Fic: The Fire Within, Chapter 17. AU Human. Liam/Spike and more. NC-17
Title: The Fire Within, chapter 17
Author: felisblanco
Pairing: Liam/Spike, Lindsey/Faith, Lindsey/Spike/Liam
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 8102 words this part
Continued from here.
Spike sat frozen, watching them, his dick rock hard in his jeans. Liam had his hands in Lindsey’s hair, so tight it had to hurt, his body thrust up against him, leaving him hardly enough space to breathe. Lindsey was making desperate, hungry sounds, his hands fumbling at Liam’s waist, fingers curling into fists, tugging at Liam’s t-shirt, like he didn’t even know he was doing it. When Liam finally let him go they were both panting, and the air felt charged. Liam stepped back and looked over at Spike. “Now tell me I’m kidding.” Then he walked out.
Lindsey stared after him, heaving for breath, then turned to Spike, eyes blazing. “What the hell was that?”
Spike swallowed. “I think,” he said slowly, “we might have a bit of a problem.”
Lindsey straightened up. “As in?”
“As in you being a better kisser than either of us realized.”
Lindsey frowned, looking like he wasn’t sure whether to be insulted or not. Finally he settled on, “Why the hell is that a problem?”
Spike took a deep breath. “It’s a problem, luv, because bloody good kissers usually make for bloody good bed mates. And once your mind goes there…” He hesitated. Oh well. In for a penny, in for a pound. “I think we just went there.”
Lindsey blinked. His eyes went slightly unfocused for a moment, and his cheeks turned pink. He cleared his throat. “Uhm… huh.” Then he pushed off the wall and stumbled out.
Spike leaned back and breathed out. Fuck. Thing was, Liam wasn’t wrong. There’d been chemistry between him and Lindsey since the first time they got drunk together, and the only reason he’d held back was because of Liam. And because Lindsey was straight. Except turns out he wasn’t, and now Liam was practically pushing them together. All of them. Which was totally out of the blue and… Oh. Shit.
Just then Liam came up, hauling another bag of clothes and a box marked ‘PERSONAL’. “That’s the last of it except for some things locked up inside. Cowboy will have to get them out.”
Spike petted the couch beside him. “Luv, come here. We need to talk.”
For the first time Liam looked unsure. Like the trip down and up again had given him a little too much time to think. “I’m sorry,” he said with a sigh and sat down heavily by Spike’s side. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I saw you two at it, and something just… Fuck. I’m sorry.”
Spike kissed him lightly. “Don’t. We just need to talk it over, alright? Make sure we’re not doing anything for the wrong reasons.”
“Oh.” Liam breathed out. “I mean, yeah, of course. You… you asked him?”
“Let’s not talk about that now. Let’s talk about you, luv.”
Liam frowned. “Me? What about me?
“You just had a bloody huge fight with your dad.” Spike took Liam’s hand in his. “Is this about that? About proving something?”
To Liam’s credit he didn’t fly off the handle like he would have done just some months, even weeks ago. He did however go completely still before letting go of Spike’s hand and standing up, turning to the door. Spike jumped up and ran in front of him, blocking the exit. “Nuhuh, you’re not doing that. We’re talking this through.”
“Will…” Liam sighed and rubbed his face. “I just need a moment, alright? I wasn’t gonna run off. I just need to think a bit.”
“You can think in here. Plus, I think Lindsey is having a small freakout in the hallway, so maybe leave him to it, alright?”
Liam hesitated then turned around and sat back down. “I’m just… Yeah, maybe. It just didn’t occur to me,” he admitted. “I was angry, yeah, and then I saw you two, and suddenly I just… I just wanted you. Both of you. And I don’t know if one thing led to the other, I just know that I wasn’t angry anymore.”
“Okay. I get it, pet. Strong emotions and all that. It’s the same blood, running your head hot and puffing up your pecker.” He took a deep breath. “And I’m not gonna lie, we were getting a bit heated there. Never meant to, just sort of happened. Think our little Linds is finally growing up.” He felt relieved when Liam chuckled. “But it’s still new to him. And this…” He waved his hand between them. “Still pretty new as well. Not sure we’re ready to jump into threesomes just yet.”
Liam swallowed and nodded. “You’re right. No, you’re right, you’re right.” He rubbed his face. “You were just really, really hot, baby.”
“I know, luv. And he’s gorgeous. Been making me bloody stupid for months. Lust, not love,” he quickly clarified when Liam went still. “I love you, you bloody idiot. I mean, I love him, but I fucking love you.”
“Not that. I know that.” Liam smiled, eyes twinkling. “We’ve got an audience.”
Spike looked up. Lindsey was fidgeting in the doorway, face pink. He visibly braced himself when Spike jerked his head with a smile, telling him to get over to the couch, and sat down on Spike’s other side, like he wanted to put distance between him and Liam. Liam must have thought the same thing, because he started to get up, but Spike grabbed his hand, pulling him back down. “Think this concerns all of us, luv.”
Liam took a deep breath then looked at Lindsey. “I’m sorry, man. I went too far. I wasn’t thinking.”
Spike could swear Lindsey looked a little disappointed. “Okay. So… we’re not there?”
Liam looked confused. Spike just patted his knee. “I’ll explain later, pet.” He turned to Lindsey. “I’m a bit worried, that’s all. Think we’re all feeling a bit tense, might not be making the best decisions.”
Lindsey bit his lip. He nodded. “Yeah. Sure. I mean, I don’t want things getting weird. Between us. Or you two.”
“‘Cause they might,” Spike said, keeping his voice low and warm, hoping not to spook him more than he already was.
“Yeah, man. Fuck, might all blow up in our faces which would be… I’d hate that. Really. But…” Lindsey gazed at him, eyes dark and desperate. “I’m there. You know? You guys, you’re killing me. Spike, when we… And you, with your… fucking caveman act, man!” Lindsey waved at Liam. “Driving me up the wall. I’ve never wanted anything more in my whole life.”
His eyes suddenly went comically wide. “Shit. Hold on.” He stood up and hauled his phone out of his pocket, punching it with shaky fingers. “Hey. Hey, babe. Listen…” He gave them an apologetic wave and disappeared into the kitchen.
Spike looked at Liam. “So…”
“So.” The slow grin was almost predatory. “Don’t try and lie, you want him.”
“I’ve wanted him since the first time he got me drunk, and I found out no one flirts like a bloody Texan. That’s not the point,” Spike said patiently.
Liam sobered. “I know. But it’s relevant.”
“Sure, it’s all relevant. More relevant though, we do this, what about after?” Spike bit his lip. “You’re a bloody jealous bastard, pet. Weren’t that long ago you drank yourself stupid, ‘cause you thought I was sleeping with him. And we two weren’t even dating then.”
Liam looked away. “I know. I know. I just wanted you so much, and thinking of you with someone else... It ate at me.”
“So this is probably not a good idea,” Spike pointed out. He couldn’t help feeling slightly disappointed even if he knew it was for the best. He’d had Lindsey itching under his skin for months. Having him within his reach only to let him go again…
“But now… Now, I’ve got you. And I trust you. And…” Liam took a deep breath, his cheeks pink. “Watching you two these last few weeks…” He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again they were dark and heated. “Every time you kiss, only thing I can think of is… more. I want to see more.”
Spike swallowed. “You just wanna watch us?”
Liam shook his head. “No. I need to touch at least you, can’t say about him just yet. I like the kissing, I just don’t know about… Not sure he’d want me to, anyway.”
“Alright.” Spike took a deep breath. “I think we need to set some boundaries. Like, no penetration. Not this time anyway.” As he said it the image of Lindsey spread beneath him, flushed and naked, flashed before his eyes, and he had to breathe deep to keep from groaning out loud.
Liam must have been picturing something similar, because his eyes went dark but he nodded. “Okay. How about mouths?”
They both went silent, Spike envisioning Lindsey on his knees, gazing up at him with those startling blue eyes as he leaned forward… He swallowed and licked his lips. Liam’s heavy eyes followed the movement, and Spike was suddenly dying to know what he was picturing. Spike sucking Lindsey off maybe, while Liam thrust into Lindsey’s mouth. And now that image was in Spike’s head! Christ, if they kept this up he was gonna come without anyone touching him.
“I think, I think I’d be alright with mouths if you are,” he said, clearing his throat as his voice was noticeably hoarse.
“Depends who’s doing who. I’m not sucking him off.” Liam squirmed when Spike gave him a concerned look. “It’s not… I just…” He looked away. “I’m just not.”
“Hey, no need to explain,” Spike said quickly. “First rule, no one does anything they’re not comfortable with. Or has anything done to them they’re not comfortable with. Alright?”
“Shit, we’re actually doing this?”
Spike looked up to find Lindsey standing in the doorway, putting away his phone, face flushed. “Could be, if we’re all on board. What did Faith say?”
“‘Take pictures!’ I’m not gonna!” Lindsey hurried to add, seeing the look on Liam’s face. “Relax. But she was…way more into it than I’d imagined.”
“She really told you to go for it?” Liam sounded shocked although Spike had to say he wasn’t surprised.
“Her words: ‘Next time we’re all together, you guys better put on a show.’” Lindsey shifted on his feet, flushed and grinning.
“That can be arranged,” Spike said, grinning back, before turning serious. “You hear what we were talking about? Boundaries? No fucking, for now, you good with that?” Lindsey nodded, his cheeks adorably pink. “Okay. Good. So…”
“I need a minute,” Liam said, jumping to his feet. “You get started. I’ll… I just need a minute.”
“We can wait,” Spike said slowly. “Pet, you alright?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. Just need…” He sucked in his breath. “You get started, and I’ll join you.”
“Liam,” Spike said, standing up as well. “We’re not doing this if you’re not comfortable.”
“I’m comfortable!” Liam closed his eyes, and when he opened them again they were dark with lust. “Fuck, I want this. But I need… I don’t want to go all caveman on you. Again. And right now I’m… not exactly in control. So, if you don’t mind, I’d rather just watch for now and then join in. Maybe.”
Spike looked over at Lindsey, whose face was deep red, but his eyes were flashing heat. “I’m okay with that. I’ve seen you watching us kiss,” Lindsey told Liam, smirking. “Looked like you were enjoying that well enough.”
“I do.” Liam shoved his hands into the pocket of his jeans. “A lot.”
“Okay.” Lindsey squared his shoulders and gave Spike a smile. “You and me. Ready, darling?”
