Fic: The Fire Within, Chapter 16. AU Human. Liam/Spike. NC-17
Title: The Fire Within, chapter 16
Author: felisblanco
Pairing: Liam/Spike, Lindsey/Faith, Lindsey/Spike(sort of)
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 9498 words this part
Continued from here.
Spike was released a week later. He was still tired but it was physical rather than emotional fatigue, and his sleep was down to night-time and some naps during the day. Sometimes long naps but still. The psychiatrist had lingering concerns, so she set him up to meet with her when he came in for his physical therapy. Spike had grumbled about it, but secretly he was grateful. It scared him how low he’d sunk. If Liam hadn’t gotten through to him… He didn’t want to think about where he’d been headed. Before this, he would have admitted he was sometimes bitter and pissed off, but the despair and hopelessness had taken him completely by surprise. It still lingered, even if he felt a lot better. It probably wouldn’t hurt to talk about it with someone qualified to deal with his messed-up head. Now, if he could only get Liam to do the same thing…
They hadn’t known exactly when the doctors would finally release him so it so happened that Liam had a shift at the time that he couldn’t get out of. Lindsey volunteered to get Spike home instead, wheeling him out to his truck in the obligatory wheelchair, then helping him up all the stairs once they got home. It left them both exhausted.
The kitchen had been thoroughly cleaned. Not that Spike remembered the state of it but he could imagine what it had looked like, having shown up to his fair share of domestic violence scenes. Lindsey helped him to bed then made himself useful, hauling in grocery bags from the truck, filling the fridge with enough food to last Spike a month or more. Especially since he still didn’t have much of an appetite. When Lindsey was done putting everything away, he came back into the bedroom, watching Spike from the doorway. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah. Thanks for all the help.” Spike gave him a tired smile. “I’m just gonna sleep a bit. You don’t have to stay.”
Lindsey shrugged. “I could nap.” He walked over and got comfortable on the bed beside Spike. There wasn’t much room as it was only a queen, but Lindsey didn’t seem to mind.
Spike cocked one eyebrow at him. “I have a couch,” he pointed out.
Lindsey shifted over onto his side, eyeing him. “So?”
“Nothing. Homo.” He grinned.
Lindsey snorted. He wriggled closer, putting his arm carefully around Spike’s waist, even if most of the bruises were gone by now, then leaned over and kissed Spike softly on the lips. It was so gentle Spike was still blinking in wonder when Lindsey pulled away.
“Don’t tell your boyfriend,” he muttered, closing his eyes. “He’s one jealous motherfucker.”
Spike chuckled. His cheeks felt hot, and his lips tingled. “What about your girlfriend? What she say about you kissing blokes all over town?”
Lindsey snorted. “She loves this shit, man. She’d be trying to set us up for a threesome if she thought you’d go for it.”
Spike laughed. “Think she’s a bit too girly for me, ta all the same.”
“That’s what I said about you. Ow!”
---------------
When Liam let himself in a couple of hours later, he found Spike and Lindsey dead asleep, with Lindsey’s arm curled around Spike’s waist and Spike’s face turned toward Lindsey, like he was just waiting for a kiss. Liam stood in the bedroom doorway, watching them for a long time. The old jealousy was trying to rear its ugly head, but he pushed it down. He’d seen how head over heels Lindsey was for Faith. Still, if that cowboy couldn’t keep his hands to himself, Liam might have to remind him just who Spike belonged to.
He walked back into the kitchen to quickly snatch himself a beer, unable to stay in there for more than a moment, the memory of Spike’s beaten body, the blood and the terror from that day making him feel sick. He went into the living room and planted himself on the couch, turning on the tv with the sound way down low.
It was true what he’d told Spike, as terrifying as it had been to come out to his colleagues, he was relieved it was over. Well, he had meant to come out, even if he hadn’t quite figured out how. Larry solved that problem by moving in on him as he entered the station, sneering something about hearing his fairy friend got himself fucked up by some of LA’s finest. Before the asshole knew what was happening, he was on the floor, nursing a split lip and a bloody nose and staring up at a furious Liam snarling that Larry better get out of his fucking sight or he’d fucking kill him.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Larry spit out, along with a gob of blood. “He your fucking boyfriend?”
“Yeah, he fucking is. You’ve got a problem with that?” He’d heard a noise behind him and turned to face the whole squad who’d run out to see what the hell was going on. “Any of you got a problem with that?” he yelled, trembling like a damn leaf from the adrenaline and the realization of what he was doing.
Harris had been the first to shake his head. “No, Lee. We don’t.” He’d walked over, laid a calming hand on Liam’s shoulder, looked him straight in the eye and said, “We never did.”
Liam had been so shocked he almost broke down. Harris had wrapped his arm around his shoulders and steered him into the break room, with the whole squad following, offering support, and asking about Spike and generally being the friends Liam never imagined he had. Larry was left on the floor, cursing to himself. He handed in his request for a transfer the next day. Liam didn’t think a single person missed him.
“Hey.”
He looked up to see a groggy but tense Lindsey standing in the doorway. “Hey. He still sleeping?”
Lindsay relaxed and kicked away from the door frame to come over to sit on the other end of the couch. “He’ll probably sleep for a while yet.”
Liam nodded. “Not sleeping as much as he used to though.”
“No. He’s getting better.” Lindsey looked over at him. “Got you to thank for that.”
Liam shook his head. He didn’t want credit for finally being honest after all the years of lying. “He’s still pretty low.”
“He’s got a lot to feel low about.” Lindsey leaned over and stole Liam’s beer but grimaced at the flat taste. Liam hadn’t even realized he’d been sitting there that long. “I should get going,” Lindsey added but he didn’t move. After a moment Liam stood up and fetched them each a fresh bottle. Lindsey accepted his with a grateful nod.
They sat silent for a while, watching some commercials on tv, sipping their beers.
“I’m worried,” Lindsey finally said, voice low. “I hate to say it, but I don’t think he should come back. You know, when he’s recovered.”
“It’s probably gonna be a while,” Liam pointed out, but he didn’t disagree.
“I fucking hate it, but I just don’t trust’em. My own people. His own people.” Lindsey sighed. “I doubt Mears and Wells will be coming back, but it’s not like they’re the only ones. I’ve overheard more than a couple of fuckers mutter that they’d rather have those murdering bastards back than ‘that damn fag’. That if he knew what’s good for him, he’d fuck off and leave policing to real men.”
“Jesus.” Liam swallowed the bile in his throat. He’d known it was bad but still. “I thought they’d accepted him after he saved Joe at his retirement party?”
“A lot of them did but then time goes by and …” Lindsey shrugged. “Now he’s just ‘that fag that got Mears and Wells suspended’.”
Liam jerked upright. “Suspended? What the fuck? You telling me you didn’t even arrest them? They tried to fucking kill him!”
“You know cops get away with actual murder, right?” Lindsey snapped. “An attempt hardly fucking registers. Even on one of our own. Not when it’s someone like Spike.”
Liam bristled. “Like us, you mean. Just fucking say it: A fucking queer. That’s what you mean.”
Lindsey sighed. “Yeah, but not just that. Openly queer. And he’s foreign. That doesn’t help.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, man. I wish I could say it’s getting better, but I don’t think it is. Not in our ranks.” Lindsey rubbed a hand over his face. “As long as cops are too scared to be out, nothing’s gonna change. And what happened to Spike ain’t exactly encouraging anyone to step out.”
Liam’s anger deflated at seeing the dejected look on Lindsey’s face. “So, you know others?”
Lindsey looked away. “Maybe. Yeah.” He took a big gulp from his beer and added, “Like I said, ain’t something we talk about.”
Liam frowned. “We?”
Lindsey stilled. Then he took a deep breath. “I don’t know. Maybe.” He glanced at Liam, shuffled a bit further away, face red, and then admitted, “Your boy’s a mighty fine kisser.”
Liam stared at him in shock. He should be furious but … He burst out laughing, so hard he got tears in his eyes. Trust Spike to turn the most motherfucking cowboy in LAPD queer!
Lindsey looked wary at first, then started chuckling, shaking his head. “I’m fucking thirty, man. I don’t know where the hell that could’ve come from except your goddamn boyfriend. Shit.” He groaned. “I’m just happy Faith doesn’t give a rat’s ass. She thinks it’s fucking hilarious. And hot, for some reason.” He glanced quickly at Liam who was still shaking with laughter. “Don’t mean I’m making a move on him. Don’t have a chance with you around anyway. Not sure it’s what I’d be looking for even if I did. But fuck, that kiss!” He sighed.
Liam chuckled and shook his head. “Gotta say, you surprise me. Never thought I’d see a redneck stumble over to our side.” He waved his hand. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna smack you. Not like I really have any say in who he lays his lips on.”
Lindsey looked surprised. “Thought you two were good?”
“Well, yeah, but…” Liam rubbed his neck. He couldn’t believe he was discussing this with Lindsey of all people. “We haven’t really talked about it. With everything that happened, for all I know he might want to move back to England.”
Lindsey snorted. “Like hell he does.”
“What’s to keep him here if he can’t go back to the force?”
“Maybe you should bloody well ask him?”
They both looked up at Spike who was leaning against the doorway with a crutch propped under one arm, looking sleep-rumpled and adorably annoyed.
“Spike!” Liam jumped up and hurried to Spike’s side before he toppled over. “You shouldn’t be out of bed. Come on, sit.”
Spike tried to resist but seemed to think better off it as he started to sag in Liam’s arms. “I’m okay,” he muttered as Liam lowered him down on the middle of the couch. Lindsey shifted to give him more room. “Was trying to sleep but someone was being bloody loud.”
“Sorry,” they both said at the same time, unable to look at one another.
“Never mind.” Spike dropped his head back, closing his eyes. He was sickly pale, and his breathing sounded labored. “What the sodding hell were you two talking about me not being on the force?”
Liam hovered uneasily before sitting down on Spike’s other side, putting his hands awkwardly on his knees. “Nothing.”
“I’ll go.” Lindsey made to get up but Spike grabbed his arm.
“Stay.” He opened his eyes and glared at them in turn. “Bloody well tell me. I’m off the force? What for? Not dying?
“You’re not off the force,” Lindsey said quickly. “But…” He looked at Liam, wavering.
Liam took a deep breath. “We think maybe you should be.”
Spike sat up so fast his face turned grey, and he sagged immediately back down.
“Shit. Lindsey, can you get him some water?”
“’M okay,” Spike grunted, his face rippling with pain.
“You need to take it easy.” Liam accepted the glass of water from Lindsey with a grateful nod and held it to Spike’s lips. “Here, take a sip.”
“’M not a bloody invalid,” he groused, but he drank it all down just the same.
“At the moment you damn well are,” Liam said exasperated, “so can you please just do as you’re told? Just this once?”
Spike waved his hand dismissively but when Liam sat back, Spike leaned against him, using his shoulder as a pillow. “Not quitting,” he mumbled.
Liam sighed. He looked up at Lindsey who was hovering in the doorway, clearly thinking he should leave them to it. But Spike would never believe how bad things actually were without Lindsey there to back him up. How much danger he was placing himself in. “Spike, you need to listen.”
“I’m not¬-”
“There’s a lot of bad feelings at the precinct,” Lindsey cut in. “Some people are saying some pretty fucked up shit. Truth is, I don’t think it’s safe for you to come back.”
“It’s never been safe for me,” Spike shot back but he sounded more resigned than angry.
“I know. But it’s never been like this, man. They think the charges are bullshit, that you’re playing it up to be worse than it was. Using the victim card to get rid of Mears and Wells because apparently they harassed you when you first started.”
“Harassed?” Spike snapped. “They bloody well beat the shit out of me!”
Liam growled. “That was them?” Why was he surprised? Spike had seemed unusually wary at the hospital. He should have guessed it wasn’t just because he was afraid those fuckers would realize they were dating. “Why did none of you tell me?”
