make thee another self for love of me (4/6)
Title: make the another self for love of me
Fandom/Pairing: Doctor Who, River/Doctor
Rating: M
Wordcount: 36,853
Warnings: human!AU
Summary: “I’m not getting any younger, am I? And I may never meet a man I want to spend the rest of my life with, let alone raise children with, and even if I do, well it’ll be too late. I’ve always wanted children. And I thought, you know, why wait? I can do it on my own perfectly fine."
“You look better.” Amy observed two weeks later at their weekly dinner and River grinned in response.
“I feel better. Past the first trimester, you know, so miscarriage risk lowers dramatically, and I’m showing finally-”
“Really? Let me see!” Amy demanded, moving over to stand by River at the counter. “This dress is too loose, pull it tighter, I want to see.”
River laughed at her friend, before rolling her eyes, putting down the knife she was using to cut the cake she’d made and turning to Amy. She gripped the loose fabric of her skirt in her hands and pulled it tight to her waist, and Amy gasped, clapping a hand to her mouth. “Oh my gosh look at it - there’s a baby in there! Can I touch it?”
“Yes, of course, but it’s just a bump you can’t feel anything yet.” Amy placed a hand gently over the small swell, looking at River with a wide grin.
“I can’t believe you’re gonna have a baby. It’s a third of the way over already. I just can’t believe it.”
“Should I leave?” Rory’s voice is hesitant by the door and Amy glances over and laughs at him, rolling her eyes.
“No, stupid, look, River has a little belly now!”
“Well she is having a baby, Amy.” He pointed out dryly and River winked at him with a grin as Amy sighed, dropping her hands and moving back to the tea.
“Thank you Captain Obvious. I know that. I’m just saying, it’s adorable. And she’s almost halfway there. I can’t believe it’s been three months already.” Amy observed at she handed Rory the cream and sugar and River went back to plating the cake.
“Oh good god, she’s going to make us all fat if she keeps baking like that.” Rory was hovering behind her now, before he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I bloody love you, and I haven’t even tasted that yet.”
“It’s a dobros torte. Twelve layer cake.” She pointed out and he grinned. “John helped actually.”
“I did. That thing took five hours.” The Doctor had strolled into the room, wanting to see where everyone was, and River giggled as she served the cake. “It better taste like heaven.”
Everyone carried tea and cake out to the dining room and they all sat. Silence reigned as everyone ate; stopping only to mumble unintelligible compliments at her, and no one spoke until the plates were empty. “Oh my god, that was amazing.” Amy sat back with a groan, Rory nodding in agreement and picking crumbs off his plate.
“It’s because I helped,” the Doctor added smugly and River glared at him from where she sat kitty corner to him at the table as he nodded.
“You put the pans in and out of the oven when I told you to.”
“Don’t I take direction well?” He grinned cheekily and she flushed - she had teased him about that last night in bed with her thighs around his - she cleared her throat and looked away as he laughed. “Did River tell you about our appointment this week?” He changed the subject, looking at Amy, who shook her head.
“No, I mean other than you have one.” Amy frowned and he giggled.
“We’re scheduling her twenty week scan.”
“And arguing about if we should find out the sex or not.” River added and Amy clapped, bouncing up and down.
“It should be a surprise!” John insisted and River rolled her eyes.
“It’s still a surprise, it’s just sooner. And studies show mothers bond more once they know the sex-”
“And scans can be wrong, what if they’re wrong?” He pointed out with a sigh and she crossed her arms.
“Then we take things back, and we get a second surprise.”
“I kind of agree with River,” Amy pointed out with a grin. “It’d be nice to know the sex for the shower too, which I am totally planning already, it will be fantastic.” She looked at River who was shaking her head faintly. “Oh shush, you, you’ll love it. Besides which it makes shopping more fun.”
“Oh lord, not more shopping,” River moaned, biting off the sound on a gasp as she felt John’s hand on her knee under the table. He tucked three fingers behind her knee, pressing up and she took the hint, shifting in her seat to face him somewhat as she put her feet in his lap.
They’d not told Amy and Rory about their sleeping arrangements - it was rare that he spent a night at his own flat anymore, but things like this he could do in front of them without either of them questioning it. He rubbed his thumb along the arch of her foot and she closed her eyes for a moment as Amy scoffed.
“How is it that they’re not even dating, and he’s a better boyfriend than you, stupid?” Amy laughed at Rory who flushed and ran a hand through his hair before pointing at Amy.
“Hey - we had dinner early tonight so I could take you out to a play you wanted to see, that is me being a good boyfriend.”
“But she gets footrubs.” Amy whinged and pouted while Rory sighed.
“She is pregnant. Different rules apply.” Rory looked to the Doctor for help, but he simply shrugged and waited for them to go back to their bickering. Once they had, his hand slid up along the inside of her calf, and she looked at him in warning.
He simply grinned crookedly at her, his fingers slipping under the hem of her dress to trace patterns against the skin of her thighs. Heat spread through her and she bit back a groan. She’s been ridiculous - all he has to do is touch her - look at her a certain way, lean over her so she could smell him. They’d had a brainstorming meeting two days ago about the account they were working on together, and she’d had sex with him in her office. She’d felt horrible, but he’d just laughed and kissed her harder when she said that.
“Anyway,” the Doctor spoke loudly over their bickering and they both looked at him,” we’re going to possibly hear the heartbeat this week.”
River grinned at the thought of it as his hands returned to her calves, kneading the muscle there. “And we have to tell Philips,” she sighed. “And I have to go shopping for-”
“Shopping? Oh when? For what? I can’t wait!” Amy perked up and River laughed softly.
“I need clothes. Loose skirts are all that fit anymore,” River frown down at her small belly and then pouted. “It’s too cold for those. And it’s dumb because I barely even need maternity clothes and they all look horrid - like women in giant circus tents,” she muttered, tears pricking at her eyes and John rubbed her legs soothingly.
“I’m sure it’s not all horrid - Amy will help you find nice things. And you’ll look gorgeous no matter what, I love that you’re showing already,” he smiled at her as she wiped her eyes, taking a deep calming breath.
“Right, we’re all going shopping,” Amy spoke decisively and Rory and the Doctor looked at her in shock. “What? Clearly I need the Doctor on hand, in case she has a mini-meltdown. Sorry. You’re great at calming her down. And Rory - well, he’ll need company. I mean you guys can go sit somewhere or whatever while we shop, but you need to be on hand,” Amy shrugged unapologetically and Rory sighed, before looking at the Doctor and nodding. “We should sign up for yoga too, River. I’ve heard it’s really excellent to get into when you’re pregnant. I’ll go with you, I don’t mind,” she smiled and River beamed at her, her eyes welling again.
