ONE SENTENCE... AND A FEW MORE: FENRIS HAWKE
#01 - Air
In the winter, Fenris liked the wind, no matter how cold it blew. It made his lover's cheeks rosy and more prone to hold his hand, even though he grumped about it.
#02 - Apples
If the Witch elf was good for nothing else, it was fresh fruit. Where she got it, living in the destitute Alienage was a wonder, but he was grateful for what Hawke brought him of it. He'd never accept it from her out right.
#03 - Beginning
He was unsure and it endeared him instead of repulsed him and he was passionate. It hadn't been bad, in fact it had been too good almost. It was the start of something... he couldn't handle.
#04 - Bugs
He didn't like the fuzzy ones that ran across his feet and he most certainly didn't like spiders. He tolerated ants and it was amusing to see Hawke duck and run from bees. A grown man, that big, afraid of a flyer... it was... a sight to see.
#05 - Coffee
Hawke put milk in his and he once watched the Witch elf pour and entire container into hers. He had no desire for the stuff, the Demon commenting that he didn't "feel right" without it. Hmph. Fereldens.
#06 - Dark
He didn't particularly like the dark, sometimes, he just didn't set the fire. His home was forbiding and even "spooky", but Hawke never seemed to have issue with it and liked sitting with him while he glowed.
#07 - Despair
Even after all this time, Danarius still wasn't letting him go. What must he do? He knew what he had to do. How dare he even think for a moment that he was actually free... There were no shackles and yet... he slumped to the floor under the window. He leaned his head back against the wall. Still.
#08 - Doors
Hawke's door was open, but crossing the thresh hold was almost an insurmountable task, especially after what... had happened, to him and between them.There was the door between them, a wall between them, maybe even a valley... and he had put it there.
#09 - Drink
He was wrong, he knew he was wrong. Maybe if he drank enough he could forget the look on Hawke's face. The way he looked, that same lost and hurt looked on a man who was so strong... on a man who was so... He drank until he passed out, the image burned into his mind.
#10 - Duty
The scrap of red was something he'd retrieved from Hawke's closet actually. He'd tied it around his arm after stroking it for some time, smelling it. Hawke's scent strong and lingering. He didn't care how it seemed, he tied it on anyway, the crest on his hip. It meant something to him, even if Hawke couldn't ever look at him now without that face. He'd always stick by him.
#11 - Earth
He wasn't some traveling Witch elf like Merrill, but he didn't like the feel of dirt beneath his feet. Not the filth of Kirkwall, but real dirt. He went into the overgrown courtyard behind his mansion often just to feel the grass under his feet. Once he'd caught Merrill there, napping. He didn't threaten to kill her... that time.
#12 - End
What else could possibly happen in this Maker forbidden city? After killing the Arishok would anyone even bother Hawke again? What could he possibly do now? What else was there?
#13 - Fall
He didn't care about the seasons. It was all the same. Weather didn't concern him unless he was out in it... but he did notice that some of the leaves turned the same color as Hawke's hair and he began collecting them, the man scolding him when he came by and found them. "Don't let leaves blow in...goodness!"
#14 - Fire
They spent hours in front of the fire, Hawke teaching him the letters that became words. They spent hours in front of the fire, Hawke listening. Sometimes they just spent time. The glow looked good on Hawke's face and he remembered how they looked on his body... just the one time they'd...
#15 - Flexible
"Does that hurt?" Hawke asked, pointing out the way Fenris moved his neck when he looked at things or stood idle for a bit. "No, just stretching." He remarked that Fenris was flexible and when he smiled, Hawke turned the best color the man stammering that he hadn't meant anything by it, just that he was flexible. Of course, Hawke knew he was flexible the other way too.
#16 - Flying
Dragons generally hurt. He could avoid the fire and the claws, but the wing thing they did usually sent him sailing far off and landing on his face or ass. He wasn't a fan of flying.
#17 - Food
He'd eat anything that wasn't rotting. He didn't waste food because he was used to starving or being given crap because Hadriana thought it was funny to treat him and the other slaves so badly. He also ate a lot. Hawke watched him eat with fascination. He didn't know why, the man ate just as much as he did... just slower and with more utensils.