“How was I to know? He never said!” Lindsey growled, pointing a finger at Spike. “They’ve just been stupid enough to tattletale on their own dumb asses. Except of course they say you played that up too.” He sank back down on the couch with a deep sigh. “I’ve tried to set things straight, Faith and Summers too, but …” He glanced at Spike, a resigned look in his eyes. “They know we’re friends, they think we’re just taking your word for it being more than just you being a pansy that couldn’t handle a little pushing around.”
“Are you kidding me? He was in a fucking coma!” Liam yelled, shaking with anger. “They think he faked that? What about the motherfucking police report? What about the fucking cleaning crew we had to send in here because it looked like a goddamn slaughterhouse? They think we’re lying about that too?”
“Lee…” Spike whispered but Liam was too furious to listen.
“They stalked him and assaulted him in his own goddamn home! They turned on the fucking gas, leaving him to die! It was goddamn attempted murder!
“The captain keeps the report in his desk,” Lindsey said, voice subdued. “To be honest? I think they’re gonna try and hush the whole thing up.”
“Are you fucking kidding me??”
“Lee!”
“WHAT?” Liam turned around and the fury drained out of him. Spike had his eyes squeezed shut, his face as pale as it had ever been. There were tears running down his nose. Shit. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. What’s wrong?”
“You’re just very loud,” he whispered. “My bloody noggin’s killing me.”
“I’m sorry. Let’s get you to bed, okay?”
“I’m okay.” But he didn’t argue when Liam pulled him to his feet and half-carried him back into the bedroom. He accepted a couple of painkillers but when Liam meant to stroke his cheek he turned away. “’M just gonna sleep, okay?”
Liam swallowed. “Okay. We’ll keep it down.”
Spike didn’t answer.
Liam left the door ajar so he could hear if Spike needed anything. Returning to the living room he found Lindsey sitting with his head in his hands but when he heard Liam come in he looked up, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Shit.”
“Yeah. You really think they’re gonna cover it up?”
Lindsey sighed. “I don’t know, man. Yes? Yeah, I do. The powers that be don’t care one shit about what’s right, they’re all about protecting their own asses. Can’t help worrying how far they’ll go to keep us quiet.”
“We could take it to the press.”
Lindsey snorted. “Forget about cops, Spike would kill you.”
Liam managed a crooked smile. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” The smile faded away. “I just hate the thought of them getting away with it. Not just that, they’re blaming Spike? Like, how the hell?”
“I don’t know. By the time I realized what was going on, that fucking rumor was everywhere.” Lindsey dropped his head into his hands again. “I don’t know what to do, man. Not like I’ve got any pull. Plus, they’ve made sure to kill what little respect I had. I came back after my shift yesterday, and guys I thought were my friends wouldn’t even look at me.”
Liam lay a hand hesitantly on Lindsey’s shoulder. It still felt awkward to him, touching other men, but this was what people did when their friends were hurting. “I’m sorry. Maybe you should both quit.”
Lindsey’s shoulders slumped even further. “Maybe.”
“Maybe you could make it as a gay duo at the country dive. I hear chicks love that shit.”
Lindsey chuckled. “Yeah, that’s what they tell me.” He looked up. “We good? About the whole … you know.” His shoulder had gone stiff under Liam’s palm, like he was preparing for a fight.
Liam thought about it. Then he grabbed Lindsey by the neck, pulled him in and kissed him. Only took a second before Lindsey was kissing him back, then he jerked away as if he’d only just realized what he was doing. “What the hell, man?”
Liam smirked. “Quid pro quo, motherfucker.”
Lindsey stared at him. He licked his lips. “In that case… I should tell you that wasn’t the only time.”
Liam stilled. “No?”
“No.” Lindsey swallowed.
“How many more?”
“One.” His eyes widened, almost comically. “No, wait, two. One some time ago and...” He hesitated. “And one earlier, in there.” He jerked his head toward the bedroom. “Was never him, just me, so don’t go being mad at him for it.”
Liam breathed out. “Why?”
“Don’t know.” Lindsey ducked his head, looking ten kinds of uncomfortable. “Told myself I did it just to make him smile, ‘cause he was kinda down.”
“Were you?”
“First time?” Lindsey shrugged. “Probably. But the one earlier? I just really wanted to, man. Figured it be my last chance, now you two have finally got your shit together.” He took a deep breath. “You wanna smack me for it, go ahead. Still worth it.”
Liam studied him with a frown. Then he stood up. “Wait here.” He went into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He could tell Spike was still awake from his painfully laboured breathing. “You hear any of that?”
“Some.” Spike opened his eyes. “You gonna be a prick about it, luv?”
“Depends. You okay with me laying a couple on him?”
Spike’s eyes went wide. “You gonna hit him?”
Liam shook his head. “Like I told him, quid pro quo.”
Spike blinked. Then he grinned. “Go for it. Can I watch?”
“No. Go to sleep.”
He could hear Spike’s laughter all the way into the living room. Lindsey was still sitting on the couch, but he looked wary, like he was wondering if maybe he should have run while he had the chance. Liam walked straight to him, seized one hand and pulled him to his feet then grabbed him by the neck again and hauled him in for a kiss. Lindsey was taken enough by surprise that Liam was on his second kiss when he felt himself being hesitantly kissed back, then deeper as he started to pull away. He allowed it, figuring the first one didn’t really count, with Lindsey being taken off guard. Once it threatened to turn into a full on make-out session he stepped back, with some reluctance though, he had to admit.
Lindsey stared up at him, breathing harshly, his face pink. “What … what was that?”
Liam shrugged. “I told you, quid pro quo. Just had to get permission first.” He jerked his head toward the bedroom. “I’m not a cheater.”
“Me neither,” Lindsey said, sounding offended. He blushed when Liam gave him a pointed look. “Told you, she digs this shit. Said I can do it any time. She’ll just be mad she wasn’t around to enjoy it.”
“Me too, you bloody bastards!” Spike shouted from the bedroom.
“Go to sleep!” they both yelled back, then burst out laughing.
“I should get going,” Lindsey said once they’d calmed down. He rubbed his neck, looking suddenly self-conscious. “We’ll be in touch, alright?”
“Alright. Oh, Linds?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t think there’s any ‘maybe’ about you anymore.”
Lindsey snorted. “Guess not. Good night.”
“Night.” He waited by the window until he saw Lindsey get safely in his truck, then went back into the bedroom. Spike was waiting for him, grinning. “What?”
“You kissed a bloody redneck.”
Liam rolled his eyes. “Only because he kissed you first.” He started to undress, figuring he might as well spend the night.
Spike studied him. “Gotta say, luv, never would’ve expected you to be so bloody calm about it. You getting mellow in your old age?”
Liam shrugged, shucking his jeans. “I remember when I was first figuring things out. I’m not gonna make it worse for him by being an asshole.”
“Plus he’s pretty.”
“Well, there’s that.” Liam crawled into bed, smiling when Spike snuggled closer. “I don’t know. I feel sort of guilty for misjudging him all these years. Was kind of a dick to him.”
“You’re kind of a dick to everyone, luv.”
“I know. I’m working on it.”
Spike turned his head and kissed him. “I’m proud of you.”
Liam snorted. “Don’t think there’s an award for not being a dick.”
“Not just that. For coming out to your mates. I know how hard it is, even more so when you’re older.” He chuckled when Liam frowned. “You know what I mean. The longer it’s been, the harder it is. You never know how people are gonna take finding out you’ve not been honest with them.”
Liam nodded. That had been one of his greatest fears. “Turns out some of them already suspected. Probably because I kept getting so pissed off at Larry for being an asshole to you. But more because, because of Billy.” There was a lump in his throat and his eyes prickled. “Because they saw how close we were, and how I changed after…”
Spike touched Liam’s cheek gently. “I’m not surprised. Just from those photos, the way he looks at you, can’t see how you could have hidden it.”
Liam swallowed. “I was afraid they’d blame me. For, for him dying. I mean, they’d be right to but ...”
Spike cocked an eyebrow. “Do they?”
“Jessie’s the only one who’s said something. He and Billy were pretty close. But then again not close enough for Billy to come out to him. So, I guess he blames himself just as much.”
“And maybe they feel bad about allowing Larry to spout his shit for as long as he’s done.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
Spike snuggled closer. “Well, I’m proud of you. My big brave boyfriend.”
Liam stilled. He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at Spike. “Boyfriend?”
Spike stared up at him, bemused. “Yeah?”
“You never … I mean, I know I said but … we haven’t exactly discussed … I wasn’t sure if …”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Honestly, pet, you’re so bloody stupid sometimes,” he said exasperated. “You’re lucky I love you.”
Liam’s face split into the widest smile. “I love you, too.”
“Well, yeah,” Spike huffed and pulled Liam down for a kiss.
---------------
As the rumors would have it, Spike sauntered into the precinct, five weeks after the attack, like nothing had ever happened. Even though the limp, the cuts on his head and face and the still splinted fingers on his right hand told a different story. No greeting, no nothing, he’d gone straight up to the message board - like half the squad wasn’t staring daggers at him while the other half was busy looking everywhere else - and started pinning pieces of paper all over it. It took a long time, as his movements were awkward with his right hand partly incapacitated, and during the whole time, one could have heard a pin drop. And did, since quite a few slipped through his trembling fingers. When he was done, he turned on his heel and limped back to the door, where Lindsay was waiting. At the last minute Spike looked back and said, “Just so you know, I’ve got copies. Anyone have any questions, email me.” Then he left.
After a moment’s silence the one sitting closest to the board got up to investigate and the rest soon followed. The board was covered in the reports telling exactly what had gone down that night, as well as the extent of Spike’s injuries taken from his medical file. The pictures, from the scene and of Spike’s body, had even the most veteran of them looking uncomfortable. There were copies of Mears and Wells confessions, transcribed from their interviews which had gotten quite heated, enough that they’d angrily listed various reasons why they thought Spike deserved to be ‘taught a lesson’, as Mears said. And Wells crying as he realized he’d accidentally confessed to attempted murder by admitting he was the one who’d returned to turn on the gas. There was a copy of the LAFD’s report about the high levels of gas detected in the apartment, it had seeped into other parts of the building and it was pure luck no one had decided to have a smoke before they got there. In short, every single report that the higher ups had hoped to bury was plastered there for all to see. How Spike had gotten his hands on them was anyone’s guess. At the very end was a colorful flyer with an invite to a LGBTQIA meeting at Spike’s place in a month’s time: “For queers and allies alike. Leave your bigotry at home.”
There was a long uncomfortable silence. They couldn’t even look at one another. After a while each one shuffled to their seat to pretend to work. The whole display hung there until the captain came in from a meeting, two hours later, and consequently lost his shit. He ripped everything down but it was too late, those who had missed it would hear about it in the days to come. And the invite to the meeting somehow always made its way back to the board no matter how many times it was ripped up and thrown away.
Things didn’t magically get better, but they didn’t get worse. The rumors of him faking his injuries came to a halt. So did the sneers and laughter. At first everyone avoided him. (He was never alone, Lindsey or Faith or Summers made sure, (even though he told them he didn’t need no bloody babysitter.) He was on desk duty while he recovered, although it soon became clear having him at his desk all day meant the rest of the squad kept making excuses not to be there. He hated desk work, but he hated being stuck in the hostile environment even more.
Then one day someone nodded a greeting as he came in, so he nodded back. The next day someone else offered him coffee, which he accepted with a shaky hand. (Not seeming to care wasn’t as easy as he kept trying to make it look. None of this was easy. Plus, his fingers still hurt.)
After that, things slowly got back to normal, or as normal as they could be, with the scars on Spike’s head reminding everyone of what had happened. Which was a good thing, he told himself, since they had no business forgetting. Didn’t mean he liked being stared at. In the weeks since it happened his hair had been growing back, but the worst scars were still plenty visible.
“Never knew you had curls,” Liam said, running his fingers through the dark blond hair. “They’re cute.”
Spike hummed. He was strumming his guitar, trying to loosen up his still aching fingers. His mind was pleasantly mellow after the few beers he’d allowed himself along with the couple of mild painkillers. He’d mostly stopped taking them, except when the headaches got too bad. Apparently, there was scarring in areas he’d rather not know about, but they gave him terrible migraine when he was stressed, like he’d been before the meeting. Although whether he was worried no one would show up, or that someone unwanted would, he wasn’t sure.