“Really? You would?”
“Of course I would! I mean, I’m sure this one isn’t gonna complain if I get a bit more flexible-”
“Ew! Ew! Stop that right now, Pond!” The Doctor lifted his hands to cover his ears and glare at Amy, who stuck her tongue out at him. River laughed in delight, nudging his thigh with her foot as she smiled in amusement.
“Oh shut up, you giant idiot,” Amy scowled as Rory checked his watch. “So plans for next Saturday, yeah? “
xx
The worst part of their week had been telling their boss that not only would she be taking maternity leave, but that John was requesting paternity leave at the same time. He’d grudgingly congratulated them, while muttering about losing his two best people all at once - grumbling they’d ignored whole-heartedly.
They were walking to their doctor’s appointment, hand in hand and strolling down the pavement, despite the chill still lingering in the air. It was warming up, finally, but spring had definitely not sprung yet. “Can you smell that?” River lifted her head, turning to sniff the air as he laughed gently next to her.
“Probably not, but you’re like a bloodhound these days. What food is it?” She gasped at his response, turning to smack his shoulder, but tripping over absolutely nothing as she did so. He caught her quickly, and she gripped his shoulder with her free hand, her heart pounding. “I told you you should stop wearing those bloody shoes, River,” he grumbled and she glared at him.
“There is nothing wrong with my shoes - my center of gravity just happens to be shifting-”
“And you’d be less likely to trip if you wore flats! What if I’d not been here River?” he snapped irritably and she let go of his hand, stopping in the middle of the pavement to stare at him, her expression hurt. “Don’t,” he warned and she huffed, stalking ahead of him quickly. “River!”
She ignored him resolutely, yanking the medical office door open and heading for the stairs, marching up them as he followed behind her. “Come on, I was just pointing out-” she shot a glare over her shoulder that halted his words mid-sentence as she carried on up to the fourth floor and exited into the waiting area. She informed the secretary that she had an appointment and then sat down, pointedly ignoring John as he sat next to her. “All I meant was-” he leaned in to whisper and she glared at him fiercely.
“Don’t.” It was all she said, but he stopped talking, staring at her in confusion. They sat in tense silence, waiting for her name to be called. Once it was, she took the sample cup from the nurse, entering the loo as the nurse showed John to their examination room. After she’d had the small joy of weeing in a tiny cup - she wondered how difficult that would get once she was bigger - she took it out to the waiting nurse, who was standing beside the scale with a smile.
“Rough day, honey?” she took the cup matter of factly, sticking a litmus paper in it for a second and then laying it across the top as River kicked her shoes off with a sigh and stood on the scale.
“Not my best,” she muttered and the nurse pulled a sympathetic face as she slid the gauges on the scale gradually up.
“Everyone has those days, darling, you just do what you need to. And look, perfect weight gain, aren’t you a star?” she grinned at River who smiled weakly in return, stepping off the scale. Her feet felt so good against the ground, she sort of wanted to just carry her heels in, but she could just picture John’s smug face at that, so she slid her aching feet back into the shoes with an irritated sigh.
John was sat, his legs bouncing and tapping as she entered the room, opting to climb onto the exam table right away, kicking her shoes off and avoiding looking at him. She stared unhappily at the diagram of a woman’s uterus on the wall as the silence stretched between them uncomfortably. Fortunately the door opened and Martha bustled in, all cheery smiles and happy greetings.
“And how is it going this week, hmm?” She asked River as she pulled the waist of River’s skirt down, pressing a measuring tape over her belly, looking at the number and making a note in her chart. “Right where baby should be - what an excellent grower,” she grinned and River smiled in return as Martha’s hands pushed at her belly gently. “Any questions or concerns since I last saw you? We have to schedule your ultrasound - I’ve got the forms all ready to sign and fill out - the hospital will call you and let you know your appointment time.” She patted River’s hip in a comforting gesture. “Excited to see what’s in there?”
“Yes, though we’re still debating if we should find out the sex,” River finally responded and Martha nodded in understanding.
“Ah well, still three weeks away - plenty of time left. Now, would you two like to try to find this little one’s heartbeat today?” She grinned and John sat up in his chair. She pushed at River’s belly carefully, determining the baby’s location. “This might be a bit cold,” she warned, squirting gel onto River’s small bump and picking up a hand-held device from the counter. A soft white noise filled the room as she turned it on, and pressed the wand against River’s stomach. River held her breath carefully as Martha moved it around, frowning at the screen in concentration.
Suddenly a soft, rapid whooshing sound filled the room and River gasped, tears in her eyes. She reached out for John’s hand, and it hung there for a moment before he got up, moving closer and sliding his hand into hers. She looked at him, tears in her eyes as she listened to their baby’s heartbeat - it was so fast and amazing. “Oh god, I am so so sorry,” she whispered through tears and he looked down at her, shaking his head.
“Oh you daft woman,” he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her head and she sniffled loudly as Martha watched them with a smile. “Listen to that - that’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” he breathed the words out and she smiled at him, beaming from ear to ear. “My god, we did that.”
“One hundred and sixty-four beats per minute,” Martha grinned, holding the wand still. “Perfectly within range,” she added at John’s concerned look.
“That seems awfully high,” he insisted and Martha shook her head.
“Smaller body - blood has a lot shorter of a trip to make. By the time the baby is born, it’ll be lower,” she assured them. River simply held John’s hand and listened, wishing she could memorize the sound.
John pulled his mobile out with his free hand, sliding his hand over the screen and shushing River. He tapped the screen after a few moments and smiled, “Recorded the audio,” he grinned as he pocketed it again.
“Oh god, I love you,” River declared unthinkingly and he froze for a moment. “That was brilliant,” she explained quickly and he nodded with a grin.
“You can pick up at home doppler’s as well. They’re not too expensive, if it’s something you’d like to hear whenever. Something to look into anyway,” Martha explained as she removed the wand and the sound stopped. She wiped River’s belly off gently and River pulled her skirt to rights before sitting up, still holding John’s hand. Martha explained a few things about the ultrasound before leaving them to get ready to go.
As soon as she’d left the room, River turned an apologetic face to John. “I’m so sorry - I am, I was an idiot. I was just mad, and you’re right, I should wear flats - or at least lower heels. I don’t want to ever hurt this baby, but I was just being ridiculous, and I am so so sorry,” she apologised tearfully and he shook his head, smoothing a hand over her hair.
