A Glimpse...
Fantasies. Dreams. Thoughts.
Those three things are all blessings, but can be turned into a curse that many don’t which to fathom. I often wish that I was part of that lucky, ill-informed group. I suppose that my coin landed on tails, when it should have landed on heads. Oh well, I guess things happen for a reason. Or at least, I will keep telling myself that.
It all started last night.
Imagine a gun, with someone’s finger on the trigger. The finger slips, a boom comes forth, and a bullet flies out of the barrel to a target. I was that target. I was oblivious to the bullet, until it was too late to dodge. I had no time to notice the trigger being pulled. It just happened. A sting came first, a sense of being numb followed after. Just as if I was wounded by a bullet, I felt like I was fading away. I was scared. I wanted to feel something. I wanted to feel pain. I did not want to be numb. My will, however, was not placed behind a task of inflicting pain. My will was dormant, or better put, not existent. I had to remain numb and allow thoughts to wonder to the shadows.
The puzzle is pieced together at Death.
Many have often said that when Death shadows a person, everything that was confusing falls into place. It is like a puzzle finally being finished when time runs out. Last night, my puzzle pieces fell nicely together and the picture as a whole frightened me. Beforehand, I had a decent understanding of life. So where did my confusion reside? It was with the glorious hands of Death. I have often wondered why people died. Whether it is self-inflicted, whir of a machine, or the at the hands of another. Now, if anything, a peaceful death doesn’t confuse me. The Death derived from hate, anguish, shame, among other emotions, confused me. It was in that period of numbness that I understood those forms of Death.
Emotions power actions.
Well, it makes sense really. Emotions are very powerful and can lead someone to do the unthinkable. Anything that is not normally possible becomes possible when push comes to shove. If there is enough emotion behind something, it gives that person the desire, nay the right to act. Cause harm to others (including themselves) or just flat out go on a killing spree.
Love or lust.
In truth, a killing spree can come about due to one of the strongest emotions out there. Love. There are people out there who love to cause pain. Who love to see blood upon the walls and hear the innocent screams come forth from unknowing victims. Or perhaps this is lust? Either way, each emotion has a strong influence on a person. It is a drug that no one can dismiss or overlook. No matter what, a person can not deny the fact that love or lust is apparent in their lives. It can be for a person, or an object. It could be for blood and Death.
Blood, the Remnants of Life.
But why would someone cause Death due to their lust for blood? Many believe that blood tells all. Those people are right. With technology improving, the fact that a person’s life can be retold through blood is becoming etched in stone. We have people who study DNA and genetics. Searching for clues to cure diseases or anything along those lines. In other words, remnants of life result in blood shed. If someone satisfies their lust for blood, their stories will live on in bloody streaks upon the ground or walls. It is a memoir.
To be known is an obsession.
Once others take notice of the bloody memoir, tales fly about and major publicity results. It is noted in the papers and on the news. A nameless person becoming famous for their bloody deed. True, their name isn’t known, but that doesn’t matter. Their act is. It is the publicity that makes their desires grow. It is the publicity that turns their blood lust into an obsession.
A glimpse.
I wish that I could go on, but I assume only a glimpse into that moment of numbness should be known. I suppose until another time.