My brother is now 59
My "little" brother is now 59 years old, as of 10:30 this morning.
I didn’t send a card, email or call him.
To be fair, I have only spoken with him once since our father’s funeral 24 years ago. That was 2 years ago to tell him about our sister’s death and we did not chat much.
Over the years he’s sent me a few cards and some very strange letters.
But, he has made a point of avoiding events he knows I’d be at.
I’ve sent him some e-cards, but it was made clear to me he never read them, so I stopped.
Our mother is 93 and older than anyone has reached before in the family. I doubt she’s going to be around much longer.
He has spent his life sucking up to her to inherit the house, which I expect he will.
There is some indication that my mother might have gotten a reverse mortgage, in which case the bank will get it instead of him.
But, that’s a guess.
I’ve spoken with her a bit more than my brother, but not much.
I really have no idea what’s going to happen with him when she dies. It’s hard to believe he could even pay the bills on that house working part time as a bag boy at a grocery store. Or, that those career choices have left him with much savings or retirement money.
There’s a lot of regret there. At least on my part.
But, it is of the "I’m sorry this happened" kind, not any form of guilt.
She didn’t have to declare me an embarrassment to the family over a plane ticket.
He didn’t have to spend his life living like a teenager so she didn’t have to feel she was getting older.
As I’ve said so many times before: "Dealing with them is like putting my hand in a meat grinder. Painful, damaging and totally avoidable."
Cold as it is for me to say, I won’t take him in if he loses it all.
My sister was my hero. I tried for decades to get her to let me into her life.
She wanted me to leave her alone, and that’s how she died.
I tried for years to get my brother away from my mother, and he refused. Outright telling me that getting the house from her was more important to him than having an independent life.
Anne wouldn’t take my help I very badly wanted to give.
I’m not offering it to Ted who told me he wanted something else more than that.
In a perfect world, when my mother passes, my brother will finally be honest about he and his friend Ron, then they can get married and live happily ever after.
But, I don’t even know if he and Ron are still a thing.
Of course, I hoped Anne had someone I didn’t know about caring for her too, and that turned out just to be in my dreams.
I’m not trying to say "my siblings would be better off if they’d just do what I tell them", even if I can hear an echo of that in what I’ve written.
My intent is more of a "it would be better if we worked together instead of apart".
But, Anne didn’t trust me and I don’t trust Ted.
Each of my generation on that side of the family older than me has died what I think of as a tragic death.
Ted and I are the only ones left.
I’d really like to break that pattern.
Ah well, tomorrow is another day.
Hopefully a good one.
My friend Wolfgang’s birthday. With him, no baggage. Yay.