-who recently made headlines as the first and only successful Registry appeal-was conspicuously absent.
Under normal circumstances that isn’t quite enough evidence to raise suspicion-but maybe a secret rendezvous in Venice is? Just this past Sunday, Morsus and Parkinson enjoyed an intimate day together in one of the world’s most romantic cities. Let’s be honest, a socialite like Parkinson couldn’t expect this type of mini-vacation from our dear werewolf.
But don’t feel too sorry for him, readers! Derrick has already moved on. While Parkinson and Morsus were planning their trip, our crafty reporters discovered Derrick in the company of Juneau Connors, fellow werewolf and tenant of Severus Snape. The pair seemed positively giddy as they shopped-for an engagement ring! A salesperson at Madam Pearl’s Precious Gems confirms that the pair purchased a ring there Saturday evening.
Derrick could not be reached for comment, but Connors seemed thrilled to have snagged the brooding athlete for herself. When we spoke to her on Sunday, the blushing bride-to-be could hardly answer us through a sudden fit of giggles at the mention of her fiancé’s name. She was eventually able to confirm our suspicions with a “yeah… that’s right” as she hurried away, no doubt to plot wedding arrangements.
To tell you the truth, the underdog in me was rooting for the unlikely couple that Parkinson and Derrick made. What could have gone wrong? Perhaps the elite fashionista Parkinson was just a little too expensive for Derrick’s humble pockets. Or maybe she was tired of cleaning up fur after every full moon. Well, she’s certainly made an excellent choice. Morsus is wealthier, sexier, and more physically stable. But let’s hope that next time Parkinson is able to pick someone who is also more available.
I Now Declare You Werewolf and Wife
By Monica Street-Porter
It seems opposites don’t attract after all. Werewolf duelist Peregrin Derrick has parted ways with girlfriend Pansy Parkinson after nearly a year, and evidence points to a sudden engagement with his house mate and fellow werewolf, Juneau Connors. Is it true love, or part of some nefarious scheme? The young lovers, 24 and 26 respectively, are part of a small group of werewolves currently in the residence of Severus Snape, a professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It has long been suggested that Snape is The Next Dark Lord; could the upcoming nuptials lead to the growth of Snape’s legion of lycanthropes?
The good news is that prospects of werewolf breeding seem bleak. To confirm this, we visited St. Mungo’s Hospital and were referred to Healer Lisa Turpin and self-proclaimed werewolf specialist, Ginevra Weasley.
DP: Can we expect little werewolflings from the happy couple anytime soon?
GW: I should think not. It’s most likely impossible, because of the monthly changes in a werewolf's body. The womb, which is obviously a part of a woman's anatomy, would morph just the same. The fetus, however, would not be inflicted with the curse, and wouldn't change, and couldn't possibly survive in those conditions. Even with a male werewolf's sperm, it wouldn't work; the curse isn't genetic.
DP: What of the male's reproductive ability with a normal woman?
LT: We are not entirely certain about the capabilities of the male reproductive ability. While it's possible for the males to become reproductive, it would be almost impossible for the male to impregnate a female.
GW: Should work perfectly fine to produce perfectly normal children. Not sure if the curse would have any affect on child's magic capabilities, but that's because I've never known a werewolf to have kids.
DP: Any chance that their curse will be passed on to the offspring?
LT: There's always a chance that their curse could be passed on to the offspring, but chances are rare.
GW: As I've said, I'm not sure. There 's no documentation of werewolf offspring.
When asked about their personal views upon werewolf breeding, both women became rather flustered (and cheeky…).
“My personal opinion is that there's no such thing as 'breeding werewolves',” said Weasley. “People affected by this curse are human all month long, except for this one night, and therefore have human emotions, such as love and lust. So long as they're of age, and it's consensual, I don't see what the problem is with them, er, having a good time....”
Turpin added, “They aren't causing us harm. Their breeding, as you put it, does not cause us harm. Therefore, why should we, as humans, decide that they cannot do what they were meant to do? It would be as outrageous as a Muggle telling a wizard that he cannot use his powers.”
The Ministry of Magic would not confirm a stance on the issue, but did say that they are not concerned by the couple’s romantic activity. So rest assured citizens, Snape may have to find other ways of growing his werewolf army.
Time: Morning Edition
Characters Involved: The Daily Prophet
Rating: G
A Bloody Baron Love Triangle!
Forbidden love in the arena-will player and owner duel it out?
By Monica Street-Porter (additional reporting by Rita Skeeter)
What better way to welcome the new season than with a little bit of gossip! For the past several months young heiress Pansy Parkinson and werewolf duelist Peregrin Derrick have made the headlines with their whirlwind romance. Quite a shock, indeed, to find the coveted position of Parkinson’s affection occupied by someone else!
That’s right dear readers; the end has come for Britain’s own Beauty and the Beast saga. Miss Parkinson has another man in her life, this one distinctly human-and married! It seems Parkinson has had a change of heart, and his name is Montague Morsus.
