together.
wow. what a whirlwind of a weekend.
my older sister got married this weekend to the guy she's been with the last seven years. seven years. so amazing. to still be together after seven years without the "commitment" of a ring, i think, says a lot about how wonderful their relationship is. maggie and matt knew after the first week they were together that they'd be together forever, and they're right. they are quite honestly made for each other, and i hope someday i can find a love like that. i've always been on the fence about marriage - mostly because i seem to have a problem figuring out what i want in a partner, and have accepted (off and on) in the last few years, especially after my last relationship, that maybe it's just not for me - maybe i'm too picky and too selfish and independent to ever be completely happy with one person... but i don't know, after reflecting on maggie and matt's relationship all weekend, and seeing them stand before each other with a look of sheer happiness and excitement (...STILL after SEVEN years of dating...) was just so beautiful. gives me hope that maybe one of these days someone can break down all the walls i've got up... and dodge the laser beam security... and fire breathing dragon... and alligator filled moat... one of these days...
being my sisters maid of honor was a little intimidating. not because my sister is scary or anything.. well, not too much, but mostly because i've spent the entirety of their engagement 2200 miles away and completely out of the wedding loop. i thought communicating would be loads easier, but i thought wrong, and i felt as though i really dropped the ball the last few months on really "being there" as the moh. so, i felt like i had to be really on top of my game this weekend... and i think in the end it all went really well. giving my toast was probably why i was carrying so much of my anxiety. it's funny, when i was younger i loved to perform, i was in numerous plays and musicals and was psyched to find out my 4th grade teacher wanted me to speak at our graduation... but somewhere in middle school something went wrong and i lost my nerve and since then public speaking has terrified me. the last time i had any kind of lime light on me with an audience of more than 50 was when i had a solo my freshman year of high school, but after that i was finito. so, thinking about having to gather myself for this toast in front of friends and family and complete strangers was keeping me up the last few nights. but all i could think about was pulling through for my big sister on her day and giving her the best toast i could muster up... and i did :) i know it sounds silly, but it was a really big deal for me to hear people laughing and to see my sister and matt smile over the words i put together for them and the rest of the guests to hear. guests whom i had never met were approaching me to tell me how sweet it was, and to hear my big brother, the lawyer who lives to talk in front of crowds, tell me how much he liked it, really meant a lot. it's funny, but it was kind of a pivotal moment for me... and i feel great.
...like i could feel any better!? things are just so.. good! i still have minor details to sort out and i'm still working to get settled and on my feet out in los angeles (yes, i know it's been 10 months, but la is big.. and i have horrible luck...), but i think these little struggles and the amount of work i've put in to just surviving out here is what makes me so damn happy. i'm doing exactly what i've been saying i need to do for so long; i'm living on my own, i'm paying my own way, i have some of the best friends a girl could ask for and a wonderful family who always has my back... annnnd i see potential in other things, and feelings i haven't felt in a long time. we'll see where it all goes. i don't want to jinx myself (especially after the car towing, tickets and flat tire i've had to deal with in the last two months) but i think i'm finally getting it together... knock on wood, ya'll.
my older sister got married this weekend to the guy she's been with the last seven years. seven years. so amazing. to still be together after seven years without the "commitment" of a ring, i think, says a lot about how wonderful their relationship is. maggie and matt knew after the first week they were together that they'd be together forever, and they're right. they are quite honestly made for each other, and i hope someday i can find a love like that. i've always been on the fence about marriage - mostly because i seem to have a problem figuring out what i want in a partner, and have accepted (off and on) in the last few years, especially after my last relationship, that maybe it's just not for me - maybe i'm too picky and too selfish and independent to ever be completely happy with one person... but i don't know, after reflecting on maggie and matt's relationship all weekend, and seeing them stand before each other with a look of sheer happiness and excitement (...STILL after SEVEN years of dating...) was just so beautiful. gives me hope that maybe one of these days someone can break down all the walls i've got up... and dodge the laser beam security... and fire breathing dragon... and alligator filled moat... one of these days...
being my sisters maid of honor was a little intimidating. not because my sister is scary or anything.. well, not too much, but mostly because i've spent the entirety of their engagement 2200 miles away and completely out of the wedding loop. i thought communicating would be loads easier, but i thought wrong, and i felt as though i really dropped the ball the last few months on really "being there" as the moh. so, i felt like i had to be really on top of my game this weekend... and i think in the end it all went really well. giving my toast was probably why i was carrying so much of my anxiety. it's funny, when i was younger i loved to perform, i was in numerous plays and musicals and was psyched to find out my 4th grade teacher wanted me to speak at our graduation... but somewhere in middle school something went wrong and i lost my nerve and since then public speaking has terrified me. the last time i had any kind of lime light on me with an audience of more than 50 was when i had a solo my freshman year of high school, but after that i was finito. so, thinking about having to gather myself for this toast in front of friends and family and complete strangers was keeping me up the last few nights. but all i could think about was pulling through for my big sister on her day and giving her the best toast i could muster up... and i did :) i know it sounds silly, but it was a really big deal for me to hear people laughing and to see my sister and matt smile over the words i put together for them and the rest of the guests to hear. guests whom i had never met were approaching me to tell me how sweet it was, and to hear my big brother, the lawyer who lives to talk in front of crowds, tell me how much he liked it, really meant a lot. it's funny, but it was kind of a pivotal moment for me... and i feel great.
...like i could feel any better!? things are just so.. good! i still have minor details to sort out and i'm still working to get settled and on my feet out in los angeles (yes, i know it's been 10 months, but la is big.. and i have horrible luck...), but i think these little struggles and the amount of work i've put in to just surviving out here is what makes me so damn happy. i'm doing exactly what i've been saying i need to do for so long; i'm living on my own, i'm paying my own way, i have some of the best friends a girl could ask for and a wonderful family who always has my back... annnnd i see potential in other things, and feelings i haven't felt in a long time. we'll see where it all goes. i don't want to jinx myself (especially after the car towing, tickets and flat tire i've had to deal with in the last two months) but i think i'm finally getting it together... knock on wood, ya'll.