JumpSpam!
SPANKING FRAT EP
The scene opens with a close-up of Johnny Depp's ass getting spanked.
Didn't I *say* there were entire episodes of kinkfic?! (Wow, frats are gay. Just look at the placement of that paddle.)
Meanwhile Booker heads up the revenge of the nerds.
Haha, I love how he wears his leather cuff and jewelry to work out in.
----
Meanwhile in a different episode... Who is this sparkle-shod beauty?
IOKI: Why is it *I* ended up in the skirt? [Oh boy, would my Asian-American studies class have had a lot to say about that.]
DOUG: Because it fits you.
This is actual dialogue. God, this show is like fanfic on screen.
I mean, just take the earlier Doug/Ioki episode. It starts with Dorothy throwing Doug out (of his own house). (Which is yay! Because I DON'T LIKE DOROTHY. Though I do like how Doug squirms in response to her mistreatment.) That's like the perfect, most recognizeable start of a slashfic. (Hear that, "House" writers?) Doug is looking for a place to stay, but everyone rejects him until he shows up at Ioki's and throws himself on the Young Asian's mercy. (Because in this kind of slash fic there would be rampant epithetism.) We saw earlier how utterly Alone and Lonely Ioki was in the Vietnamese street gang episode. Now Ioki has someone to come home to, and they commence typical odd couple squabbling.
Then comes the Case that forces them to Admit Their Attraction. Ioki has to dress up as a girl. And sit with Doug in a car at a MAKEOUT POINT. No matter that other boys are going to the makeout point in pairs with binoculars. Ioki MUST dress as a girl, or the case (the oh-so-important male flasher case) will be blown! So Ioki dresses as the kind of woman that only Elizabeth Taylor and drag queens resemble.
Aaaand they commence squabbling about borrowing stuff and arguing stridently about chores.
IOKI: You know, you have no consideration for my feelings! None!
They spot a possible flasher and chase after him, Ioki executing a stunning flying tackle in stocking feet. But the guy is just looking for his daughter, and he calls them perverts and punches Ioki.
Ioki is Assaulted! Oh noes! The dark blue of the bruise mars his delicate cheekbone and smears his makeup. ::giggles::
But the argument continues the next night, and I hardly ever do this, but I just have to transcribe exactly:
DOUG: You know, Harry, this silent treatment is really starting to make me feel bad.
IOKI: You're supposed to feel bad.
DOUG: I'm sorry that I yelled at you last night.
IOKI: Screamed!
DOUG: I was mad! Only for a minute! ...Oh, come on, you know I care about you. I appreciate you... putting me up and all that.
IOKI: You sure got a funny way of showing it.
DOUG: Well, I admit that I'm a little lousy in the feeling department. But the truth is... I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't have been there for me. Do you forgive me?
IOKI: (Sigh) Well...
--
Penhall realizes that he needs to make an effort to be a better roommate. And tells Ioki to kiss his cheek and make up their fight.
--
DOUG: Aw, come on. (hitches himself closer, puts an arm around Ioki and points to his own cheek) Gimme a kiss, c'mon.
IOKI: Uh-uh!
DOUG: (points again) Right here! (makes kissy noises)
IOKI: I don't want to.
(pause)
DOUG: I'll still respect you. It'll... make us both feel a lot better. (baby voice) C'mon, little kiss, c'mon.
--
Andthentheyhavesex.
Except Jump Street chickened out and they had a firm handshake instead.
--
IOKI: (offers hand) How 'bout a handshake?
DOUG: Okay, sure. (they shake)
--
Then Doug has to pee and is promptly flashed. He counters by flashing his badge. Yay subplot.
And the fact that this subplot is set against Hoff's main plot and Hanson's other subplot, which are both about falling in love with someone you work with, just makes it EVEN BETTER.
In conclusion, if you replace "handshake" with "gay sex"? So like fanfic on screen. In fact I'm fairly sure that more shows should replace "handshake" with "gay sex" in their screenplays. I think this should be a trend.
