Well, that was a late hit.
Attended the bachelor party for a very close friend last night. We did all the things that we, as a group, used to do several years ago. We went to Pablo's, we had magaritas, we went to Bumpers, and then we stayed up way too late just chatting. It started out well, but the norms that you would expect for such an occassion fell by the wayside. I had always understood that a bachelor party was to be "for the guys." Why, then, did the organizer bring his wife and a controversial friend of hers (who also happened to be one of my ex's?)
It really wasn't that big of a deal at the time. However, later in the night, an old issue regarding that ex was brought up. A really good friend (who had been most flighty at the time of the events following) came to me along with his g/f of the time and told me that they caught my g/f of the time (the ex mentioned above) with another mutual friend. I was in disbelief at the time. How could someone that I called a friend even think of doing such a thing to me?
When this happened several years ago, I confronted the then-g/f about it and she professed her confusion and disbelief and that the couple was just causing trouble. I pressed the situation and felt that I had found, to the best of my ability, the truth. I couldn't reconcile the inconsistencies in the stories, and so I sided with my significant other at the time. This caused a rift between the couple and I for several years to follow. They eventually split up, as did I with my now ex. I parted ways cleanly with her when we split and I rarely saw or spoke with her in the 3 years since. Sure, I hoped that she was healthy and happy, but it wasn't a priority that I know anything more or that I hear it from her.
And now I discover that the 5-years I was involved with her, she did all that and possibly more. I'm not hurt by her - so much time has passed that I have no emotions left (good or bad.) I feel insulted that many of my "friends" knew and yet, only one bothered to stand up to the status quo and try to tell me. Even after 4 years, they still had so little respect for me that I didn't find out until last night. I felt bad for how long it took me to make my decision to end things with her. It was the right decision for the right reasons - but it would have come so much sooner and so much easier if I had just known then what I know now. I felt like I was hurting her, but it was like ripping off a bandage; it had to be done. It didn't hurt me to say goodbye, but I saw her shock and heartache regarding my sudden decision.
I fear dishonesty. I fear subterfuge. They make my heart hurt. I try so hard to be open, upstanding, and forthcoming with my thougths and my deeds that it absolutely destroys me when people I cared for, trusted, and called my friends and girlfriend (at that time) played me for the biggest idiot. I've seen several of my relationships end because the other person's eye wandered, and rather then ending it with me, they led me on. When behaviors changed and things started not making sense, I was oblivious - I explained it away - until one day, I was hit in the gut with the worst feeling ever known....the "we need to talk" talk.
I pray (literally) that I will never feel that sinking heartache again - it has always been my undoing, and it's crippling.
It really wasn't that big of a deal at the time. However, later in the night, an old issue regarding that ex was brought up. A really good friend (who had been most flighty at the time of the events following) came to me along with his g/f of the time and told me that they caught my g/f of the time (the ex mentioned above) with another mutual friend. I was in disbelief at the time. How could someone that I called a friend even think of doing such a thing to me?
When this happened several years ago, I confronted the then-g/f about it and she professed her confusion and disbelief and that the couple was just causing trouble. I pressed the situation and felt that I had found, to the best of my ability, the truth. I couldn't reconcile the inconsistencies in the stories, and so I sided with my significant other at the time. This caused a rift between the couple and I for several years to follow. They eventually split up, as did I with my now ex. I parted ways cleanly with her when we split and I rarely saw or spoke with her in the 3 years since. Sure, I hoped that she was healthy and happy, but it wasn't a priority that I know anything more or that I hear it from her.
And now I discover that the 5-years I was involved with her, she did all that and possibly more. I'm not hurt by her - so much time has passed that I have no emotions left (good or bad.) I feel insulted that many of my "friends" knew and yet, only one bothered to stand up to the status quo and try to tell me. Even after 4 years, they still had so little respect for me that I didn't find out until last night. I felt bad for how long it took me to make my decision to end things with her. It was the right decision for the right reasons - but it would have come so much sooner and so much easier if I had just known then what I know now. I felt like I was hurting her, but it was like ripping off a bandage; it had to be done. It didn't hurt me to say goodbye, but I saw her shock and heartache regarding my sudden decision.
I fear dishonesty. I fear subterfuge. They make my heart hurt. I try so hard to be open, upstanding, and forthcoming with my thougths and my deeds that it absolutely destroys me when people I cared for, trusted, and called my friends and girlfriend (at that time) played me for the biggest idiot. I've seen several of my relationships end because the other person's eye wandered, and rather then ending it with me, they led me on. When behaviors changed and things started not making sense, I was oblivious - I explained it away - until one day, I was hit in the gut with the worst feeling ever known....the "we need to talk" talk.
I pray (literally) that I will never feel that sinking heartache again - it has always been my undoing, and it's crippling.