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[embraceguilt]

For more than a year of my two and a half year marriage I slept with the man that I think I was ment to be with. I now have not spoken to him since January. I masturbate to thougths of him and our fantasies together on a daily basis. I miss him so much

Comments

your cheating ways

[stuckwoyou]

I am sorry to say that declaring to your husband that you were not faithful is not going to help. One of the posters was close when he said that you get something from other guys. People do not usually cheat because they are horny or even that they are not satisfied sexually. Some are, but usually not. Rather, most people carry some sort of emotional pain which lowers their esteem. They start to not like themselves. Rather then feel that pain, people try to dull it with something that makes them feel better or better about themselves. Some use alcohol, others drugs, and others sex. This sexual attention made you feel better about yourself, more attractive, desirable, etc. The problem is the cheating later made you feel worse and added to your dislike for yourself. Then, you needed to cheat to help bury those feelings. You feel better about yourself when your with him; you start to love yourself when you're with him. That love then gets projected onto him. That is why you are cheating, you love him. That's wrong. You cheat because you use sex to alleviate your pain. If you continue, you will be addicted to sex with others, if you are not already. The problem is not that you are a bad person or a slut. It is that you have pain you do not know how to deal with and you do not know how to deal with your feelings of your own inadequacy. You do not miss the men, but rather how you felt about yourself when you were with them. Further, they did not love you unconditionally, you loved yourself unconditionally. It is a great feeling to love yourself unconditionally and deeply. I have been on both sides before and I know the elation of having the other woman who knows I'm married and still "loves" me. It can be a very powerful pull with lots of stimulating memories and painful feelings. If you can figure this out, deal with it, and put it behind you, your cheating days are behind you. If not, you will continue with your painful cycle. Good luck