There hadn’t been many. A lesbian couple, Willow and Tara, who actually were partners as well. Lindsey and Faith, though Spike still wasn’t clear on whether they were there for emotional support or as a queer couple, all things considered. A guy Spike didn’t recognize who wouldn’t tell them his name. He’d been skittish enough that Spike decided not to press him for details. Better let him open up in his own time. Summers stopped by, for support she said. Kate had called to say she would have come if she’d still been in LA but, as she was settling down in New York, it felt like a rather long trip for a short meeting. Plus, she’d already met with her local group, which apparently had been following his case closely. He didn’t know how he felt about that. Was nice knowing he hadn’t been as alone as he thought. Would have been nicer if they'd bloody well let him know he wasn’t alone.
All in all, the meeting had gone well, even if everyone had mostly been interested in talking about what happened to him, rather than sharing their own experiences. But hopefully next time they’d feel more ready to open up, now they’d got their curiosity fulfilled and knew this was a safe place. Spike felt he’d talked enough about his own ordeal for a lifetime.
Faith and Lindsey had left just a few minutes ago, with some horizontal plans in mind if Spike had been reading them correctly. They’d come to an understanding of some sort, the four of them. One Lindsey was only partially aware of. Whenever Lindsey got that soft look of longing in his eyes, which usually happened after a couple of drinks, Faith, unbeknownst to him, would give Spike a ‘Come on, have pity on him’ look. Then Spike would glance at Liam, who would either frown if he was feeling particularly possessive, or roll his eyes and sigh good-naturedly when he was feeling generous. Then Spike would move over to Lindsey, or just lean in if they were sitting close enough and kiss him, until Lindsey remembered with less mortification the more often it happened, that they were not alone.
“One day I’m going to find him his own boyfriend,” Faith had said with a wink as they had left earlier. Lindsey had blushed and slugged her in the arm, but Spike noticed he didn’t say no. He felt oddly sad at the thought. Where Liam’s kisses were passionate to the point of possessive, Lindsey’s kisses were always sweet, almost shy, even when he got carried away, as sometimes happened. Like he felt he had no right to Spike’s kisses but was so grateful he was being offered them anyway. Spike was going to miss that if Lindsey moved on to someone else.
Liam, on the other hand, hadn’t made good on his quid pro quo promise. Not yet anyway. He still made sure Lindsey knew if he stepped out of line, Liam might have to come and collect. A lame threat, seeing as Spike was pretty sure Lindsey wouldn’t mind at all as long as Faith didn’t mind either, and she seemed open to pretty much anything. To the point that Spike was sure he’d seen her eyeing Summers earlier.
“You thinking of joining Lindsey’s band for a gig again?”
Spike stopped strumming and looked up. “Maybe. I mean, probably can’t play, my fingers are still too bloody stiff. But yeah, it would be fun to sing, if they’ll have me. That alright?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?” Liam asked, looking genuinely surprised.
“We-ell,” Spike said, quirking one eyebrow. “You were a little jealous last time.”
Liam blushed. “I was also a lot turned on.”
“Yeah?” Spike grinned, leaning the guitar against the side of the couch. “You turned on now?”
“Always.” Liam tugged at Spike, until he was sitting pretty much in his lap. “You feeling up to it?”
Spike actually took some time to consider. His head was good, his ribs were more or less healed. His fingers ached after just a few minutes of plucking the guitar, but he had other parts to work with. “Yeah,” he said, leaning over. “I’m good.”
They kissed for a while, just taking their time, but before long Liam’s kisses turned more heated as they were prone to do. A couple of weeks earlier Spike would have tried to slow him down. Not only because it still hurt just to move, but because he was still in a bad place emotionally. Too jumpy. Too bloody fragile. Well, he was tired of that. What he really needed was some proper rogering. So, this time when Liam’s hands started wandering south, he let them, gasping as Liam’s fingers wormed their way under his t-shirt, over his chest. Still, the couch wasn’t the ideal place for what he had in mind. “Wait.”
Liam instantly jerked his hand back, looking worried and shameful. “I’m sorry. I-”
Spike kissed him hard. “Sshh. Bed. Now. I want your cock up my arse, and this couch is not that comfortable.”
Liam stared at him. “Okay.” He stood up so abruptly Spike almost fell on the floor. “Let’s go.”
They started shedding their clothes on the way, t-shirts, and jeans and a stray sock marking the path from the living room into the dark bedroom. Spike leaned over to turn on the reading light and fetch supplies from the bedside drawer, but before he could turn around again, Liam was behind him, falling to his knees. He pulled down Spike’s underwear, slowly, and started kissing his way down Spike’s lower spine to the cleft of his cheeks. Spike hitched his breath, totally unprepared for the tenderness in Liam’s touch. It was unbelievably arousing, but Spike had to fight the instinct to shy away, since he knew that even in the dim light the marks from the vicious assault would still be visible.
“Come on, pet, let’s get on the bed,” he said, voice shivering.
Liam didn’t answer, just turned Spike gently around, so he could kiss the slopes of his hipbones, the treasure trail running from his navel, before finally burying his face in the nest of Spike’s pubic hair.
Spike stroke Liam’s head, hoping he wouldn’t feel his hands trembling. “Come on, luv. No need for that.”
Liam rose to his feet, and kissed Spike softly. “Stop rushing. Let me do this,” he murmured.
“I’ll let you do anything,” Spike whispered. His heart was speeding up so fast he felt dizzy. “You know that, luv.”
“I know.” Liam pushed him gently down on the bed. “On your back. Go on.”
Spike scooted up until his head hit a pillow.
“Knees up.”
He complied without a word, lifting his hips when told, so Liam could place a pillow underneath. He was waiting for the sound of the lube being popped open when suddenly he felt the warmth radiating of Liam’s head skimming the inside of his thighs. But he thought … Suddenly the hot tip of Liam’s tongue licked over his entrance, and he yelped in surprise. “Lee!”
Liam stopped.
Spike froze as he realized what he’d said. “I’m sorry.” He tried to pull away, but Liam wrapped his hands around his waist, holding him still. Spike could hear him breathing, heavily. Shit. “Liam, I’m sorry. Please don’t-”
Liam heaved a deep sigh. “No, I’m sorry.” He leaned his head against Spike’s thigh. His cheek felt too hot, like he was flushed with embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I scared you.”
Spike breathed out. He hadn’t realized but yes, for a moment there he’d been terrified Liam would snap, just like last time. “Yeah.”
“Because I hurt you. Last time you called me that.”
Spike swallowed. “Yeah.”
“I’m so sorry.” Liam breathed slowly, carefully. Spike could feel his warm breath rolling along his thigh, and he shivered. “Do you want to stop?”
Spike closed his eyes. Then he took a deep breath and pushed a bit of humor into his voice. “I want you to get back to what you were doing and stop trying to weasel out of it.” He smiled when he felt Liam breathe a low laugh.
“If you’re sure.” Liam kissed the tip of Spike’s cock, making him hitch his breath, before he moved back down. There was a pause, then he said, “You can call me Lee, if you want. I’ve missed it.”
Spike’s eyes prickled. “Just might, luv. Now quit stalling.”
Liam laughed and nudged Spike’s thighs further apart with his head and then … Oh god! Spike moaned. Jesus, that was … So good! He hadn’t had anyone do that for him in way too long. So long he’d forgotten how bloody amazingly good it was! He lost himself in the heat, slick pressure and dexterous licking that had him whimpering and thrashing his head. In fact he was so far gone he didn’t even realize what Liam was doing until his finger was already knuckles deep. Sneaky bastard, Spike hadn’t even heard him open the tube of lube he could feel now, cool and slick between his legs. He moaned, twisting the sheet in his fists.
“Okay?”
“Uhuh.” He sucked in his breath when Liam curled his finger. “Jesus!”
“Fuck, you’re tight.” Liam pulled out, then pushed back in with even more lube. “Let me know if you want me to slow down. I don’t want to hurt you.” Unlike last time, was what he meant.
“Not … not a bloody virgin,” Spike groaned. “Please, I need… Lee!” Spike whined when Liam pulled out his finger then gasped when it was replaced with two, sliding into him. “Oh God, Liam!”
“Like that? How about now?”
He kept slowly opening Spike up as he writhed and moaned on the bed, begging for more, for that, yes, exactly there, oh Jesus, Mary, and motherfucking Joseph! “Please, please, please! I need you. Liam, please!”
“Hold on a little longer, baby.” Liam pushed his fingers deeper, then harder and faster, hitting the sweet spot over and over again, until Spike was moaning so loud, he was sure the whole building must know what they were doing. Not that he cared.
“Fuck, look at you. Jesus!” Liam’s voice sounded wrecked, like he was the one being split open on what now felt like half a fist, pounding into Spike like a fucking piston.
“Lee, please! Please!”
He sobbed when Liam pulled out his fingers, feeling open and empty and so desperate he thought he was going to lose his mind. Oh, oh! Finally, finally! Liam was thicker than he remembered, the dull pressure making his breath stutter, and he forced himself to relax, gasping when the head finally popped through the rim. Liam was staring down at him, eyes impossibly wide, like he didn’t quite believe what was happening. Slowly he started pushing, inching deeper and deeper, while Spike gasped, only managing shallow, almost painful breaths, until Liam stopped, wedged tight between his thighs. Spike drew in a trembling breath. Fuck, Liam was big. He felt so stretched, he was afraid to move in case it would prove just that one inch too many. Just breathe, breathe. Breathe and adjust. Okay. Okay. He could do this. “It’s alright. It’s alright, luv. Come on. Move.”
Liam groaned, pulling slowly half the way out then pushing back in. Again and again until Spike was moaning, and whimpering and goddamn sobbing. Liam was being so careful, so gentle, and Spike had never loved him more. And never been as close to fucking killing him! “Liam, I need... Liam, please! Lee!” It was so good and so, so frustrating. “Come on. Bloody buggering hell, can you please… faster! Please, please, please!”
“Fuck, you’re pretty when you beg,” Liam grunted, pulling out almost completely before ramming back inside with all his might. And oh fuck, there was that extra inch.
Spike might have shouted. He might have seen white stars before his eyes and wondered for just one second if he was having a stroke. After that his brain short circuited, and he didn’t really remember afterwards what went down, but Liam assured him it had involved a lot of high-pitched yelling, sobbing and moaning like a two-bit whore. Spike was pretty sure he was lying about that first one, possibly even the other two. As far as he remembered his grunts had been very manly, but he did have a vague recollection of Liam staring into his eyes, saying: “I love you, I love you, I love you,” over and over again with a broken voice. And just as it was getting to be too much, just as he thought he’d break from the intensity of it - “Oh God, oh God! Lee!” - his orgasm hit him like a bloody freight train, knocking him out.
Spike came to being rolled over to his side, small shivers of ecstasy still running through him, as if he was coming down from being electrocuted instead of the best orgasm of his life. Liam plastered himself to his sweaty back before pulling the cover over them. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I love you. I love you so much.”
“Love you, too, pet,” Spike mumbled.
Liam stilled. “Thought you were asleep,” he said.
Spike smiled. Trust Liam to feel embarrassed about being caught being romantic and not fucking Spike halfway to heaven and back. “Wasn’t sleeping. Just knocked me out for a bit, that’s all.” He yawned. “Just give me a minute, and we can do that again.”
Liam chuckled. “You’ll have to do all the work yourself then, because I’m done for the night.”
Spike yawned again and snuggled closer. “In a minute. Just gonna kip a bit.”
Liam shifted behind him. “We need a bigger bed,” he grunted.
“You moving in?” Spike asked, brain still half dead, so it took him a moment to realize Liam was being suspiciously quiet. Now he thought about it, Liam had been staying over most nights. “You wanna move in, luv?” he asked, more serious. “I’d love to have you.”
He could feel Liam breathe out. “I was thinking, maybe you could move in with me.” His huff of warm breath tickled Spike’s neck. “Don’t much like this place.”
