Watch You Burn (Part 1)
Title: Watch You Burn
Author: faberry_ftw
Rating: NC-17 (R this chapter)
Length: Total: TBA, This chapter: 2000~
Spoilers: Up to S2x02 to be safe
Warnings: Okay so I'm not finished yet but this story is supposed to contain the following: Murder, child abuse, rape, self harm, drugs and abuse. So MAJOR ANGST. If thats not your sort of thing then I suggest you maybe dont read this...
Summary: She didn't mean to do it. It was an accident. A mistake.
A/N: Out of the above warnings I have only experienced 1 of them, so the only near experience i've had with the rest all come from reading other fics and stuff, so sorry if it's not as realistic as it should be, but I'm trying my best =D
A/N2: Just to make it absolutely clear, everything in italics (apart from small thoughts) is stuff thats hapenned in the past, and is usually Quinn's nightmare.
A/N3: I love Paramore really ♥ Also, on a side note, I picked the song before I knew it was being done x) Psychic much?! Enjoy =)
She didn’t mean to do it. It was an accident. A mistake. A mistake that would change her life. One that she can never take back, and never forget. She’d never forgive herself. One second she was an innocent teenage girl, the next she was a monster. She didn’t mean to do it. She really didn’t. But, that didn’t change the fact that she did.
***
Quinn slowly raised her head and she looked into the mirror. God she looked like such a mess. Her hair was full of knots and kinda greasy. She looked worryingly pale and her cheek bones were visibly protruding. The make-up she’d had on had been smudged and smeared across her face because she’d been crying. Her eyes lacked life, once a sharp hazel colour they were now a much more dull washy brown. She wasn’t quite sure how long she had locked herself in the girls bathroom for, she guessed about 10 minutes which meant break was nearly over. She sighed loudly before digging into her bag for make-up and a brush in order to make herself look a bit more presentable. She’d spent a lot of time doing that lately. Life had gone downhill for Quinn ever since…No, she really didn’t want to think about it again, she’d only start crying some more. No, she just tried the best she could to avoid “that” subject. Although it was near impossible. She was sure she’d be haunted with it for the rest of her life. Every day she was plagued with the horrible memory. The memory of what she’d done.
Quinn hurriedly applied her eyeliner and mascara before she dragged the brush through her hair, pulling out clumps of it as she went. She looked in the mirror once more and composed herself. Her life had changed so much after what happened. She was pretty much depressed and angry all the time. What with Puck pestering her every single day, puppy eyes and all that kinda shit. He kept telling her that they should be together, but she seriously did not want him. There wasn’t a specific reason, it’s just she wasn’t attracted to him in the slightest. Then there was her little rivalry with Finn, who turned all pissy with her ever since he found out the truth about the baby which was understandable and all but Quinn really could do without it, it was tiring to be bitchy 24/7. But she just had to put it with up, she had a reputation to keep, a reputation as Lima, Ohio’s HBIC. She also had to worry about glee club, which she viewed as a big waste of time, though if she ever had to admit it, there was a little part of her that enjoyed singing and being Glee. Not that she ever would admit it. It was just that with everything that had happened she could do with a little more spare time and not have to worry about learning insanely complicated choreography and practising solos that took up way too much time. Not to mention being back on the Cheerio’s, she really did love it, but it was a lot of pressure to be under especially as she wanted to get back to head cheerleader again. Maybe she was just a huge pessimist, but it seemed to her like all this pissing about with pointless stuff meant she didn’t have any time to hang around with or make any new friends. Being honest, the only true friends she had were Santana and Brittany, and she guessed if she needed him, Puck would be there for her, even if she didn’t want him to be. So yeah she was struggling a lot. But there wasn’t really much she could do about it.
She jumped a little when the school bang rang out. That was another thing; Quinn had been noticeable more jumpy, more on edge lately, she was easily scared. But she wasn’t sure whether it was paranoia or if she was genuinely scared someone was going to hurt her after what happened. She took one last look in the mirror and tried, to the best of her abilities to dry the remaining tears and smudge stains from her face. Her cheeks were still a bit flushed and her skin was looking blotchy in places but she could just keep her head down on the way to class, it wasn’t like anyone was gonna talk to her anyway, they were all too afraid now she was back at the top. She could cut anyone who dared to question her. Quinn Fabray was once again highest on the social ladder.
She rushed down the halls hoping no one would notice her, she was just about to turn the corner and BAM. Rachel Berry ran straight into her. She looked up for a second but then pushed past the girl angrily. “Watch it fucking whore.” she shouted behind her and she stormed off to class.
***
Her day got ten times worse in Glee when Rachel went up to Mr. Schue and suggested that Quinn should be given the next solo because she hadn’t had many Glee solos at all so she thought it was a good idea to give Quinn the next song, which just happened to be “The Only Exception.” A fucking Paramore song. Amazing. Out of every band in the world they were probably the one Quinn despised the most, in her opinion their music was simply shit. Stupid Berry, always ruining other peoples lives. It pissed her off. A lot. In fact out of all the problems she had in her life, Rachel Berry was probably the most irritating of the lot. It was like she did absolutely everything on purpose just to annoy Quinn for the sake of annoying Quinn. And just to add a little more salt to the wound, Rachel had requested afterwards that it would actually be better if that song in particular was performed as a duet, and she volunteered to be the other half of it. Great. So not only was she singing a shitty song, she was now singing the shitty song with that thing.