This girl obviously has a knack for trouble. Last year Parkinson served a brief sentence in Azkaban prison after failing to comply with Registry sanctions. Then in October she caused quite a kafuffle when she and her parents, esteemed businessman Adolphus Parkinson and his wife, Anna-Marie, were accused of Death Eater activity during the Second War. But Morsus is no perfect angel, himself. He is a Level II designee in the Ministry of Magic Registry; not to be outdone, Parkinson is a Level I.
And what tangled webs these two weave. Witnesses noticed Parkinson getting a little cozy with Morsus during a recent match of the entrepreneur’s dueling team, the London Bloody Barons. And with her boyfriend-a player for Morsus, mind you-completely oblivious and only metres away! The trio was later seen having a friendly evening out at The Green Fairy, but Morsus and Parkinson were noticeably very involved with one another, leaving Derrick on the sideline to watch. Morsus’ wife Millicent-who recently made headlines as the first and only successful Registry appeal-was conspicuously absent.
Under normal circumstances that isn’t quite enough evidence to raise suspicion-but maybe a secret rendezvous in Venice is? Just this past Sunday, Morsus and Parkinson enjoyed an intimate day together in one of the world’s most romantic cities. Let’s be honest, a socialite like Parkinson couldn’t expect this type of mini-vacation from our dear werewolf.
But don’t feel too sorry for him, readers! Derrick has already moved on. While Parkinson and Morsus were planning their trip, our crafty reporters discovered Derrick in the company of Juneau Connors, fellow werewolf and tenant of Severus Snape. The pair seemed positively giddy as they shopped-for an engagement ring! A salesperson at Madam Pearl’s Precious Gems confirms that the pair purchased a ring there Saturday evening.
Derrick could not be reached for comment, but Connors seemed thrilled to have snagged the brooding athlete for herself. When we spoke to her on Sunday, the blushing bride-to-be could hardly answer us through a sudden fit of giggles at the mention of her fiancé’s name. She was eventually able to confirm our suspicions with a “yeah… that’s right” as she hurried away, no doubt to plot wedding arrangements.
To tell you the truth, the underdog in me was rooting for the unlikely couple that Parkinson and Derrick made. What could have gone wrong? Perhaps the elite fashionista Parkinson was just a little too expensive for Derrick’s humble pockets. Or maybe she was tired of cleaning up fur after every full moon. Well, she’s certainly made an excellent choice. Morsus is wealthier, sexier, and more physically stable. But let’s hope that next time Parkinson is able to pick someone who is also more available.
I Now Declare You Werewolf and Wife
By Monica Street-Porter
It seems opposites don’t attract after all. Werewolf duelist Peregrin Derrick has parted ways with girlfriend Pansy Parkinson after nearly a year, and evidence points to a sudden engagement with his house mate and fellow werewolf, Juneau Connors. Is it true love, or part of some nefarious scheme? The young lovers, 24 and 26 respectively, are part of a small group of werewolves currently in the residence of Severus Snape, a professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It has long been suggested that Snape is The Next Dark Lord; could the upcoming nuptials lead to the growth of Snape’s legion of lycanthropes?
The good news is that prospects of werewolf breeding seem bleak. To confirm this, we visited St. Mungo’s Hospital and were referred to Healer Lisa Turpin and self-proclaimed werewolf specialist, Ginevra Weasley.
DP: Can we expect little werewolflings from the happy couple anytime soon?
GW: I should think not. It’s most likely impossible, because of the monthly changes in a werewolf's body. The womb, which is obviously a part of a woman's anatomy, would morph just the same. The fetus, however, would not be inflicted with the curse, and wouldn't change, and couldn't possibly survive in those conditions. Even with a male werewolf's sperm, it wouldn't work; the curse isn't genetic.
DP: What of the male's reproductive ability with a normal woman?
LT: We are not entirely certain about the capabilities of the male reproductive ability. While it's possible for the males to become reproductive, it would be almost impossible for the male to impregnate a female.
GW: Should work perfectly fine to produce perfectly normal children. Not sure if the curse would have any affect on child's magic capabilities, but that's because I've never known a werewolf to have kids.
DP: Any chance that their curse will be passed on to the offspring?
LT: There's always a chance that their curse could be passed on to the offspring, but chances are rare.
GW: As I've said, I'm not sure. There 's no documentation of werewolf offspring.
When asked about their personal views upon werewolf breeding, both women became rather flustered (and cheeky…).
“My personal opinion is that there's no such thing as 'breeding werewolves',” said Weasley. “People affected by this curse are human all month long, except for this one night, and therefore have human emotions, such as love and lust. So long as they're of age, and it's consensual, I don't see what the problem is with them, er, having a good time....”
Turpin added, “They aren't causing us harm. Their breeding, as you put it, does not cause us harm. Therefore, why should we, as humans, decide that they cannot do what they were meant to do? It would be as outrageous as a Muggle telling a wizard that he cannot use his powers.”
The Ministry of Magic would not confirm a stance on the issue, but did say that they are not concerned by the couple’s romantic activity. So rest assured citizens, Snape may have to find other ways of growing his werewolf army.