Spike frowned. He thought his flat was pretty alright. Nicer than Liam’s anyway. “Why?”
He could feel Liam shiver. “Because every time I go into the kitchen, all I can see is your blood, all over it.”
Oh. He hadn’t realized but Liam never stayed in the kitchen long and always wanted to eat in the living room in front of the tv. Spike rolled over to face Liam, who was pinching his lips, looking like the memory alone was causing him pain. “I’m sorry, luv. I keep forgetting you had to see all that.”
“You had to live it.”
“Yeah, but I don’t remember. Not that part. I mean, I saw the pictures, but it’s not the same.” He palmed Liam’s cheek and kissed him softly. “You should have said something.”
But Liam just shook his head. “Didn’t want to remind you.”
“Not something I’m ever likely to forget, luv.” Spike kissed him again. “Alright, if you’ll have me, I’ll move in.”
Liam breathed out, obviously relieved. “Good. Thank you.” He wrapped an arm around Spike and closed his eyes. “Now can an old man get some sleep?”
“Old my arse,” Spike snorted.
“Tomorrow,” Liam grumbled. “Too tired now.”
Spike laughed, kissing him on the nose before snuggling down. He was gonna hold Liam to that promise.
---------------
“You sure about this, man?” Lindsey said, staring up at Liam’s apartment building. “It’s not been that long.”
“Been longer than you think,” Spike pointed out, shrugging apologetically at the look Lindsey sent him. “Wasn’t my secret to tell.”
Lindsey huffed. “How long?”
Spike hesitated. Honestly, he wasn’t sure what to say. First time they kissed? First time they had (disastrous) sex? First time they decided to be friends? First actual date?
Lindsey saved him from having to answer by adding, “Ain’t even been a year since the fire, man, so whenever it was, like I said, hasn’t been that long.”
“Sometimes you just know,” Spike said and smiled at him. It always gave him a warm feeling, knowing that Lindsey cared and worried about him. That anyone did.
“Yeah, well. You know where I am if it all goes to hell.”
“I do.” Spike pulled Lindsey in, kissing him softly. As always, it left Lindsey looking like he’d just had the sun handed to him, all bright eyed and smiling. It was adorable. “Now stop stalling. This stuff ain’t gonna carry itself up five flights of stairs.”
The smile dropped of Lindsey’s face. “Where the hell’s your big strong boyfriend? Shouldn’t he be here helping you?”
“Just got to let him know we’re here.” Spike fished his phone out of his pocket, frowning when the call went to voicemail. “I’ve got my keys, we can let ourselves in.” He didn’t say ‘and check if everything’s alright’ but it was implied by the frown on his face. “We can each take a box.”
“Nuhuh, you’re not taking anything. Stop trying to carry stuff. You’re still recuperating. Liam would never let me hear the end of it if you hurt yourself again.”
“Fine,” Spike grumbled and unlocked the door. The five flights of stairs still took the wind out of him, he really wouldn’t have relished carrying boxes of books up them. He could hear Lindsey huffing and swearing behind him and felt a little bit bad. But hey, Lindsey had volunteered. He was about to put his key in the lock, even if it made him feel a bit uncomfortable just walking in, when he heard loud voices coming from inside and froze. He signaled to a flushed Lindsey to keep back, which of course made him instantly drop the box and move to Spike’s side.
“Trouble?”
“Don’t know.” He listened but couldn’t really hear what was being said, even if the anger in the voices came through loud and clear. “Should I knock?”
Lindsey looked at him with a frown. “Darling, you live here. Just open the goddamn door.”
Spike still hesitated, but the voices kept getting louder, so he unlocked the door and stepped in. Then stopped dead. Liam, and a man who could only be his father, stood glaring at each other in the middle of the living room. They hadn’t noticed him and Lindsey yet, but it was only a matter of time. He contemplated backing out, this was clearly a private matter, but the thought of Liam seeing him backing away and leaving, when he possibly needed help or just a friend, made that impossible.
“I didn’t raise you to be some weak-ass fucking faggot! I don’t know what the hell you think you are, but you’re not that!”
“No, you raised me to be a damn coward, or I would have done this a long time ago. You don’t know what I am? Well, I’m a damn good firefighter, I fucking save lives. And I’m gay. Always have been, always will be. And if that’s too much for you to handle then get the hell out of my apartment!”
“Your mother-”
“Mom never cared, you asshole. It was all you. All those years of me living in fucking misery, you did that. And I let you, because I was so fucking stupid, I thought you were right. That being gay meant being weak, and perverted and not a real man. Well, you know what? I am gay. and I’m none of those things. And Will is none of those things. It’s all in your fucking head, dad. Because you’re a bigot and a self-righteous asshole.”
Mr. O’Connor raised his fist, and Spike and Lindsey rushed forward at once, grabbing him from behind and holding him back. Liam looked shocked for a moment, but then his anger got the better of him, and this time it was him Spike had to hold back. “It’s not worth it, luv. Just let him go.”
“This the faggot you’ve been screwing?” Liam’s dad sneered, spittle flying from his warped lips as he glared at Spike. “I should kill you, you disgusting, degenerate little-”
“That’s it! I’m arresting you, sir, for trespassing and threatening a police officer,” Lindsey said, whipping out a pair of handcuffs that would make Spike roll his eyes under different circumstances. Trust Lindsey to always be prepared, like a bloody boy scout.
“What?” Mr. O’Connor struggled, but Lindsey was stronger than he appeared, holding him firmly back. “You can’t do this! Liam, tell him!”
Liam suddenly slumped, looking tired and fed up. “Dad, shut up. Linds, please let him go.”
Lindsey shook his head. He looked murderous. “Not your call, man.”
“Lindsey,” Spike said, putting a hand on his arm. “It’s okay.”
Lindsey stood still, took a deep breath, and unlocked the cuffs. “Don’t make me regret this, sir. I would absolutely love to haul you in.”
Mr. O’Connor rubbed his wrists. He looked from one of them to the other, finally settling on Liam. “This how you want it to be, son?”
“No,” Liam said. “But it’s what you’re leaving me with.”
His father huffed in disgust, turned on his heel and stormed out. The silence following the slam of the door was deafening. Spike nodded to the window. “Pet, you mind?”
Lindsey moved over to the window, watching for a while then turned back. “He’s gone.”
Liam stumbled to the couch and sat down, head in his hands. Spike sat down beside him, rubbing his back. He felt out of his league. Sure, he was used to dealing with asshole bigots, but this was different. This was family. And Liam had just given his up to be with him.
“I can go,” Lindsey offered, but Spike shook his head. For one thing, they still needed to bring up all his stuff, and for another, he had a feeling Liam needed to hear this from someone other than him.
“You alright, luv? What happened?”
“He just showed up. I don’t know… He just showed up.” Liam shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“He could have hurt you!” Liam breathed heavily. “I would have killed him! I would have killed him if he-”
“Not something you should admit in front of two coppers, pet,” Spike said, smiling a little.
Lindsey just shrugged. “Didn’t hear anything, man. Bad acoustics in here. Real crappy.”
That did make Liam smile, if a little crookedly. “You are so full of shit, Linds.” He looked up. “Thank you.”
“For arresting your old man or for letting him go?”
“For defusing a bad situation. And having really bad hearing.”
“Yeah, well.” Lindsey came over and sat on Liam’s other side. “Hard to collect all those kisses if you’re locked up.”
Liam laughed shakily. He turned his head and caught Lindsey unaware, kissing him soft and slowly. “That’s one,” he said when he finally let go.
Lindsey stared at him, looking dazed. “Fuck. I should arrest your old man more often.”
Liam shrugged, eyes going dark and hooded. “Would probably do him good. The fucking bastard.”
Spike decided he’d better take a hold of the situation before it got maudlin. “How about you lazy buggers go down and fetch my things before someone steals them off the back of the truck?” Then sat back with a beer and enjoyed watching them work up a sweat.
After the second trip up the five flights with a box full of books, Lindsey swore and sat down on the couch, wiping sweat from his forehead. “Figure your cheap ass boyfriend wouldn’t spring for a place with a working elevator.”
“It’s good exercise, mate,” Spike said, handing him a beer. “You should thank me, sweat looks good on you.”
“Fuck you,” Lindsey muttered, taking a big swig. “It’s goddamn hard labor is what it is. You should damn well be paying me.”
“Hey, I’m already providing you with beer, but fine.” Spike grinned. “A kiss for each trip.”
Lindsey looked up startled. He licked his lips. “From you?”
Spike looked at Liam who just came through the door. “Or Lee. We believe in sharing.”
“Damn.” Lindsey was up from the couch and out the door, before Spike could remind him he was already owed two.
He turned to Liam, smiling. “How about you, luv? How would you like to get paid?”
“Apart from getting you to live here with me? I’m sure I can think of something. But for now…” Liam sat down and pulled him in.
They were still kissing when Lindsey came stumbling through the door with the next haul.
“Nuhuh, tha-at’s mi-ine,” he wheezed. “Just let me…”
He sucked in his breath, bending over. Spike was reminded of the first time he met Liam, him wheezing for air after running up those damn stairs, and Liam a pissed off drunk, and he marveled at how much had happened since then. By the look in Liam’s eyes, he was thinking the very same thing. Spike grinned and pushed Liam up from the couch. “Go on, luv. I’ll take the first round.”
Liam patted Lindsey on the shoulder as he walked. “Go get your reward, stud.”
Lindsey straightened up slowly and stumbled over to the couch. He took a few deep breaths then grabbed Spike by the back of his neck and hauled him in. It was the first time he’d taken the initiative, and Spike could feel his uncertainty but mostly his want, his need, in the press of Lindsey’s lips against his, the hungry prodding of his tongue. They kissed longer than they had ever before, deeper, increasingly hotter. Spike could feel want bubble up in his belly and tried to pull away, but when Lindsey mewled a protest, holding him in place, Spike relented, allowing himself to feel the fire grow, until he was burning with it.
When they finally pulled apart Lindsey’s eyes were shining in his flushed face, and they were both breathing heavily. “That was…”
Spike groaned. “Yeah.”
Lindsey swallowed. “We probably shouldn’t…”
“No.” Spike stared at Lindsey’s lips, feeling the heat of him still so close, the drum of his own heartbeat pounding in his hard dick. “Probably not.”
Someone cleared their throat, loudly, and they sprang apart. Liam chuckled and dumped the box and bag of clothes he was carrying. “Don’t mind me, I’m just doing all the work.”
“Shit. Sorry.” Lindsey jumped to his feet and fled through the door.
Liam raised an eyebrow and looked over at Spike. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah.” He forced a smile. “Think maybe we need to slow down with the kissing, pet, before it gets out of hand.”
“Hmm.” Liam looked thoughtful. “You want to fuck him?”
“What??” Spike spluttered. “Where the bloody hell did that come from? I’m with you, you wanker!”
“I’m just saying…” Liam shrugged. “He’s… not ugly.”
“You want to fuck him,” Spike said shocked.
“No! I mean…” Liam sighed. “Forget it. I was just… kidding.”
“No, you were bloody well not. Tell me.”
“I just…” Liam rubbed his neck. “Look, there’s clearly chemistry between the two of you. Any idiot can see that. And I wouldn’t mind… I mean, we could, maybe… together?”
Spike stared at him. “You’re kidding me.”
“I think you already established I’m ‘bloody well not’.”
Just then Lindsey came back, clearly still feeling awkward. He put the box he was carrying down, but as he tried to slip away Liam grabbed his wrist and pulled him in. “Your payment.” He pushed Lindsey up against the door, staring deep into eyes that Spike could see were startled and a little panicked. Then he crushed their lips together.
Note: I'm sorry if anyone is pissed about Lindsey joining in. Truth is, I was fighting their attraction every damn chapter I wrote Spike and Lindsey together in 16 years ago and it does shine through. So, it's not like it comes completely out of left field. But I know many are very protective of their OTP so to them I am sorry. To those who have, like me, enjoyed Chris Kane being in a OT3 in pretty much every show he's been in since Angel, you're welcome.
