I wish that it was easy, but no matter how hard I wish, somethings aren't meant to come true. Some people are blessed with the good fortune finding true happiness, so I guess that I am one of the unfortunate few who can only fake it. Be happy for one second and utterly depressed the next. It is scary, in all honesty, how quick moods can change. Doesn't depend on a simple coin toss, only a word (verbal or nonverbal) or even the weather. This feeling of being unstable isn't welcomed. I don't like to be hostile towards my emotions, but I can help it. For once in my life, I just want to smile. I want to actually smile, not fake it like I do so many times. I miss those times when my smiles weren't forced, but it seems that those times are lost in the past. Swept away to sea due to a wave. I wish that it wasn't that way, but we all know where wishes lead. I want the silence to end. I don't know. Maybe I should just give. I don't even know why I am writing this. I was going to turn in. I just wish things were easier. I just wish.....that fading would be easier.