.why are you so damn self-destructive?.
So I wrote an entry last night, using it as a form of test. I was curious if my boyfriend read my LJ. So I wrote the worst possible entry that he would ever want to see on here. Why? Because I guess late at night when you've been through a long day of pain you think of sadistic things to do, and then don't really think much about it. And I wanted to see how much he really knew me, I suppose.
Funny enough, I'm wondering if it worked, because he was acting pretty far away this morning.
Truth of the matter is, if he read it he would never believe that I was just telling a story. Because I guess that doesn't really make sense, in a way. And then, if he HADN'T read this, and he was troubled by something else, well, then, curiousity grabs me.
I love him, but I am a huge fuck-up. I wasn't in the right place, and I do really stupid things that seem to make sense at the time.
I guess time will tell.