Under Your Wings -Chapter 2
Jensen has the decency to listen to Jared from start to finish without interrupting. He’s made himself a coffee, but he doesn’t touch it, just rubs at his face now and then, nodding when a reaction is asked of him. When Jared’s done, Jensen yawns.
“Seriously? That’s it?” Jared asks, a little frustrated because he’s the one who’s sweating, he’s the one who’s nervous and on edge.
“I’m not... nesting,” Jensen says, wrinkling his nose like the term is describing something disgusting.
“You are. And there’s more, you know, like-“
Jensen lifts a finger to shut Jared down. “It doesn’t make any sense. When was the last time we fucked with actual penetration and...”
They haven’t done much in the past month, Jared is very aware of this. But as he tries to remember, he realizes how long it’s really been. If he skips a mutual blow-job -in March, hell, it was back in March, and then three weeks ago in the shower when they jerked each other off...
“Our wedding anniversary,” Jensen murmurs, looking as bummed out as Jared. “Wow, our sexual life sucks. That was three fucking months ago.”
“Yeah.”
“I mean, I would be three months along already, right? I’m sure it would show, at least a little bit, right?”
Jensen lifts his t-shirt and looks down at his stomach, his pale skin quivering. It’s not exactly flat, but he isn’t a work-out maniac like Jared, so...
Wait. Isn’t it a bit rounder than usual?
“Huh...”
“We’re imagining things now,” Jensen says, lowering his tee quickly, a pink blush crawling up his cheeks. “What the hell, Jared, if you think it’s possible, go get me a pregnancy test. I’ll do it.”
Jared looks at Jensen for a long time, his mouth wide open. He had imagined a discussion that would have ended up in a fight, not with Jensen being so reasonable, so... himself.
“Okay. But... aren’t you freaked out?”
Jensen shrugs. “Seriously? I know I’ve been messed up lately. My work schedule is screwing with me and that, that’s what worrying me, Jared. I can’t go on like that, I can’t just quit and... Shit. The thing is, it would be nice, knowing that my body is dealing with a pregnancy, not telling me I can’t get used to working nights.”
“You don’t have to.”
Jensen’s features tense. “We need the money. If I don’t keep this position, they’ll put me back at the bottom of the priority list. It’s like I would have worked my ass off for five years for nothing. Anyway, don’t get your hopes too high, okay? I know you’ve always wanted a baby and I’m sorry we can’t. I don’t think I’m pregnant, Jay.”
At this point, Jensen stands up and kisses Jared’s cheek. Maybe he’s in complete denial, or Genevieve has it all figured out wrong. Jared doesn’t know what to think.
“I’m going to get dressed while you’re gone,” Jensen says pointedly.
“Okay.”
Jared receives a pat on the shoulder, like he’s some kid who just lost a baseball game. Well, he wanted Jensen to act like himself. He sure as hell is now.
“No.”
“Look yourself, Jensen.”
“Your are shitting me. It’s... it must be defective, you should-“
“I am not going back to buy a fourth pregnancy test,” Jared states as firmly as he can.
The bathroom seems so tiny suddenly, with the both of them staring at the three positive pregnancy tests, Jared sweating so much his shirt clings to his skin and Jensen breathing loud and fast.
“So. I am. Pregnant, I mean,” Jensen finally admits, eyebrows raised in disbelief.
“Apparently,” Jared agrees.
Jensen runs a hand through his short hair, concentrating on the tests. “We’re gonna have a baby,” he says very slowly, as if testing the words coming out of his mouth.
“We are,” Jared nods.
And then it hits him. “Oh my god, Jensen, we’re gonna have a baby! A baby of our own. I mean, the stats were so against us and now... now...”
Jensen has a small smile. “Holy shit. I need to sit.”
He does look a little pale. Jared pulls the lid of the toilet seat down and helps him sit. Jensen’s hands are shaking.
“You okay?”
“Well, I’m shocked,” Jensen admits. “I’m... I’m pregnant, Jay.”
“Yes, you are, you totally are,” Jared exclaims, feeling a rush of joy and excitement coursing through his veins. He crouches in front of Jensen and grabs his face delicately, kissing him on the mouth. Jensen’s mouth opens immediately. He laughs nervously in Jared’s.
“It’s... I don’t even know how I feel, it’s so... I never thought...” he stutters, pressing his forehead against Jared’s.
“But it’s good, right?”
“It’s surreal,” Jensen corrects. “But yeah, it’s... Wow. We made a baby, Jay.”
“Gotta call my mom, and yours... and Genevieve because I owe her twenty bucks, and we need to make an appointment with a doctor and...”
Jared knows he’s babbling. He doesn’t care. Everything that has been wrong with Jensen lately, every thing that was so worrying, so negative, it suddenly shines under a brand new light. It’s good, it’s...
“Hey,” Jensen grabs Jared’s arm when he starts to get up.
“What?”
“Weredragons don’t... They’re not mammals,” Jensen says in a shaking voice.