And there was that southern charm, the charm that had been teasing Spike for so damn long. And fuck yeah, was he ready. He stood up and offered Lindsey his hand. Lindsey pulled him in and kissed him, hot and needy, enough to have Spike gasping for breath. Shit, they were really doing this! He had to force his eyes open to shoot a glance at Liam, who was watching them with eyes dark as night, lips parted, softly panting.
“Bed,” Spike managed to gasp, and then they were stumbling to the bedroom, stopping every couple of steps to make out. Spike hesitated a moment when it came to stepping across the threshold, after all this was Liam’s room, and Liam’s bed, even if they were going to share it from now on. But then Liam was behind him, arms sneaking around Spike’s waist to pop the buttons on his jeans, one by one.
“Decided to join in after all?” Spike breathed out, grinning at Lindsey, who was pouting at not being first getting into Spike’s pants. He made up for it by sliding his hands under Spike’s t-shirt, his warm calloused fingers making Spike shiver as they ran over his skin.
“Just helping you along,” Liam answered, voice husky and a little out of breath. Spike tipped his head back and to the side, seeking a kiss from the more than welcome backseat driver, and Liam accepted it greedily, kissing him hard and deep, before stepping back and moving over to sit in the chair in the corner, that was for once not covered in clothes. “Go on.”
“Thanks for the permission,” Lindsey huffed. “Now, how ‘bout you get some of those clothes off, pretty boy?”
“Oh, you’ve offended him,” Spike told Liam, laughing, before smirking at Lindsey. “Don’t worry, cowboy, I’m all yours.” He glanced over at Liam and gave him a wink. “For now.”
“Jesus, stop talking,” Lindsey said, exasperated and pulled him in for another kiss, his hand slipping down the back of Spike’s jeans, cupping his ass. “Fuck, your skin is so damn smooth. Didn’t expect that.”
“What, you think I’d be hairy all over like a bloody gorilla?” Spike didn’t know whether to laugh or feel insulted. “Next you’ll be telling me I’m soft like a lady.”
“Well, if the shoe fits,” Lindsey said. He was struggling to pull Spike’s shirt over his head. “C’mon, darling, off, off, off!”
“This is like the worst striptease I’ve ever seen,” Liam said, the rough tone of his voice a contrast to his words. “Linds, take off your own damn clothes and let Spike work his.”
“No, wait,” Spike said quickly as Lindsey reluctantly let Spike go, like just the thought of not touching him somewhere was driving him crazy. “Let me do this first.” And he sank to his knees, looking up at Lindsey’s startled face with a grin before getting to work on loosening the ridiculously large belt buckle and the straining button of Lindsey’s jeans. He could feel Lindsey’s cock pushing against the clothed boundaries and paused to blow hot air on the soft cotton of his underwear, grinning when he heard Lindsey whimper above him.
“Fuck, man, you… Oh Jesus.”
A warm hand came to rest upon Spike’s head, and he was glad he’d had time to grow the hair out a bit before they did this because Lindsey’s strong fingers running through his curls was enough to make him huff out another breath, lips wet as he mouthed Lindsey’s bulge, flicking his tongue out to lick it damp. Above him, Lindsey kept cursing and praising him in turn, fingers entangling in Spike’s hair, tugging almost painfully. God, yeah.
He ran his hands up Lindsey’s thighs, hooking his fingers in the waistband of his jeans and dragging them down to Lindsey’s knees, the weight of the belt pulling them the rest of the way, until they lay pooling around his ankles. He was still wearing his boots but one quirked look into those desperate blue eyes, and Lindsey was kicking them off and the jeans with them. He’d taken off his shirt at some point while Spike was busy, but he was still wearing a grey t-shirt, soaked with sweat under the arms and in a trail down his chest. When Spike raised his eyebrow, Lindsey seemed to hesitate a moment, but then he pulled the t-shirt over his head in one swift motion, then stood tense, as if waiting for their judgement.
Oh wow.
Lindsey’s chest and biceps were covered in tattoos, strange symbols and signs that Spike didn’t recognize but looked native. He rose slowly to his feet, silently asking permission as he reached out. Lindsey nodded. His face was tense, a combination of stubborn pride and wary apprehension. Spike ran his fingertips over the tattoos on Lindsey’s chest, trailing the curves and lines with wonder. Lindsey sucked in his breath. Spike saw out of the corner of his eye how Liam leaned forward, and he stepped out of the light to allow Liam a better view before giving Lindsey a questioning look.
“It’s to honor my Cherokee heritage,” Lindsey said, sounding defensive, like he’d heard every insult and derogatory term out there and was waiting for them to be thrown at him. “Used to have braids, but I had to cut my hair short when I joined the academy. I’m growing it out again.”
“You never said,” Spike whispered, still awestruck. The tattoos were beautiful, but knowing their significance made them even more magnificent. And hot. Jesus, they were hot! “Fuck, luv, look at you! Can I lick them?” he asked hungrily.
Lindsey blinked. “Uh, yeah. Faith does it all the time. She has a kink.” He blushed.
“For good reason,” Spike murmured absentmindedly, running his hands down Lindsey’s arms before leaning in and swirling his tongue along the pattern of the tattoo on Lindsey’s right pec, allowing himself a little detour to flick the tip of his tongue against the hard nipple. Lindsey shivered, his skin breaking out in goosebumps. “Lie down,” Spike said, pushing him gently toward the bed. “Gonna get a crick in my neck.”
Lindsey hurried to sit down, swinging his legs up and scooting over to the middle before laying down on his back, legs parted. He seemed a little lost, a little unsure, and Spike had to remind himself that this was Lindsey’s first time. And God, that shouldn’t be as hot as it was. He quickly stripped off the rest of his own clothes and crawled onto the bed between Lindsey’s legs, feeling like a predator about to pounce on his prey, with the way Lindsey kept staring at him, his eyes wide and mouth open. He suddenly understood Liam’s hesitation, his fear that he wouldn’t be able to control himself, because Lindsey’s (relative) innocence was intoxicating.
“You can keep your pants on for now, pet, if you prefer,” he said, keeping his voice low and soothing and trying to quell the hunger he was sure could be seen in his eyes. “Take it nice and slow.”
Lindsey looked down at himself, blinking, like he hadn’t realized he was still wearing his underwear. Then he quickly tugged them down, releasing his cock that sprang up, thick and gorgeous like the rest of him. “Fuck slow,” he said but his breath was coming fast and when Spike helped him pull the underwear the rest of the way off, his feet twitched, like they were thinking of running.
“I like slow,” Spike said and smiled, crawling back up to place his hands on either side of Lindsey’s head, hovering above him. “I like kissing, and licking and sucking.” He lowered his body until his dick slid along Lindsey’s in a wet trail of precum and sweat. “And touching.”
Lindsey’s eyes widened, cheeks flushing red. “Fuck,” he whispered.
Spike laughed quietly. “Yeah, that too,” he agreed. “But we’re not doing that. Boundaries,” he reminded him when he saw a glimpse of disappointment in Lindsey’s eyes. “But we did say okay to mouths.” And he slid down again, settling between Lindsey’s legs, pausing only a moment for dramatic effect before licking a path up his cock.
Lindsey’s sharp inhale was echoed on the other side of the room, and Spike wasn’t surprised to hear the distinct sound of a zipper being pulled down. Knowing Liam was watching them, that he was getting off on it, wasn’t constricting or embarrassing like he’d thought it would be. Instead it made him want to show off all his tricks, show Lindsey what he’d been missing.
He lay on his stomach, knees bent, raised himself up on his elbows and got to work. Lindsey’s cock was shorter than Liam’s but slightly thicker, a nice handful that would be a stretch for his throat, he calculated. He sucked and licked with enthusiasm, twirling his tongue around the head, loving Lindsey’s open moans and loud curses, so different from Liam’s suppressed whimpers. He looked forward to luring Liam out of that restrictive cage, to hear him groan, and moan and shout as Spike fucked him silly.
Spike threw Liam a glance, grinning when he saw he was stroking himself, mouth open, eyes burning with desire. Probably wouldn’t take much to get him to move over to the bed and join in. Spike took a deep breath, relaxed as best he could and swallowed Lindsey down to the hilt. Lindsey shouted, and probably would have come if Spike hadn’t swiftly circled the base of his cock with his thumb and index finger, tight enough to stave it off. Barely. Then worked his throat, swallowing repeatedly as Lindsey cried and cursed above him, fingers tight in his hair, until lack of oxygen became an issue.
He pulled off, ignoring Lindsey’s protests, catching his breath then crawled up the bed to lie down beside Lindsey, running his fingers lazily over his tattoos. Lindsey was whimpering, hips thrusting desperately in search for more friction. Spike guessed Lindsey had been seconds from coming, which meant he’d better take a break or this would be over way too soon.
“Liam, pet, come over here,” Spike said, patting the bed on Lindsey’s other side. Liam seemed to hesitate so he added, “Don’t have to do anything, just need a snog.”
Liam stood up. His pants were open, cock out and proud, and Spike couldn’t help licking his lips despite having just had Lindsey’s dick in his mouth. It wasn’t the same. Besides, after all the months of celibacy, now they were finally having regular sex, he was addicted to Liam’s dick.
“Kit off?” he asked Liam, giving him his best puppy eyes look.
Liam huffed and rolled his eyes, but he stripped none the same, taking his sweet time about it while Spike continued running his fingers over Lindsey’s tattoos. Lindsey was staring at Liam, mesmerized, eyes dark with hunger, lips parted as he panted softly. When Liam was finally naked, he walked over and slipped into bed, lying on his side so he and Spike were bracketing Lindsey. Spike eagerly leaned over for his kiss which was soft at first but quickly became deeper, hungrier. Liam’s large hand came down to grip Spike’s hip tight, as if to steady himself or possibly keep himself from crushing Lindsey. Spike could literally feel the bruises forming under Liam’s strong fingers and, damn, why did that make him whimper with need?
“Fuck, look at you two,” Lindsey whispered.
Spike and Liam pulled apart to gaze down at him, noticing the blown pupils, the slight flaring of the nostrils, the prominent flush. They shared a quick look, Spike grinning when Liam’s eyes turned positively feral before descending on their prey, kissing, licking and sucking their way down either side of Lindsey’s neck. Lindsey gasped, arching off the bed, as if trying to give them as much access as he could manage. When they moved to bite down where his neck met his shoulders he cried out, and only Liam’s quick reflexes, grabbing a crushing hold around the base of Lindsey’s cock, kept him from coming. That was twice in only a few minutes. Guess he was more worked up than they’d realized.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Lindsey’s heart was beating so fast, Spike could feel his pulse thrumming under his tongue as he licked over the pink dents made by his teeth, right over the jugular. “You’re fucking killing me!”