“Shh, it’s fine. I could have said it in a better way, and I shouldn’t have made that crack about you being a bloodhound, that was rubbish of me,” he whispered and she fisted her hand in his shirt, pulling him toward her and kissing him. He moaned, his hand tangling in her hair as his mouth opened over hers. Her tongue slipped past his lips to stroke at his own and he pushed in closer, kissing her and groaning. “Oh god, River,” his voice was low and he dragged her name out like he was reluctant to let it leave his lips and she moaned in response, one foot wrapping around his calf as she inched closer to the edge of the examining table.
“I love it when you say my name like that - god John, I could just- just -” she growled then, yanking his mouth back down to hers and he pressed a hand to the table for balance, kissing her back hungrily.
“Shit, River, we can’t - doctor’s office,” he pulled back with a gasp and she pouted up at him, stroking a hand along his bow tie as she pressed her hips into his.
“Then get me home, right now,” she breathed the words out and his mouth dropped open in shock before he growled in the back of his throat, helping her down off the table, his hands roaming over her body as he did so. “Otherwise I’ll just shag you right here,” she groaned, pressing into him as he gasped.
“Bugger, shit - we have to go back to the office and grab the car,” he panted and she grumbled, reaching down to grasp his erection through his trousers.
“Or we could just have sex in your office. Or my office. Or the car. Or all three,” she pressed kisses along his jaw as he swallowed heavily.
“Are you trying to kill me, woman?” he squeaked as she rubbed her palm over the length of him, moaning in his ear as she licked at the shell. “Christ, River,” he objected, pushing her away. “I need to be able to walk.”
“Yeah?” She pulled her coat on and looked at him significantly. “Walk faster.” She exited the room, all but running down the hall as he followed her as closely as he could.
The walk back to the office was damn near torturous, his hand slid under her coat, slipping under her blouse to trace small circles on her lower back as she leaned into his side and thought about everything she was going to do to him. The building was nearly empty and they entered the lift, punching their floor number in before she was on him, pushing him into the lift wall as she kissed him greedily and he attempted to protest. “Cameras, River,” he mumbled against her mouth and she laughed.
“I’m not shagging you right here, but god you smell amazing and you can’t expect me to keep my hands to myself, John,” she licks along his neck and he gasped, his hands stroking over her back until he could grip her arse in his hands. “I could shag you right here though,” she whispered against his ear as he whimpered. “I’m so ready for you - right now - you’ve no idea, John.”
His hand slid around the front of her body, bunching her skirt in his fist until the hem was high enough to slip his hand underneath it as she sucked on his earlobe, scraping her teeth across it. “God bless these skirts,” he mumbled as his long fingers hooked the side of her knickers, pushing them aside and sliding right into her as she gasped and he moaned. “Christ River, you are so wet,” he licked his lips as she pressed into him, clutching at his shoulders as his fingers slid in and out of her deftly, leaving her gasping by his ear.
“Oh god, I want you so badly,” she whinged and he moaned. “I want you inside of me, right this minute - John,” she panted and he kissed her, stopping her flow of words as his fingers worked within her, curling and stretching her, but not nearly enough. The lift dinged and he slid his hand out, her skirt dropping back into place as he sucked on his fingers, his eyes dark as she watched him. The lift doors slid open, and they scurried toward his office, hand in hand and laughing like school children. His hand shook as he unlocked the door, it had barely opened before she shoved him inside, and locked it behind them. Her hands pulled his jacket from his shoulders, shoving it to the ground as she pulled his braces down, her hands already moving on to unfasten his trousers as she pushed him toward the sofa. She pushed his trousers and pants down before shoving him down and lifting her skirt to pull her own knickers down, kicking them off along with her shoes. She climbed onto his lap and sank down, his erection sliding into her as they both moaned in satisfaction.
She felt so overly full and swollen around him, and she leaned forward, kissing him thoroughly, licking at the inside of his mouth, where she could taste hints of her own flavour. “God, River,” he groaned as she began to move, sliding her hips over him slowly at first, and then faster and faster as the pressure within her built. “So god damn amazing, I can’t-”
“John,” she moaned his name, over and over as his hands curled around her hips, over her skirt. He tugged and pulled and pushed her, helping her speed along as she felt herself rise and rise and rise, his name a sobbing litany on her lips. Her head was thrown back and she clutched at his bow tie with one hand - surely she was choking him a bit, but instead of causing her to release him, it made her pull harder as his breaths grew shorter and shallower.
“Fuck, River-”
“God yes,” she laughed at his strangled words, leaning over to kiss him as she ground her hips down, her orgasm rushing over her as he moaned into her mouth, his hands pulling on her hips in a jerky fashion. She swore she felt the edges of her vision darken so much, she was worried a bit about passing out, but when she came back to herself she released her hands from his throat - god when had they gotten there? - and he gasped for air, still panting. “Oh god, John, honey - I am so sorry, are you alright?”
“No, no - I’m fine. Christ River, that was, you are - amazing,” he pulled her down and kissed her softly. “But oh god, can we sleep here?” he mumbled against her lips and she laughed.
“No, because I want custard, and we need to go get some right now, and then we’re doing that again in a bed, and listening to our baby before we go to sleep,” she insisted and he grinned up at her, laughing.
“As you wish,” he laughed, kissing her once more. “Sounds like the best night ever. Wait - did you say custard?!”
xx
“No, that’s actually so gross I cannot even,” Amy shook her head, laughing as they all sat squashed at a table in their favourite cafe.
“It’s not as bad as he’s making it sound,” River protested with a laugh and the Doctor nods in agreement.
“I tried it - it was actually quite good,” he insisted and Amy shot River a glance as if to say if he thought it was good it had to be terrible.
“Oh god,” River exclaimed, turning to smack him on the shoulder. “What did you do to me?!”
“Excuse me - what did I do to you? It was your craving!” he spluttered.
“For your child, who clearly eats like you,” she hit him again. “I put fish fingers in there for god’s sake. I don’t even like fish fingers.”
“Am I going to be blamed for every strange craving then?” he teases her and she rolled her eyes.
“Yes, frankly,” she glared and he pouted.
“Well then, you’re not getting your gift.” She and Amy had spent all morning shopping for maternity clothes, Amy helping her find quite a few not horrible things - flowing skirts and dresses as opposed to pants and tops. Though she had gotten some black slacks as well, for later in the fall. Amy had even managed to find low waisted pairs, since River had moaned over all the front panels. They were horrid. Rory and the Doctor had gone off on their own, but she’d assumed they’d simply sat in a coffee shop somewhere.
“What gift? I want my gift!” she bounced as she spoke and he smiled indulgently at her. “You went shopping?”
“A bit, yeah,” he nodded shyly and pulled a bag out from under the table. It was a soft green with tiny giraffes dancing across the front and River inexplicably felt herself tear up at the sight of it.