The scene opens with a close-up of Johnny Depp's ass getting spanked.
Didn't I *say* there were entire episodes of kinkfic?! (Wow, frats are gay. Just look at the placement of that paddle.)
Meanwhile Booker heads up the revenge of the nerds.
Haha, I love how he wears his leather cuff and jewelry to work out in.
----
Meanwhile in a different episode... Who is this sparkle-shod beauty?
IOKI: Why is it *I* ended up in the skirt? [Oh boy, would my Asian-American studies class have had a lot to say about that.]
DOUG: Because it fits you.
This is actual dialogue. God, this show is like fanfic on screen.
I mean, just take the earlier Doug/Ioki episode. It starts with Dorothy throwing Doug out (of his own house). (Which is yay! Because I DON'T LIKE DOROTHY. Though I do like how Doug squirms in response to her mistreatment.) That's like the perfect, most recognizeable start of a slashfic. (Hear that, "House" writers?) Doug is looking for a place to stay, but everyone rejects him until he shows up at Ioki's and throws himself on the Young Asian's mercy. (Because in this kind of slash fic there would be rampant epithetism.) We saw earlier how utterly Alone and Lonely Ioki was in the Vietnamese street gang episode. Now Ioki has someone to come home to, and they commence typical odd couple squabbling.
Then comes the Case that forces them to Admit Their Attraction. Ioki has to dress up as a girl. And sit with Doug in a car at a MAKEOUT POINT. No matter that other boys are going to the makeout point in pairs with binoculars. Ioki MUST dress as a girl, or the case (the oh-so-important male flasher case) will be blown! So Ioki dresses as the kind of woman that only Elizabeth Taylor and drag queens resemble.
Aaaand they commence squabbling about borrowing stuff and arguing stridently about chores.
IOKI: You know, you have no consideration for my feelings! None!
They spot a possible flasher and chase after him, Ioki executing a stunning flying tackle in stocking feet. But the guy is just looking for his daughter, and he calls them perverts and punches Ioki.
Ioki is Assaulted! Oh noes! The dark blue of the bruise mars his delicate cheekbone and smears his makeup. ::giggles::
But the argument continues the next night, and I hardly ever do this, but I just have to transcribe exactly:
DOUG: You know, Harry, this silent treatment is really starting to make me feel bad.
IOKI: You're supposed to feel bad.
DOUG: I'm sorry that I yelled at you last night.
IOKI: Screamed!
DOUG: I was mad! Only for a minute! ...Oh, come on, you know I care about you. I appreciate you... putting me up and all that.
IOKI: You sure got a funny way of showing it.
DOUG: Well, I admit that I'm a little lousy in the feeling department. But the truth is... I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't have been there for me. Do you forgive me?
IOKI: (Sigh) Well...
--
Penhall realizes that he needs to make an effort to be a better roommate. And tells Ioki to kiss his cheek and make up their fight.
--
DOUG: Aw, come on. (hitches himself closer, puts an arm around Ioki and points to his own cheek) Gimme a kiss, c'mon.
IOKI: Uh-uh!
DOUG: (points again) Right here! (makes kissy noises)
IOKI: I don't want to.
(pause)
DOUG: I'll still respect you. It'll... make us both feel a lot better. (baby voice) C'mon, little kiss, c'mon.
--
Andthentheyhavesex.
Except Jump Street chickened out and they had a firm handshake instead.
--
IOKI: (offers hand) How 'bout a handshake?
DOUG: Okay, sure. (they shake)
--
Then Doug has to pee and is promptly flashed. He counters by flashing his badge. Yay subplot.
And the fact that this subplot is set against Hoff's main plot and Hanson's other subplot, which are both about falling in love with someone you work with, just makes it EVEN BETTER.
In conclusion, if you replace "handshake" with "gay sex"? So like fanfic on screen. In fact I'm fairly sure that more shows should replace "handshake" with "gay sex" in their screenplays. I think this should be a trend.