Continued here.
Author: felisblanco
Pairing: Liam/Spike, Lindsey/Faith, Lindsey/Spike(sort of)
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 9498 words this part
Continued from here.
Spike was released a week later. He was still tired but it was physical rather than emotional fatigue, and his sleep was down to night-time and some naps during the day. Sometimes long naps but still. The psychiatrist had lingering concerns, so she set him up to meet with her when he came in for his physical therapy. Spike had grumbled about it, but secretly he was grateful. It scared him how low he’d sunk. If Liam hadn’t gotten through to him… He didn’t want to think about where he’d been headed. Before this, he would have admitted he was sometimes bitter and pissed off, but the despair and hopelessness had taken him completely by surprise. It still lingered, even if he felt a lot better. It probably wouldn’t hurt to talk about it with someone qualified to deal with his messed-up head. Now, if he could only get Liam to do the same thing…
They hadn’t known exactly when the doctors would finally release him so it so happened that Liam had a shift at the time that he couldn’t get out of. Lindsey volunteered to get Spike home instead, wheeling him out to his truck in the obligatory wheelchair, then helping him up all the stairs once they got home. It left them both exhausted.
The kitchen had been thoroughly cleaned. Not that Spike remembered the state of it but he could imagine what it had looked like, having shown up to his fair share of domestic violence scenes. Lindsey helped him to bed then made himself useful, hauling in grocery bags from the truck, filling the fridge with enough food to last Spike a month or more. Especially since he still didn’t have much of an appetite. When Lindsey was done putting everything away, he came back into the bedroom, watching Spike from the doorway. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah. Thanks for all the help.” Spike gave him a tired smile. “I’m just gonna sleep a bit. You don’t have to stay.”
Lindsey shrugged. “I could nap.” He walked over and got comfortable on the bed beside Spike. There wasn’t much room as it was only a queen, but Lindsey didn’t seem to mind.
Spike cocked one eyebrow at him. “I have a couch,” he pointed out.
Lindsey shifted over onto his side, eyeing him. “So?”
“Nothing. Homo.” He grinned.
Lindsey snorted. He wriggled closer, putting his arm carefully around Spike’s waist, even if most of the bruises were gone by now, then leaned over and kissed Spike softly on the lips. It was so gentle Spike was still blinking in wonder when Lindsey pulled away.
“Don’t tell your boyfriend,” he muttered, closing his eyes. “He’s one jealous motherfucker.”
Spike chuckled. His cheeks felt hot, and his lips tingled. “What about your girlfriend? What she say about you kissing blokes all over town?”
Lindsey snorted. “She loves this shit, man. She’d be trying to set us up for a threesome if she thought you’d go for it.”
Spike laughed. “Think she’s a bit too girly for me, ta all the same.”
“That’s what I said about you. Ow!”
---------------
When Liam let himself in a couple of hours later, he found Spike and Lindsey dead asleep, with Lindsey’s arm curled around Spike’s waist and Spike’s face turned toward Lindsey, like he was just waiting for a kiss. Liam stood in the bedroom doorway, watching them for a long time. The old jealousy was trying to rear its ugly head, but he pushed it down. He’d seen how head over heels Lindsey was for Faith. Still, if that cowboy couldn’t keep his hands to himself, Liam might have to remind him just who Spike belonged to.
He walked back into the kitchen to quickly snatch himself a beer, unable to stay in there for more than a moment, the memory of Spike’s beaten body, the blood and the terror from that day making him feel sick. He went into the living room and planted himself on the couch, turning on the tv with the sound way down low.
It was true what he’d told Spike, as terrifying as it had been to come out to his colleagues, he was relieved it was over. Well, he had meant to come out, even if he hadn’t quite figured out how. Larry solved that problem by moving in on him as he entered the station, sneering something about hearing his fairy friend got himself fucked up by some of LA’s finest. Before the asshole knew what was happening, he was on the floor, nursing a split lip and a bloody nose and staring up at a furious Liam snarling that Larry better get out of his fucking sight or he’d fucking kill him.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Larry spit out, along with a gob of blood. “He your fucking boyfriend?”
“Yeah, he fucking is. You’ve got a problem with that?” He’d heard a noise behind him and turned to face the whole squad who’d run out to see what the hell was going on. “Any of you got a problem with that?” he yelled, trembling like a damn leaf from the adrenaline and the realization of what he was doing.
Harris had been the first to shake his head. “No, Lee. We don’t.” He’d walked over, laid a calming hand on Liam’s shoulder, looked him straight in the eye and said, “We never did.”
Liam had been so shocked he almost broke down. Harris had wrapped his arm around his shoulders and steered him into the break room, with the whole squad following, offering support, and asking about Spike and generally being the friends Liam never imagined he had. Larry was left on the floor, cursing to himself. He handed in his request for a transfer the next day. Liam didn’t think a single person missed him.
“Hey.”
He looked up to see a groggy but tense Lindsey standing in the doorway. “Hey. He still sleeping?”
Lindsay relaxed and kicked away from the door frame to come over to sit on the other end of the couch. “He’ll probably sleep for a while yet.”
Liam nodded. “Not sleeping as much as he used to though.”
“No. He’s getting better.” Lindsey looked over at him. “Got you to thank for that.”
Liam shook his head. He didn’t want credit for finally being honest after all the years of lying. “He’s still pretty low.”
“He’s got a lot to feel low about.” Lindsey leaned over and stole Liam’s beer but grimaced at the flat taste. Liam hadn’t even realized he’d been sitting there that long. “I should get going,” Lindsey added but he didn’t move. After a moment Liam stood up and fetched them each a fresh bottle. Lindsey accepted his with a grateful nod.
They sat silent for a while, watching some commercials on tv, sipping their beers.
“I’m worried,” Lindsey finally said, voice low. “I hate to say it, but I don’t think he should come back. You know, when he’s recovered.”
“It’s probably gonna be a while,” Liam pointed out, but he didn’t disagree.
“I fucking hate it, but I just don’t trust’em. My own people. His own people.” Lindsey sighed. “I doubt Mears and Wells will be coming back, but it’s not like they’re the only ones. I’ve overheard more than a couple of fuckers mutter that they’d rather have those murdering bastards back than ‘that damn fag’. That if he knew what’s good for him, he’d fuck off and leave policing to real men.”
“Jesus.” Liam swallowed the bile in his throat. He’d known it was bad but still. “I thought they’d accepted him after he saved Joe at his retirement party?”
“A lot of them did but then time goes by and …” Lindsey shrugged. “Now he’s just ‘that fag that got Mears and Wells suspended’.”
Liam jerked upright. “Suspended? What the fuck? You telling me you didn’t even arrest them? They tried to fucking kill him!”
“You know cops get away with actual murder, right?” Lindsey snapped. “An attempt hardly fucking registers. Even on one of our own. Not when it’s someone like Spike.”
Liam bristled. “Like us, you mean. Just fucking say it: A fucking queer. That’s what you mean.”
Lindsey sighed. “Yeah, but not just that. Openly queer. And he’s foreign. That doesn’t help.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, man. I wish I could say it’s getting better, but I don’t think it is. Not in our ranks.” Lindsey rubbed a hand over his face. “As long as cops are too scared to be out, nothing’s gonna change. And what happened to Spike ain’t exactly encouraging anyone to step out.”
Liam’s anger deflated at seeing the dejected look on Lindsey’s face. “So, you know others?”
Lindsey looked away. “Maybe. Yeah.” He took a big gulp from his beer and added, “Like I said, ain’t something we talk about.”
Liam frowned. “We?”
Lindsey stilled. Then he took a deep breath. “I don’t know. Maybe.” He glanced at Liam, shuffled a bit further away, face red, and then admitted, “Your boy’s a mighty fine kisser.”
Liam stared at him in shock. He should be furious but … He burst out laughing, so hard he got tears in his eyes. Trust Spike to turn the most motherfucking cowboy in LAPD queer!
Lindsey looked wary at first, then started chuckling, shaking his head. “I’m fucking thirty, man. I don’t know where the hell that could’ve come from except your goddamn boyfriend. Shit.” He groaned. “I’m just happy Faith doesn’t give a rat’s ass. She thinks it’s fucking hilarious. And hot, for some reason.” He glanced quickly at Liam who was still shaking with laughter. “Don’t mean I’m making a move on him. Don’t have a chance with you around anyway. Not sure it’s what I’d be looking for even if I did. But fuck, that kiss!” He sighed.
Liam chuckled and shook his head. “Gotta say, you surprise me. Never thought I’d see a redneck stumble over to our side.” He waved his hand. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna smack you. Not like I really have any say in who he lays his lips on.”
Lindsey looked surprised. “Thought you two were good?”
“Well, yeah, but…” Liam rubbed his neck. He couldn’t believe he was discussing this with Lindsey of all people. “We haven’t really talked about it. With everything that happened, for all I know he might want to move back to England.”
Lindsey snorted. “Like hell he does.”
“What’s to keep him here if he can’t go back to the force?”
“Maybe you should bloody well ask him?”
They both looked up at Spike who was leaning against the doorway with a crutch propped under one arm, looking sleep-rumpled and adorably annoyed.
“Spike!” Liam jumped up and hurried to Spike’s side before he toppled over. “You shouldn’t be out of bed. Come on, sit.”
Spike tried to resist but seemed to think better off it as he started to sag in Liam’s arms. “I’m okay,” he muttered as Liam lowered him down on the middle of the couch. Lindsey shifted to give him more room. “Was trying to sleep but someone was being bloody loud.”
“Sorry,” they both said at the same time, unable to look at one another.
“Never mind.” Spike dropped his head back, closing his eyes. He was sickly pale, and his breathing sounded labored. “What the sodding hell were you two talking about me not being on the force?”
Liam hovered uneasily before sitting down on Spike’s other side, putting his hands awkwardly on his knees. “Nothing.”
“I’ll go.” Lindsey made to get up but Spike grabbed his arm.
“Stay.” He opened his eyes and glared at them in turn. “Bloody well tell me. I’m off the force? What for? Not dying?
“You’re not off the force,” Lindsey said quickly. “But…” He looked at Liam, wavering.
Liam took a deep breath. “We think maybe you should be.”
Spike sat up so fast his face turned grey, and he sagged immediately back down.
“Shit. Lindsey, can you get him some water?”
“’M okay,” Spike grunted, his face rippling with pain.
“You need to take it easy.” Liam accepted the glass of water from Lindsey with a grateful nod and held it to Spike’s lips. “Here, take a sip.”
“’M not a bloody invalid,” he groused, but he drank it all down just the same.
“At the moment you damn well are,” Liam said exasperated, “so can you please just do as you’re told? Just this once?”
Spike waved his hand dismissively but when Liam sat back, Spike leaned against him, using his shoulder as a pillow. “Not quitting,” he mumbled.
Liam sighed. He looked up at Lindsey who was hovering in the doorway, clearly thinking he should leave them to it. But Spike would never believe how bad things actually were without Lindsey there to back him up. How much danger he was placing himself in. “Spike, you need to listen.”
“I’m not¬-”
“There’s a lot of bad feelings at the precinct,” Lindsey cut in. “Some people are saying some pretty fucked up shit. Truth is, I don’t think it’s safe for you to come back.”
“It’s never been safe for me,” Spike shot back but he sounded more resigned than angry.
“I know. But it’s never been like this, man. They think the charges are bullshit, that you’re playing it up to be worse than it was. Using the victim card to get rid of Mears and Wells because apparently they harassed you when you first started.”
“Harassed?” Spike snapped. “They bloody well beat the shit out of me!”
Liam growled. “That was them?” Why was he surprised? Spike had seemed unusually wary at the hospital. He should have guessed it wasn’t just because he was afraid those fuckers would realize they were dating. “Why did none of you tell me?”
“How was I to know? He never said!” Lindsey growled, pointing a finger at Spike. “They’ve just been stupid enough to tattletale on their own dumb asses. Except of course they say you played that up too.” He sank back down on the couch with a deep sigh. “I’ve tried to set things straight, Faith and Summers too, but …” He glanced at Spike, a resigned look in his eyes. “They know we’re friends, they think we’re just taking your word for it being more than just you being a pansy that couldn’t handle a little pushing around.”