“Soon, pet,” Spike promised and chuckled. “Just want to have a little more fun first.”
He continued licking, and kissing and nibbling his way down Lindsey’s chest and stomach, aware of Liam mirroring his action on the other side, but as he was about to move over to swallow Lindsey’s cock, he was suddenly nudged aside, and Liam took it in his own mouth, stealing it right from under his nose.
Well, look at that, mister ‘I’m-not-sucking-him-off’! Spike snorted and ran his fingers through Liam’s hair, sucking in his breath when Liam looked up, eyes dark and cheeks flushed, spit-slick lips stretched around Lindsey’s cock. “Bloody hell, look at you,” Spike breathed. “So damn hot, luv. Christ!”
Lindsey’s whimper seemed to imply he agreed. Spike forced his gaze away from the live porn show and slid back up the bed to crush Lindsey’s lips, sucking in his tongue and swallowing his moans as he started to shake and finally arched off the bed, shouting into Spike’s mouth as he came into Liam’s.
To Liam’s credit he took it like a pro, not even grimacing as he licked from his lips what he hadn’t manage to swallow. He crawled up the bed and rolled over on his back, blinking up at the ceiling, panting slightly. Spike gave an almost comatose Lindsey an extra kiss before crawling over him to straddle Liam, a wicked grin on his face.
“Think we killed him, luv.”
Liam glanced over at Lindsey who waved a limp hand to show he was still alive, if barely. “Nah, only drained him a little. He should be good for another round soon enough.” They both grinned when Lindsey just whimpered.
Liam ran his hands up Spike’s thighs, the warmth of them making Spike shiver as they settled around his waist, thumbs stroking his hipbones. Spike gazed down at Liam, at the slightly swollen lips, the drop of cum he’d missed on his chin, the eyes roaming hungrily over Spike’s body as he licked his lips, like he couldn’t decide where to latch on first. Spike could feel Liam’s cock swaying behind him, tip only just touching the small of his back, painting it wet with precum. And suddenly he knew exactly what he wanted, boundaries be damned.
“Lindsey, know what we agreed on but you alright with me riding Liam’s cock right the fuck now, mate?”
Liam looked up, surprise written all over his face. His eyes flickered toward Lindsey, who seemed to have stopped breathing but was nodding enthusiastically, before settling back on Spike, pupils blown wide. He didn’t ask Spike if he was sure, just reached with a practiced move for the bedside table, pulling the drawer open and finding the lube and a condom, eyes never leaving Spike’s face.
“Like this?” was all he asked and Spike just nodded, the thought of riding Liam’s cock while gazing down at him and Lindsey lying side by side on the bed, possibly making out if Spike had any say, being too tantalizing to put to words.
He leaned forward and closed his eyes as Liam reached behind him and started careful preparations. He always felt a little embarrassed about the squelching sounds wet fingers made when pushed into him, and even more of how his face showed every ounce of discomfort and pleasure he was feeling, not to mention the sounds he himself couldn’t help making. Liam was using plenty of lube, probably as a learning opportunity for Lindsey, rather than any worry about Spike’s fragility. They’d done this far too many times for that to be an issue. From the ragged breathing Spike could hear beside them on the bed, Lindsey seemed to be paying rapt attention, although Spike doubted he was taking in much more than ‘Hot! Want!’
When Liam finally pulled out his fingers, Spike was panting, his thighs trembling from holding himself up to give Liam better access. He straightened up and opened his eyes to find both Liam and Lindsey staring up at him, equally enraptured. Lindsey was halfway to hard again which was no small feat, considering how intensely he’d come less than ten minutes ago. Liam grabbed a good hold of Spike’s hips, to help him lift himself up, then slipped one hand between Spike’s thighs and positioned his cock. Spike sucked in his breath when he felt the tip nudge its way in. Slowly he lowered himself down, groaning as he was filled, and filled, and filled. Oh God. Spike threw back his head, moaning loudly as he fought to adjust. Every time, every goddamn time, the size of Liam’s cock took him by surprise. Jesus!
“Okay?” Liam asked, sounding strained.
“Mhmm. Just a minute, pet.” Spike took a few deep breaths, squirming slightly to get more comfortable, grinning when it made Liam groan. Then he raised himself up on his knees and lowered himself down again. Yes! Bloody hell, that was good!
He set a slow pace, giving no mind to Liam’s pleading moans, begging him to move a little faster, “Please, baby, you’re killing me!”
Spike smirked down at him. “Maybe if you give me something pretty to look at, I’ll speed it up a bit.”
He quirked his eyebrow and nudged his head at Lindsey who was stroking himself with growing results, breathing heavily as he watched their exchange. Liam frowned but then understanding obviously dawned because he grinned and reached over, grabbing Lindsey by the neck and pulling him in, licking his way into his panting mouth.
Good as his word Spike picked up speed, bracing himself on Liam’s chest to keep balance as he fucked himself on Liam’s dick. God almighty, it was good! And damn, watching the two of them making out, Lindsey stripping his cock while Liam worked his hips like he was trying to drill his dick into Spike’s stomach… He wasn’t going to last long.
Lindsey rolled over on his side, propping himself up on his elbow, and reached over to stroke Spike’s dick while rutting his own cock against Liam’s hip. That did the trick. Spike shouted as he came all over Liam’s chest and Lindsey’s hand, before collapsing boneless on top of the whole mess.
Liam groaned, saying, “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” as he kept thrusting, jerking Spike with every move. Then he suddenly went quiet, not even breathing, before going limp with a violent shudder.
Lindsey was still rubbing against Liam’s hip, mouthing Liam’s throat, so Spike decided to return the favor from earlier, reaching blindly for Lindsey’s cock. He hardly had time to touch it, before Lindsey was groaning, covering Spike’s hand in come.
Spike smiled and wiped his hand half-heartedly off on Lindsey’s hip, feeling too exhausted to care much about the mess. Liam was mumbling something about Spike being heavy and being covered in come but Spike closed his eyes and stopped listening.
---------------
“Is he snoring?” Lindsey huffed, even if he was looking half comatose himself.
“Think we wore him out,” Liam said, smiling softly. He gently eased Spike off him, until he was lying curled up by his side, arm slung over Liam’s waist, still fast asleep. Liam kissed him on the forehead before turning his head to look at Lindsey who averted his eyes, looking awkward all of a sudden. Liam’s heart sank. “Hey, you alright? I know that was more than we agreed on.”
Lindsey looked up, startled. “What? Jesus, yeah. Damn, man. I mean, that was… Fuck. And you two, watching you… Faith’s gonna be so jealous she missed this.”
Liam chuckled. He didn’t quite get how those two worked. How could she not mind? “But you’re alright? No sexual identity crisis coming up?”
Lindsey shrugged. “I think we’ve pretty much established I’m not straight. Don’t have the energy to figure out much more at the moment.”
“But?”
“But nothing.” Liam raised his eyebrows and Lindsey blushed. “I just ain’t sure what happens now, I guess.” He raised his hand as if to rub his face, then stopped, looked at his hand and rubbed his fingers together. They slid easily, smeared with come, both his own and Spike’s. Lindsey blinked, like he had no idea how he felt about that.
Liam hesitated. “We - well, I at least - would love for you to stay the night, but I get if you’d rather go home to your lady.”
“She’s out with some girlfriends,” Lindsey said absently. “Possibly sex girlfriends, she hadn’t decided.” He shrugged when Liam stared at him. “I guess we have a very unconventional relationship? Sometimes she sends me pictures…” He cleared his throat. “But I should probably get home.” He didn’t really sound like he wanted to though. Or had the energy.
Liam leaned over as much as he could without disturbing Spike, and kissed Lindsey, keeping it slow and lazy but still hot enough that Lindsey’s eyes were slightly glazed over when Liam let him go. “Stay. Spike loves morning blowjobs.”
Lindsey swallowed. “Giving or getting?”
“Both.” Liam smirked. “He’s not picky.”
Lindsey licked his lips. “I guess I can stay.”
“Good.” He patted Lindsey’s cheek lightly. “Now be a good boy and go fetch the flannel in the bathroom, help me clean up most of this mess or we’re gonna feel really disgusting tomorrow.”
He grinned as Lindsey stumbled out of bed on shaky legs, eager to comply. Seemed Faith had him well trained. Or maybe, and that offered up so many delicious possibilities, Lindsey had a submissive streak he might not even be aware of. Spike was many things, but he was far from submissive. And Liam had to admit he sometimes missed being a toppy bastard.
Lindsey came back, hovering awkwardly by the bed, so Liam took the flannel from his hand and cleaned up what he could reach of himself and then Spike’s hand that was sticky with come. Spike was lying mostly on his stomach, so he’d just have to sleep in his own gunk. Man, he was gonna be pissy about that come morning. Lindsey had already washed himself, so Liam threw the flannel back when he was done, noticing Lindsey didn’t even flinch at handling a cloth covered in come, only some of it his own. It implied he was a lot more comfortable with the whole thing than Liam had thought he would be.
Liam patted the bed when Lindsey returned from the bathroom and Lindsey slid in beside him. From his glances at Spike, Liam guessed Lindsey would have preferred lying pressed up to him, but the bed was only so big and unless they rolled Spike over to the middle, this arrangement would have to do.
“Our breath is gonna be so foul tomorrow morning,” Liam muttered, far too tired to do anything about it. Plus, Spike’s toiletries were still in a box somewhere and Liam didn’t have a spare brush to offer Lindsey.
“Deadly,” Lindsey agreed.
He lay a little stiff, still a little unsure it seemed, so Liam rolled over on his side, slow enough not to wake Spike, whose limp hand slipped along with the roll and landed in what would have been a very interesting place, if Liam hadn’t been so spent already. Liam wrapped his arm around Lindsey and pulled him closer, back against his chest. He kissed Lindsey’s neck, noting that there were still faint marks where Liam had bitten him earlier. Looked like there might even be a small bruise come morning. And damn that shouldn’t make him feel so pleased. Spike was right, he was a possessive bastard.
Slowly Lindsey relaxed, his hand coming up to cover Liam’s where it rested on his chest. “One of us is gonna roll off the bed sometime during the night,” he huffed.
Liam chuckled. “Well, it’s not gonna be me, so I’m not worried.”
“Fucker.”
“Next time,” Liam promised and smiled when he felt Lindsey shiver in his arms. Oh, this was gonna be fun.
---------------
“No. We’re gonna mess him up.” But Spike was smiling a little, as if the thought entertained him.