“You went baby shopping?” she asked softly and Amy scoffed from across the table.
“I’ll have you know, aside from yelling at a saleswoman she didn’t cry once this morning. Maybe it’s not that you make it better, but you cause it,” Amy eyes the Doctor who glared at her.
“Oh, shut it Pond,” he grumbled as he handed River the bag. “I do not.”
“You do a bit, sweetie,” River laughed as she wiped her eyes. “But in his defence it’s usually because he does stupidly incredibly sweet things.” She glanced at Amy as she opened the bag, pulling out a box and gasping as she looked down. “You got us an at-home one?” It was an at home Doppler, able to listen to a record the fetal heartbeat according to the packaging. Tears filled her eyes as she looked up at him, “Thank you, John.” She moved without thought, leaning across the space between them as she kissed him. He hummed in surprise, but his hands came to her waist, stroking softly as she pulled back. “I love it.”
“What was that?!” Amy all but shrieked from across the table and River froze. Shit. Shit. Shit. She’d forgotten for a moment - oh god.
“A thank you?” she turned to Amy, flushing and Amy pointed accusingly across the table.
“No that was not a thank you. A thank you is a hug or a kiss on the cheek or a peck. That was not a peck, and not the first time that has happened. You two are shagging!” She clapped her hands to her mouth before dropping them and beaming. “You two are together. Oh my god! Oh my god! I’m so happy!”
“Pond, no it’s not - we’re not-” The Doctor protested but Amy glared at him.
“Are you or are you not sleeping together?” Both of them flushed in response to her question, looking down at the table intently. “Ha! And are you or are you not having a baby together?”
“Well obviously but-” River started and Amy glared at her in turn.
“You are both too stupid to function. Fine, whatever. You’re not together, aside from the fact that you’re having sex and also a child. I think we’ve got it.” She nodded sarcastically, rolling her eyes to Rory who chuckled, rubbing her shoulders and shaking his head. The Doctor wrapped and arm around River, who leaned into him gratefully, studying the packaging in favour of acknowledging Amy’s smug face.
“I can’t wait to try it,” she spoke softly and he grinned. “It was the best sound in the whole world.”
“Can we try it tonight?” Amy asked eagerly, apparently deciding to humour them both and dropping the subject of their relationship status. “I wanna hear my niece!”
“Nephew,” Rory insisted. He glanced at them across the table. “We have a bet.”
“I’m going to be right, you moron. Oh when are we gonna start thinking of names? Amelia is lovely - just so you know.”
“Right, we are not naming our child after you. Either of you,” the Doctor sighed as Rory opened his mouth. “We’ve not discussed it yet, I mean, I just assumed River would...”
“Well but you get a vote too, sweetie,” River frowned up at him, turning her head to the side and finding her gaze fixated on his throat as he swallowed. She leaned in, inhaling deeply - god he just smelled amazing. It was addictive - like a drug. He glanced down at her, and he must have read something in her gaze because his own darkened.
“Right,” he shifted next to her, his other hand slipping under the table to stroke along her knee and thigh. “I just figured you’d be better at picking than me. I’m rubbish at that sort of thing.”
“Named many babies have you, then?” Amy teased across the table and they both looked over in surprise. “Oh, forgot we were here yeah? What with all the eye sex happening over there. You know. Not together people do that all the time. Alright - Rory and I are going to go pay for lunch, our treat - shut up, and then we’ll pop by tonight so we can test that out. You two go shag it out in the meantime, and for the love of god, text us when it’s safe.”
River and the Doctor stared at her in shock as she gathered her things, and she and Rory stood, leaving the table with a jaunty wave. “I can’t quite decide if her knowing is going to ruin my life-” River started to speak and John laughed.
“Or be the best thing ever? Who the hell cares - I need to get you alone right now,” he growled by her ear and she shivered, looking up at him with a grin.
“Well, I should really thank you for the gift properly. It’s only polite,” she leaned in, kissing him more thoroughly than she had earlier, her mouth opening under his as she moaned. His hand on her thigh slid higher and she whinged. She broke away with a gasp. “Home?”
“Home,” he agreed.
xx
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” Amy glared at her across the desk as River shifted uneasily in her chair, pouring dressing on her salad and avoiding Amy’s gaze.
“Well I-”
“Your best friend. I’m actually a bit hurt, River. I’d have told you something like this - I would never keep things like this from you.” Amy’s voice was tinged with hurt and River sighed, looking up with a regretful face.
“I’m sorry,” she stressed and Amy pouted. “I just didn’t want you to make a big deal out of it-”
“My best friend’s are together and having a baby, it’s a big deal.” Amy glared harder and River pushed her hair back with a sigh.
“We’re not together Amy. It’s just sex.”
“Oh are you seriously this stupid?” Amy scoffed and River looked at her with a glare. “Oh god, you are this stupid.”
“Amy!” River protested, but the redhead shook her head and rolled her eyes.
“You have feelings for him - don’t you even deny it! What is so terrible about being with him? You guys are having a baby, you’re best friends, you love each other, you’re attracted to each other - what is so bad about letting all of that grow into a genuine, loving relationship? I don’t get you two, honestly!” Amy threw her hands up with a huff and River swallowed heavily.
Amy had an annoying habit of being irritatingly right about things like this - or she would hit so close to the mark, her words would haunt you for days. And River knew, even as Amy glared at her with a smug look - these words would echo around her for months.
“He deserves better, Amy,” when she spoke, her voice was small and quiet and Amy rolled her eyes.
“There is no one better than you, River. Age be damned. Who else is going to love him so well as you do?”
“I don’t-”
“Lie to me all you want, but don’t you dare tell that lie to yourself River,” Amy cut her off with a huff. “Look, I just - I want you to be happy. This little girl,” she reached forward, lacing her own hands through River’s and placing them on top of the gentle swell of her stomach, “is going to make you both so happy. And wouldn’t she be so much happier with a Mum and Dad who love each other fully?”
“I don’t... I don’t know,” River whispered as she swallowed, looking up at Amy with tear filled eyes. “Oh god, what if I’ve just been delusional? What if this ruins everything? I can’t lose him - I can’t, and she can’t. But I can’t seem to stop. I’ve tried to convince myself you know - now that the hormones aren’t as insane, I should just let him go out with other women, or - or-” but even voicing those words caused a painful ache to bloom in her chest. She sniffled and Amy pulled her into her arms, hugging her tightly as she smoothed her hair.
“You’re so daft, River. Surely you realize that he wouldn’t be doing this if he didn’t care? That he’s always cared?” Amy pulled back and River looked at her tearfully. “He loves you.” River shook her head and Amy sighed softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You’ll see.”
