FIC FOR TOKERUYOUNA
For: tokeruyouna
From: koneho
Title: The Tides
Pairings/Characters: Ueda Tatsuya w/ Akanishi Jin
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Jin's as offensive here as he is in real life. Okay, maybe slightly less.
Notes: Inspired by a single moment in the “Break the Records” documentary when Ueda mentions plotting something with Koki to try and make Jin happy.
Summary: Jin is like the moon, and Ueda is the ocean.
Out of all the faces Jin has ever worn in his longtime career as an idol, Ueda prefers the one face he wears when he's happy.
Ueda has seen it all-Jin, obstinate and young; Jin, reckless and overeager; Jin, flushed with success and full of a sudden and boundless optimism; Jin, tired and worn and cracking at the corners. Jin, stupid and stubborn and full of mismatched dreams: going to America and learning English, international fame, being normal, having a family. Ueda has seen Jin at his best, and at his worst.
And Ueda has loved him through all of it.
It's a very uncommon kind of love, Ueda thinks, and not just because Jin is a man and so is he. It's not...it's not Jin and Kame, with their undefined relationship that both draws them together and keeps them apart. It's quiet, the way he and Jin talk about chords and guitars and solo songs; it's the undercurrent of calm in a turbulent band. It had always been him and Jin, ever since they were young, and Jin mistook him for a senior. Open admiration and a shared desire to just be. Jin wanted to stay himself despite everything, while Ueda just wanted to be his own kind of normal.
“You're so common,” Jin says, and to anyone else it sounds condescending, but it makes Ueda happier than anything. Common and ordinary and allowed to be let alone, to do what he wants. Jin knows that's what makes Ueda happy. So he says it all the time.
Ueda has forgotten what words would make Jin happy.
Perhaps it's because Jin has changed, and words mean both more and less than before. Perhaps it's because everyone changed, because that's just what people do, and it happens all the time. Ueda's not sure, but he knows he doesn't like it. Jin is quiet now, with his long hair and hidden eyes. This is Jin, who had a taste of something beyond what he knew, and probably wasn't sure which was better for him. This is Jin, in the full glare of the spotlight that used to love him and now mocks him. This is Jin, who left one group and came back to another. This is Jin, now.
They have both changed, but Ueda's feelings haven't.
-
Jin is kind, but in the end, he's more selfish than anything.
Ueda can still remember the two of them, fresh-faced, very young, dreaming of becoming rock stars. He remembers his electric guitar, light in his hands, the sound of the strings keeping in time with the beat of his heart, the pump of adrenaline. They'd written a song together, and it made sense then even though it doesn't now. They had sung it together once, just the two of them onstage, in sunglasses and bad costumes and with guitars barely anchoring their dreams to earth.
Now, Jin writes songs in a language that's over nine thousand kilometers away. He writes in defiance and out of self-righteous anger, and Ueda does not-cannot-understand.
That doesn't mean, however, that he's not trying.
With every song Jin sings on his own, Ueda listens. He hears Jin get just a little farther away each time.
-
Ueda knows that Jin still smiles-that Jin is still willing to smile, still feels some semblance of comfort and ease around the five of them. Ueda has seen him smile, singing nonsense at the top of his lungs as they wait around during photoshoots, or when going over choreography with Koki or Nakamaru. It's a different smile, the one Jin has now, a little more worldly and no longer so naïve. Jin is still there, still with them, still wants to be around; he still catches Kame's eyes when they're across the room and share mysterious grins.
“Look at the blisters I got last week,” Ueda says while they're waiting around for lights to be fixed during the 'Love yourself' PV. He makes a fist and Jin's eyes widen comically at the skin rubbed raw at Ueda's knuckles. “Gross, huh?”
“Did you disinfect them?” Jin asks, wrapping his own hand around Ueda's fist to hide the scars.
“Of course I did,” Ueda retorts. “What am I, stupid?”
Jin grins then, crooked and teasing, and to Ueda it feels-just a little bit-like having been out in the cold for a while and then coming home to a blazing fireplace, warm and comfortable and familiar. “Well,” Jin begins mock-thoughtfully, and Ueda pulls his fist away from Jin's grip and pretends to swing with all his might.
Jin leans back a little, but only a little; he knows that Ueda would never actually hit him. Ueda would never hurt him.
And he's right.
-
Whenever Ueda is lonely, Jin is the first person he calls.