“No, no. Hear me out,” Liam said, waving his fork for emphasis. They were eating spaghetti Bolognese, still the only food Spike knew how to make properly, although he had tried his hand at a couple of other recipes with less than stellar outcome. “We start slow. Just a few pats on the head, calling him a good boy every now and then. See what happens.”
“You are so evil,” Spike snorted, rolling a perfect fork of spaghetti and popping it in his mouth. “But really,” he said after he’d swallowed. “We have to set some rules. Like Lindsey and Faith, they are, apparently, in an open relationship. Anything goes. Is that what we want?”
The hot feeling of jealousy took Liam by surprise. Seems he was still a possessive bastard, just open to… exceptions. “No. I do not want that. And we’re not adding Faith, no matter how much she wants to,” he thought he’d better clarify.
“God, no.” Spike shuddered. “Once was traumatic enough.”
Liam head snapped up. “You slept with Faith?”
Spike rolled his eyes. “No, you wanker! A girl. I slept with a girl. When I was sixteen or something. Young and bloody stupid anyway. Not looking to repeat the experience. I mean, she was nice enough but afterwards it felt … like a violation. Of both of us.”
“Oh.”
He’d slept with a few women himself, when he couldn’t get out of the situation without looking suspicious. Going to a bar with the guys… Firemen were always popular with the ladies. And sometimes… A hot woman throws herself at a single man, he says no, people start speculating. Somehow Billy had always managed to dodge the problem, despite being young and handsome, and he never understood Liam’s reasoning for why he couldn’t do the same. He’d just felt hurt and betrayed and …
“Hey. Hey. Pet? Where you go just now?”
Liam blinked back to the present. Spike was gazing at him, worried, looking suddenly so much like Billy, Liam couldn’t stand it. He threw his fork down and jumped to his feet, fleeing the room.
Spike came to find him in the living room, staring out the window. “What’s wrong?” he asked, rubbing Liam’s back. “And don’t say nothing ‘cause you don’t cry for nothing, luv.”
Liam reached up and hastily wiped his face with his fingers. He hadn’t even noticed. “I cheated on Billy,” he admitted, lump in his throat. “With, with women. Because they came on to me with the guys watching, and I was afraid… I was afraid.” He swallowed, but the lump refused to go away. “But I hated it. And since none of them ever came back for more, I’m guessing I was lousy.” He closed his eyes, unable to meet Spike’s in the mirrored reflection. “Billy got so hurt, every time. He didn’t understand… I mean, fuck, of course he didn’t. It was just fear. I was just scared. I was so damn scared, all the time. And I hurt him, again and again. And then … then I killed him.”
His face crumpled. He would never be able to make it right. Never. And here he was, living with someone else, like he deserved it. He didn’t. He didn’t deserve Spike, he didn’t deserve Spike’s love, he didn’t deserve feeling happy. Not after what he did.
Spike moved in front of him, gazing up at him with worried eyes. “Liam, you’ve got to stop this. It’s eating you up, this bloody guilt. You need to talk to someone.”
He shook his head. “I can’t. I can’t because…”
“What? People will know you’re gay?” Spike stroked his cheek, the thumb sliding easily over the tears still trickling. “You already came out, luv.”
Liam shook his head. “Because it was my fault. I’m responsible. And I can’t… I know I’m a coward, but I can’t do it. I can’t face people looking at me, knowing what I did, judging me. I know I deserve it but I just… I can’t.”
“The blokes already know you and Billy were together, right? I mean, it came up when you came out, right?” Spike said, sounding confused.
Liam couldn’t open his eyes, couldn’t look at him. “They know there was something, but they don’t…” He hitched his breath. “They don’t know how I treated him. The cheating, the way I kept turning my back on him… They don’t know we were together when he died. I think, I think they think we were broken up, and that’s why I didn’t say anything when Larry outed him. None of them have asked, and I can’t… Spike, I can’t tell them. Please, don’t make me tell them.”
Spike held him tight as he cried. He didn’t say anything, just stroked Liam’s back and hummed soothingly in his ear. Liam clutched him to his chest, probably hard enough to hurt, but Spike didn’t complain, he just waited until Liam was cried out, breath coming in shivering gasps.
Then he said quietly, “You need to talk to someone. I mean it. I’m scared, luv. I’m bloody terrified I’ll walk in here one day and find you the way you found him. I know, I know,” he hastily added when Liam set to protest. “You think you would never, but depression is a deceptive bitch, and sometimes she fucks you over when you least expect it. And I don’t ever want that to happen to you.” He squeezed Liam tighter. “That time you called me, that wasn’t the first time something like that happened, was it?”
Fuck. Liam pulled himself free from Spike’s arms. “Of course it was.”
“Liam.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about this. Can we not talk about this?”
“I think we need to. Was it?”
Liam swallowed. “No.”
Spike took a deep breath, but he didn’t seem surprised. “More than once?” he asked, voice soft and gentle.
Liam walked over to the couch and sat down, suddenly so tired. Spike came and sat beside him, arm tight around his shoulders, and Liam leaned into it. “Yeah,” he said, voice rough. “A few times. Once I called a hotline. And once, once Gunn. The other times… I don’t remember. Think I just passed out drunk before I could go through with it. I woke up, somehow, so it doesn’t matter.” He shook his head, forced a smile. “Anyway, it’s all in the past. I’ve got you now.”
Spike closed his eyes briefly before fixing them on Liam. Liam could feel him trembling. “And that’s why you need to talk to someone. Cause you’re putting an awful lot of weight on my shoulders, luv, and that’s not fair. You should talk to someone about that too, while you’re at it.”
“Like you’re the token of good mental health!” Liam snapped, regretting it as soon as the words left his mouth. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
Spike shook his head. He didn’t even look angry, which only made Liam feel worse. “No, you’re right. But I am actually talking to someone to help me better deal with it. And now I’m asking you to do the same. If not for you then for me. Cause if I come home one day and find you’ve blown your bloody brains out, I’ll fucking kill you.” He bit his lip. “And then I might just follow.”
Liam stared at him. “Are you fucking kidding me? You threatening me with a suicide pact?”
Spike frowned, then shrugged. “Guess I am. Is it working?”
“No! I mean, yes!” he sputtered. His heart was hammering in his chest at just the thought of Spike… Oh God. “I can’t believe… Fuck you, man! That is not healthy!”
“And that’s why I’m in therapy,” Spike said, smiling a little but it looked too tired to reassure Liam one bit. “I’m not kidding, pet. I’m not exactly at my most stable, after everything that’s happened. I can’t promise being alright with you topping yourself. You break me, I’ll break you, dead or not. How you like that weight on your shoulders?”
Liam put his head in his hands. “I’d say I hate you, but you might just kill yourself,” he said bitterly.
“Well, at least we’re joking about it,” Spike said. He actually sounded a little amused but when Liam raised his head to glare at him his face was serious. “How about a life pact instead? An I’m-gonna-live-my-life-the-best-way-I-can pact? A let’s-try-our-best-not-to-hurt-each-other-with-our-mutual-stupidity pact? An I-promise-to-ask-for-help-if-I-ever-feel-it’s-getting-to-be-too-much pact?”
Liam found himself smiling despite everything. “Mutual stupidity?”
“Well, different levels, but yeah,” Spike said, grinning when Liam chuckled. “Can I ask you something?”
Liam nodded even if the serious look in Spike’s eyes made him apprehensive.
“Just now, before you ran off from dinner, you looked at me like… You still see Billy, don’t you, when you look at me?”
Liam thought about lying but what was the use. “Sometimes. When I’m thinking about him, and suddenly you’re there and… for a moment it’s like he never left, and then I remember.” He looked away. “It’s not that I want him back more than I want you. It’s just… I wish he was still alive. Still around.” He looked back at Spike, who was watching him, guarded. “That he was living his life, happy. Away from me. I never wish I didn’t have you.”
“Ever wish you had the both of us?” Spike asked. He didn’t sound upset, more curious.
Liam hesitated. He’d had a few dirty dreams like that, except then they usually turned into nightmares with Billy dying, and Spike hating him. “I think, if I’m honest, it would be more trouble than I’m ready for.”
Spike laughed. “Or the hottest threesome you ever had,” he said, smiling.
“Hotter than the one we’ve already had?” Liam asked, trying and failing not to feel guilty for how hot indeed the picture Spike had conjured in his head was.
“Well, I’d technically be making out with myself so…yeah.”
“Oh believe me, you are nothing alike. He was actually cute.”
Spike gasped in mock outrage, then glared and poked Liam hard.
“Stop! Ow! You’re just as cute - Ow! - even cuter - Ow! - goddamn beautiful! Ow! Stop it!” Finally he tackled Spike and kissed him until he practically melted in his arms.
They were sitting back, catching their breath, when Spike said, “Problem still stands. Well, not problem. Situation. The Lindsey situation. How you wanna do this?”
Liam sighed. “What’s wrong with the way we’ve been doing it until now? Kissing, yes. Making out, yes. Sex, yes, as long as we talk about it first, and we’re all in on it.” Liam fixed his stare on Spike and grabbed his neck, hard. “I do not want to come home and walk in on you two fucking on our bed. Or anywhere else. We do that stuff together or not at all.”
“Okay, okay. Let go, you wanker!” Spike rubbed his neck, but the flush in his cheeks told Liam he hadn’t really disliked it. “What do we do if it turns serious?”
Liam blinked. “You think it might?” It hadn’t even occurred to him, not with Lindsey already having a girlfriend.
“I think he already likes us more than he realizes. Wants us more than he expected. If that want turns to need, not to mention love… we could be in trouble.” Spike shifted. “I love you, not him. I mean, I love him, but not like I love you. It’s fun, the whole threesome thing, but I’m not ready for a permanent triad.”
“Me neither. For one thing, we’d need a much larger bed.” He yelped when Spike punched his arm. “I’m joking. Although… Stop hitting me, I’m just talking about the bed! You whined for four days about the bump on your head from when you tumbled off. Plus, it’s been creaking an awful lot.”
“Okay, we can see about a bigger bed,” Spike conceded. “You sleep like a bloody starfish anyway. Limbs everywhere.”
“You cling like a monkey!” Liam shot back.
“It’s called snuggling, and you bloody love it.” Spike snuggled closer. “But, just to be clear, we’re not inviting anyone else?”
“Do you want to?” Liam asked, apprehensive.
“No.”
“Good.”
“Although if Billy Idol happened to stop by…”
Liam paused, his brain short circuiting for a moment. “We can cast a vote,” he finally said and only blushed a little when Spike burst out laughing.