#18 - Foot
He had thick callouses on his feet and lyrium markings on them as well. Despite this, he did occasionally step on things that hurt. Once, he stepped on a nail and Hawke made him sit and got it out. He'd never get shoes, not if it meant he could have this happen once in a while.
#19 - Grave
He was going to send Danarius to his grave one day.
#20 - Green
Hawke's tattoo was only a few shades lighter than the color of his eyes. It was the same color of new grass and Hawke's eyes were the same color as a sun caught emerald and also the color of shallows on the Wounded Coast when the light was just right. Green was his favorite.
#21 - Head
Hawke was taller than most humans he'd encountered. Heads taller. Once, he'd put his hand on top of Fenris's head to quiet him when he and the Demon mage sniped at one another. He'd shut up immediately, the gesture oddly familiar. He looked up at Hawke who blushed and stopped, stammering and apology and scolding Anders. He liked the feeling.
#22 - Hollow
He felt like he should be doing something other than sitting in his house drinking and plotting and brooding and thinking. He shouldn't feel this way. He needed something... something. He felt empty.
#23 - Honor
He knew Hawke had it. He'd like to think he had it too. Aveline did and Sebastian did and he oweed Varric money, so he'd toss him in to be friendly. The rest were... questionable.
#24 - Hope
He could barely read the letters than came back, so he forced Hawke to show him more. When he painstakingly mastered each new letter and sound, studying the letters when the other man was gone, he grew excited and fearful all at once.
#25 - Light
The dawn of a new day was something he'd grown to appreciate here in Kirkwall. Each day was his own. Today would be his own. Today would not be a regular day to go to the Hanged Man... today...
#26 - Lost
He had a sister. He'd had a sister. And any secrets or news or information died when he clamped his hands around her magister bitches heart and crushed it. What did he have now? Danarius was finally dead, but what did he have now? He looked to Hawke and he had to get out of there. Lost, everything.
#27 - Metal
His weapons clanged to the ground as cleared them off the table where he kept them. He tore down the armor stand and kicked over the random coat of arms that had always been in his rooms but he'd never known why or how. Hawke's armor made a different sound when he walked and when he entered Fenris's rooms his armor squeaked as he hesitated to mvoe towards him or stay where he was.
#28 - New
Talking. Explaining. Asking. It was new, but it was something he wanted to desperately.
#29 - Old
Hawke taking him as he was. Nothing had changed, Fenris only thought it had.
#30 - Peace
He'd never known the feeling really, but laying with Hawke... after... it felt... different. He wanted this feeling forever.
#31 - Poison
Magic. Simple as that. Hawke had to see that now. He had to.
#32 - Pretty
It didn't matter how big and green Merrill's eyes were. He was sure she was pretty enough, but he knew what lurked behind. Same as all of them. Pretty monstrous behind those eyes...
#33 - Rain
He hated rain. He'd been made to stand out in it too many times, but he supposed this was alright. The cloak Hawke got him worked, but he didn't know why they were out in the rain. Listening he guessed. Hawke had become fascinated with storms after Isabela and Merrill had taken him out into a damned hurricane. He was so easily influenced. Damn him.
#34 - Regret
Not saying thank you all the times he could have, not being able to say he loved Hawke as much as Hawke said it to him, not being able to really help Hawke when his mother died, not smacking Hawke and shaking him silly everytime one of those mages wanted his help...
#35 - Roses
The Witch elf liked flowers and apparently stole them from gardens. Sometimes he watched his courtyard, the wild flowers blooming as they wanted, growing as they wanted, roses and weeds together. She never appeared. Once he asked her why and she said his roses were only for Hawke. It didn't make any sense, but Hawke had turned colors anyway.
#36 - Secret
He hated his tattoos, but not when Hawke touched them and whispered that they were "beautiful". But he'd never thank Danarius. Never.
