Finding me

[feomodc]

Somewhere I lost me, who I was, what I wanted. It is so easy to become the person that you feel like everyone needs or maybe even wants but in the process, I forgot what I wanted. I let go of my passions and just accepted to live life like the normal every day person. When did I decide that was acceptable to me, when did I decide to be normal and forget how fablous life is and every day should be an adventure. I gave up, and I am disappointed in myself, I have never believed I was the normal every day girl and all of a sudden that was who I was. Dumb me. I love music, I have always been passionate about it but it has been months since my itunes has got a good workout. I was punching the clock, playing by the rules and in the doing of that, fell into the deepest and scariest depression I have ever been in. Feeling helpless and despondant. Where the thought of life just being over and done appealed to me. I realized that I had nothing to live for, I had a job I hated, in love with a man who couldn't love me back, making just enough to live on. In a body I hated and did not reconize. When did that become the norm and why did I stay down instead of picking myself up.
So that is where I am, trying to pick myself up and move into a new chapter. Trying to find happiness and passion again. Trying to let go of the things I know are not healthy for me. It is not easy, and there are days I find myself still wallowing in my depression. I hate to be alone, it gives me too much time to think and hate myself. I need to make my life better and either people can jump on board or they can get out. I need someone to support me and not tear apart my dreams. Reality may suck but it is mine life and I have the right to dream.