Concluded here.
Author: felisblanco
Pairing: Liam/Spike, Lindsey/Faith, Lindsey/Spike/Liam
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 8102 words this part
Continued from here.
Spike sat frozen, watching them, his dick rock hard in his jeans. Liam had his hands in Lindsey’s hair, so tight it had to hurt, his body thrust up against him, leaving him hardly enough space to breathe. Lindsey was making desperate, hungry sounds, his hands fumbling at Liam’s waist, fingers curling into fists, tugging at Liam’s t-shirt, like he didn’t even know he was doing it. When Liam finally let him go they were both panting, and the air felt charged. Liam stepped back and looked over at Spike. “Now tell me I’m kidding.” Then he walked out.
Lindsey stared after him, heaving for breath, then turned to Spike, eyes blazing. “What the hell was that?”
Spike swallowed. “I think,” he said slowly, “we might have a bit of a problem.”
Lindsey straightened up. “As in?”
“As in you being a better kisser than either of us realized.”
Lindsey frowned, looking like he wasn’t sure whether to be insulted or not. Finally he settled on, “Why the hell is that a problem?”
Spike took a deep breath. “It’s a problem, luv, because bloody good kissers usually make for bloody good bed mates. And once your mind goes there…” He hesitated. Oh well. In for a penny, in for a pound. “I think we just went there.”
Lindsey blinked. His eyes went slightly unfocused for a moment, and his cheeks turned pink. He cleared his throat. “Uhm… huh.” Then he pushed off the wall and stumbled out.
Spike leaned back and breathed out. Fuck. Thing was, Liam wasn’t wrong. There’d been chemistry between him and Lindsey since the first time they got drunk together, and the only reason he’d held back was because of Liam. And because Lindsey was straight. Except turns out he wasn’t, and now Liam was practically pushing them together. All of them. Which was totally out of the blue and… Oh. Shit.
Just then Liam came up, hauling another bag of clothes and a box marked ‘PERSONAL’. “That’s the last of it except for some things locked up inside. Cowboy will have to get them out.”
Spike petted the couch beside him. “Luv, come here. We need to talk.”
For the first time Liam looked unsure. Like the trip down and up again had given him a little too much time to think. “I’m sorry,” he said with a sigh and sat down heavily by Spike’s side. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I saw you two at it, and something just… Fuck. I’m sorry.”
Spike kissed him lightly. “Don’t. We just need to talk it over, alright? Make sure we’re not doing anything for the wrong reasons.”
“Oh.” Liam breathed out. “I mean, yeah, of course. You… you asked him?”
“Let’s not talk about that now. Let’s talk about you, luv.”
Liam frowned. “Me? What about me?
“You just had a bloody huge fight with your dad.” Spike took Liam’s hand in his. “Is this about that? About proving something?”
To Liam’s credit he didn’t fly off the handle like he would have done just some months, even weeks ago. He did however go completely still before letting go of Spike’s hand and standing up, turning to the door. Spike jumped up and ran in front of him, blocking the exit. “Nuhuh, you’re not doing that. We’re talking this through.”
“Will…” Liam sighed and rubbed his face. “I just need a moment, alright? I wasn’t gonna run off. I just need to think a bit.”
“You can think in here. Plus, I think Lindsey is having a small freakout in the hallway, so maybe leave him to it, alright?”
Liam hesitated then turned around and sat back down. “I’m just… Yeah, maybe. It just didn’t occur to me,” he admitted. “I was angry, yeah, and then I saw you two, and suddenly I just… I just wanted you. Both of you. And I don’t know if one thing led to the other, I just know that I wasn’t angry anymore.”
“Okay. I get it, pet. Strong emotions and all that. It’s the same blood, running your head hot and puffing up your pecker.” He took a deep breath. “And I’m not gonna lie, we were getting a bit heated there. Never meant to, just sort of happened. Think our little Linds is finally growing up.” He felt relieved when Liam chuckled. “But it’s still new to him. And this…” He waved his hand between them. “Still pretty new as well. Not sure we’re ready to jump into threesomes just yet.”
Liam swallowed and nodded. “You’re right. No, you’re right, you’re right.” He rubbed his face. “You were just really, really hot, baby.”
“I know, luv. And he’s gorgeous. Been making me bloody stupid for months. Lust, not love,” he quickly clarified when Liam went still. “I love you, you bloody idiot. I mean, I love him, but I fucking love you.”
“Not that. I know that.” Liam smiled, eyes twinkling. “We’ve got an audience.”
Spike looked up. Lindsey was fidgeting in the doorway, face pink. He visibly braced himself when Spike jerked his head with a smile, telling him to get over to the couch, and sat down on Spike’s other side, like he wanted to put distance between him and Liam. Liam must have thought the same thing, because he started to get up, but Spike grabbed his hand, pulling him back down. “Think this concerns all of us, luv.”
Liam took a deep breath then looked at Lindsey. “I’m sorry, man. I went too far. I wasn’t thinking.”
Spike could swear Lindsey looked a little disappointed. “Okay. So… we’re not there?”
Liam looked confused. Spike just patted his knee. “I’ll explain later, pet.” He turned to Lindsey. “I’m a bit worried, that’s all. Think we’re all feeling a bit tense, might not be making the best decisions.”
Lindsey bit his lip. He nodded. “Yeah. Sure. I mean, I don’t want things getting weird. Between us. Or you two.”
“‘Cause they might,” Spike said, keeping his voice low and warm, hoping not to spook him more than he already was.
“Yeah, man. Fuck, might all blow up in our faces which would be… I’d hate that. Really. But…” Lindsey gazed at him, eyes dark and desperate. “I’m there. You know? You guys, you’re killing me. Spike, when we… And you, with your… fucking caveman act, man!” Lindsey waved at Liam. “Driving me up the wall. I’ve never wanted anything more in my whole life.”
His eyes suddenly went comically wide. “Shit. Hold on.” He stood up and hauled his phone out of his pocket, punching it with shaky fingers. “Hey. Hey, babe. Listen…” He gave them an apologetic wave and disappeared into the kitchen.
Spike looked at Liam. “So…”
“So.” The slow grin was almost predatory. “Don’t try and lie, you want him.”
“I’ve wanted him since the first time he got me drunk, and I found out no one flirts like a bloody Texan. That’s not the point,” Spike said patiently.
Liam sobered. “I know. But it’s relevant.”
“Sure, it’s all relevant. More relevant though, we do this, what about after?” Spike bit his lip. “You’re a bloody jealous bastard, pet. Weren’t that long ago you drank yourself stupid, ‘cause you thought I was sleeping with him. And we two weren’t even dating then.”
Liam looked away. “I know. I know. I just wanted you so much, and thinking of you with someone else... It ate at me.”
“So this is probably not a good idea,” Spike pointed out. He couldn’t help feeling slightly disappointed even if he knew it was for the best. He’d had Lindsey itching under his skin for months. Having him within his reach only to let him go again…
“But now… Now, I’ve got you. And I trust you. And…” Liam took a deep breath, his cheeks pink. “Watching you two these last few weeks…” He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again they were dark and heated. “Every time you kiss, only thing I can think of is… more. I want to see more.”
Spike swallowed. “You just wanna watch us?”
Liam shook his head. “No. I need to touch at least you, can’t say about him just yet. I like the kissing, I just don’t know about… Not sure he’d want me to, anyway.”
“Alright.” Spike took a deep breath. “I think we need to set some boundaries. Like, no penetration. Not this time anyway.” As he said it the image of Lindsey spread beneath him, flushed and naked, flashed before his eyes, and he had to breathe deep to keep from groaning out loud.
Liam must have been picturing something similar, because his eyes went dark but he nodded. “Okay. How about mouths?”
They both went silent, Spike envisioning Lindsey on his knees, gazing up at him with those startling blue eyes as he leaned forward… He swallowed and licked his lips. Liam’s heavy eyes followed the movement, and Spike was suddenly dying to know what he was picturing. Spike sucking Lindsey off maybe, while Liam thrust into Lindsey’s mouth. And now that image was in Spike’s head! Christ, if they kept this up he was gonna come without anyone touching him.
“I think, I think I’d be alright with mouths if you are,” he said, clearing his throat as his voice was noticeably hoarse.
“Depends who’s doing who. I’m not sucking him off.” Liam squirmed when Spike gave him a concerned look. “It’s not… I just…” He looked away. “I’m just not.”
“Hey, no need to explain,” Spike said quickly. “First rule, no one does anything they’re not comfortable with. Or has anything done to them they’re not comfortable with. Alright?”
“Shit, we’re actually doing this?”
Spike looked up to find Lindsey standing in the doorway, putting away his phone, face flushed. “Could be, if we’re all on board. What did Faith say?”
“‘Take pictures!’ I’m not gonna!” Lindsey hurried to add, seeing the look on Liam’s face. “Relax. But she was…way more into it than I’d imagined.”
“She really told you to go for it?” Liam sounded shocked although Spike had to say he wasn’t surprised.
“Her words: ‘Next time we’re all together, you guys better put on a show.’” Lindsey shifted on his feet, flushed and grinning.
“That can be arranged,” Spike said, grinning back, before turning serious. “You hear what we were talking about? Boundaries? No fucking, for now, you good with that?” Lindsey nodded, his cheeks adorably pink. “Okay. Good. So…”
“I need a minute,” Liam said, jumping to his feet. “You get started. I’ll… I just need a minute.”
“We can wait,” Spike said slowly. “Pet, you alright?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. Just need…” He sucked in his breath. “You get started, and I’ll join you.”
“Liam,” Spike said, standing up as well. “We’re not doing this if you’re not comfortable.”
“I’m comfortable!” Liam closed his eyes, and when he opened them again they were dark with lust. “Fuck, I want this. But I need… I don’t want to go all caveman on you. Again. And right now I’m… not exactly in control. So, if you don’t mind, I’d rather just watch for now and then join in. Maybe.”
Spike looked over at Lindsey, whose face was deep red, but his eyes were flashing heat. “I’m okay with that. I’ve seen you watching us kiss,” Lindsey told Liam, smirking. “Looked like you were enjoying that well enough.”
“I do.” Liam shoved his hands into the pocket of his jeans. “A lot.”
“Okay.” Lindsey squared his shoulders and gave Spike a smile. “You and me. Ready, darling?”
And there was that southern charm, the charm that had been teasing Spike for so damn long. And fuck yeah, was he ready. He stood up and offered Lindsey his hand. Lindsey pulled him in and kissed him, hot and needy, enough to have Spike gasping for breath. Shit, they were really doing this! He had to force his eyes open to shoot a glance at Liam, who was watching them with eyes dark as night, lips parted, softly panting.