(5/6)
Fandom/Pairing: Doctor Who, River/Doctor
Rating: M
Wordcount: 36,853
Warnings: human!AU
Summary: “I’m not getting any younger, am I? And I may never meet a man I want to spend the rest of my life with, let alone raise children with, and even if I do, well it’ll be too late. I’ve always wanted children. And I thought, you know, why wait? I can do it on my own perfectly fine."
“You look better.” Amy observed two weeks later at their weekly dinner and River grinned in response.
“I feel better. Past the first trimester, you know, so miscarriage risk lowers dramatically, and I’m showing finally-”
“Really? Let me see!” Amy demanded, moving over to stand by River at the counter. “This dress is too loose, pull it tighter, I want to see.”
River laughed at her friend, before rolling her eyes, putting down the knife she was using to cut the cake she’d made and turning to Amy. She gripped the loose fabric of her skirt in her hands and pulled it tight to her waist, and Amy gasped, clapping a hand to her mouth. “Oh my gosh look at it - there’s a baby in there! Can I touch it?”
“Yes, of course, but it’s just a bump you can’t feel anything yet.” Amy placed a hand gently over the small swell, looking at River with a wide grin.
“I can’t believe you’re gonna have a baby. It’s a third of the way over already. I just can’t believe it.”
“Should I leave?” Rory’s voice is hesitant by the door and Amy glances over and laughs at him, rolling her eyes.
“No, stupid, look, River has a little belly now!”
“Well she is having a baby, Amy.” He pointed out dryly and River winked at him with a grin as Amy sighed, dropping her hands and moving back to the tea.
“Thank you Captain Obvious. I know that. I’m just saying, it’s adorable. And she’s almost halfway there. I can’t believe it’s been three months already.” Amy observed at she handed Rory the cream and sugar and River went back to plating the cake.
“Oh good god, she’s going to make us all fat if she keeps baking like that.” Rory was hovering behind her now, before he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I bloody love you, and I haven’t even tasted that yet.”
“It’s a dobros torte. Twelve layer cake.” She pointed out and he grinned. “John helped actually.”
“I did. That thing took five hours.” The Doctor had strolled into the room, wanting to see where everyone was, and River giggled as she served the cake. “It better taste like heaven.”
Everyone carried tea and cake out to the dining room and they all sat. Silence reigned as everyone ate; stopping only to mumble unintelligible compliments at her, and no one spoke until the plates were empty. “Oh my god, that was amazing.” Amy sat back with a groan, Rory nodding in agreement and picking crumbs off his plate.
“It’s because I helped,” the Doctor added smugly and River glared at him from where she sat kitty corner to him at the table as he nodded.
“You put the pans in and out of the oven when I told you to.”
“Don’t I take direction well?” He grinned cheekily and she flushed - she had teased him about that last night in bed with her thighs around his - she cleared her throat and looked away as he laughed. “Did River tell you about our appointment this week?” He changed the subject, looking at Amy, who shook her head.
“No, I mean other than you have one.” Amy frowned and he giggled.
“We’re scheduling her twenty week scan.”
“And arguing about if we should find out the sex or not.” River added and Amy clapped, bouncing up and down.
“It should be a surprise!” John insisted and River rolled her eyes.
“It’s still a surprise, it’s just sooner. And studies show mothers bond more once they know the sex-”
“And scans can be wrong, what if they’re wrong?” He pointed out with a sigh and she crossed her arms.
“Then we take things back, and we get a second surprise.”
“I kind of agree with River,” Amy pointed out with a grin. “It’d be nice to know the sex for the shower too, which I am totally planning already, it will be fantastic.” She looked at River who was shaking her head faintly. “Oh shush, you, you’ll love it. Besides which it makes shopping more fun.”
“Oh lord, not more shopping,” River moaned, biting off the sound on a gasp as she felt John’s hand on her knee under the table. He tucked three fingers behind her knee, pressing up and she took the hint, shifting in her seat to face him somewhat as she put her feet in his lap.
They’d not told Amy and Rory about their sleeping arrangements - it was rare that he spent a night at his own flat anymore, but things like this he could do in front of them without either of them questioning it. He rubbed his thumb along the arch of her foot and she closed her eyes for a moment as Amy scoffed.
“How is it that they’re not even dating, and he’s a better boyfriend than you, stupid?” Amy laughed at Rory who flushed and ran a hand through his hair before pointing at Amy.
“Hey - we had dinner early tonight so I could take you out to a play you wanted to see, that is me being a good boyfriend.”
“But she gets footrubs.” Amy whinged and pouted while Rory sighed.
“She is pregnant. Different rules apply.” Rory looked to the Doctor for help, but he simply shrugged and waited for them to go back to their bickering. Once they had, his hand slid up along the inside of her calf, and she looked at him in warning.
He simply grinned crookedly at her, his fingers slipping under the hem of her dress to trace patterns against the skin of her thighs. Heat spread through her and she bit back a groan. She’s been ridiculous - all he has to do is touch her - look at her a certain way, lean over her so she could smell him. They’d had a brainstorming meeting two days ago about the account they were working on together, and she’d had sex with him in her office. She’d felt horrible, but he’d just laughed and kissed her harder when she said that.
“Anyway,” the Doctor spoke loudly over their bickering and they both looked at him,” we’re going to possibly hear the heartbeat this week.”
River grinned at the thought of it as his hands returned to her calves, kneading the muscle there. “And we have to tell Philips,” she sighed. “And I have to go shopping for-”
“Shopping? Oh when? For what? I can’t wait!” Amy perked up and River laughed softly.
“I need clothes. Loose skirts are all that fit anymore,” River frown down at her small belly and then pouted. “It’s too cold for those. And it’s dumb because I barely even need maternity clothes and they all look horrid - like women in giant circus tents,” she muttered, tears pricking at her eyes and John rubbed her legs soothingly.
“I’m sure it’s not all horrid - Amy will help you find nice things. And you’ll look gorgeous no matter what, I love that you’re showing already,” he smiled at her as she wiped her eyes, taking a deep calming breath.
“Right, we’re all going shopping,” Amy spoke decisively and Rory and the Doctor looked at her in shock. “What? Clearly I need the Doctor on hand, in case she has a mini-meltdown. Sorry. You’re great at calming her down. And Rory - well, he’ll need company. I mean you guys can go sit somewhere or whatever while we shop, but you need to be on hand,” Amy shrugged unapologetically and Rory sighed, before looking at the Doctor and nodding. “We should sign up for yoga too, River. I’ve heard it’s really excellent to get into when you’re pregnant. I’ll go with you, I don’t mind,” she smiled and River beamed at her, her eyes welling again.
