past. present. future.
ever think about the stepping stones that lead to you to where you are right now?
i've been doing a lot of that lately and it's all so crazy. a long time ago, when i was trying to decide whether or not to transfer from Belmont University to Columbia College Chicago i wrote something my journal along the lines of: "the decisions that we make shape our lives" - well even then, while i was writing that, i had no idea how much of a life altering decision going to columbia would be. if i hadn't gone to columbia, i wouldn't have ended up in chicago, had i not ended up in chicago, i wouldn't have started my 365 photo project, had i not started that project, i wouldn't have uploaded that one particular photo to facebook, had i not uploaded to facebook, i wouldn't have been convinced to visit california, had i never visited california, i might have never mustered up the courage to pack up and move 2200 miles across the country...
i think what got me started on all of this was a line from my horoscope today: "the one who walks away might know best" (okay, yes... i have a horoscope widget on my computer, sue me...). i got my heart broken pretty bad out here once already, and i was really hung up on why it didn't work. to me it seemed ignorant, and selfish - actually, it still does - but looking back, i'm realizing maybe it wasn't meant to be, maybe it was just a stepping stone. maybe i needed someone who i least expected to fuck my heart up - really fuck it up - cause if they hadn't, maybe i wouldn't have given being single a chance, or waited long enough to be pleasantly surprised to find something really good when i least expected it...
i was looking through old journals from my first year of college, and y'know.. i could really learn to take some advice from 18 year old emily. back in 2006 i wrote:
"i have no idea where i will be in two years. i don't know where i will be living. i don't know where i will be working. i don't know who i will surround myself with. i don't know anything. and i have come to terms with that - graciously. 'pushing the river will do nothing; it travels at it's own speed anyway.' - long story short, the future is dependent on the present. so that is where i will live my life - in the present. no more worrying. no more stressing. no more anxious, sleepless nights. i'm taking my life one day at a time, and it makes me feel so good."
i have a way of getting caught up in what the future holds for me - but there is no way of telling. the one sure thing i know, is that if i focus on being the person i wanna be, right here in the present, and continue to focus on that every day - then i'll be just fine in the years to come (and hopefully it wont take venturing back in my journal six years to be reminded) :)
i've been doing a lot of that lately and it's all so crazy. a long time ago, when i was trying to decide whether or not to transfer from Belmont University to Columbia College Chicago i wrote something my journal along the lines of: "the decisions that we make shape our lives" - well even then, while i was writing that, i had no idea how much of a life altering decision going to columbia would be. if i hadn't gone to columbia, i wouldn't have ended up in chicago, had i not ended up in chicago, i wouldn't have started my 365 photo project, had i not started that project, i wouldn't have uploaded that one particular photo to facebook, had i not uploaded to facebook, i wouldn't have been convinced to visit california, had i never visited california, i might have never mustered up the courage to pack up and move 2200 miles across the country...
i think what got me started on all of this was a line from my horoscope today: "the one who walks away might know best" (okay, yes... i have a horoscope widget on my computer, sue me...). i got my heart broken pretty bad out here once already, and i was really hung up on why it didn't work. to me it seemed ignorant, and selfish - actually, it still does - but looking back, i'm realizing maybe it wasn't meant to be, maybe it was just a stepping stone. maybe i needed someone who i least expected to fuck my heart up - really fuck it up - cause if they hadn't, maybe i wouldn't have given being single a chance, or waited long enough to be pleasantly surprised to find something really good when i least expected it...
i was looking through old journals from my first year of college, and y'know.. i could really learn to take some advice from 18 year old emily. back in 2006 i wrote:
"i have no idea where i will be in two years. i don't know where i will be living. i don't know where i will be working. i don't know who i will surround myself with. i don't know anything. and i have come to terms with that - graciously. 'pushing the river will do nothing; it travels at it's own speed anyway.' - long story short, the future is dependent on the present. so that is where i will live my life - in the present. no more worrying. no more stressing. no more anxious, sleepless nights. i'm taking my life one day at a time, and it makes me feel so good."
i have a way of getting caught up in what the future holds for me - but there is no way of telling. the one sure thing i know, is that if i focus on being the person i wanna be, right here in the present, and continue to focus on that every day - then i'll be just fine in the years to come (and hopefully it wont take venturing back in my journal six years to be reminded) :)