Calling Kame is out of the question nowadays, what with Kame's many commitments, obligations, and general lack of free time. When Kame's not working, he's sleeping, and Ueda cares about him too much to disturb what little rest he can get by whining like a teenager not getting enough attention from his parents. Yuichi would be ideal, but Ueda doesn't want to call him, either; best friends they might be, but Nakamaru doesn't just have work to contend with nowadays, he has studies and a degree waiting to be earned.
But Jin always picks up the phone. Jin comes alive late at night more than at any other time, grows restless when everyone else is sleeping. Jin stays up at godforsaken hours of the night, wandering the city and dancing, and still wakes up beautiful somehow.
“Hey,” Jin says, voice soft but clear, and Ueda hears the rustling of his clothes. No doubt Jin's getting ready to go out, and at the thought of it he feels slightly guilty.
“Hi,” he replies, and then pauses. “Uh...going out?”
There's a pause, a sound of ringing keys. Jin lets out a soft breath, then says, “I'll call you back later.”
“No big deal,” Ueda tells him, shaking his head like Jin can see it.
Jin doesn't reply. He just hangs up.
Ueda drops the phone on his bed and tries to tell his brain to stop thinking and let him get some damn sleep.
Two minutes later, the phone rings. Ueda twitches, startled, but scoops it up and brings it to his ear. “Hello?”
“Hey,” Jin repeats, same as usual. “Told Josh and the guys to go on ahead, I'll catch up with them later. Let's talk.”
At that, Ueda can't help but laugh-he feels relieved, somehow, for a reason he can't quite explain. “Are you sure?” he asks uncertainly, and hears more rustling, before Jin grunts.
“I'm sitting on the couch and I've got myself a soda,” Jin says easily. “Talk to me, Uebo.”
So Ueda does. It's during these nights, when Jin so easily decides to go against habit and stay home and talk on the phone, that Ueda feels familiar again-and that despite everything that's changed between the two of them, perhaps they themselves haven't changed too much at all.
He talks about things he wants to do, places he wants to go, knows that Jin understands, almost more than anyone else. He talks for an hour, then two, and when he's finally finished Jin just laughs and says good night.
Ueda hangs up and thinks that he forgot to tell Jin the important thing.
I missed you.
I miss you.
-
“Do you think maybe I should quit boxing and try something else instead?”
Jin looks up, pushing his hat back to look at Ueda properly. “...what?” he asks blankly, completely bewildered by this question. “What do you mean, 'try something else instead?'”
Ueda shrugs, looks a little uncomfortable. “I mean...I think I'm getting too small.” He absently rubs his arms, which Jin knows for a fact are made of packed muscle and a short fuse. “I was jogging a couple of days ago and I passed out, I think I'm losing weight too quickly. So maybe I should switch it up?” He grins, but it looks and feels a little weak. “Gain more weight, you know...see if I can look a little more like you. What do you do, anyway?”
Jin stares at him like he's gone insane. “I eat,” he stresses, grabbing Ueda's shoulders. “And I don't run myself to death every morning. Did you just tell me you blacked out?”
“Just for a minute...”
“Are you insane?” Jin looks both panicked and furious, and it'd be a hilarious expression if his eyes weren't blazing. “Losing consciousness is one of those things you just don't do!”
“Jin,” Ueda says helplessly, as Jin drags him away, “I swear it was just for a minute-”
“You keep going like this,” Jin snaps, “and you're gonna land in the hospital. And without you, where the hell would I be amongst these crazy people we call our group?”
Flying solo, maybe? Flying free?
“What?!”
Ueda blinks, realizes belatedly that he's spoken out loud.
Jin looks at him, looking like he's not sure what the hell is going on anymore. “What?” he repeats, and Ueda shakes his head.
“Nothing, Jin.”
Jin narrows his eyes, lips pressed together as if to stop the tirade Ueda can sense building up inside him. But Jin doesn't say another word. Instead, he just stalks away.
Ueda looks down at his bruised and blistered hands. He had wanted to try and find some common ground again, with this Jin he both knew and didn't know at all. Instead, he thinks, glancing back at Jin, refusing to laugh at Koki's jokes and Junno's puns, shoulders tense and looking like an outsider, he thinks that maybe he's pulled the ground out from underneath Jin's feet.
He had just wanted to feel close again, feel familiar again, and maybe make Jin smile like he used to.
-
“What I said earlier...I didn't...mean it like that.”
