Movie Review: Quantum of Solace
I was having a tough time writing the review I wanted for this movie, so I decided to cut out the long blocks of text that just weren’t working and went with what I know.
QUANTUM OF SOLACE: NUTSHELL EDITION
FADE IN:
THINGS EXPLODE for about fifty minutes, completely distracting the AUDIENCE from the fact there’s no ACTUAL STORYLINE.
SUDDENLY the plot appears:
BUG-EYED BAD GUY
Soon I shall possess 60% of Bolivia’s water supply! Mwahahahahaha!
JAMES BOND
Whatever. Tell me about the organization formerly known as SPECTRE so I can get my revenge from the last movie.
BUG-EYED BAD GUY
Huh. Okay, how about you, Bond Girl? You’re Bolivian. Surely you care?
BOND GIRL
Hey, if anyone needs me, I’ll be over here killing this general.
BUG-EYED BAD GUY
Well then, MI6? You guys interested?
M
Not really, no.
BUG-EYED BAD GUY
The Americans?
PORNSTACHED CIA DOUCHEBAG
Is there oil involved? If not, no.
FELIX LEITER
I’ve spent so much time looking disgusted, my face has frozen this way.
MORE THINGS EXPLODE, and BUG-EYED BAD GUY dies for the having the temerity to attempt a plot NO ONE CARED ABOUT.
THE END
That pretty much sums up my feelings, perhaps a little more negatively than I’d like, so I’d just like to add a few more points.
1. If you haven’t seen Casino Royale since it came out, you might want to watch it again, since Quantum of Solace follows immediately after.
2. The opera scene is a great set-piece, and I’m not just saying that because Daniel Craig is in a tuxedo.
3. The action is amazing, even if it is of the bone crushing, wince-in-your-seat kind. It is, however, cut so each shot is about two seconds long, so if you’re prone to vertigo, you might not want to watch this on a big screen.
QUANTUM OF SOLACE: NUTSHELL EDITION
FADE IN:
THINGS EXPLODE for about fifty minutes, completely distracting the AUDIENCE from the fact there’s no ACTUAL STORYLINE.
SUDDENLY the plot appears:
BUG-EYED BAD GUY
Soon I shall possess 60% of Bolivia’s water supply! Mwahahahahaha!
JAMES BOND
Whatever. Tell me about the organization formerly known as SPECTRE so I can get my revenge from the last movie.
BUG-EYED BAD GUY
Huh. Okay, how about you, Bond Girl? You’re Bolivian. Surely you care?
BOND GIRL
Hey, if anyone needs me, I’ll be over here killing this general.
BUG-EYED BAD GUY
Well then, MI6? You guys interested?
M
Not really, no.
BUG-EYED BAD GUY
The Americans?
PORNSTACHED CIA DOUCHEBAG
Is there oil involved? If not, no.
FELIX LEITER
I’ve spent so much time looking disgusted, my face has frozen this way.
MORE THINGS EXPLODE, and BUG-EYED BAD GUY dies for the having the temerity to attempt a plot NO ONE CARED ABOUT.
THE END
That pretty much sums up my feelings, perhaps a little more negatively than I’d like, so I’d just like to add a few more points.
1. If you haven’t seen Casino Royale since it came out, you might want to watch it again, since Quantum of Solace follows immediately after.
2. The opera scene is a great set-piece, and I’m not just saying that because Daniel Craig is in a tuxedo.
3. The action is amazing, even if it is of the bone crushing, wince-in-your-seat kind. It is, however, cut so each shot is about two seconds long, so if you’re prone to vertigo, you might not want to watch this on a big screen.