Well, that's it.
I'm done.
To all of Guy's friends out there, I've really tried to give him a chance here. No individual thing that he's done is why I'm finally calling it off. The lying to me for a year and a half - virtually cheating on me for half our married life - was the worst... The real life shit was bad... The online fishing was bad... but none of that was what did it.
I've given him chance after chance after chance to come clean with me. I've made clear to him that no individual act is necessarily a deal-breaker, but that lying to me any more is. He's lied to me... I found out, and confronted him. He lied to me about it, though of course believably. I searched, and discovered some of the lie. I confronted him, and gave him the chance to avoid me finding anything else out myself. He lied to me about it, though of course believably. I searched, and discovered more of the lie. I told him that I wanted his final story, what he was going to stick by and pronounce the truth, I wanted everything, with no more lies. I gave him several chances to recant it as his final true story, and asked him several times, "Is there anything else I should know?"
And he lied to me.
So we're now.. I don't know if separated is the right word, since we still have the year-long lease together. On hiatus, definitely, barring some major, major progress in his counseling. I don't know what it would take for me to ever be able to trust him again, but I do know we're starting from before block one. I still have hope that things will work out, but I can't live my life on hiatus any more, hoping that he will get his act together, and be the man he has everyone believing he is. If he does, and I'm at a point in life where we could be good for each other again... God, I hope it works out that way. We really did... really do?... have something special.
In the long run, I think this is a good thing. One bit that's come out is that he's basically a compulsive liar, and you can't be in a healthy relationship that way. He needs help if he's going to be able to have a true, commited partnership. I won't be in a relationship with a compulsive liar. Honesty has always been the one thing I absolutely demand, and one thing I give. The truth is out, at least most of it, I think, and I won't be deceived or hurt again. (Largely because I won't believe much if anything that he says to me. Which is how you should approach a compulsive liar.) All in all, health is served, albeit with a lot of pain all around.
To Guy's friends: He'll need you in the coming days, weeks... probably months. But take what he says with a grain of salt.
I'll be in Denton for a while, hopping back and forth to Dallas for work and whatnot. I'll have the cell phone, so if anybody wants to contact me, that's how to reach me. I'll try to hop online occasionally, but no promises.
To all of Guy's friends out there, I've really tried to give him a chance here. No individual thing that he's done is why I'm finally calling it off. The lying to me for a year and a half - virtually cheating on me for half our married life - was the worst... The real life shit was bad... The online fishing was bad... but none of that was what did it.
I've given him chance after chance after chance to come clean with me. I've made clear to him that no individual act is necessarily a deal-breaker, but that lying to me any more is. He's lied to me... I found out, and confronted him. He lied to me about it, though of course believably. I searched, and discovered some of the lie. I confronted him, and gave him the chance to avoid me finding anything else out myself. He lied to me about it, though of course believably. I searched, and discovered more of the lie. I told him that I wanted his final story, what he was going to stick by and pronounce the truth, I wanted everything, with no more lies. I gave him several chances to recant it as his final true story, and asked him several times, "Is there anything else I should know?"
And he lied to me.
So we're now.. I don't know if separated is the right word, since we still have the year-long lease together. On hiatus, definitely, barring some major, major progress in his counseling. I don't know what it would take for me to ever be able to trust him again, but I do know we're starting from before block one. I still have hope that things will work out, but I can't live my life on hiatus any more, hoping that he will get his act together, and be the man he has everyone believing he is. If he does, and I'm at a point in life where we could be good for each other again... God, I hope it works out that way. We really did... really do?... have something special.
In the long run, I think this is a good thing. One bit that's come out is that he's basically a compulsive liar, and you can't be in a healthy relationship that way. He needs help if he's going to be able to have a true, commited partnership. I won't be in a relationship with a compulsive liar. Honesty has always been the one thing I absolutely demand, and one thing I give. The truth is out, at least most of it, I think, and I won't be deceived or hurt again. (Largely because I won't believe much if anything that he says to me. Which is how you should approach a compulsive liar.) All in all, health is served, albeit with a lot of pain all around.
To Guy's friends: He'll need you in the coming days, weeks... probably months. But take what he says with a grain of salt.
I'll be in Denton for a while, hopping back and forth to Dallas for work and whatnot. I'll have the cell phone, so if anybody wants to contact me, that's how to reach me. I'll try to hop online occasionally, but no promises.