Jin's eyes are angry, but he doesn't speak. Ueda thinks it was better when they were younger, when they could trade blows and everything was out in the open. Now, they're not speaking, keeping things in, hiding behind silence and solving nothing at all. Now they're all heading home and Ueda has to chase Jin down just to talk to him. “I'm sorry,” Ueda apologizes, because he knows what Jin's thinking.
“Think I wanna leave this group, too?” Jin asks, clutching a can of orange juice so hard Ueda's sure he's made a dent. “You're not the only one...”
“That's not true and you know it.” Ueda stands toe to toe with one of his oldest friends, one of the few men willing to stare him down, knowing full well what he can do, and not even blink. He wants Jin to understand. “Don't think I don't want you here because I do.”
“Then what?” Jin snaps harshly, straightening, towering over him. “What the hell was all that about?”
Ueda doesn't hesitate; he rarely ever does, because he and Jin have a 'no-shit' situation. Ueda doesn't take Jin's bullshit, and Jin doesn't take his. “You're strong enough to do it, you know,” he says, without batting an eye. “To go off on your own again. If you wanted to.” He continues on before Jin can interrupt, can try to defend himself when he doesn't need defending, because Ueda understands-it's that desire to be himself, that selfishness in Jin. “I've just been thinking about it for a while...you would be great.”
Jin makes a frustrated sound and sets his mangled juice can on the roof of his car. “I'm not going anywhere,” he says, defiant, and Ueda shakes his head.
“I don't want you to. I guess...this feeling I've got, like we're all just drifting away, it's because we've grown up.” Ueda sighs, steps back. “Sorry, I wasn't thinking earlier. I didn't mean to come off like a jerk, I just...”
“Ended up sounding like a total asshole, instead,” Jin finishes, and Ueda winces when he gets punched in the arm. But Jin doesn't look furious anymore-if Ueda looks a little harder, a little closer, he could almost be smiling. Almost.
“Do that again,” Ueda says on instinct, “and I will take you down.”
“I'm not scared of you,” Jin scoffs. Never has been, never will be.
-
“Been thinking about what you said.”
Ueda sits at his keyboard, pressing keys at random. He hears Jin chuckle at the halting, disjointed melody that comes out. “What about it?” Ueda asks quietly, not sure if he wants to hear it.
“Growing up.” Jin pauses. “It's not as bad as I thought it'd be.”
“...no,” Ueda says, “not too bad.” He thinks of the fist fights and arguments and the constant thought that they would disband, that they couldn't make it; he's glad they've grown up. But then he thinks of Jin's stupid orange hair and his loud voice and obnoxious attempts at foreign languages-Ueda thinks of sweetly-smiling, bumbling Bakanishi, and thinks that everything comes with a price. Growing up wasn't too bad, but it wasn't completely painless.
“I think...” Jin laughs a little, “I think growing up with you guys helped a lot.”
Ueda blinks at that, Jin's soft chuckles caressing his ear. It's been a while since he's heard it sound like that. “Really?” he blurts out before he can stop himself, and Jin laughs for real.
“Yeah, stupid.” Jin's voice isn't carefully casual-it's loud and clear and just this side of mean. “For real.”
“Oh, well.” Ueda stops playing with the keyboard and fiddles with the hem of his shirt instead. “That's...I'm glad.” And he is; Ueda breathes and feels a weight he didn't even know he was carrying lift, and Jin sounds a little bit more like the silly, harmlessly cocky young Jin he remembers.
“KAT-TUN is six people.” Jin's voice carries a touch of stubbornness. “So seriously, don't say stupid shit like that again.” This is Jin, protecting what he knows, the people who aren't friends, not family, but important nonetheless. KAT-TUN is where the both of them belong, no matter what they do beyond the borders of the group. “I'm going to kick your ass.”
“You can try,” Ueda retorts, and Jin laughs out loud in reply before he hangs up.
Ueda stares down at his phone, and sees Jin in his mind's eye: Jin, a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rougher, a little bit stronger. Jin, forging ahead to fulfill each dream-going to America, international fame, that little slice of family and home-one by one by one. Jin, with his dark hair grown long and his hat covering his eyes, hiding his smile like a secret he's only willing to give to a few, precious people. Jin, completely unlike the flailing, screaming youth he used to be, but still laughing that laugh that could make anyone fall in love.
Jin, sitting on his couch while talking on the phone, telling Ueda that he's happy to be where he is, right now. Growing up with KAT-TUN.
So many things have changed, and Jin is definitely different now, but Ueda's feelings are still the same.
He thinks it'll stay that way.
“Ah,” he suddenly says in the silence, “I forgot to tell him again.”