#37 - Snakes
When Hawke got bitten by a snake, he was more than ready to volunteer to suck out the poison until Merrill revealed it was a tree kind that liked rats and other things to squeeze to death. Damn snakes.
#38 - Snow
Hawke worried for his feet and urged him to wear boots. Hawke didn't know the lyrium would keep his feet from freezing, but it was so endearing. Hawke would walk ahead, kicking out a path so he didn't have to tromp through. It made Merrill giggle and he always just cursed at her.
#39 - Solid
Hawke's muscles were amazing.
#40 - Spring
"It's pollen. magic can't do anything for that." Anders commented when Fenris had a sneezing fit. "No one asked you Demon!" he'd spat.
#41 - Stable
Together, they might as well be a wall of the city. They were that stable and solid. In battle, nothing could get through them, in love, nothing would break them apart.
#42 - Strange
The Demon mage was acting awkwardly. He hoped Hawke knew it. Hawke wasn't always vigilant. He should take a tip from Meredith.
#43 - Summer
He wasn't sure why he was half naked and playing in the surf on the Wounded Coast, especially after they'd just killed bandits a ways up the path, but Hawke wanted to and he was splashing water at him and there was no one else around and it was hot... and he should just go with it.
#44 - Taboo
"It's a Tevinter Chantry symbol." Hawke said, showing it to him. "I know. Why would I want it?" Hawke grew quiet. "...it's for Anders." He must have given him some kind of look because Hawke apologized right away.
#45 - Ugly
Abominations. Demons. Women who wore too much perfume. Dalish Witch Elves. Lyrium Tattoos. Broken Blades. Apparently his disapproving scowl. "Don't make that face..." Hawke would whisper, kissing it away if he was brooding about something.
#46 - War
There would be no war. That's what he wanted to say, but Hawke never gave him the chance. Anders was dead and he declared himself on the side of the Templars. With Hawke at the helm it would be a sure slaughter. War. Ridiculous.
#47 - Water
The stretch of ocean from the Docks to the Gallows was black, like ink, and they went across it silently, no one saying a word.
#48 - Welcome
They tried to freeze them, electrocute them, burn them, paralyze them and nothing worked. Their hospitality came in the form of demons and spirits and mind controlled Templars. These mages had no manners.
#49 - Winter
The waters of the ocean froze, a bad omen and snow fell on the Gallows, gutted and near empty. Rebellions had been put down, order had been restored, and at the head of it all was Hawke, his gaze icy, except when it turned to Fenris. The winter may be outside, but it was not in their hearts.
#50 - Wood
After only three years, they abandoned the place, taking to the forests on foot. They passed trees and Fenris dug his claws into them, feeling good. "They may find us." Hawke cautioned, his eyes on the road ahead. Fenris smiled at him. "Let them come."
Fenris and Goode Hawke's relationship is complex on both ends. There's a need for what each of them represents to each other. Fenris initially ran from Hawke's embrace because he feared it would be all consuming or suffocating. He saw the way Hawke was about his family, he wasn't sure if he could handle that, but that's not exactly how Hawke viewed him.
Hawke's feeling for him were all consuming, but they weren't of a protectorate nature. His want for Fenris came from a place of a need for equality of want and of a mutual status. Someone who maybe wanted him and needed him as much as he did or even didn't, Fenris and his offers of just being there were enough and actually just increased Hawke's feelings for him. Fenris accepts and gets what he wanted, loyalty, love, support, stability (which they give each other).
However, Fenris was a personal catalyst in the change of Hawke's views towards mages.Until he'd lost most of his family, his driving for had been protecting them, doing whatever anyone asked. Faced to make his own choices and decisions, he looks to and is guided by Fenris's own ideas, which generally mirror some of his own, but they are re-enforced as Hawke looked for guidance. Justification to know that what he's done is all right.In the final acts, he goes forward full steam, very solid and secure. Fenris is behind him, he knows what he's doing is right and he doesn't falter again until he has to kill his sister, but again, Fenris provides the example for him. Sebastian could have been Hawke's example, but Sebastian wasn't receptive to him in anyway.