“Bed,” Spike managed to gasp, and then they were stumbling to the bedroom, stopping every couple of steps to make out. Spike hesitated a moment when it came to stepping across the threshold, after all this was Liam’s room, and Liam’s bed, even if they were going to share it from now on. But then Liam was behind him, arms sneaking around Spike’s waist to pop the buttons on his jeans, one by one.
“Decided to join in after all?” Spike breathed out, grinning at Lindsey, who was pouting at not being first getting into Spike’s pants. He made up for it by sliding his hands under Spike’s t-shirt, his warm calloused fingers making Spike shiver as they ran over his skin.
“Just helping you along,” Liam answered, voice husky and a little out of breath. Spike tipped his head back and to the side, seeking a kiss from the more than welcome backseat driver, and Liam accepted it greedily, kissing him hard and deep, before stepping back and moving over to sit in the chair in the corner, that was for once not covered in clothes. “Go on.”
“Thanks for the permission,” Lindsey huffed. “Now, how ‘bout you get some of those clothes off, pretty boy?”
“Oh, you’ve offended him,” Spike told Liam, laughing, before smirking at Lindsey. “Don’t worry, cowboy, I’m all yours.” He glanced over at Liam and gave him a wink. “For now.”
“Jesus, stop talking,” Lindsey said, exasperated and pulled him in for another kiss, his hand slipping down the back of Spike’s jeans, cupping his ass. “Fuck, your skin is so damn smooth. Didn’t expect that.”
“What, you think I’d be hairy all over like a bloody gorilla?” Spike didn’t know whether to laugh or feel insulted. “Next you’ll be telling me I’m soft like a lady.”
“Well, if the shoe fits,” Lindsey said. He was struggling to pull Spike’s shirt over his head. “C’mon, darling, off, off, off!”
“This is like the worst striptease I’ve ever seen,” Liam said, the rough tone of his voice a contrast to his words. “Linds, take off your own damn clothes and let Spike work his.”
“No, wait,” Spike said quickly as Lindsey reluctantly let Spike go, like just the thought of not touching him somewhere was driving him crazy. “Let me do this first.” And he sank to his knees, looking up at Lindsey’s startled face with a grin before getting to work on loosening the ridiculously large belt buckle and the straining button of Lindsey’s jeans. He could feel Lindsey’s cock pushing against the clothed boundaries and paused to blow hot air on the soft cotton of his underwear, grinning when he heard Lindsey whimper above him.
“Fuck, man, you… Oh Jesus.”
A warm hand came to rest upon Spike’s head, and he was glad he’d had time to grow the hair out a bit before they did this because Lindsey’s strong fingers running through his curls was enough to make him huff out another breath, lips wet as he mouthed Lindsey’s bulge, flicking his tongue out to lick it damp. Above him, Lindsey kept cursing and praising him in turn, fingers entangling in Spike’s hair, tugging almost painfully. God, yeah.
He ran his hands up Lindsey’s thighs, hooking his fingers in the waistband of his jeans and dragging them down to Lindsey’s knees, the weight of the belt pulling them the rest of the way, until they lay pooling around his ankles. He was still wearing his boots but one quirked look into those desperate blue eyes, and Lindsey was kicking them off and the jeans with them. He’d taken off his shirt at some point while Spike was busy, but he was still wearing a grey t-shirt, soaked with sweat under the arms and in a trail down his chest. When Spike raised his eyebrow, Lindsey seemed to hesitate a moment, but then he pulled the t-shirt over his head in one swift motion, then stood tense, as if waiting for their judgement.
Oh wow.
Lindsey’s chest and biceps were covered in tattoos, strange symbols and signs that Spike didn’t recognize but looked native. He rose slowly to his feet, silently asking permission as he reached out. Lindsey nodded. His face was tense, a combination of stubborn pride and wary apprehension. Spike ran his fingertips over the tattoos on Lindsey’s chest, trailing the curves and lines with wonder. Lindsey sucked in his breath. Spike saw out of the corner of his eye how Liam leaned forward, and he stepped out of the light to allow Liam a better view before giving Lindsey a questioning look.
“It’s to honor my Cherokee heritage,” Lindsey said, sounding defensive, like he’d heard every insult and derogatory term out there and was waiting for them to be thrown at him. “Used to have braids, but I had to cut my hair short when I joined the academy. I’m growing it out again.”
“You never said,” Spike whispered, still awestruck. The tattoos were beautiful, but knowing their significance made them even more magnificent. And hot. Jesus, they were hot! “Fuck, luv, look at you! Can I lick them?” he asked hungrily.
Lindsey blinked. “Uh, yeah. Faith does it all the time. She has a kink.” He blushed.
“For good reason,” Spike murmured absentmindedly, running his hands down Lindsey’s arms before leaning in and swirling his tongue along the pattern of the tattoo on Lindsey’s right pec, allowing himself a little detour to flick the tip of his tongue against the hard nipple. Lindsey shivered, his skin breaking out in goosebumps. “Lie down,” Spike said, pushing him gently toward the bed. “Gonna get a crick in my neck.”
Lindsey hurried to sit down, swinging his legs up and scooting over to the middle before laying down on his back, legs parted. He seemed a little lost, a little unsure, and Spike had to remind himself that this was Lindsey’s first time. And God, that shouldn’t be as hot as it was. He quickly stripped off the rest of his own clothes and crawled onto the bed between Lindsey’s legs, feeling like a predator about to pounce on his prey, with the way Lindsey kept staring at him, his eyes wide and mouth open. He suddenly understood Liam’s hesitation, his fear that he wouldn’t be able to control himself, because Lindsey’s (relative) innocence was intoxicating.
“You can keep your pants on for now, pet, if you prefer,” he said, keeping his voice low and soothing and trying to quell the hunger he was sure could be seen in his eyes. “Take it nice and slow.”
Lindsey looked down at himself, blinking, like he hadn’t realized he was still wearing his underwear. Then he quickly tugged them down, releasing his cock that sprang up, thick and gorgeous like the rest of him. “Fuck slow,” he said but his breath was coming fast and when Spike helped him pull the underwear the rest of the way off, his feet twitched, like they were thinking of running.
“I like slow,” Spike said and smiled, crawling back up to place his hands on either side of Lindsey’s head, hovering above him. “I like kissing, and licking and sucking.” He lowered his body until his dick slid along Lindsey’s in a wet trail of precum and sweat. “And touching.”
Lindsey’s eyes widened, cheeks flushing red. “Fuck,” he whispered.
Spike laughed quietly. “Yeah, that too,” he agreed. “But we’re not doing that. Boundaries,” he reminded him when he saw a glimpse of disappointment in Lindsey’s eyes. “But we did say okay to mouths.” And he slid down again, settling between Lindsey’s legs, pausing only a moment for dramatic effect before licking a path up his cock.
Lindsey’s sharp inhale was echoed on the other side of the room, and Spike wasn’t surprised to hear the distinct sound of a zipper being pulled down. Knowing Liam was watching them, that he was getting off on it, wasn’t constricting or embarrassing like he’d thought it would be. Instead it made him want to show off all his tricks, show Lindsey what he’d been missing.
He lay on his stomach, knees bent, raised himself up on his elbows and got to work. Lindsey’s cock was shorter than Liam’s but slightly thicker, a nice handful that would be a stretch for his throat, he calculated. He sucked and licked with enthusiasm, twirling his tongue around the head, loving Lindsey’s open moans and loud curses, so different from Liam’s suppressed whimpers. He looked forward to luring Liam out of that restrictive cage, to hear him groan, and moan and shout as Spike fucked him silly.
Spike threw Liam a glance, grinning when he saw he was stroking himself, mouth open, eyes burning with desire. Probably wouldn’t take much to get him to move over to the bed and join in. Spike took a deep breath, relaxed as best he could and swallowed Lindsey down to the hilt. Lindsey shouted, and probably would have come if Spike hadn’t swiftly circled the base of his cock with his thumb and index finger, tight enough to stave it off. Barely. Then worked his throat, swallowing repeatedly as Lindsey cried and cursed above him, fingers tight in his hair, until lack of oxygen became an issue.
He pulled off, ignoring Lindsey’s protests, catching his breath then crawled up the bed to lie down beside Lindsey, running his fingers lazily over his tattoos. Lindsey was whimpering, hips thrusting desperately in search for more friction. Spike guessed Lindsey had been seconds from coming, which meant he’d better take a break or this would be over way too soon.
“Liam, pet, come over here,” Spike said, patting the bed on Lindsey’s other side. Liam seemed to hesitate so he added, “Don’t have to do anything, just need a snog.”
Liam stood up. His pants were open, cock out and proud, and Spike couldn’t help licking his lips despite having just had Lindsey’s dick in his mouth. It wasn’t the same. Besides, after all the months of celibacy, now they were finally having regular sex, he was addicted to Liam’s dick.
“Kit off?” he asked Liam, giving him his best puppy eyes look.
Liam huffed and rolled his eyes, but he stripped none the same, taking his sweet time about it while Spike continued running his fingers over Lindsey’s tattoos. Lindsey was staring at Liam, mesmerized, eyes dark with hunger, lips parted as he panted softly. When Liam was finally naked, he walked over and slipped into bed, lying on his side so he and Spike were bracketing Lindsey. Spike eagerly leaned over for his kiss which was soft at first but quickly became deeper, hungrier. Liam’s large hand came down to grip Spike’s hip tight, as if to steady himself or possibly keep himself from crushing Lindsey. Spike could literally feel the bruises forming under Liam’s strong fingers and, damn, why did that make him whimper with need?
“Fuck, look at you two,” Lindsey whispered.
Spike and Liam pulled apart to gaze down at him, noticing the blown pupils, the slight flaring of the nostrils, the prominent flush. They shared a quick look, Spike grinning when Liam’s eyes turned positively feral before descending on their prey, kissing, licking and sucking their way down either side of Lindsey’s neck. Lindsey gasped, arching off the bed, as if trying to give them as much access as he could manage. When they moved to bite down where his neck met his shoulders he cried out, and only Liam’s quick reflexes, grabbing a crushing hold around the base of Lindsey’s cock, kept him from coming. That was twice in only a few minutes. Guess he was more worked up than they’d realized.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Lindsey’s heart was beating so fast, Spike could feel his pulse thrumming under his tongue as he licked over the pink dents made by his teeth, right over the jugular. “You’re fucking killing me!”