I love you.
From: koneho
Title: The Tides
Pairings/Characters: Ueda Tatsuya w/ Akanishi Jin
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Jin's as offensive here as he is in real life. Okay, maybe slightly less.
Notes: Inspired by a single moment in the “Break the Records” documentary when Ueda mentions plotting something with Koki to try and make Jin happy.
Summary: Jin is like the moon, and Ueda is the ocean.
Out of all the faces Jin has ever worn in his longtime career as an idol, Ueda prefers the one face he wears when he's happy.
Ueda has seen it all-Jin, obstinate and young; Jin, reckless and overeager; Jin, flushed with success and full of a sudden and boundless optimism; Jin, tired and worn and cracking at the corners. Jin, stupid and stubborn and full of mismatched dreams: going to America and learning English, international fame, being normal, having a family. Ueda has seen Jin at his best, and at his worst.
And Ueda has loved him through all of it.
It's a very uncommon kind of love, Ueda thinks, and not just because Jin is a man and so is he. It's not...it's not Jin and Kame, with their undefined relationship that both draws them together and keeps them apart. It's quiet, the way he and Jin talk about chords and guitars and solo songs; it's the undercurrent of calm in a turbulent band. It had always been him and Jin, ever since they were young, and Jin mistook him for a senior. Open admiration and a shared desire to just be. Jin wanted to stay himself despite everything, while Ueda just wanted to be his own kind of normal.
“You're so common,” Jin says, and to anyone else it sounds condescending, but it makes Ueda happier than anything. Common and ordinary and allowed to be let alone, to do what he wants. Jin knows that's what makes Ueda happy. So he says it all the time.
Ueda has forgotten what words would make Jin happy.
Perhaps it's because Jin has changed, and words mean both more and less than before. Perhaps it's because everyone changed, because that's just what people do, and it happens all the time. Ueda's not sure, but he knows he doesn't like it. Jin is quiet now, with his long hair and hidden eyes. This is Jin, who had a taste of something beyond what he knew, and probably wasn't sure which was better for him. This is Jin, in the full glare of the spotlight that used to love him and now mocks him. This is Jin, who left one group and came back to another. This is Jin, now.
They have both changed, but Ueda's feelings haven't.
-
Jin is kind, but in the end, he's more selfish than anything.
Ueda can still remember the two of them, fresh-faced, very young, dreaming of becoming rock stars. He remembers his electric guitar, light in his hands, the sound of the strings keeping in time with the beat of his heart, the pump of adrenaline. They'd written a song together, and it made sense then even though it doesn't now. They had sung it together once, just the two of them onstage, in sunglasses and bad costumes and with guitars barely anchoring their dreams to earth.
Now, Jin writes songs in a language that's over nine thousand kilometers away. He writes in defiance and out of self-righteous anger, and Ueda does not-cannot-understand.
That doesn't mean, however, that he's not trying.
With every song Jin sings on his own, Ueda listens. He hears Jin get just a little farther away each time.
-
Ueda knows that Jin still smiles-that Jin is still willing to smile, still feels some semblance of comfort and ease around the five of them. Ueda has seen him smile, singing nonsense at the top of his lungs as they wait around during photoshoots, or when going over choreography with Koki or Nakamaru. It's a different smile, the one Jin has now, a little more worldly and no longer so naïve. Jin is still there, still with them, still wants to be around; he still catches Kame's eyes when they're across the room and share mysterious grins.
“Look at the blisters I got last week,” Ueda says while they're waiting around for lights to be fixed during the 'Love yourself' PV. He makes a fist and Jin's eyes widen comically at the skin rubbed raw at Ueda's knuckles. “Gross, huh?”
“Did you disinfect them?” Jin asks, wrapping his own hand around Ueda's fist to hide the scars.
“Of course I did,” Ueda retorts. “What am I, stupid?”
Jin grins then, crooked and teasing, and to Ueda it feels-just a little bit-like having been out in the cold for a while and then coming home to a blazing fireplace, warm and comfortable and familiar. “Well,” Jin begins mock-thoughtfully, and Ueda pulls his fist away from Jin's grip and pretends to swing with all his might.
Jin leans back a little, but only a little; he knows that Ueda would never actually hit him. Ueda would never hurt him.
And he's right.
-
Whenever Ueda is lonely, Jin is the first person he calls.