“Are you kidding me? He was in a fucking coma!” Liam yelled, shaking with anger. “They think he faked that? What about the motherfucking police report? What about the fucking cleaning crew we had to send in here because it looked like a goddamn slaughterhouse? They think we’re lying about that too?”
“Lee…” Spike whispered but Liam was too furious to listen.
“They stalked him and assaulted him in his own goddamn home! They turned on the fucking gas, leaving him to die! It was goddamn attempted murder!
“The captain keeps the report in his desk,” Lindsey said, voice subdued. “To be honest? I think they’re gonna try and hush the whole thing up.”
“Are you fucking kidding me??”
“Lee!”
“WHAT?” Liam turned around and the fury drained out of him. Spike had his eyes squeezed shut, his face as pale as it had ever been. There were tears running down his nose. Shit. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. What’s wrong?”
“You’re just very loud,” he whispered. “My bloody noggin’s killing me.”
“I’m sorry. Let’s get you to bed, okay?”
“I’m okay.” But he didn’t argue when Liam pulled him to his feet and half-carried him back into the bedroom. He accepted a couple of painkillers but when Liam meant to stroke his cheek he turned away. “’M just gonna sleep, okay?”
Liam swallowed. “Okay. We’ll keep it down.”
Spike didn’t answer.
Liam left the door ajar so he could hear if Spike needed anything. Returning to the living room he found Lindsey sitting with his head in his hands but when he heard Liam come in he looked up, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Shit.”
“Yeah. You really think they’re gonna cover it up?”
Lindsey sighed. “I don’t know, man. Yes? Yeah, I do. The powers that be don’t care one shit about what’s right, they’re all about protecting their own asses. Can’t help worrying how far they’ll go to keep us quiet.”
“We could take it to the press.”
Lindsey snorted. “Forget about cops, Spike would kill you.”
Liam managed a crooked smile. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” The smile faded away. “I just hate the thought of them getting away with it. Not just that, they’re blaming Spike? Like, how the hell?”
“I don’t know. By the time I realized what was going on, that fucking rumor was everywhere.” Lindsey dropped his head into his hands again. “I don’t know what to do, man. Not like I’ve got any pull. Plus, they’ve made sure to kill what little respect I had. I came back after my shift yesterday, and guys I thought were my friends wouldn’t even look at me.”
Liam lay a hand hesitantly on Lindsey’s shoulder. It still felt awkward to him, touching other men, but this was what people did when their friends were hurting. “I’m sorry. Maybe you should both quit.”
Lindsey’s shoulders slumped even further. “Maybe.”
“Maybe you could make it as a gay duo at the country dive. I hear chicks love that shit.”
Lindsey chuckled. “Yeah, that’s what they tell me.” He looked up. “We good? About the whole … you know.” His shoulder had gone stiff under Liam’s palm, like he was preparing for a fight.
Liam thought about it. Then he grabbed Lindsey by the neck, pulled him in and kissed him. Only took a second before Lindsey was kissing him back, then he jerked away as if he’d only just realized what he was doing. “What the hell, man?”
Liam smirked. “Quid pro quo, motherfucker.”
Lindsey stared at him. He licked his lips. “In that case… I should tell you that wasn’t the only time.”
Liam stilled. “No?”
“No.” Lindsey swallowed.
“How many more?”
“One.” His eyes widened, almost comically. “No, wait, two. One some time ago and...” He hesitated. “And one earlier, in there.” He jerked his head toward the bedroom. “Was never him, just me, so don’t go being mad at him for it.”
Liam breathed out. “Why?”
“Don’t know.” Lindsey ducked his head, looking ten kinds of uncomfortable. “Told myself I did it just to make him smile, ‘cause he was kinda down.”
“Were you?”
“First time?” Lindsey shrugged. “Probably. But the one earlier? I just really wanted to, man. Figured it be my last chance, now you two have finally got your shit together.” He took a deep breath. “You wanna smack me for it, go ahead. Still worth it.”
Liam studied him with a frown. Then he stood up. “Wait here.” He went into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He could tell Spike was still awake from his painfully laboured breathing. “You hear any of that?”
“Some.” Spike opened his eyes. “You gonna be a prick about it, luv?”
“Depends. You okay with me laying a couple on him?”
Spike’s eyes went wide. “You gonna hit him?”
Liam shook his head. “Like I told him, quid pro quo.”
Spike blinked. Then he grinned. “Go for it. Can I watch?”
“No. Go to sleep.”
He could hear Spike’s laughter all the way into the living room. Lindsey was still sitting on the couch, but he looked wary, like he was wondering if maybe he should have run while he had the chance. Liam walked straight to him, seized one hand and pulled him to his feet then grabbed him by the neck again and hauled him in for a kiss. Lindsey was taken enough by surprise that Liam was on his second kiss when he felt himself being hesitantly kissed back, then deeper as he started to pull away. He allowed it, figuring the first one didn’t really count, with Lindsey being taken off guard. Once it threatened to turn into a full on make-out session he stepped back, with some reluctance though, he had to admit.
Lindsey stared up at him, breathing harshly, his face pink. “What … what was that?”
Liam shrugged. “I told you, quid pro quo. Just had to get permission first.” He jerked his head toward the bedroom. “I’m not a cheater.”
“Me neither,” Lindsey said, sounding offended. He blushed when Liam gave him a pointed look. “Told you, she digs this shit. Said I can do it any time. She’ll just be mad she wasn’t around to enjoy it.”
“Me too, you bloody bastards!” Spike shouted from the bedroom.
“Go to sleep!” they both yelled back, then burst out laughing.
“I should get going,” Lindsey said once they’d calmed down. He rubbed his neck, looking suddenly self-conscious. “We’ll be in touch, alright?”
“Alright. Oh, Linds?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t think there’s any ‘maybe’ about you anymore.”
Lindsey snorted. “Guess not. Good night.”
“Night.” He waited by the window until he saw Lindsey get safely in his truck, then went back into the bedroom. Spike was waiting for him, grinning. “What?”
“You kissed a bloody redneck.”
Liam rolled his eyes. “Only because he kissed you first.” He started to undress, figuring he might as well spend the night.
Spike studied him. “Gotta say, luv, never would’ve expected you to be so bloody calm about it. You getting mellow in your old age?”
Liam shrugged, shucking his jeans. “I remember when I was first figuring things out. I’m not gonna make it worse for him by being an asshole.”
“Plus he’s pretty.”
“Well, there’s that.” Liam crawled into bed, smiling when Spike snuggled closer. “I don’t know. I feel sort of guilty for misjudging him all these years. Was kind of a dick to him.”
“You’re kind of a dick to everyone, luv.”
“I know. I’m working on it.”
Spike turned his head and kissed him. “I’m proud of you.”
Liam snorted. “Don’t think there’s an award for not being a dick.”
“Not just that. For coming out to your mates. I know how hard it is, even more so when you’re older.” He chuckled when Liam frowned. “You know what I mean. The longer it’s been, the harder it is. You never know how people are gonna take finding out you’ve not been honest with them.”
Liam nodded. That had been one of his greatest fears. “Turns out some of them already suspected. Probably because I kept getting so pissed off at Larry for being an asshole to you. But more because, because of Billy.” There was a lump in his throat and his eyes prickled. “Because they saw how close we were, and how I changed after…”
Spike touched Liam’s cheek gently. “I’m not surprised. Just from those photos, the way he looks at you, can’t see how you could have hidden it.”
Liam swallowed. “I was afraid they’d blame me. For, for him dying. I mean, they’d be right to but ...”
Spike cocked an eyebrow. “Do they?”
“Jessie’s the only one who’s said something. He and Billy were pretty close. But then again not close enough for Billy to come out to him. So, I guess he blames himself just as much.”
“And maybe they feel bad about allowing Larry to spout his shit for as long as he’s done.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
Spike snuggled closer. “Well, I’m proud of you. My big brave boyfriend.”
Liam stilled. He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at Spike. “Boyfriend?”
Spike stared up at him, bemused. “Yeah?”
“You never … I mean, I know I said but … we haven’t exactly discussed … I wasn’t sure if …”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Honestly, pet, you’re so bloody stupid sometimes,” he said exasperated. “You’re lucky I love you.”
Liam’s face split into the widest smile. “I love you, too.”
“Well, yeah,” Spike huffed and pulled Liam down for a kiss.
---------------
As the rumors would have it, Spike sauntered into the precinct, five weeks after the attack, like nothing had ever happened. Even though the limp, the cuts on his head and face and the still splinted fingers on his right hand told a different story. No greeting, no nothing, he’d gone straight up to the message board - like half the squad wasn’t staring daggers at him while the other half was busy looking everywhere else - and started pinning pieces of paper all over it. It took a long time, as his movements were awkward with his right hand partly incapacitated, and during the whole time, one could have heard a pin drop. And did, since quite a few slipped through his trembling fingers. When he was done, he turned on his heel and limped back to the door, where Lindsay was waiting. At the last minute Spike looked back and said, “Just so you know, I’ve got copies. Anyone have any questions, email me.” Then he left.
After a moment’s silence the one sitting closest to the board got up to investigate and the rest soon followed. The board was covered in the reports telling exactly what had gone down that night, as well as the extent of Spike’s injuries taken from his medical file. The pictures, from the scene and of Spike’s body, had even the most veteran of them looking uncomfortable. There were copies of Mears and Wells confessions, transcribed from their interviews which had gotten quite heated, enough that they’d angrily listed various reasons why they thought Spike deserved to be ‘taught a lesson’, as Mears said. And Wells crying as he realized he’d accidentally confessed to attempted murder by admitting he was the one who’d returned to turn on the gas. There was a copy of the LAFD’s report about the high levels of gas detected in the apartment, it had seeped into other parts of the building and it was pure luck no one had decided to have a smoke before they got there. In short, every single report that the higher ups had hoped to bury was plastered there for all to see. How Spike had gotten his hands on them was anyone’s guess. At the very end was a colorful flyer with an invite to a LGBTQIA meeting at Spike’s place in a month’s time: “For queers and allies alike. Leave your bigotry at home.”
There was a long uncomfortable silence. They couldn’t even look at one another. After a while each one shuffled to their seat to pretend to work. The whole display hung there until the captain came in from a meeting, two hours later, and consequently lost his shit. He ripped everything down but it was too late, those who had missed it would hear about it in the days to come. And the invite to the meeting somehow always made its way back to the board no matter how many times it was ripped up and thrown away.
Things didn’t magically get better, but they didn’t get worse. The rumors of him faking his injuries came to a halt. So did the sneers and laughter. At first everyone avoided him. (He was never alone, Lindsey or Faith or Summers made sure, (even though he told them he didn’t need no bloody babysitter.) He was on desk duty while he recovered, although it soon became clear having him at his desk all day meant the rest of the squad kept making excuses not to be there. He hated desk work, but he hated being stuck in the hostile environment even more.
Then one day someone nodded a greeting as he came in, so he nodded back. The next day someone else offered him coffee, which he accepted with a shaky hand. (Not seeming to care wasn’t as easy as he kept trying to make it look. None of this was easy. Plus, his fingers still hurt.)
After that, things slowly got back to normal, or as normal as they could be, with the scars on Spike’s head reminding everyone of what had happened. Which was a good thing, he told himself, since they had no business forgetting. Didn’t mean he liked being stared at. In the weeks since it happened his hair had been growing back, but the worst scars were still plenty visible.
“Never knew you had curls,” Liam said, running his fingers through the dark blond hair. “They’re cute.”
Spike hummed. He was strumming his guitar, trying to loosen up his still aching fingers. His mind was pleasantly mellow after the few beers he’d allowed himself along with the couple of mild painkillers. He’d mostly stopped taking them, except when the headaches got too bad. Apparently, there was scarring in areas he’d rather not know about, but they gave him terrible migraine when he was stressed, like he’d been before the meeting. Although whether he was worried no one would show up, or that someone unwanted would, he wasn’t sure.
