5 months later
It's been 5 months since my last entry.
I've grown some, learned much, wept, rejoiced, experienced dread, been humbled, and imbibed a great deal of coffee.
I managed to make A's in the three online classes I took.
Jefferson State offers online versions of many classes.
Where was this 6-10 years ago?! -sigh- Oh well. It's never too late.
Had two conversations today, back-to-back, with friends who've experienced heartache this week.
I called each of them, on my own, without knowing their situations. Weird.
I sympathize with both of them, as I've been in their shoes before. And those same experiences are actually chronicled in this journal at different points.
I love my star. We were having an excellent week - classes are over, work days became routine, anticipation of visits, and promises of things to come. And then, abruptly, things were not okay.
I've been sad all week. I miss her and I can't wait to see her.
The cooler weather has been affecting me, tricking my body into believing that it's fall outside. I usually become sad and melancholic for a week or two immediately after summer changes to fall. That's how I've felt this week. Add to this, the ongoing turmoil with the various insurance companies involved in my fender-bender (they hit me from behind) and it's been a rough couple of days.
I'm hopeful, however, that things will look up. I can mope. I can complain, but anything more isn't me anymore.
I'm sad because I'm sad, not because anyone else has done or not done something. Looking back on my first entries, I would burn with rage and vilify the targets of my negative emotions. And for what? Did I really think that I could "hurt them" into changing their minds? Seriously?!
What I've learned over the last 2+ years has been invaluable. There is a time and a place for each piece of advice, and some battles aren't worth fighting. I say that, because it's not about fighting and being on top, or 'right', or important. It's actually about being happy. Being mad or angry is ultimately temporary. We tend to separate ourselves from the things that anger or upset us in order to minimize the negative impact that those things will have on us. But happiness? Things that make us happy will do so continuously for a long time.
Focus on, and develop the happy things and everything else will follow in time.
I've grown some, learned much, wept, rejoiced, experienced dread, been humbled, and imbibed a great deal of coffee.
I managed to make A's in the three online classes I took.
Jefferson State offers online versions of many classes.
Where was this 6-10 years ago?! -sigh- Oh well. It's never too late.
Had two conversations today, back-to-back, with friends who've experienced heartache this week.
I called each of them, on my own, without knowing their situations. Weird.
I sympathize with both of them, as I've been in their shoes before. And those same experiences are actually chronicled in this journal at different points.
- A feeling of emptiness after a routine, give-it-your-all relationship comes to an end by your own hand.
- A feeling of disappointment after a new prospect comes to an abrupt end before it even had a chance to grow.
I love my star. We were having an excellent week - classes are over, work days became routine, anticipation of visits, and promises of things to come. And then, abruptly, things were not okay.
I've been sad all week. I miss her and I can't wait to see her.
The cooler weather has been affecting me, tricking my body into believing that it's fall outside. I usually become sad and melancholic for a week or two immediately after summer changes to fall. That's how I've felt this week. Add to this, the ongoing turmoil with the various insurance companies involved in my fender-bender (they hit me from behind) and it's been a rough couple of days.
I'm hopeful, however, that things will look up. I can mope. I can complain, but anything more isn't me anymore.
I'm sad because I'm sad, not because anyone else has done or not done something. Looking back on my first entries, I would burn with rage and vilify the targets of my negative emotions. And for what? Did I really think that I could "hurt them" into changing their minds? Seriously?!
What I've learned over the last 2+ years has been invaluable. There is a time and a place for each piece of advice, and some battles aren't worth fighting. I say that, because it's not about fighting and being on top, or 'right', or important. It's actually about being happy. Being mad or angry is ultimately temporary. We tend to separate ourselves from the things that anger or upset us in order to minimize the negative impact that those things will have on us. But happiness? Things that make us happy will do so continuously for a long time.
Focus on, and develop the happy things and everything else will follow in time.