Calling Kame is out of the question nowadays, what with Kame's many commitments, obligations, and general lack of free time. When Kame's not working, he's sleeping, and Ueda cares about him too much to disturb what little rest he can get by whining like a teenager not getting enough attention from his parents. Yuichi would be ideal, but Ueda doesn't want to call him, either; best friends they might be, but Nakamaru doesn't just have work to contend with nowadays, he has studies and a degree waiting to be earned.
But Jin always picks up the phone. Jin comes alive late at night more than at any other time, grows restless when everyone else is sleeping. Jin stays up at godforsaken hours of the night, wandering the city and dancing, and still wakes up beautiful somehow.
“Hey,” Jin says, voice soft but clear, and Ueda hears the rustling of his clothes. No doubt Jin's getting ready to go out, and at the thought of it he feels slightly guilty.
“Hi,” he replies, and then pauses. “Uh...going out?”
There's a pause, a sound of ringing keys. Jin lets out a soft breath, then says, “I'll call you back later.”
“No big deal,” Ueda tells him, shaking his head like Jin can see it.
Jin doesn't reply. He just hangs up.
Ueda drops the phone on his bed and tries to tell his brain to stop thinking and let him get some damn sleep.
Two minutes later, the phone rings. Ueda twitches, startled, but scoops it up and brings it to his ear. “Hello?”
“Hey,” Jin repeats, same as usual. “Told Josh and the guys to go on ahead, I'll catch up with them later. Let's talk.”
At that, Ueda can't help but laugh-he feels relieved, somehow, for a reason he can't quite explain. “Are you sure?” he asks uncertainly, and hears more rustling, before Jin grunts.
“I'm sitting on the couch and I've got myself a soda,” Jin says easily. “Talk to me, Uebo.”
So Ueda does. It's during these nights, when Jin so easily decides to go against habit and stay home and talk on the phone, that Ueda feels familiar again-and that despite everything that's changed between the two of them, perhaps they themselves haven't changed too much at all.
He talks about things he wants to do, places he wants to go, knows that Jin understands, almost more than anyone else. He talks for an hour, then two, and when he's finally finished Jin just laughs and says good night.
Ueda hangs up and thinks that he forgot to tell Jin the important thing.
I missed you.
I miss you.
-
“Do you think maybe I should quit boxing and try something else instead?”
Jin looks up, pushing his hat back to look at Ueda properly. “...what?” he asks blankly, completely bewildered by this question. “What do you mean, 'try something else instead?'”
Ueda shrugs, looks a little uncomfortable. “I mean...I think I'm getting too small.” He absently rubs his arms, which Jin knows for a fact are made of packed muscle and a short fuse. “I was jogging a couple of days ago and I passed out, I think I'm losing weight too quickly. So maybe I should switch it up?” He grins, but it looks and feels a little weak. “Gain more weight, you know...see if I can look a little more like you. What do you do, anyway?”
Jin stares at him like he's gone insane. “I eat,” he stresses, grabbing Ueda's shoulders. “And I don't run myself to death every morning. Did you just tell me you blacked out?”
“Just for a minute...”
“Are you insane?” Jin looks both panicked and furious, and it'd be a hilarious expression if his eyes weren't blazing. “Losing consciousness is one of those things you just don't do!”
“Jin,” Ueda says helplessly, as Jin drags him away, “I swear it was just for a minute-”
“You keep going like this,” Jin snaps, “and you're gonna land in the hospital. And without you, where the hell would I be amongst these crazy people we call our group?”
Flying solo, maybe? Flying free?
“What?!”
Ueda blinks, realizes belatedly that he's spoken out loud.
Jin looks at him, looking like he's not sure what the hell is going on anymore. “What?” he repeats, and Ueda shakes his head.
“Nothing, Jin.”
Jin narrows his eyes, lips pressed together as if to stop the tirade Ueda can sense building up inside him. But Jin doesn't say another word. Instead, he just stalks away.
Ueda looks down at his bruised and blistered hands. He had wanted to try and find some common ground again, with this Jin he both knew and didn't know at all. Instead, he thinks, glancing back at Jin, refusing to laugh at Koki's jokes and Junno's puns, shoulders tense and looking like an outsider, he thinks that maybe he's pulled the ground out from underneath Jin's feet.
He had just wanted to feel close again, feel familiar again, and maybe make Jin smile like he used to.
-
“What I said earlier...I didn't...mean it like that.”
Jin's eyes are angry, but he doesn't speak. Ueda thinks it was better when they were younger, when they could trade blows and everything was out in the open. Now, they're not speaking, keeping things in, hiding behind silence and solving nothing at all. Now they're all heading home and Ueda has to chase Jin down just to talk to him. “I'm sorry,” Ueda apologizes, because he knows what Jin's thinking.
