How you swoon me like no other...
I am emotionally fucked up. I dont know what it is, why i dont allow myself to really let myself meet someone. almost like i dont want to. im nice to people, really nice to everyone really, but i dont let guys get to KNOW me. i dont give guys an in. im strong and tough and have no give...thats basically why the men ive let in are ones i befriended first.
last night i had one of the best nights. it was like a dream and i didnt want it to end. it was a simple phone conversation that lasted hours and took me into the morning. i knew it was an in the moment thing and that today it would be like it never happened. i think thats partially/completely my fault too. like i dont know how to be now. there was something so peaceful about the night though. i had about an hour of sleep and i felt incredibly rested. i felt calm. i know in my head that i need to look at the whole situation almost like its a movie, it makes you feel good in the moment, lets you have a little high on it, but thats all it is. it wont change a thing. but it definitely clamps my heart, almost like that particular event, its what makes things worth doing, seeing, living. i may be completely alone with this view, and i have come to terms with that. i know it will never change. but i will never ever everrrr turn it down.
last night i had one of the best nights. it was like a dream and i didnt want it to end. it was a simple phone conversation that lasted hours and took me into the morning. i knew it was an in the moment thing and that today it would be like it never happened. i think thats partially/completely my fault too. like i dont know how to be now. there was something so peaceful about the night though. i had about an hour of sleep and i felt incredibly rested. i felt calm. i know in my head that i need to look at the whole situation almost like its a movie, it makes you feel good in the moment, lets you have a little high on it, but thats all it is. it wont change a thing. but it definitely clamps my heart, almost like that particular event, its what makes things worth doing, seeing, living. i may be completely alone with this view, and i have come to terms with that. i know it will never change. but i will never ever everrrr turn it down.