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[far_gone]

She says a lot of what I think about the pornification of everyday life. I hope my kids will be grounded enough by living with a loving couple to know what is real and what is crap.  But I expect that's a bit of an uphill battle.

Comments

[eastertheatre]

I completely agree with her, and have been talking about this phenomenon for several years now, though most people seem to disdain or not take me seriously when I do. We have also been talking about this a lot lately vis a vis any kid we might be lucky enough to have. We don't want them to learn about sex and sexuality from the things pushed out through the media. We also have noticed that there is no longer a line between "adult entertainment" and things that are okay for kids to see, and that we are going to have to forcibly create that line.

[far_gone]

I'm fairly permissive in what they see but I think that they have to have strong messages about where it fits into our value system. And in this (short) period when they aren't terribly sexually aware, I am happy to let them develop in that innocence just a little longer...

Nicco came home singing this sex/rap song (he's 7 mind you) and instead of getting all crazy about it I just told him it was really silly (see below) and then he went on to explain to me that "sexy" meant "chubby" (? not sure where he got that but okay!) - a notion I haven't disabused him of quite yet!!

It is going to be one of the key challenges of parenthood, I expect, as my kids get old enough to care about what other people think. Or maybe they'll stay blissfully oblivious (we kind of are anyway).

[eastertheatre]

Aw, that's kinda cute! My main worry is that they will get messages about how they should regard and act toward the opposite sex from rap videos and things like that. I don't want my little girl to think it's normal or expected for her to package and present herself as a tarted up sex object to get a boy, and I don't want my little boy to start thinking it's normal and expected for girls to act like porn stars. I'm already disturbed by the new "pubic hair is gross" ethos that seems to be completely normal among young people now. As the author says, that is straight from porn, and it means that people are perceiving themselves as objects rather than subjects. That is fine if it is a kinky choice, but it's not a choice if you've been programmed that way from the beginning and don't even know how to be a subject.

[emmabovary]

I suspect that when Playboy first hit the stands decades ago, similar writings appeared in the print media voicing concern about what a satanic influence that magazine was going to have over young people

[far_gone]

I'm not anti-sex or anti-porn, but I do feel concerned that the mainstream aesthetic is Blow Up Doll. I hope my own kids will, by living with a loving and affectionate couple (most of the time) be able to see how "real" couples look and behave and respect each other. I suspect that the kids that are most vulnerable to this are the kids (as always) who are desperate for love and attention. I want my daughter to know that there's power in making your own choices and I want my son to know that respecting women makes you a better man.

I'm actually not terribly worried or overprotective about my kids hearing rap music etc, in the same way that I think that "scary" movies are just cartoonish to them. But I do think we have to actively feed them lots of positive messages to counterbalance the girl in stilletos on all fours on the front of the newspapers so that they DO know that it's cartoonish and not what's expected of them.

[emmabovary]

Hi. It's Gappy here (I wrote the post that is being discussed in this comment thread.) When I wrote that the pornification of popular culture hadn't led to better sex for anybody, I meant specifically the things that I had been talking about in my post, such as lads magazines, popular music videoes and the kind of soft porn that is easily accessible to everybody, including children

[far_gone]

So glad you found us! I'm Jill from the comments on your post, which I found through a long and winding road of blogs. I really appreciated your point of view and also those of your commenters. I think the trend being disturbing is a widely-held belief but I appreciated the way you articulated it! I didn't read your post as being anti porn-between-consenting adults, but just anti every girl feeling like they have to get their tits out to be liberated and in control. I want my daughter to know that you don't have to give yourself away and that making choices can also mean choosing your own look, your own interests, and not giving casual to blow jobs to any guy that will have you. I think every generation of mothers struggles with the kid's aesthetic (makes me shudder for where we go from here). It's not the tacky fashion that bothers me(as every teenage girl has a god-given right to experimenting with tacky fashions!), but the constant, insidious, objectification

[wlotus]

The author raises a lot of good points. I've been dismayed and disgusted by this phenomenon, too.

Some years ago, when The Teen was still in elementary school, he and I were talking about comic books and graphic novels. His mother heard me point out how the long-legged, scantily-dressed female characters are unrealistic, demeaning representations of women, and she felt I was being too much of a heavy on something that was "just in fun". However, a week later she said that she had been wrecking her brain to think of a non-sexualized female in her son's comics, and she still hadn't been able to find one! Before then she hadn't realized just how pervasive the unrealistic presentation of women/girls was, even in kids' entertainment.

[far_gone]

I don't think there's anything wrong with raising the issue so at least he's conscious of the fact that that's what he's looking at!! At least my kids are still young enough for the Power Puff Girls!!

[wlotus]

That's exactly why I raised the issue. I wasn't saying he shouldn't enjoy the comics; just that it is a good idea to question the social messages being sent even in our entertainment choices.

I haven't seen the PowerPuff Girls in years, but they were cute! I have socks with Bubbles on them. :-)

[silly_monkey]

Oh so true! There are so many times when I have to stop and think how to phrase things to point out the weird gender biases in stuff- and my kids are only 2 and 4!!

Did you ever notice that almost all the female characters in Disney are either damsels in distress or wicked stepmothers?? So hard for people here to see women as anything but one of these two roles -for example women are to be sexualized and rescued, or if they have power they are evil or somehow repellant.

Except for possibly the newer main character in The Princess and the Frog. She is a little more independent, and is clearly raised above her more traditional blond southern belle counterpart. She is also 'of colour' which is another amazing feat in itself.

All very interesting and challenging for parents of young girls and boys!

[far_gone]

Yea Disney is not a huge help, though there are exceptions - Pocahontas, etc. I think they do try harder these days. Luckily my daughter eschewed the princess thing altogether!