“Soon, pet,” Spike promised and chuckled. “Just want to have a little more fun first.”
He continued licking, and kissing and nibbling his way down Lindsey’s chest and stomach, aware of Liam mirroring his action on the other side, but as he was about to move over to swallow Lindsey’s cock, he was suddenly nudged aside, and Liam took it in his own mouth, stealing it right from under his nose.
Well, look at that, mister ‘I’m-not-sucking-him-off’! Spike snorted and ran his fingers through Liam’s hair, sucking in his breath when Liam looked up, eyes dark and cheeks flushed, spit-slick lips stretched around Lindsey’s cock. “Bloody hell, look at you,” Spike breathed. “So damn hot, luv. Christ!”
Lindsey’s whimper seemed to imply he agreed. Spike forced his gaze away from the live porn show and slid back up the bed to crush Lindsey’s lips, sucking in his tongue and swallowing his moans as he started to shake and finally arched off the bed, shouting into Spike’s mouth as he came into Liam’s.
To Liam’s credit he took it like a pro, not even grimacing as he licked from his lips what he hadn’t manage to swallow. He crawled up the bed and rolled over on his back, blinking up at the ceiling, panting slightly. Spike gave an almost comatose Lindsey an extra kiss before crawling over him to straddle Liam, a wicked grin on his face.
“Think we killed him, luv.”
Liam glanced over at Lindsey who waved a limp hand to show he was still alive, if barely. “Nah, only drained him a little. He should be good for another round soon enough.” They both grinned when Lindsey just whimpered.
Liam ran his hands up Spike’s thighs, the warmth of them making Spike shiver as they settled around his waist, thumbs stroking his hipbones. Spike gazed down at Liam, at the slightly swollen lips, the drop of cum he’d missed on his chin, the eyes roaming hungrily over Spike’s body as he licked his lips, like he couldn’t decide where to latch on first. Spike could feel Liam’s cock swaying behind him, tip only just touching the small of his back, painting it wet with precum. And suddenly he knew exactly what he wanted, boundaries be damned.
“Lindsey, know what we agreed on but you alright with me riding Liam’s cock right the fuck now, mate?”
Liam looked up, surprise written all over his face. His eyes flickered toward Lindsey, who seemed to have stopped breathing but was nodding enthusiastically, before settling back on Spike, pupils blown wide. He didn’t ask Spike if he was sure, just reached with a practiced move for the bedside table, pulling the drawer open and finding the lube and a condom, eyes never leaving Spike’s face.
“Like this?” was all he asked and Spike just nodded, the thought of riding Liam’s cock while gazing down at him and Lindsey lying side by side on the bed, possibly making out if Spike had any say, being too tantalizing to put to words.
He leaned forward and closed his eyes as Liam reached behind him and started careful preparations. He always felt a little embarrassed about the squelching sounds wet fingers made when pushed into him, and even more of how his face showed every ounce of discomfort and pleasure he was feeling, not to mention the sounds he himself couldn’t help making. Liam was using plenty of lube, probably as a learning opportunity for Lindsey, rather than any worry about Spike’s fragility. They’d done this far too many times for that to be an issue. From the ragged breathing Spike could hear beside them on the bed, Lindsey seemed to be paying rapt attention, although Spike doubted he was taking in much more than ‘Hot! Want!’
When Liam finally pulled out his fingers, Spike was panting, his thighs trembling from holding himself up to give Liam better access. He straightened up and opened his eyes to find both Liam and Lindsey staring up at him, equally enraptured. Lindsey was halfway to hard again which was no small feat, considering how intensely he’d come less than ten minutes ago. Liam grabbed a good hold of Spike’s hips, to help him lift himself up, then slipped one hand between Spike’s thighs and positioned his cock. Spike sucked in his breath when he felt the tip nudge its way in. Slowly he lowered himself down, groaning as he was filled, and filled, and filled. Oh God. Spike threw back his head, moaning loudly as he fought to adjust. Every time, every goddamn time, the size of Liam’s cock took him by surprise. Jesus!
“Okay?” Liam asked, sounding strained.
“Mhmm. Just a minute, pet.” Spike took a few deep breaths, squirming slightly to get more comfortable, grinning when it made Liam groan. Then he raised himself up on his knees and lowered himself down again. Yes! Bloody hell, that was good!
He set a slow pace, giving no mind to Liam’s pleading moans, begging him to move a little faster, “Please, baby, you’re killing me!”
Spike smirked down at him. “Maybe if you give me something pretty to look at, I’ll speed it up a bit.”
He quirked his eyebrow and nudged his head at Lindsey who was stroking himself with growing results, breathing heavily as he watched their exchange. Liam frowned but then understanding obviously dawned because he grinned and reached over, grabbing Lindsey by the neck and pulling him in, licking his way into his panting mouth.
Good as his word Spike picked up speed, bracing himself on Liam’s chest to keep balance as he fucked himself on Liam’s dick. God almighty, it was good! And damn, watching the two of them making out, Lindsey stripping his cock while Liam worked his hips like he was trying to drill his dick into Spike’s stomach… He wasn’t going to last long.
Lindsey rolled over on his side, propping himself up on his elbow, and reached over to stroke Spike’s dick while rutting his own cock against Liam’s hip. That did the trick. Spike shouted as he came all over Liam’s chest and Lindsey’s hand, before collapsing boneless on top of the whole mess.
Liam groaned, saying, “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” as he kept thrusting, jerking Spike with every move. Then he suddenly went quiet, not even breathing, before going limp with a violent shudder.
Lindsey was still rubbing against Liam’s hip, mouthing Liam’s throat, so Spike decided to return the favor from earlier, reaching blindly for Lindsey’s cock. He hardly had time to touch it, before Lindsey was groaning, covering Spike’s hand in come.
Spike smiled and wiped his hand half-heartedly off on Lindsey’s hip, feeling too exhausted to care much about the mess. Liam was mumbling something about Spike being heavy and being covered in come but Spike closed his eyes and stopped listening.
---------------
“Is he snoring?” Lindsey huffed, even if he was looking half comatose himself.
“Think we wore him out,” Liam said, smiling softly. He gently eased Spike off him, until he was lying curled up by his side, arm slung over Liam’s waist, still fast asleep. Liam kissed him on the forehead before turning his head to look at Lindsey who averted his eyes, looking awkward all of a sudden. Liam’s heart sank. “Hey, you alright? I know that was more than we agreed on.”
Lindsey looked up, startled. “What? Jesus, yeah. Damn, man. I mean, that was… Fuck. And you two, watching you… Faith’s gonna be so jealous she missed this.”
Liam chuckled. He didn’t quite get how those two worked. How could she not mind? “But you’re alright? No sexual identity crisis coming up?”
Lindsey shrugged. “I think we’ve pretty much established I’m not straight. Don’t have the energy to figure out much more at the moment.”
“But?”
“But nothing.” Liam raised his eyebrows and Lindsey blushed. “I just ain’t sure what happens now, I guess.” He raised his hand as if to rub his face, then stopped, looked at his hand and rubbed his fingers together. They slid easily, smeared with come, both his own and Spike’s. Lindsey blinked, like he had no idea how he felt about that.
Liam hesitated. “We - well, I at least - would love for you to stay the night, but I get if you’d rather go home to your lady.”
“She’s out with some girlfriends,” Lindsey said absently. “Possibly sex girlfriends, she hadn’t decided.” He shrugged when Liam stared at him. “I guess we have a very unconventional relationship? Sometimes she sends me pictures…” He cleared his throat. “But I should probably get home.” He didn’t really sound like he wanted to though. Or had the energy.
Liam leaned over as much as he could without disturbing Spike, and kissed Lindsey, keeping it slow and lazy but still hot enough that Lindsey’s eyes were slightly glazed over when Liam let him go. “Stay. Spike loves morning blowjobs.”
Lindsey swallowed. “Giving or getting?”
“Both.” Liam smirked. “He’s not picky.”
Lindsey licked his lips. “I guess I can stay.”
“Good.” He patted Lindsey’s cheek lightly. “Now be a good boy and go fetch the flannel in the bathroom, help me clean up most of this mess or we’re gonna feel really disgusting tomorrow.”
He grinned as Lindsey stumbled out of bed on shaky legs, eager to comply. Seemed Faith had him well trained. Or maybe, and that offered up so many delicious possibilities, Lindsey had a submissive streak he might not even be aware of. Spike was many things, but he was far from submissive. And Liam had to admit he sometimes missed being a toppy bastard.
Lindsey came back, hovering awkwardly by the bed, so Liam took the flannel from his hand and cleaned up what he could reach of himself and then Spike’s hand that was sticky with come. Spike was lying mostly on his stomach, so he’d just have to sleep in his own gunk. Man, he was gonna be pissy about that come morning. Lindsey had already washed himself, so Liam threw the flannel back when he was done, noticing Lindsey didn’t even flinch at handling a cloth covered in come, only some of it his own. It implied he was a lot more comfortable with the whole thing than Liam had thought he would be.
Liam patted the bed when Lindsey returned from the bathroom and Lindsey slid in beside him. From his glances at Spike, Liam guessed Lindsey would have preferred lying pressed up to him, but the bed was only so big and unless they rolled Spike over to the middle, this arrangement would have to do.
“Our breath is gonna be so foul tomorrow morning,” Liam muttered, far too tired to do anything about it. Plus, Spike’s toiletries were still in a box somewhere and Liam didn’t have a spare brush to offer Lindsey.
“Deadly,” Lindsey agreed.
He lay a little stiff, still a little unsure it seemed, so Liam rolled over on his side, slow enough not to wake Spike, whose limp hand slipped along with the roll and landed in what would have been a very interesting place, if Liam hadn’t been so spent already. Liam wrapped his arm around Lindsey and pulled him closer, back against his chest. He kissed Lindsey’s neck, noting that there were still faint marks where Liam had bitten him earlier. Looked like there might even be a small bruise come morning. And damn that shouldn’t make him feel so pleased. Spike was right, he was a possessive bastard.
Slowly Lindsey relaxed, his hand coming up to cover Liam’s where it rested on his chest. “One of us is gonna roll off the bed sometime during the night,” he huffed.
Liam chuckled. “Well, it’s not gonna be me, so I’m not worried.”
“Fucker.”
“Next time,” Liam promised and smiled when he felt Lindsey shiver in his arms. Oh, this was gonna be fun.
---------------
“No. We’re gonna mess him up.” But Spike was smiling a little, as if the thought entertained him.