Rachel Berry was… a strange one to say the least. Sure she was annoying and too happy and way too ambitious and very in your face, not to mention a little big headed, but other than that Quinn really didn’t see why so many people hated Rachel. To be honest she didn’t know Rachel at all, but the way Quinn saw it, Berry was just a very very unlucky person and that was it, one of those, wrong place at the time kind of things, because one day Rachel was just your average annoying goody goody, but the next Quinn had randomly selected Berry to be the target of everyone else’s slushies and crappy insults. Quinn had the power and she decided to use it. By being mean to people, or as she referred to it, keeping the correct social order in the school. Like she said, Rachel was unlucky in that she’d been chosen to be at the very bottom of the “social order” but at the end of the day Quinn didn’t know her and therefore didn’t really give a shit. She lost no sleep over it so it just didn’t matter to her. It was just that as a result of torturing Rachel for years it was so automatic for Quinn think negatively of her, so when she found out she had to stay behind after school to practice with manhands, her mind went into autopilot, her mood turned into pissed. Or rather more pissed than she already was.
“Listen up bitch, I don’t wanna sing this stupid song, I don’t wanna sing it on my own and I definitely don’t want to sing it with you. So can we just pretend we’ve practised and just go home now. Trust me, it’ll be better for both of us.” Quinn slouched against the piano staring down at Rachel who gaped at her like she’d grown another head.
“I am appalled at your lack of enthusiasm Quinn. You should think of it as a small honour to have been presented the lead in this beautiful song and an even bigger honour that you are sharing it with someone as talented as myself. Because, as we all know I am an extremely talented performer and I do believe that practicing with me will enhance your performance skills and heighten your current strengths. I am aware that you could definitely do with some work on your high notes and as I have mentioned before you do have the tendency to be quite sharp but believe it or not Quinn, you are a rather good singer, and remember this is coming from me, the future Broadway star. On another note I wish not to be referred to as a “bitch”. It’s a very degrading term Quinn.”
That was Quinn’s turn to look completely astounded. How in the fuck could someone so small say so much so damn quickly. Quinn also noted that Rachel used pretty “fancy” words and that was quite amusing…as well as plain freaky.
“What fucking era are you from?! Seriously, do you live completely in that retarded little Broadway bubble of yours? Wake up! I don’t. Wanna. Sing. With you. Got it?! I don’t want to come anywhere near you, honestly, I’d really rather not catch whatever STD you’ve caught from sleeping around you pathetic slut.”
Rachel didn’t say another word, although she visibly winced, but Quinn didn’t give a fuck. “That’s it I’m leaving.” Quinn got up from the piano to walk out of the class. She was almost there when Rachel grabbed her arm.
“Wait Quinn--” Rachel abruptly stopped talking.
Pretty much on auto-pilot again, Quinn had lashed out without giving it another thought. One second Rachel had touched her arm, the next Quinn was yelling “Don’t touch me!” and whipped her hand back…to slap Rachel in the face. Quinn stood in silence and watched the tears form in the brunettes eyes, her hand pressed to her cheek, a faint red mark surfacing there. Rachel just stood there gaping, fear clearly visible in her eyes. She looked so vulnerable. Quinn slowly walked up to the girl until she was an inch away. She towered over her and kept walking pushing Rachel backwards until she hit the wall. Quinn pointed her finger at Rachel’s chest and jabbed once. “Maybe next time, you’ll think before you touch me, fucking dyke.” And with that Quinn ran out of the door and found her way to the nearest restroom. She stared hard at herself in the mirror and held a death grip on the sink.
What the hell was that?!
Quinn couldn’t quite believe what had just happened. She had hit someone. She had physically assaulted somebody…yet she wasn’t sure whether she regretted it or not. Of course she felt bad. But then a small, dark part of her felt kind of proud. Happy.
It wasn’t like she’d gotten into a full on proper fight or anything, it was just one slap. People slapped people all the time. She was sure Santana had slapped someone before, heck Santana had probably punched someone before. So yeah, a little slap wasn’t so bad.
Rachel was another thing. She’d hit Rachel Berry. Rachel worthless Berry, she was just a nobody, all Quinn had done was remind Rachel that she was the boss around McKinley high, Quinn was just putting Rachel back in her place. That could be her excuse if anyone asked, but she knew they wouldn’t. Rachel would never grass, not if she knew what was good for her. Besides it wasn’t like Rachel was going to lose any sleep over it. Knowing Berry she’d probably write a song about it or some shit like that.
So that was that. Rachel had deserved it. How dare she try and force Quinn to stay behind with her and practice some crappy song. To be honest, Berry had had it coming for a long time.
Quinn considered her actions justified and started walking back home.
***