Rejection and Renewal p2
So... I meant for the last part to be posted last night... I didn't realize it hadn't been posted... >.>
Anyways, the renewal... is it really renewal?
I've 'confessed my feelings' to 5 people in my life... and 4 of them in the last 5 years. Thinking about that. I realized that though I know about the thoughts, feelings, and mistakes behind what I've done... but other people may not, or just may not want to accept it.
So, in case you've known me for a while... in case you knew me before my recent mistakes... let me give you a quick summary of what people from my most recent school, and those who are the closest and easiest to visit think of me:
First there were the Japanese conversation partners in fall '07 but things didn't go well.Then she like Tatsu in early Jan '08, but it didn't work out. Then Feb '08 she met and confessed to Giichi in April '08 but was rejected; she ended up being a huge bitch, fighting, and never speaking to him after May '08. Then she confessed to Shinya in Sept '08--who she met in March '08 and obviously liked since--and got rejected, then stopped talking to him. Then she decided she liked Toshi in...?--who she met through and is Giichi's friend since May '08--but got rejected in Dec '09.
Mind you... there opinions are a bit off, they probably don't know the dates so well... but they were there then, and their is some information that they are missing or created and... yeah.
I think I look pretty horrible too. But, though it'll only help a little... it would really be best for me if they would stop assuming that any guy I talk to, hang out with, and proceed to talk about AT ALL is obviously someone I love! Give me a break!!! Can I not be friends with guys just because I'm single?
Even so... the fact that I realized after confessing that...I initially liked Giichi for who he seemed to be, but by the time I confessed I had seen the real him and the feelings were more towards apathy. However, I wanted to believe in my original feelings, and also had started to want a bf, so I pushed myself to keep liking him. With Shinya... I still wanted a bf, i gave up on "love" and confessed to get people to leave me alone about liking him--since they told me I did to the point where I might as well I was thinking about it so much. I wasn't really hurt to be rejected. But Toshi was different. I'm sure I can get over him, but I will always think fondly of him I feel. I love him, even if it isn't the right kind of love.
I think about him so much, worry about him, wonder about what he would think about movies and things... I'm sad when I think about someone taking him away from me, I'm happy when he talks together with me, I miss him when he isn't here.
I trust him.
I hope I can clean up my act soon and create a better image and a better me for the someone I love in the future.
My current task.
Anyways, the renewal... is it really renewal?
I've 'confessed my feelings' to 5 people in my life... and 4 of them in the last 5 years. Thinking about that. I realized that though I know about the thoughts, feelings, and mistakes behind what I've done... but other people may not, or just may not want to accept it.
So, in case you've known me for a while... in case you knew me before my recent mistakes... let me give you a quick summary of what people from my most recent school, and those who are the closest and easiest to visit think of me:
First there were the Japanese conversation partners in fall '07 but things didn't go well.Then she like Tatsu in early Jan '08, but it didn't work out. Then Feb '08 she met and confessed to Giichi in April '08 but was rejected; she ended up being a huge bitch, fighting, and never speaking to him after May '08. Then she confessed to Shinya in Sept '08--who she met in March '08 and obviously liked since--and got rejected, then stopped talking to him. Then she decided she liked Toshi in...?--who she met through and is Giichi's friend since May '08--but got rejected in Dec '09.
Mind you... there opinions are a bit off, they probably don't know the dates so well... but they were there then, and their is some information that they are missing or created and... yeah.
I think I look pretty horrible too. But, though it'll only help a little... it would really be best for me if they would stop assuming that any guy I talk to, hang out with, and proceed to talk about AT ALL is obviously someone I love! Give me a break!!! Can I not be friends with guys just because I'm single?
Even so... the fact that I realized after confessing that...I initially liked Giichi for who he seemed to be, but by the time I confessed I had seen the real him and the feelings were more towards apathy. However, I wanted to believe in my original feelings, and also had started to want a bf, so I pushed myself to keep liking him. With Shinya... I still wanted a bf, i gave up on "love" and confessed to get people to leave me alone about liking him--since they told me I did to the point where I might as well I was thinking about it so much. I wasn't really hurt to be rejected. But Toshi was different. I'm sure I can get over him, but I will always think fondly of him I feel. I love him, even if it isn't the right kind of love.
I think about him so much, worry about him, wonder about what he would think about movies and things... I'm sad when I think about someone taking him away from me, I'm happy when he talks together with me, I miss him when he isn't here.
I trust him.
I hope I can clean up my act soon and create a better image and a better me for the someone I love in the future.
My current task.