She says a lot of what I think about the pornification of everyday life. I hope my kids will be grounded enough by living with a loving couple to know what is real and what is crap. But I expect that's a bit of an uphill battle.
I suspect that when Playboy first hit the stands decades ago, similar writings appeared in the print media voicing concern about what a satanic influence that magazine was going to have over young people.
As parents we can't completely control what the media is going to diffuse and what our kids are going to see/access. But we *can* keep the lines of communication open and not fear talking about these images. When my kids click on MTV and "16 and Pregnant" is on, you better believe I tell them that that is not something we want to have happen in our house...and then we talk about why a show like this exists (e.g., the use of exciting shows to draw advertisers).
These types of discussions can and should be less focused on the child and more oriented towards why marketers use these images. And when you start talking about this, you'll see your kids start to look with a critical eye upon every image they see in the public space.
That said, I disagree with the author's last line about how the democratization of porn has not led to better sex. Au contraire, for adults, having access to (tasteful) erotica and porn can be of great support to couples and there's not a sex therapist around who would disagree with me.
I'm not anti-sex or anti-porn, but I do feel concerned that the mainstream aesthetic is Blow Up Doll. I hope my own kids will, by living with a loving and affectionate couple (most of the time) be able to see how "real" couples look and behave and respect each other. I suspect that the kids that are most vulnerable to this are the kids (as always) who are desperate for love and attention. I want my daughter to know that there's power in making your own choices and I want my son to know that respecting women makes you a better man.
I'm actually not terribly worried or overprotective about my kids hearing rap music etc, in the same way that I think that "scary" movies are just cartoonish to them. But I do think we have to actively feed them lots of positive messages to counterbalance the girl in stilletos on all fours on the front of the newspapers so that they DO know that it's cartoonish and not what's expected of them.
Hi. It's Gappy here (I wrote the post that is being discussed in this comment thread.) When I wrote that the pornification of popular culture hadn't led to better sex for anybody, I meant specifically the things that I had been talking about in my post, such as lads magazines, popular music videoes and the kind of soft porn that is easily accessible to everybody, including children.
I'm sure that lots of adult material (for example erotica written by women for women) which is kept properly in the private adult sphere can be very enjoyable for people to read and look at, and that it can sometimes be good for their sex-lives too. That's fine with me you know - I really don't have a problem with that at all.
My post wasn't meant to be a blanket anti all porn diatribe. It was a post that argued that the encroachment of pornography into our every day lives - into childrens every day lives - was damaging to women and girls and ultimately to men and boys too. I still stand by that.
I'm really chuffed aswell that so many people have taken the time to read what I wrote and that it has created a discussion like this one. Thank you for the link Far Gone.
So glad you found us! I'm Jill from the comments on your post, which I found through a long and winding road of blogs. I really appreciated your point of view and also those of your commenters. I think the trend being disturbing is a widely-held belief but I appreciated the way you articulated it! I didn't read your post as being anti porn-between-consenting adults, but just anti every girl feeling like they have to get their tits out to be liberated and in control. I want my daughter to know that you don't have to give yourself away and that making choices can also mean choosing your own look, your own interests, and not giving casual to blow jobs to any guy that will have you. I think every generation of mothers struggles with the kid's aesthetic (makes me shudder for where we go from here). It's not the tacky fashion that bothers me(as every teenage girl has a god-given right to experimenting with tacky fashions!), but the constant, insidious, objectification.
On a related note - I always feel conflicted about telling daughter she's pretty. She is gorgeous (not that I'm biased) but I don't want her to feel like that is why other people value her or that that is why she should value herself...
I know exactly what you mean. I try to make sure I tell my daughter that she's clever and funny and strong as much as I tell her that she's beautiful. She is beautiful but I don't want her to think that's all she has to offer.
As parents we can't completely control what the media is going to diffuse and what our kids are going to see/access. But we *can* keep the lines of communication open and not fear talking about these images. When my kids click on MTV and "16 and Pregnant" is on, you better believe I tell them that that is not something we want to have happen in our house...and then we talk about why a show like this exists (e.g., the use of exciting shows to draw advertisers).
These types of discussions can and should be less focused on the child and more oriented towards why marketers use these images. And when you start talking about this, you'll see your kids start to look with a critical eye upon every image they see in the public space.
That said, I disagree with the author's last line about how the democratization of porn has not led to better sex. Au contraire, for adults, having access to (tasteful) erotica and porn can be of great support to couples and there's not a sex therapist around who would disagree with me.
Reply
I'm actually not terribly worried or overprotective about my kids hearing rap music etc, in the same way that I think that "scary" movies are just cartoonish to them. But I do think we have to actively feed them lots of positive messages to counterbalance the girl in stilletos on all fours on the front of the newspapers so that they DO know that it's cartoonish and not what's expected of them.
Reply
I'm sure that lots of adult material (for example erotica written by women for women) which is kept properly in the private adult sphere can be very enjoyable for people to read and look at, and that it can sometimes be good for their sex-lives too. That's fine with me you know - I really don't have a problem with that at all.
My post wasn't meant to be a blanket anti all porn diatribe. It was a post that argued that the encroachment of pornography into our every day lives - into childrens every day lives - was damaging to women and girls and ultimately to men and boys too. I still stand by that.
I'm really chuffed aswell that so many people have taken the time to read what I wrote and that it has created a discussion like this one. Thank you for the link Far Gone.
Reply
On a related note - I always feel conflicted about telling daughter she's pretty. She is gorgeous (not that I'm biased) but I don't want her to feel like that is why other people value her or that that is why she should value herself...
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment