Look into your heart and you will find the sky is yours.
so...yesterday was difficult. more difficult than i imagined. we buried my stepdad. well not buried because he was cremated. his ashes were in an urn, a beautiful one too, and we placed him in like a hole in the wall that is closed off by a piece of black marble. and i didnt realize how much he actually meant to me. how much my heart had made room for him. i wish i would have been there more than i was. i know i cant beat myself up about it. but i could have called him. i could have gone to lunch with him. or something. i could have tried to be apart of his life a little more than i was. being angry at him kinda hurt me in the end. i also realized i wasnt really angry at him. i was more angry at the disease that took him away. i just know i could have done more to help. to help him feel he wasnt alone. that we really loved him and wanted him better. i fucking hate death...its so final.