“Really? You would?”
“Of course I would! I mean, I’m sure this one isn’t gonna complain if I get a bit more flexible-”
“Ew! Ew! Stop that right now, Pond!” The Doctor lifted his hands to cover his ears and glare at Amy, who stuck her tongue out at him. River laughed in delight, nudging his thigh with her foot as she smiled in amusement.
“Oh shut up, you giant idiot,” Amy scowled as Rory checked his watch. “So plans for next Saturday, yeah? “
xx
The worst part of their week had been telling their boss that not only would she be taking maternity leave, but that John was requesting paternity leave at the same time. He’d grudgingly congratulated them, while muttering about losing his two best people all at once - grumbling they’d ignored whole-heartedly.
They were walking to their doctor’s appointment, hand in hand and strolling down the pavement, despite the chill still lingering in the air. It was warming up, finally, but spring had definitely not sprung yet. “Can you smell that?” River lifted her head, turning to sniff the air as he laughed gently next to her.
“Probably not, but you’re like a bloodhound these days. What food is it?” She gasped at his response, turning to smack his shoulder, but tripping over absolutely nothing as she did so. He caught her quickly, and she gripped his shoulder with her free hand, her heart pounding. “I told you you should stop wearing those bloody shoes, River,” he grumbled and she glared at him.
“There is nothing wrong with my shoes - my center of gravity just happens to be shifting-”
“And you’d be less likely to trip if you wore flats! What if I’d not been here River?” he snapped irritably and she let go of his hand, stopping in the middle of the pavement to stare at him, her expression hurt. “Don’t,” he warned and she huffed, stalking ahead of him quickly. “River!”
She ignored him resolutely, yanking the medical office door open and heading for the stairs, marching up them as he followed behind her. “Come on, I was just pointing out-” she shot a glare over her shoulder that halted his words mid-sentence as she carried on up to the fourth floor and exited into the waiting area. She informed the secretary that she had an appointment and then sat down, pointedly ignoring John as he sat next to her. “All I meant was-” he leaned in to whisper and she glared at him fiercely.
“Don’t.” It was all she said, but he stopped talking, staring at her in confusion. They sat in tense silence, waiting for her name to be called. Once it was, she took the sample cup from the nurse, entering the loo as the nurse showed John to their examination room. After she’d had the small joy of weeing in a tiny cup - she wondered how difficult that would get once she was bigger - she took it out to the waiting nurse, who was standing beside the scale with a smile.
“Rough day, honey?” she took the cup matter of factly, sticking a litmus paper in it for a second and then laying it across the top as River kicked her shoes off with a sigh and stood on the scale.
“Not my best,” she muttered and the nurse pulled a sympathetic face as she slid the gauges on the scale gradually up.
“Everyone has those days, darling, you just do what you need to. And look, perfect weight gain, aren’t you a star?” she grinned at River who smiled weakly in return, stepping off the scale. Her feet felt so good against the ground, she sort of wanted to just carry her heels in, but she could just picture John’s smug face at that, so she slid her aching feet back into the shoes with an irritated sigh.
John was sat, his legs bouncing and tapping as she entered the room, opting to climb onto the exam table right away, kicking her shoes off and avoiding looking at him. She stared unhappily at the diagram of a woman’s uterus on the wall as the silence stretched between them uncomfortably. Fortunately the door opened and Martha bustled in, all cheery smiles and happy greetings.
“And how is it going this week, hmm?” She asked River as she pulled the waist of River’s skirt down, pressing a measuring tape over her belly, looking at the number and making a note in her chart. “Right where baby should be - what an excellent grower,” she grinned and River smiled in return as Martha’s hands pushed at her belly gently. “Any questions or concerns since I last saw you? We have to schedule your ultrasound - I’ve got the forms all ready to sign and fill out - the hospital will call you and let you know your appointment time.” She patted River’s hip in a comforting gesture. “Excited to see what’s in there?”
“Yes, though we’re still debating if we should find out the sex,” River finally responded and Martha nodded in understanding.
“Ah well, still three weeks away - plenty of time left. Now, would you two like to try to find this little one’s heartbeat today?” She grinned and John sat up in his chair. She pushed at River’s belly carefully, determining the baby’s location. “This might be a bit cold,” she warned, squirting gel onto River’s small bump and picking up a hand-held device from the counter. A soft white noise filled the room as she turned it on, and pressed the wand against River’s stomach. River held her breath carefully as Martha moved it around, frowning at the screen in concentration.
Suddenly a soft, rapid whooshing sound filled the room and River gasped, tears in her eyes. She reached out for John’s hand, and it hung there for a moment before he got up, moving closer and sliding his hand into hers. She looked at him, tears in her eyes as she listened to their baby’s heartbeat - it was so fast and amazing. “Oh god, I am so so sorry,” she whispered through tears and he looked down at her, shaking his head.
“Oh you daft woman,” he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her head and she sniffled loudly as Martha watched them with a smile. “Listen to that - that’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” he breathed the words out and she smiled at him, beaming from ear to ear. “My god, we did that.”
“One hundred and sixty-four beats per minute,” Martha grinned, holding the wand still. “Perfectly within range,” she added at John’s concerned look.
“That seems awfully high,” he insisted and Martha shook her head.
“Smaller body - blood has a lot shorter of a trip to make. By the time the baby is born, it’ll be lower,” she assured them. River simply held John’s hand and listened, wishing she could memorize the sound.
John pulled his mobile out with his free hand, sliding his hand over the screen and shushing River. He tapped the screen after a few moments and smiled, “Recorded the audio,” he grinned as he pocketed it again.
“Oh god, I love you,” River declared unthinkingly and he froze for a moment. “That was brilliant,” she explained quickly and he nodded with a grin.
“You can pick up at home doppler’s as well. They’re not too expensive, if it’s something you’d like to hear whenever. Something to look into anyway,” Martha explained as she removed the wand and the sound stopped. She wiped River’s belly off gently and River pulled her skirt to rights before sitting up, still holding John’s hand. Martha explained a few things about the ultrasound before leaving them to get ready to go.
As soon as she’d left the room, River turned an apologetic face to John. “I’m so sorry - I am, I was an idiot. I was just mad, and you’re right, I should wear flats - or at least lower heels. I don’t want to ever hurt this baby, but I was just being ridiculous, and I am so so sorry,” she apologised tearfully and he shook his head, smoothing a hand over her hair.