There hadn’t been many. A lesbian couple, Willow and Tara, who actually were partners as well. Lindsey and Faith, though Spike still wasn’t clear on whether they were there for emotional support or as a queer couple, all things considered. A guy Spike didn’t recognize who wouldn’t tell them his name. He’d been skittish enough that Spike decided not to press him for details. Better let him open up in his own time. Summers stopped by, for support she said. Kate had called to say she would have come if she’d still been in LA but, as she was settling down in New York, it felt like a rather long trip for a short meeting. Plus, she’d already met with her local group, which apparently had been following his case closely. He didn’t know how he felt about that. Was nice knowing he hadn’t been as alone as he thought. Would have been nicer if they'd bloody well let him know he wasn’t alone.
All in all, the meeting had gone well, even if everyone had mostly been interested in talking about what happened to him, rather than sharing their own experiences. But hopefully next time they’d feel more ready to open up, now they’d got their curiosity fulfilled and knew this was a safe place. Spike felt he’d talked enough about his own ordeal for a lifetime.
Faith and Lindsey had left just a few minutes ago, with some horizontal plans in mind if Spike had been reading them correctly. They’d come to an understanding of some sort, the four of them. One Lindsey was only partially aware of. Whenever Lindsey got that soft look of longing in his eyes, which usually happened after a couple of drinks, Faith, unbeknownst to him, would give Spike a ‘Come on, have pity on him’ look. Then Spike would glance at Liam, who would either frown if he was feeling particularly possessive, or roll his eyes and sigh good-naturedly when he was feeling generous. Then Spike would move over to Lindsey, or just lean in if they were sitting close enough and kiss him, until Lindsey remembered with less mortification the more often it happened, that they were not alone.
“One day I’m going to find him his own boyfriend,” Faith had said with a wink as they had left earlier. Lindsey had blushed and slugged her in the arm, but Spike noticed he didn’t say no. He felt oddly sad at the thought. Where Liam’s kisses were passionate to the point of possessive, Lindsey’s kisses were always sweet, almost shy, even when he got carried away, as sometimes happened. Like he felt he had no right to Spike’s kisses but was so grateful he was being offered them anyway. Spike was going to miss that if Lindsey moved on to someone else.
Liam, on the other hand, hadn’t made good on his quid pro quo promise. Not yet anyway. He still made sure Lindsey knew if he stepped out of line, Liam might have to come and collect. A lame threat, seeing as Spike was pretty sure Lindsey wouldn’t mind at all as long as Faith didn’t mind either, and she seemed open to pretty much anything. To the point that Spike was sure he’d seen her eyeing Summers earlier.
“You thinking of joining Lindsey’s band for a gig again?”
Spike stopped strumming and looked up. “Maybe. I mean, probably can’t play, my fingers are still too bloody stiff. But yeah, it would be fun to sing, if they’ll have me. That alright?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?” Liam asked, looking genuinely surprised.
“We-ell,” Spike said, quirking one eyebrow. “You were a little jealous last time.”
Liam blushed. “I was also a lot turned on.”
“Yeah?” Spike grinned, leaning the guitar against the side of the couch. “You turned on now?”
“Always.” Liam tugged at Spike, until he was sitting pretty much in his lap. “You feeling up to it?”
Spike actually took some time to consider. His head was good, his ribs were more or less healed. His fingers ached after just a few minutes of plucking the guitar, but he had other parts to work with. “Yeah,” he said, leaning over. “I’m good.”
They kissed for a while, just taking their time, but before long Liam’s kisses turned more heated as they were prone to do. A couple of weeks earlier Spike would have tried to slow him down. Not only because it still hurt just to move, but because he was still in a bad place emotionally. Too jumpy. Too bloody fragile. Well, he was tired of that. What he really needed was some proper rogering. So, this time when Liam’s hands started wandering south, he let them, gasping as Liam’s fingers wormed their way under his t-shirt, over his chest. Still, the couch wasn’t the ideal place for what he had in mind. “Wait.”
Liam instantly jerked his hand back, looking worried and shameful. “I’m sorry. I-”
Spike kissed him hard. “Sshh. Bed. Now. I want your cock up my arse, and this couch is not that comfortable.”
Liam stared at him. “Okay.” He stood up so abruptly Spike almost fell on the floor. “Let’s go.”
They started shedding their clothes on the way, t-shirts, and jeans and a stray sock marking the path from the living room into the dark bedroom. Spike leaned over to turn on the reading light and fetch supplies from the bedside drawer, but before he could turn around again, Liam was behind him, falling to his knees. He pulled down Spike’s underwear, slowly, and started kissing his way down Spike’s lower spine to the cleft of his cheeks. Spike hitched his breath, totally unprepared for the tenderness in Liam’s touch. It was unbelievably arousing, but Spike had to fight the instinct to shy away, since he knew that even in the dim light the marks from the vicious assault would still be visible.
“Come on, pet, let’s get on the bed,” he said, voice shivering.
Liam didn’t answer, just turned Spike gently around, so he could kiss the slopes of his hipbones, the treasure trail running from his navel, before finally burying his face in the nest of Spike’s pubic hair.
Spike stroke Liam’s head, hoping he wouldn’t feel his hands trembling. “Come on, luv. No need for that.”
Liam rose to his feet, and kissed Spike softly. “Stop rushing. Let me do this,” he murmured.
“I’ll let you do anything,” Spike whispered. His heart was speeding up so fast he felt dizzy. “You know that, luv.”
“I know.” Liam pushed him gently down on the bed. “On your back. Go on.”
Spike scooted up until his head hit a pillow.
“Knees up.”
He complied without a word, lifting his hips when told, so Liam could place a pillow underneath. He was waiting for the sound of the lube being popped open when suddenly he felt the warmth radiating of Liam’s head skimming the inside of his thighs. But he thought … Suddenly the hot tip of Liam’s tongue licked over his entrance, and he yelped in surprise. “Lee!”
Liam stopped.
Spike froze as he realized what he’d said. “I’m sorry.” He tried to pull away, but Liam wrapped his hands around his waist, holding him still. Spike could hear him breathing, heavily. Shit. “Liam, I’m sorry. Please don’t-”
Liam heaved a deep sigh. “No, I’m sorry.” He leaned his head against Spike’s thigh. His cheek felt too hot, like he was flushed with embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I scared you.”
Spike breathed out. He hadn’t realized but yes, for a moment there he’d been terrified Liam would snap, just like last time. “Yeah.”
“Because I hurt you. Last time you called me that.”
Spike swallowed. “Yeah.”
“I’m so sorry.” Liam breathed slowly, carefully. Spike could feel his warm breath rolling along his thigh, and he shivered. “Do you want to stop?”
Spike closed his eyes. Then he took a deep breath and pushed a bit of humor into his voice. “I want you to get back to what you were doing and stop trying to weasel out of it.” He smiled when he felt Liam breathe a low laugh.
“If you’re sure.” Liam kissed the tip of Spike’s cock, making him hitch his breath, before he moved back down. There was a pause, then he said, “You can call me Lee, if you want. I’ve missed it.”
Spike’s eyes prickled. “Just might, luv. Now quit stalling.”
Liam laughed and nudged Spike’s thighs further apart with his head and then … Oh god! Spike moaned. Jesus, that was … So good! He hadn’t had anyone do that for him in way too long. So long he’d forgotten how bloody amazingly good it was! He lost himself in the heat, slick pressure and dexterous licking that had him whimpering and thrashing his head. In fact he was so far gone he didn’t even realize what Liam was doing until his finger was already knuckles deep. Sneaky bastard, Spike hadn’t even heard him open the tube of lube he could feel now, cool and slick between his legs. He moaned, twisting the sheet in his fists.
“Okay?”
“Uhuh.” He sucked in his breath when Liam curled his finger. “Jesus!”
“Fuck, you’re tight.” Liam pulled out, then pushed back in with even more lube. “Let me know if you want me to slow down. I don’t want to hurt you.” Unlike last time, was what he meant.
“Not … not a bloody virgin,” Spike groaned. “Please, I need… Lee!” Spike whined when Liam pulled out his finger then gasped when it was replaced with two, sliding into him. “Oh God, Liam!”
“Like that? How about now?”
He kept slowly opening Spike up as he writhed and moaned on the bed, begging for more, for that, yes, exactly there, oh Jesus, Mary, and motherfucking Joseph! “Please, please, please! I need you. Liam, please!”
“Hold on a little longer, baby.” Liam pushed his fingers deeper, then harder and faster, hitting the sweet spot over and over again, until Spike was moaning so loud, he was sure the whole building must know what they were doing. Not that he cared.
“Fuck, look at you. Jesus!” Liam’s voice sounded wrecked, like he was the one being split open on what now felt like half a fist, pounding into Spike like a fucking piston.
“Lee, please! Please!”
He sobbed when Liam pulled out his fingers, feeling open and empty and so desperate he thought he was going to lose his mind. Oh, oh! Finally, finally! Liam was thicker than he remembered, the dull pressure making his breath stutter, and he forced himself to relax, gasping when the head finally popped through the rim. Liam was staring down at him, eyes impossibly wide, like he didn’t quite believe what was happening. Slowly he started pushing, inching deeper and deeper, while Spike gasped, only managing shallow, almost painful breaths, until Liam stopped, wedged tight between his thighs. Spike drew in a trembling breath. Fuck, Liam was big. He felt so stretched, he was afraid to move in case it would prove just that one inch too many. Just breathe, breathe. Breathe and adjust. Okay. Okay. He could do this. “It’s alright. It’s alright, luv. Come on. Move.”
Liam groaned, pulling slowly half the way out then pushing back in. Again and again until Spike was moaning, and whimpering and goddamn sobbing. Liam was being so careful, so gentle, and Spike had never loved him more. And never been as close to fucking killing him! “Liam, I need... Liam, please! Lee!” It was so good and so, so frustrating. “Come on. Bloody buggering hell, can you please… faster! Please, please, please!”
“Fuck, you’re pretty when you beg,” Liam grunted, pulling out almost completely before ramming back inside with all his might. And oh fuck, there was that extra inch.
Spike might have shouted. He might have seen white stars before his eyes and wondered for just one second if he was having a stroke. After that his brain short circuited, and he didn’t really remember afterwards what went down, but Liam assured him it had involved a lot of high-pitched yelling, sobbing and moaning like a two-bit whore. Spike was pretty sure he was lying about that first one, possibly even the other two. As far as he remembered his grunts had been very manly, but he did have a vague recollection of Liam staring into his eyes, saying: “I love you, I love you, I love you,” over and over again with a broken voice. And just as it was getting to be too much, just as he thought he’d break from the intensity of it - “Oh God, oh God! Lee!” - his orgasm hit him like a bloody freight train, knocking him out.
Spike came to being rolled over to his side, small shivers of ecstasy still running through him, as if he was coming down from being electrocuted instead of the best orgasm of his life. Liam plastered himself to his sweaty back before pulling the cover over them. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I love you. I love you so much.”
“Love you, too, pet,” Spike mumbled.
Liam stilled. “Thought you were asleep,” he said.
Spike smiled. Trust Liam to feel embarrassed about being caught being romantic and not fucking Spike halfway to heaven and back. “Wasn’t sleeping. Just knocked me out for a bit, that’s all.” He yawned. “Just give me a minute, and we can do that again.”
Liam chuckled. “You’ll have to do all the work yourself then, because I’m done for the night.”
Spike yawned again and snuggled closer. “In a minute. Just gonna kip a bit.”
Liam shifted behind him. “We need a bigger bed,” he grunted.
“You moving in?” Spike asked, brain still half dead, so it took him a moment to realize Liam was being suspiciously quiet. Now he thought about it, Liam had been staying over most nights. “You wanna move in, luv?” he asked, more serious. “I’d love to have you.”
He could feel Liam breathe out. “I was thinking, maybe you could move in with me.” His huff of warm breath tickled Spike’s neck. “Don’t much like this place.”
Spike frowned. He thought his flat was pretty alright. Nicer than Liam’s anyway. “Why?”
He could feel Liam shiver. “Because every time I go into the kitchen, all I can see is your blood, all over it.”
Oh. He hadn’t realized but Liam never stayed in the kitchen long and always wanted to eat in the living room in front of the tv. Spike rolled over to face Liam, who was pinching his lips, looking like the memory alone was causing him pain. “I’m sorry, luv. I keep forgetting you had to see all that.”
“You had to live it.”
“Yeah, but I don’t remember. Not that part. I mean, I saw the pictures, but it’s not the same.” He palmed Liam’s cheek and kissed him softly. “You should have said something.”
But Liam just shook his head. “Didn’t want to remind you.”
“Not something I’m ever likely to forget, luv.” Spike kissed him again. “Alright, if you’ll have me, I’ll move in.”
Liam breathed out, obviously relieved. “Good. Thank you.” He wrapped an arm around Spike and closed his eyes. “Now can an old man get some sleep?”
“Old my arse,” Spike snorted.
“Tomorrow,” Liam grumbled. “Too tired now.”
Spike laughed, kissing him on the nose before snuggling down. He was gonna hold Liam to that promise.
---------------
“You sure about this, man?” Lindsey said, staring up at Liam’s apartment building. “It’s not been that long.”
“Been longer than you think,” Spike pointed out, shrugging apologetically at the look Lindsey sent him. “Wasn’t my secret to tell.”
Lindsey huffed. “How long?”
Spike hesitated. Honestly, he wasn’t sure what to say. First time they kissed? First time they had (disastrous) sex? First time they decided to be friends? First actual date?
Lindsey saved him from having to answer by adding, “Ain’t even been a year since the fire, man, so whenever it was, like I said, hasn’t been that long.”
“Sometimes you just know,” Spike said and smiled at him. It always gave him a warm feeling, knowing that Lindsey cared and worried about him. That anyone did.
“Yeah, well. You know where I am if it all goes to hell.”
“I do.” Spike pulled Lindsey in, kissing him softly. As always, it left Lindsey looking like he’d just had the sun handed to him, all bright eyed and smiling. It was adorable. “Now stop stalling. This stuff ain’t gonna carry itself up five flights of stairs.”
The smile dropped of Lindsey’s face. “Where the hell’s your big strong boyfriend? Shouldn’t he be here helping you?”
“Just got to let him know we’re here.” Spike fished his phone out of his pocket, frowning when the call went to voicemail. “I’ve got my keys, we can let ourselves in.” He didn’t say ‘and check if everything’s alright’ but it was implied by the frown on his face. “We can each take a box.”
“Nuhuh, you’re not taking anything. Stop trying to carry stuff. You’re still recuperating. Liam would never let me hear the end of it if you hurt yourself again.”
“Fine,” Spike grumbled and unlocked the door. The five flights of stairs still took the wind out of him, he really wouldn’t have relished carrying boxes of books up them. He could hear Lindsey huffing and swearing behind him and felt a little bit bad. But hey, Lindsey had volunteered. He was about to put his key in the lock, even if it made him feel a bit uncomfortable just walking in, when he heard loud voices coming from inside and froze. He signaled to a flushed Lindsey to keep back, which of course made him instantly drop the box and move to Spike’s side.
“Trouble?”
“Don’t know.” He listened but couldn’t really hear what was being said, even if the anger in the voices came through loud and clear. “Should I knock?”
Lindsey looked at him with a frown. “Darling, you live here. Just open the goddamn door.”
Spike still hesitated, but the voices kept getting louder, so he unlocked the door and stepped in. Then stopped dead. Liam, and a man who could only be his father, stood glaring at each other in the middle of the living room. They hadn’t noticed him and Lindsey yet, but it was only a matter of time. He contemplated backing out, this was clearly a private matter, but the thought of Liam seeing him backing away and leaving, when he possibly needed help or just a friend, made that impossible.
“I didn’t raise you to be some weak-ass fucking faggot! I don’t know what the hell you think you are, but you’re not that!”
“No, you raised me to be a damn coward, or I would have done this a long time ago. You don’t know what I am? Well, I’m a damn good firefighter, I fucking save lives. And I’m gay. Always have been, always will be. And if that’s too much for you to handle then get the hell out of my apartment!”
“Your mother-”
“Mom never cared, you asshole. It was all you. All those years of me living in fucking misery, you did that. And I let you, because I was so fucking stupid, I thought you were right. That being gay meant being weak, and perverted and not a real man. Well, you know what? I am gay. and I’m none of those things. And Will is none of those things. It’s all in your fucking head, dad. Because you’re a bigot and a self-righteous asshole.”
Mr. O’Connor raised his fist, and Spike and Lindsey rushed forward at once, grabbing him from behind and holding him back. Liam looked shocked for a moment, but then his anger got the better of him, and this time it was him Spike had to hold back. “It’s not worth it, luv. Just let him go.”
“This the faggot you’ve been screwing?” Liam’s dad sneered, spittle flying from his warped lips as he glared at Spike. “I should kill you, you disgusting, degenerate little-”
“That’s it! I’m arresting you, sir, for trespassing and threatening a police officer,” Lindsey said, whipping out a pair of handcuffs that would make Spike roll his eyes under different circumstances. Trust Lindsey to always be prepared, like a bloody boy scout.
“What?” Mr. O’Connor struggled, but Lindsey was stronger than he appeared, holding him firmly back. “You can’t do this! Liam, tell him!”
Liam suddenly slumped, looking tired and fed up. “Dad, shut up. Linds, please let him go.”
Lindsey shook his head. He looked murderous. “Not your call, man.”
“Lindsey,” Spike said, putting a hand on his arm. “It’s okay.”
Lindsey stood still, took a deep breath, and unlocked the cuffs. “Don’t make me regret this, sir. I would absolutely love to haul you in.”
Mr. O’Connor rubbed his wrists. He looked from one of them to the other, finally settling on Liam. “This how you want it to be, son?”
“No,” Liam said. “But it’s what you’re leaving me with.”
His father huffed in disgust, turned on his heel and stormed out. The silence following the slam of the door was deafening. Spike nodded to the window. “Pet, you mind?”
Lindsey moved over to the window, watching for a while then turned back. “He’s gone.”
Liam stumbled to the couch and sat down, head in his hands. Spike sat down beside him, rubbing his back. He felt out of his league. Sure, he was used to dealing with asshole bigots, but this was different. This was family. And Liam had just given his up to be with him.
“I can go,” Lindsey offered, but Spike shook his head. For one thing, they still needed to bring up all his stuff, and for another, he had a feeling Liam needed to hear this from someone other than him.
“You alright, luv? What happened?”
“He just showed up. I don’t know… He just showed up.” Liam shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“He could have hurt you!” Liam breathed heavily. “I would have killed him! I would have killed him if he-”
“Not something you should admit in front of two coppers, pet,” Spike said, smiling a little.
Lindsey just shrugged. “Didn’t hear anything, man. Bad acoustics in here. Real crappy.”
That did make Liam smile, if a little crookedly. “You are so full of shit, Linds.” He looked up. “Thank you.”
“For arresting your old man or for letting him go?”
“For defusing a bad situation. And having really bad hearing.”
“Yeah, well.” Lindsey came over and sat on Liam’s other side. “Hard to collect all those kisses if you’re locked up.”
Liam laughed shakily. He turned his head and caught Lindsey unaware, kissing him soft and slowly. “That’s one,” he said when he finally let go.
Lindsey stared at him, looking dazed. “Fuck. I should arrest your old man more often.”
Liam shrugged, eyes going dark and hooded. “Would probably do him good. The fucking bastard.”
Spike decided he’d better take a hold of the situation before it got maudlin. “How about you lazy buggers go down and fetch my things before someone steals them off the back of the truck?” Then sat back with a beer and enjoyed watching them work up a sweat.
After the second trip up the five flights with a box full of books, Lindsey swore and sat down on the couch, wiping sweat from his forehead. “Figure your cheap ass boyfriend wouldn’t spring for a place with a working elevator.”
“It’s good exercise, mate,” Spike said, handing him a beer. “You should thank me, sweat looks good on you.”
“Fuck you,” Lindsey muttered, taking a big swig. “It’s goddamn hard labor is what it is. You should damn well be paying me.”
“Hey, I’m already providing you with beer, but fine.” Spike grinned. “A kiss for each trip.”
Lindsey looked up startled. He licked his lips. “From you?”
Spike looked at Liam who just came through the door. “Or Lee. We believe in sharing.”
“Damn.” Lindsey was up from the couch and out the door, before Spike could remind him he was already owed two.
He turned to Liam, smiling. “How about you, luv? How would you like to get paid?”
“Apart from getting you to live here with me? I’m sure I can think of something. But for now…” Liam sat down and pulled him in.
They were still kissing when Lindsey came stumbling through the door with the next haul.
“Nuhuh, tha-at’s mi-ine,” he wheezed. “Just let me…”
He sucked in his breath, bending over. Spike was reminded of the first time he met Liam, him wheezing for air after running up those damn stairs, and Liam a pissed off drunk, and he marveled at how much had happened since then. By the look in Liam’s eyes, he was thinking the very same thing. Spike grinned and pushed Liam up from the couch. “Go on, luv. I’ll take the first round.”
Liam patted Lindsey on the shoulder as he walked. “Go get your reward, stud.”
Lindsey straightened up slowly and stumbled over to the couch. He took a few deep breaths then grabbed Spike by the back of his neck and hauled him in. It was the first time he’d taken the initiative, and Spike could feel his uncertainty but mostly his want, his need, in the press of Lindsey’s lips against his, the hungry prodding of his tongue. They kissed longer than they had ever before, deeper, increasingly hotter. Spike could feel want bubble up in his belly and tried to pull away, but when Lindsey mewled a protest, holding him in place, Spike relented, allowing himself to feel the fire grow, until he was burning with it.
When they finally pulled apart Lindsey’s eyes were shining in his flushed face, and they were both breathing heavily. “That was…”
Spike groaned. “Yeah.”
Lindsey swallowed. “We probably shouldn’t…”
“No.” Spike stared at Lindsey’s lips, feeling the heat of him still so close, the drum of his own heartbeat pounding in his hard dick. “Probably not.”
Someone cleared their throat, loudly, and they sprang apart. Liam chuckled and dumped the box and bag of clothes he was carrying. “Don’t mind me, I’m just doing all the work.”
“Shit. Sorry.” Lindsey jumped to his feet and fled through the door.
Liam raised an eyebrow and looked over at Spike. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah.” He forced a smile. “Think maybe we need to slow down with the kissing, pet, before it gets out of hand.”
“Hmm.” Liam looked thoughtful. “You want to fuck him?”
“What??” Spike spluttered. “Where the bloody hell did that come from? I’m with you, you wanker!”
“I’m just saying…” Liam shrugged. “He’s… not ugly.”
“You want to fuck him,” Spike said shocked.
“No! I mean…” Liam sighed. “Forget it. I was just… kidding.”
“No, you were bloody well not. Tell me.”
“I just…” Liam rubbed his neck. “Look, there’s clearly chemistry between the two of you. Any idiot can see that. And I wouldn’t mind… I mean, we could, maybe… together?”
Spike stared at him. “You’re kidding me.”
“I think you already established I’m ‘bloody well not’.”
Just then Lindsey came back, clearly still feeling awkward. He put the box he was carrying down, but as he tried to slip away Liam grabbed his wrist and pulled him in. “Your payment.” He pushed Lindsey up against the door, staring deep into eyes that Spike could see were startled and a little panicked. Then he crushed their lips together.
Note: I'm sorry if anyone is pissed about Lindsey joining in. Truth is, I was fighting their attraction every damn chapter I wrote Spike and Lindsey together in 16 years ago and it does shine through. So, it's not like it comes completely out of left field. But I know many are very protective of their OTP so to them I am sorry. To those who have, like me, enjoyed Chris Kane being in a OT3 in pretty much every show he's been in since Angel, you're welcome.
Continued here.