2009-07-21
(Unlocking a previous post because it's what I'm referring to, but comments disabled because that post doesn't really apply anymore: http://etoilenoir959.livejournal.com/114842.html)
It's been more than a month now. (Five weeks exactly, actually.) But it's been a difficult month. I lost all motivation for anything and didn't care for much... which is that I really fell into a bad depression.
I recognize that now. "Lost motivation" and "not caring" was simply what I told myself I was dealing with, when it really was a bad depression.
But "was" isn't quite the right term, since it's still here. I'm still dealing with it. I know I can't NOT care for things anymore, so I'm trying to actually do things and be productive. At one point, my e-mail Inbox got to almost 700 e-mails. Absolutely ridiculous, but I simply didn't want to go through and respond to people's e-mails. I'm slowly whittling that number down; I'm about to 350 now. I'm still not sleeping very well. But for the past two weeks, if I'm still awake by 6:00, then I just get ready for work and head out. My mind is alert, so I figure I might as well take advantage of it and get things done. I stayed at home for the first couple of weeks. Yeah, I called a lot of friends each and every night, but I was keeping myself couped up in my room. Lately, I've been heading out with bellevoyageur a lot. Annapolis, Wine Festival, NASA Tweetup... practically something every other day. Even went into Viriginia last week to see the boys.
I'm slowly trying to climb my way out. And just taking it one day at a time.
It's been more than a month now. (Five weeks exactly, actually.) But it's been a difficult month. I lost all motivation for anything and didn't care for much... which is that I really fell into a bad depression.
I recognize that now. "Lost motivation" and "not caring" was simply what I told myself I was dealing with, when it really was a bad depression.
But "was" isn't quite the right term, since it's still here. I'm still dealing with it. I know I can't NOT care for things anymore, so I'm trying to actually do things and be productive. At one point, my e-mail Inbox got to almost 700 e-mails. Absolutely ridiculous, but I simply didn't want to go through and respond to people's e-mails. I'm slowly whittling that number down; I'm about to 350 now. I'm still not sleeping very well. But for the past two weeks, if I'm still awake by 6:00, then I just get ready for work and head out. My mind is alert, so I figure I might as well take advantage of it and get things done. I stayed at home for the first couple of weeks. Yeah, I called a lot of friends each and every night, but I was keeping myself couped up in my room. Lately, I've been heading out with bellevoyageur a lot. Annapolis, Wine Festival, NASA Tweetup... practically something every other day. Even went into Viriginia last week to see the boys.
I'm slowly trying to climb my way out. And just taking it one day at a time.