“Shh, it’s fine. I could have said it in a better way, and I shouldn’t have made that crack about you being a bloodhound, that was rubbish of me,” he whispered and she fisted her hand in his shirt, pulling him toward her and kissing him. He moaned, his hand tangling in her hair as his mouth opened over hers. Her tongue slipped past his lips to stroke at his own and he pushed in closer, kissing her and groaning. “Oh god, River,” his voice was low and he dragged her name out like he was reluctant to let it leave his lips and she moaned in response, one foot wrapping around his calf as she inched closer to the edge of the examining table.
“I love it when you say my name like that - god John, I could just- just -” she growled then, yanking his mouth back down to hers and he pressed a hand to the table for balance, kissing her back hungrily.
“Shit, River, we can’t - doctor’s office,” he pulled back with a gasp and she pouted up at him, stroking a hand along his bow tie as she pressed her hips into his.
“Then get me home, right now,” she breathed the words out and his mouth dropped open in shock before he growled in the back of his throat, helping her down off the table, his hands roaming over her body as he did so. “Otherwise I’ll just shag you right here,” she groaned, pressing into him as he gasped.
“Bugger, shit - we have to go back to the office and grab the car,” he panted and she grumbled, reaching down to grasp his erection through his trousers.
“Or we could just have sex in your office. Or my office. Or the car. Or all three,” she pressed kisses along his jaw as he swallowed heavily.
“Are you trying to kill me, woman?” he squeaked as she rubbed her palm over the length of him, moaning in his ear as she licked at the shell. “Christ, River,” he objected, pushing her away. “I need to be able to walk.”
“Yeah?” She pulled her coat on and looked at him significantly. “Walk faster.” She exited the room, all but running down the hall as he followed her as closely as he could.
The walk back to the office was damn near torturous, his hand slid under her coat, slipping under her blouse to trace small circles on her lower back as she leaned into his side and thought about everything she was going to do to him. The building was nearly empty and they entered the lift, punching their floor number in before she was on him, pushing him into the lift wall as she kissed him greedily and he attempted to protest. “Cameras, River,” he mumbled against her mouth and she laughed.
“I’m not shagging you right here, but god you smell amazing and you can’t expect me to keep my hands to myself, John,” she licks along his neck and he gasped, his hands stroking over her back until he could grip her arse in his hands. “I could shag you right here though,” she whispered against his ear as he whimpered. “I’m so ready for you - right now - you’ve no idea, John.”
His hand slid around the front of her body, bunching her skirt in his fist until the hem was high enough to slip his hand underneath it as she sucked on his earlobe, scraping her teeth across it. “God bless these skirts,” he mumbled as his long fingers hooked the side of her knickers, pushing them aside and sliding right into her as she gasped and he moaned. “Christ River, you are so wet,” he licked his lips as she pressed into him, clutching at his shoulders as his fingers slid in and out of her deftly, leaving her gasping by his ear.
“Oh god, I want you so badly,” she whinged and he moaned. “I want you inside of me, right this minute - John,” she panted and he kissed her, stopping her flow of words as his fingers worked within her, curling and stretching her, but not nearly enough. The lift dinged and he slid his hand out, her skirt dropping back into place as he sucked on his fingers, his eyes dark as she watched him. The lift doors slid open, and they scurried toward his office, hand in hand and laughing like school children. His hand shook as he unlocked the door, it had barely opened before she shoved him inside, and locked it behind them. Her hands pulled his jacket from his shoulders, shoving it to the ground as she pulled his braces down, her hands already moving on to unfasten his trousers as she pushed him toward the sofa. She pushed his trousers and pants down before shoving him down and lifting her skirt to pull her own knickers down, kicking them off along with her shoes. She climbed onto his lap and sank down, his erection sliding into her as they both moaned in satisfaction.
She felt so overly full and swollen around him, and she leaned forward, kissing him thoroughly, licking at the inside of his mouth, where she could taste hints of her own flavour. “God, River,” he groaned as she began to move, sliding her hips over him slowly at first, and then faster and faster as the pressure within her built. “So god damn amazing, I can’t-”
“John,” she moaned his name, over and over as his hands curled around her hips, over her skirt. He tugged and pulled and pushed her, helping her speed along as she felt herself rise and rise and rise, his name a sobbing litany on her lips. Her head was thrown back and she clutched at his bow tie with one hand - surely she was choking him a bit, but instead of causing her to release him, it made her pull harder as his breaths grew shorter and shallower.
“Fuck, River-”
“God yes,” she laughed at his strangled words, leaning over to kiss him as she ground her hips down, her orgasm rushing over her as he moaned into her mouth, his hands pulling on her hips in a jerky fashion. She swore she felt the edges of her vision darken so much, she was worried a bit about passing out, but when she came back to herself she released her hands from his throat - god when had they gotten there? - and he gasped for air, still panting. “Oh god, John, honey - I am so sorry, are you alright?”
“No, no - I’m fine. Christ River, that was, you are - amazing,” he pulled her down and kissed her softly. “But oh god, can we sleep here?” he mumbled against her lips and she laughed.
“No, because I want custard, and we need to go get some right now, and then we’re doing that again in a bed, and listening to our baby before we go to sleep,” she insisted and he grinned up at her, laughing.
“As you wish,” he laughed, kissing her once more. “Sounds like the best night ever. Wait - did you say custard?!”
xx
“No, that’s actually so gross I cannot even,” Amy shook her head, laughing as they all sat squashed at a table in their favourite cafe.
“It’s not as bad as he’s making it sound,” River protested with a laugh and the Doctor nods in agreement.
“I tried it - it was actually quite good,” he insisted and Amy shot River a glance as if to say if he thought it was good it had to be terrible.
“Oh god,” River exclaimed, turning to smack him on the shoulder. “What did you do to me?!”
“Excuse me - what did I do to you? It was your craving!” he spluttered.
“For your child, who clearly eats like you,” she hit him again. “I put fish fingers in there for god’s sake. I don’t even like fish fingers.”
“Am I going to be blamed for every strange craving then?” he teases her and she rolled her eyes.
“Yes, frankly,” she glared and he pouted.
“Well then, you’re not getting your gift.” She and Amy had spent all morning shopping for maternity clothes, Amy helping her find quite a few not horrible things - flowing skirts and dresses as opposed to pants and tops. Though she had gotten some black slacks as well, for later in the fall. Amy had even managed to find low waisted pairs, since River had moaned over all the front panels. They were horrid. Rory and the Doctor had gone off on their own, but she’d assumed they’d simply sat in a coffee shop somewhere.
“What gift? I want my gift!” she bounced as she spoke and he smiled indulgently at her. “You went shopping?”
“A bit, yeah,” he nodded shyly and pulled a bag out from under the table. It was a soft green with tiny giraffes dancing across the front and River inexplicably felt herself tear up at the sight of it.
