thoughts on thoughts and thinking
x-posted from myspace
random babble: engage!
i like to sleep. a lot. even when i'm awake i think about sleeping. i think this is because when i'm asleep then i don't remember all the things i have forgotten. its like my mind is filled with spider webs or bubbles or something. i have these thoughts, and when they catch in the light i'm fascinated by them, but the slightest disturbance and they're gone forever. sometimes i can remember that they were there, but never exactly what they were. maybe this is why i tend to over-react (see last blog ). i have to live in the moment of these thoughts, because as soon as i blink they're gone. sometimes i want to run away to a place where the thoughts don't matter. but i have a feeling they'd cling, like puffs of smoke, there to taunt me.
last year i tried to write some of the stories floating around in my head, but when pen met paper, thoughts would vanish. or they would come so quickly my mind would be pages ahead of my pen. the stories are gone now. its pretty much just empty space. i would like to be creative again, but the idea just makes me sleepy.
speaking of lost thoughts and former thoughts, youth makes me sad. its sad to see what i used to be that i will never be again. and not just myself. everything gets old and decays. i miss these things that will never resurface.
i hope january comes soon. then i'll have health insurance, including prescription, and maybe i can get pills to put the thoughts back in my head. sort of like a butterfly net. if i had used butterflies as the metaphor for fleeing thoughts.
hmm i have no idea where i was going with this. i think i was going somewhere, but once again lost my way. maybe i should have a drink and a nap.
random babble: engage!
i like to sleep. a lot. even when i'm awake i think about sleeping. i think this is because when i'm asleep then i don't remember all the things i have forgotten. its like my mind is filled with spider webs or bubbles or something. i have these thoughts, and when they catch in the light i'm fascinated by them, but the slightest disturbance and they're gone forever. sometimes i can remember that they were there, but never exactly what they were. maybe this is why i tend to over-react (see last blog ). i have to live in the moment of these thoughts, because as soon as i blink they're gone. sometimes i want to run away to a place where the thoughts don't matter. but i have a feeling they'd cling, like puffs of smoke, there to taunt me.
last year i tried to write some of the stories floating around in my head, but when pen met paper, thoughts would vanish. or they would come so quickly my mind would be pages ahead of my pen. the stories are gone now. its pretty much just empty space. i would like to be creative again, but the idea just makes me sleepy.
speaking of lost thoughts and former thoughts, youth makes me sad. its sad to see what i used to be that i will never be again. and not just myself. everything gets old and decays. i miss these things that will never resurface.
i hope january comes soon. then i'll have health insurance, including prescription, and maybe i can get pills to put the thoughts back in my head. sort of like a butterfly net. if i had used butterflies as the metaphor for fleeing thoughts.
hmm i have no idea where i was going with this. i think i was going somewhere, but once again lost my way. maybe i should have a drink and a nap.