Brain fog
Things that are not happening now that I did notice before: depression, muscle and joint aches and "wimpiness" (my feet don't hurt if I get up in the middle of the night or when I get up in the morning -- I couldn't find that symptom on any medical web rundown). I haven't taken a pain pill since Tuesday night. The depression was bad enough that we were discussing psychiatrists, etc. I was literally suicidal (as in spending time looking up suicide methods on the internet), but "logically" I had no reason to be so kept floating in the hope that the depression had a biochemical root. I still tear up ridiculously easily. The repeat episode of Without a Trace that we watched last night (about a 15 year old boy trying to keep his family together after his dad died and his junkie mom abandoned them) had me audibly bawling. Which is awkward. I'm not ready to go back out among people just yet.
My brain is clearing. I was so tired and mentally confused that I didn't realize how tired and mentally confused I was until I started feeling better, which is weird. Mostly what I'm feeling now is exhausted, but content to take my time getting into good health (both mental and physical). This morning I actually filled out the forms for my gynecological appointment tomorrow, and read (without having to constantly re-read) the test results and written material the endocrinologist gave me. I'm still saying things like, "He dropped the 'H-BOMB'" when I mean "He dropped the 'F-BOMB'" - but fortunately galbinus_caeli has gotten in the habit of translating quickly. He still has to ask for clarification on some things though:
Me: I'm going to the bank to buy a toaster.
Skip: What?
Me: Did I just say "I'm going to the bank to buy a toaster?"
Skip: Yes.
pause
Me: *giggle* I meant to say, "I'm going to the store to buy a loaf of bread".
I didn't even realize how bad it had gotten until he started explaining to me last night what was "translatable" and what wasn't. And, of course, I wasn't really "going" much of any place on my own, because he was afraid to let me drive, which was smart of him (and which, goofed-up as I was (still am?) I was smart enough to recognize as legitimate, thus not be offended by).
Yesterday I was on the couch watching a film and after he finished working he sat down next to me. I started to tell him something and stopped when I saw he'd fallen asleep. He's become so hyper-alert to what's going on with me that he immediately woke up. He said that now that I've been diagnosed and he doesn't have to be afraid for me all the time that he can finally relax and get some rest. I've probably taken a decade or two off of his life with my health nonsense.
This man has put up with me, my family and my animals for over 18 years. I'm a mighty fortunate woman, in every conceivable way.
My brain is clearing. I was so tired and mentally confused that I didn't realize how tired and mentally confused I was until I started feeling better, which is weird. Mostly what I'm feeling now is exhausted, but content to take my time getting into good health (both mental and physical). This morning I actually filled out the forms for my gynecological appointment tomorrow, and read (without having to constantly re-read) the test results and written material the endocrinologist gave me. I'm still saying things like, "He dropped the 'H-BOMB'" when I mean "He dropped the 'F-BOMB'" - but fortunately galbinus_caeli has gotten in the habit of translating quickly. He still has to ask for clarification on some things though:
Me: I'm going to the bank to buy a toaster.
Skip: What?
Me: Did I just say "I'm going to the bank to buy a toaster?"
Skip: Yes.
pause
Me: *giggle* I meant to say, "I'm going to the store to buy a loaf of bread".
I didn't even realize how bad it had gotten until he started explaining to me last night what was "translatable" and what wasn't. And, of course, I wasn't really "going" much of any place on my own, because he was afraid to let me drive, which was smart of him (and which, goofed-up as I was (still am?) I was smart enough to recognize as legitimate, thus not be offended by).
Yesterday I was on the couch watching a film and after he finished working he sat down next to me. I started to tell him something and stopped when I saw he'd fallen asleep. He's become so hyper-alert to what's going on with me that he immediately woke up. He said that now that I've been diagnosed and he doesn't have to be afraid for me all the time that he can finally relax and get some rest. I've probably taken a decade or two off of his life with my health nonsense.
This man has put up with me, my family and my animals for over 18 years. I'm a mighty fortunate woman, in every conceivable way.