“Think I wanna leave this group, too?” Jin asks, clutching a can of orange juice so hard Ueda's sure he's made a dent. “You're not the only one...”
“That's not true and you know it.” Ueda stands toe to toe with one of his oldest friends, one of the few men willing to stare him down, knowing full well what he can do, and not even blink. He wants Jin to understand. “Don't think I don't want you here because I do.”
“Then what?” Jin snaps harshly, straightening, towering over him. “What the hell was all that about?”
Ueda doesn't hesitate; he rarely ever does, because he and Jin have a 'no-shit' situation. Ueda doesn't take Jin's bullshit, and Jin doesn't take his. “You're strong enough to do it, you know,” he says, without batting an eye. “To go off on your own again. If you wanted to.” He continues on before Jin can interrupt, can try to defend himself when he doesn't need defending, because Ueda understands-it's that desire to be himself, that selfishness in Jin. “I've just been thinking about it for a while...you would be great.”
Jin makes a frustrated sound and sets his mangled juice can on the roof of his car. “I'm not going anywhere,” he says, defiant, and Ueda shakes his head.
“I don't want you to. I guess...this feeling I've got, like we're all just drifting away, it's because we've grown up.” Ueda sighs, steps back. “Sorry, I wasn't thinking earlier. I didn't mean to come off like a jerk, I just...”
“Ended up sounding like a total asshole, instead,” Jin finishes, and Ueda winces when he gets punched in the arm. But Jin doesn't look furious anymore-if Ueda looks a little harder, a little closer, he could almost be smiling. Almost.
“Do that again,” Ueda says on instinct, “and I will take you down.”
“I'm not scared of you,” Jin scoffs. Never has been, never will be.
-
“Been thinking about what you said.”
Ueda sits at his keyboard, pressing keys at random. He hears Jin chuckle at the halting, disjointed melody that comes out. “What about it?” Ueda asks quietly, not sure if he wants to hear it.
“Growing up.” Jin pauses. “It's not as bad as I thought it'd be.”
“...no,” Ueda says, “not too bad.” He thinks of the fist fights and arguments and the constant thought that they would disband, that they couldn't make it; he's glad they've grown up. But then he thinks of Jin's stupid orange hair and his loud voice and obnoxious attempts at foreign languages-Ueda thinks of sweetly-smiling, bumbling Bakanishi, and thinks that everything comes with a price. Growing up wasn't too bad, but it wasn't completely painless.
“I think...” Jin laughs a little, “I think growing up with you guys helped a lot.”
Ueda blinks at that, Jin's soft chuckles caressing his ear. It's been a while since he's heard it sound like that. “Really?” he blurts out before he can stop himself, and Jin laughs for real.
“Yeah, stupid.” Jin's voice isn't carefully casual-it's loud and clear and just this side of mean. “For real.”
“Oh, well.” Ueda stops playing with the keyboard and fiddles with the hem of his shirt instead. “That's...I'm glad.” And he is; Ueda breathes and feels a weight he didn't even know he was carrying lift, and Jin sounds a little bit more like the silly, harmlessly cocky young Jin he remembers.
“KAT-TUN is six people.” Jin's voice carries a touch of stubbornness. “So seriously, don't say stupid shit like that again.” This is Jin, protecting what he knows, the people who aren't friends, not family, but important nonetheless. KAT-TUN is where the both of them belong, no matter what they do beyond the borders of the group. “I'm going to kick your ass.”
“You can try,” Ueda retorts, and Jin laughs out loud in reply before he hangs up.
Ueda stares down at his phone, and sees Jin in his mind's eye: Jin, a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rougher, a little bit stronger. Jin, forging ahead to fulfill each dream-going to America, international fame, that little slice of family and home-one by one by one. Jin, with his dark hair grown long and his hat covering his eyes, hiding his smile like a secret he's only willing to give to a few, precious people. Jin, completely unlike the flailing, screaming youth he used to be, but still laughing that laugh that could make anyone fall in love.
Jin, sitting on his couch while talking on the phone, telling Ueda that he's happy to be where he is, right now. Growing up with KAT-TUN.
So many things have changed, and Jin is definitely different now, but Ueda's feelings are still the same.
He thinks it'll stay that way.
“Ah,” he suddenly says in the silence, “I forgot to tell him again.”
I love you.