“You went baby shopping?” she asked softly and Amy scoffed from across the table.
“I’ll have you know, aside from yelling at a saleswoman she didn’t cry once this morning. Maybe it’s not that you make it better, but you cause it,” Amy eyes the Doctor who glared at her.
“Oh, shut it Pond,” he grumbled as he handed River the bag. “I do not.”
“You do a bit, sweetie,” River laughed as she wiped her eyes. “But in his defence it’s usually because he does stupidly incredibly sweet things.” She glanced at Amy as she opened the bag, pulling out a box and gasping as she looked down. “You got us an at-home one?” It was an at home Doppler, able to listen to a record the fetal heartbeat according to the packaging. Tears filled her eyes as she looked up at him, “Thank you, John.” She moved without thought, leaning across the space between them as she kissed him. He hummed in surprise, but his hands came to her waist, stroking softly as she pulled back. “I love it.”
“What was that?!” Amy all but shrieked from across the table and River froze. Shit. Shit. Shit. She’d forgotten for a moment - oh god.
“A thank you?” she turned to Amy, flushing and Amy pointed accusingly across the table.
“No that was not a thank you. A thank you is a hug or a kiss on the cheek or a peck. That was not a peck, and not the first time that has happened. You two are shagging!” She clapped her hands to her mouth before dropping them and beaming. “You two are together. Oh my god! Oh my god! I’m so happy!”
“Pond, no it’s not - we’re not-” The Doctor protested but Amy glared at him.
“Are you or are you not sleeping together?” Both of them flushed in response to her question, looking down at the table intently. “Ha! And are you or are you not having a baby together?”
“Well obviously but-” River started and Amy glared at her in turn.
“You are both too stupid to function. Fine, whatever. You’re not together, aside from the fact that you’re having sex and also a child. I think we’ve got it.” She nodded sarcastically, rolling her eyes to Rory who chuckled, rubbing her shoulders and shaking his head. The Doctor wrapped and arm around River, who leaned into him gratefully, studying the packaging in favour of acknowledging Amy’s smug face.
“I can’t wait to try it,” she spoke softly and he grinned. “It was the best sound in the whole world.”
“Can we try it tonight?” Amy asked eagerly, apparently deciding to humour them both and dropping the subject of their relationship status. “I wanna hear my niece!”
“Nephew,” Rory insisted. He glanced at them across the table. “We have a bet.”
“I’m going to be right, you moron. Oh when are we gonna start thinking of names? Amelia is lovely - just so you know.”
“Right, we are not naming our child after you. Either of you,” the Doctor sighed as Rory opened his mouth. “We’ve not discussed it yet, I mean, I just assumed River would...”
“Well but you get a vote too, sweetie,” River frowned up at him, turning her head to the side and finding her gaze fixated on his throat as he swallowed. She leaned in, inhaling deeply - god he just smelled amazing. It was addictive - like a drug. He glanced down at her, and he must have read something in her gaze because his own darkened.
“Right,” he shifted next to her, his other hand slipping under the table to stroke along her knee and thigh. “I just figured you’d be better at picking than me. I’m rubbish at that sort of thing.”
“Named many babies have you, then?” Amy teased across the table and they both looked over in surprise. “Oh, forgot we were here yeah? What with all the eye sex happening over there. You know. Not together people do that all the time. Alright - Rory and I are going to go pay for lunch, our treat - shut up, and then we’ll pop by tonight so we can test that out. You two go shag it out in the meantime, and for the love of god, text us when it’s safe.”
River and the Doctor stared at her in shock as she gathered her things, and she and Rory stood, leaving the table with a jaunty wave. “I can’t quite decide if her knowing is going to ruin my life-” River started to speak and John laughed.
“Or be the best thing ever? Who the hell cares - I need to get you alone right now,” he growled by her ear and she shivered, looking up at him with a grin.
“Well, I should really thank you for the gift properly. It’s only polite,” she leaned in, kissing him more thoroughly than she had earlier, her mouth opening under his as she moaned. His hand on her thigh slid higher and she whinged. She broke away with a gasp. “Home?”
“Home,” he agreed.
xx
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” Amy glared at her across the desk as River shifted uneasily in her chair, pouring dressing on her salad and avoiding Amy’s gaze.
“Well I-”
“Your best friend. I’m actually a bit hurt, River. I’d have told you something like this - I would never keep things like this from you.” Amy’s voice was tinged with hurt and River sighed, looking up with a regretful face.
“I’m sorry,” she stressed and Amy pouted. “I just didn’t want you to make a big deal out of it-”
“My best friend’s are together and having a baby, it’s a big deal.” Amy glared harder and River pushed her hair back with a sigh.
“We’re not together Amy. It’s just sex.”
“Oh are you seriously this stupid?” Amy scoffed and River looked at her with a glare. “Oh god, you are this stupid.”
“Amy!” River protested, but the redhead shook her head and rolled her eyes.
“You have feelings for him - don’t you even deny it! What is so terrible about being with him? You guys are having a baby, you’re best friends, you love each other, you’re attracted to each other - what is so bad about letting all of that grow into a genuine, loving relationship? I don’t get you two, honestly!” Amy threw her hands up with a huff and River swallowed heavily.
Amy had an annoying habit of being irritatingly right about things like this - or she would hit so close to the mark, her words would haunt you for days. And River knew, even as Amy glared at her with a smug look - these words would echo around her for months.
“He deserves better, Amy,” when she spoke, her voice was small and quiet and Amy rolled her eyes.
“There is no one better than you, River. Age be damned. Who else is going to love him so well as you do?”
“I don’t-”
“Lie to me all you want, but don’t you dare tell that lie to yourself River,” Amy cut her off with a huff. “Look, I just - I want you to be happy. This little girl,” she reached forward, lacing her own hands through River’s and placing them on top of the gentle swell of her stomach, “is going to make you both so happy. And wouldn’t she be so much happier with a Mum and Dad who love each other fully?”
“I don’t... I don’t know,” River whispered as she swallowed, looking up at Amy with tear filled eyes. “Oh god, what if I’ve just been delusional? What if this ruins everything? I can’t lose him - I can’t, and she can’t. But I can’t seem to stop. I’ve tried to convince myself you know - now that the hormones aren’t as insane, I should just let him go out with other women, or - or-” but even voicing those words caused a painful ache to bloom in her chest. She sniffled and Amy pulled her into her arms, hugging her tightly as she smoothed her hair.
“You’re so daft, River. Surely you realize that he wouldn’t be doing this if he didn’t care? That he’s always cared?” Amy pulled back and River looked at her tearfully. “He loves you.” River shook her head and Amy sighed softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You’ll see.”
(5/6)