(no subject)
Okay so today was like...blah. I am seriously sick of school. To the point where yet again, being there makes me want to hang myself. So yeah my cell phone got shut off today. So for those of you who ever do give enough of a shit to call just call the house. No calls past nine on school nights though. And ten or eleven on weekends. I dunno I can't remember right now. I have decided to give up on this whole crush thing. It's not getting me anywhere so why bother? Obviously I'm never gonna get to date this kid so whatever. I'm just gonna die alone...with 87 cats. "Meow"
I think I'm done with relationships. I'm never going to find anyone that I care about as much as they care about me or vice versa. I hate being single though. It's making me want to shoot myself. I feel so unneeded when I'm single. People only want me when I'm dating someone. Then after that they have no interest in me. I want to scream...that's how fucking frusterated with relationships I am. So Ashlei called me last night. I answered the phone kind of snotty but then once we got to talking I calmed my tone and we pretty much started to understand where one another was coming from. I know I know, you probably think I'm too nice to people. Well that's because I am. I'm so worried about losing friends (because then I'll feel even more purposeless). I don't know...I just need someone. I don't have many real friends...I'd like more of those. And I just want someone to give a damn about me. To actually care about me, love me, think I'm special. But I'll never find that. Atleast not in Decatur.
My mom told me last night I could move out whenever I wanted to. I need to find a place to stay first though. I think I'm just going to go live with my dad and his girlfriend in Georgia. Everyone would be better off here if I left this place. No one here has any use for me and it's sad because the man who beat me all my life (my dad) would rather have me around than my mom and step-dad. At first when I considered living with my dad I had second thoughts because he was an alcoholic and really abusive. But he quit drinking and he's never mean when he's sober. (He was drunk pretty much half of my life while he was here). But now, I think I need a change...get out of here and start over in a new surrounding. Maybe in Georgia someone will actually like me...
Just a Soul in Human Form,
Chrisitna <33333
I think I'm done with relationships. I'm never going to find anyone that I care about as much as they care about me or vice versa. I hate being single though. It's making me want to shoot myself. I feel so unneeded when I'm single. People only want me when I'm dating someone. Then after that they have no interest in me. I want to scream...that's how fucking frusterated with relationships I am. So Ashlei called me last night. I answered the phone kind of snotty but then once we got to talking I calmed my tone and we pretty much started to understand where one another was coming from. I know I know, you probably think I'm too nice to people. Well that's because I am. I'm so worried about losing friends (because then I'll feel even more purposeless). I don't know...I just need someone. I don't have many real friends...I'd like more of those. And I just want someone to give a damn about me. To actually care about me, love me, think I'm special. But I'll never find that. Atleast not in Decatur.
My mom told me last night I could move out whenever I wanted to. I need to find a place to stay first though. I think I'm just going to go live with my dad and his girlfriend in Georgia. Everyone would be better off here if I left this place. No one here has any use for me and it's sad because the man who beat me all my life (my dad) would rather have me around than my mom and step-dad. At first when I considered living with my dad I had second thoughts because he was an alcoholic and really abusive. But he quit drinking and he's never mean when he's sober. (He was drunk pretty much half of my life while he was here). But now, I think I need a change...get out of here and start over in a new surrounding. Maybe in Georgia someone will actually like me...
Just a Soul in Human Form,
Chrisitna <33333