“No, no. Hear me out,” Liam said, waving his fork for emphasis. They were eating spaghetti Bolognese, still the only food Spike knew how to make properly, although he had tried his hand at a couple of other recipes with less than stellar outcome. “We start slow. Just a few pats on the head, calling him a good boy every now and then. See what happens.”
“You are so evil,” Spike snorted, rolling a perfect fork of spaghetti and popping it in his mouth. “But really,” he said after he’d swallowed. “We have to set some rules. Like Lindsey and Faith, they are, apparently, in an open relationship. Anything goes. Is that what we want?”
The hot feeling of jealousy took Liam by surprise. Seems he was still a possessive bastard, just open to… exceptions. “No. I do not want that. And we’re not adding Faith, no matter how much she wants to,” he thought he’d better clarify.
“God, no.” Spike shuddered. “Once was traumatic enough.”
Liam head snapped up. “You slept with Faith?”
Spike rolled his eyes. “No, you wanker! A girl. I slept with a girl. When I was sixteen or something. Young and bloody stupid anyway. Not looking to repeat the experience. I mean, she was nice enough but afterwards it felt … like a violation. Of both of us.”
“Oh.”
He’d slept with a few women himself, when he couldn’t get out of the situation without looking suspicious. Going to a bar with the guys… Firemen were always popular with the ladies. And sometimes… A hot woman throws herself at a single man, he says no, people start speculating. Somehow Billy had always managed to dodge the problem, despite being young and handsome, and he never understood Liam’s reasoning for why he couldn’t do the same. He’d just felt hurt and betrayed and …
“Hey. Hey. Pet? Where you go just now?”
Liam blinked back to the present. Spike was gazing at him, worried, looking suddenly so much like Billy, Liam couldn’t stand it. He threw his fork down and jumped to his feet, fleeing the room.
Spike came to find him in the living room, staring out the window. “What’s wrong?” he asked, rubbing Liam’s back. “And don’t say nothing ‘cause you don’t cry for nothing, luv.”
Liam reached up and hastily wiped his face with his fingers. He hadn’t even noticed. “I cheated on Billy,” he admitted, lump in his throat. “With, with women. Because they came on to me with the guys watching, and I was afraid… I was afraid.” He swallowed, but the lump refused to go away. “But I hated it. And since none of them ever came back for more, I’m guessing I was lousy.” He closed his eyes, unable to meet Spike’s in the mirrored reflection. “Billy got so hurt, every time. He didn’t understand… I mean, fuck, of course he didn’t. It was just fear. I was just scared. I was so damn scared, all the time. And I hurt him, again and again. And then … then I killed him.”
His face crumpled. He would never be able to make it right. Never. And here he was, living with someone else, like he deserved it. He didn’t. He didn’t deserve Spike, he didn’t deserve Spike’s love, he didn’t deserve feeling happy. Not after what he did.
Spike moved in front of him, gazing up at him with worried eyes. “Liam, you’ve got to stop this. It’s eating you up, this bloody guilt. You need to talk to someone.”
He shook his head. “I can’t. I can’t because…”
“What? People will know you’re gay?” Spike stroked his cheek, the thumb sliding easily over the tears still trickling. “You already came out, luv.”
Liam shook his head. “Because it was my fault. I’m responsible. And I can’t… I know I’m a coward, but I can’t do it. I can’t face people looking at me, knowing what I did, judging me. I know I deserve it but I just… I can’t.”
“The blokes already know you and Billy were together, right? I mean, it came up when you came out, right?” Spike said, sounding confused.
Liam couldn’t open his eyes, couldn’t look at him. “They know there was something, but they don’t…” He hitched his breath. “They don’t know how I treated him. The cheating, the way I kept turning my back on him… They don’t know we were together when he died. I think, I think they think we were broken up, and that’s why I didn’t say anything when Larry outed him. None of them have asked, and I can’t… Spike, I can’t tell them. Please, don’t make me tell them.”
Spike held him tight as he cried. He didn’t say anything, just stroked Liam’s back and hummed soothingly in his ear. Liam clutched him to his chest, probably hard enough to hurt, but Spike didn’t complain, he just waited until Liam was cried out, breath coming in shivering gasps.
Then he said quietly, “You need to talk to someone. I mean it. I’m scared, luv. I’m bloody terrified I’ll walk in here one day and find you the way you found him. I know, I know,” he hastily added when Liam set to protest. “You think you would never, but depression is a deceptive bitch, and sometimes she fucks you over when you least expect it. And I don’t ever want that to happen to you.” He squeezed Liam tighter. “That time you called me, that wasn’t the first time something like that happened, was it?”
Fuck. Liam pulled himself free from Spike’s arms. “Of course it was.”
“Liam.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about this. Can we not talk about this?”
“I think we need to. Was it?”
Liam swallowed. “No.”
Spike took a deep breath, but he didn’t seem surprised. “More than once?” he asked, voice soft and gentle.
Liam walked over to the couch and sat down, suddenly so tired. Spike came and sat beside him, arm tight around his shoulders, and Liam leaned into it. “Yeah,” he said, voice rough. “A few times. Once I called a hotline. And once, once Gunn. The other times… I don’t remember. Think I just passed out drunk before I could go through with it. I woke up, somehow, so it doesn’t matter.” He shook his head, forced a smile. “Anyway, it’s all in the past. I’ve got you now.”
Spike closed his eyes briefly before fixing them on Liam. Liam could feel him trembling. “And that’s why you need to talk to someone. Cause you’re putting an awful lot of weight on my shoulders, luv, and that’s not fair. You should talk to someone about that too, while you’re at it.”
“Like you’re the token of good mental health!” Liam snapped, regretting it as soon as the words left his mouth. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
Spike shook his head. He didn’t even look angry, which only made Liam feel worse. “No, you’re right. But I am actually talking to someone to help me better deal with it. And now I’m asking you to do the same. If not for you then for me. Cause if I come home one day and find you’ve blown your bloody brains out, I’ll fucking kill you.” He bit his lip. “And then I might just follow.”
Liam stared at him. “Are you fucking kidding me? You threatening me with a suicide pact?”
Spike frowned, then shrugged. “Guess I am. Is it working?”
“No! I mean, yes!” he sputtered. His heart was hammering in his chest at just the thought of Spike… Oh God. “I can’t believe… Fuck you, man! That is not healthy!”
“And that’s why I’m in therapy,” Spike said, smiling a little but it looked too tired to reassure Liam one bit. “I’m not kidding, pet. I’m not exactly at my most stable, after everything that’s happened. I can’t promise being alright with you topping yourself. You break me, I’ll break you, dead or not. How you like that weight on your shoulders?”
Liam put his head in his hands. “I’d say I hate you, but you might just kill yourself,” he said bitterly.
“Well, at least we’re joking about it,” Spike said. He actually sounded a little amused but when Liam raised his head to glare at him his face was serious. “How about a life pact instead? An I’m-gonna-live-my-life-the-best-way-I-can pact? A let’s-try-our-best-not-to-hurt-each-other-with-our-mutual-stupidity pact? An I-promise-to-ask-for-help-if-I-ever-feel-it’s-getting-to-be-too-much pact?”
Liam found himself smiling despite everything. “Mutual stupidity?”
“Well, different levels, but yeah,” Spike said, grinning when Liam chuckled. “Can I ask you something?”
Liam nodded even if the serious look in Spike’s eyes made him apprehensive.
“Just now, before you ran off from dinner, you looked at me like… You still see Billy, don’t you, when you look at me?”
Liam thought about lying but what was the use. “Sometimes. When I’m thinking about him, and suddenly you’re there and… for a moment it’s like he never left, and then I remember.” He looked away. “It’s not that I want him back more than I want you. It’s just… I wish he was still alive. Still around.” He looked back at Spike, who was watching him, guarded. “That he was living his life, happy. Away from me. I never wish I didn’t have you.”
“Ever wish you had the both of us?” Spike asked. He didn’t sound upset, more curious.
Liam hesitated. He’d had a few dirty dreams like that, except then they usually turned into nightmares with Billy dying, and Spike hating him. “I think, if I’m honest, it would be more trouble than I’m ready for.”
Spike laughed. “Or the hottest threesome you ever had,” he said, smiling.
“Hotter than the one we’ve already had?” Liam asked, trying and failing not to feel guilty for how hot indeed the picture Spike had conjured in his head was.
“Well, I’d technically be making out with myself so…yeah.”
“Oh believe me, you are nothing alike. He was actually cute.”
Spike gasped in mock outrage, then glared and poked Liam hard.
“Stop! Ow! You’re just as cute - Ow! - even cuter - Ow! - goddamn beautiful! Ow! Stop it!” Finally he tackled Spike and kissed him until he practically melted in his arms.
They were sitting back, catching their breath, when Spike said, “Problem still stands. Well, not problem. Situation. The Lindsey situation. How you wanna do this?”
Liam sighed. “What’s wrong with the way we’ve been doing it until now? Kissing, yes. Making out, yes. Sex, yes, as long as we talk about it first, and we’re all in on it.” Liam fixed his stare on Spike and grabbed his neck, hard. “I do not want to come home and walk in on you two fucking on our bed. Or anywhere else. We do that stuff together or not at all.”
“Okay, okay. Let go, you wanker!” Spike rubbed his neck, but the flush in his cheeks told Liam he hadn’t really disliked it. “What do we do if it turns serious?”
Liam blinked. “You think it might?” It hadn’t even occurred to him, not with Lindsey already having a girlfriend.
“I think he already likes us more than he realizes. Wants us more than he expected. If that want turns to need, not to mention love… we could be in trouble.” Spike shifted. “I love you, not him. I mean, I love him, but not like I love you. It’s fun, the whole threesome thing, but I’m not ready for a permanent triad.”
“Me neither. For one thing, we’d need a much larger bed.” He yelped when Spike punched his arm. “I’m joking. Although… Stop hitting me, I’m just talking about the bed! You whined for four days about the bump on your head from when you tumbled off. Plus, it’s been creaking an awful lot.”
“Okay, we can see about a bigger bed,” Spike conceded. “You sleep like a bloody starfish anyway. Limbs everywhere.”
“You cling like a monkey!” Liam shot back.
“It’s called snuggling, and you bloody love it.” Spike snuggled closer. “But, just to be clear, we’re not inviting anyone else?”
“Do you want to?” Liam asked, apprehensive.
“No.”
“Good.”
“Although if Billy Idol happened to stop by…”
Liam paused, his brain short circuiting for a moment. “We can cast a vote,” he finally said and only blushed a little when Spike burst out laughing.
Concluded here.