His eyes are still wide, not with surprise now but with panic. Jared frowns, unsure as to where the conversation is going. “Huh, no... technically.”
“You were born out of an egg,” Jensen explains with the same uneasy voice.
“Of course.”
Jensen knows this. Jared still has a small part of his eggshell. It’s tradition.
“Jay?”
“Yeah?”
“Remind me how it goes when a lady weredragon is pregnant and...”
“What? Well, I think... Yes, she carries the egg for six months, then she gives birth to it, and then... It’s roughly three to four months before the baby is ready and then...”
“How does the egg comes out?” Jensen asks, his face getting paler by the second.
“She huh... Well, she has to be in her dragon form, of course, and then-“
“Oh. My. God.”
“What? Jensen, what’s it all about?”
“What’s it all about?” Jensen snorts, grabbing Jared’s shoulders. “I’m a human! What... How... Is there an egg inside me or a human fetus? Because I can’t shift to my non-existent dragon form to expulse a freaking egg out of me! How’s this supposed to work? Oh my god, what are we... We know shit about a weredragon human hybrid, I can’t give birth to an egg!”
“Oh.”
Jared sits down on the cold tile floor. He never thought about the mechanics of it all. He never thought about it period.
“Well... It has happened before, right? You’re not the first human pregnant from a weredragon, Jen. It’s... I’m sure...”
“We don’t know,” Jensen replies, his eyes impossibly wide. “And I’m probably three months along already and... oh, god.”
On this, he slides down the toilet seat, lift it up and throws up a long trickle of bile. Automatically, Jared is ready with the cold towel.
“We need a doctor. We need to see a doctor right fucking now, a specialist,” Jensen grunts before another dry heaving spell shakes his whole body.
“Jen, I’m ...”
Jared shuts up, because he doesn’t know. He’s not sure of anything. Jensen won’t react positively to his hopes and suppositions.
“I’m gonna call my dad,” he says.
“Yeah, you do that,” Jensen agrees, his voice muffled by the toilet.
Gerry Padalecki is an influential member of the North American weredragon community. He’s been lobbying for his people most of his life, spends half of his time in Washington to represent dragons in the Were Committee. If there is a doctor that can help with a weredragon slash human pregnancy, Gerry will know.
Jared gets his mother on the phone, but doesn’t tell her anything except to ask to speak to his dad. He’s not ready to receive hysterical congratulations yet. His father promises to be discreet, but reassures Jared. Two weredragon human hybrids have been born in the past year in the U.S, and both are in good shape, as well as their parents.
“There is this doctor... He’s teaching genetics in Harvard, but I could pull some strings for him to see Jensen.”
“Yes, please.”
Jared’s father chuckles.
“What?”
“You guys must be panicking, but this is good news, son. Congratulations. I’ll see what I can do and call you back.”
Jared is calmer when he hangs up, that is, until Jensen appears in their bedroom, his face a worrying shade of green. “I don’t want to be pregnant with an egg, Jay,” he states.
“Everything is going to be alright.”
Jensen glares at him. “You know what my granny used to tell me? When you don’t have anything intelligent to say, you better keep your mouth shut.”
“Okay,” Jared complies.
He knows when to give Jensen space.
In the bathroom, he picks up the three pregnancy tests and stores them away for keepsake. He realises he's smiling all the while.
The next morning, Jared and Jensen find themselves in the waiting room of a young genetic obstetrician called Danneel Harris. She’s been recommended by the specialist friend of Gerry Padalecki as one of her most brilliant students, and she’s accepted to see them immediately despite her busy schedule. The bright side is her office at the Were Obstetrics Clinic is ten minutes away from their home. The downside is that even if they had an appointment with the world’s most renowned specialist, Jensen would still be grumpy and scared as hell, which isn’t a great combination.
Jared had wanted him to take the night off, which Jensen had refused, mostly, Jared thinks, to mess with him. He’d arrived home from work exhausted, snappy, and hadn’t said a word to Jared. What’s worse is that Jared thinks he might have heard Jensen crying in the shower. He feels so useless. He gets that his husband is scared: there's too much unknown right ahead of him, but isn’t he overreacting a little? They’re not the first human/dragon couple to conceive. It is possible, and if Jensen’s already is three months along, his body surely is doing everything necessary to sustain the pregnancy.
Jared is pretty sure that nothing he might say would make a difference. Sitting next to him, Jensen yawns and rubs at his eyes, then goes on with his quivering thigh nervous habit.
Jared tries to concentrate on the four years old Reader’s Digest he’s reading, but even the story of a young puppy drowning saved by a bunch of kids passing by doesn’t take his mind off Jensen’s imminent nervous breakdown.
“Jensen Padalecki-Ackles?” The secretary calls.
Jensen bolts up from his chair so quickly it startles Jared. “Yeah?”
“Dr. Harris will see you now.”
Jensen nods and follows the secretary without even looking whether Jared is tagging along or not.
Dr. Harris is a beautiful woman in her late twenties or early thirties. She smiles at both of them as they introduce themselves, and invites them to sit in front of her desk. She says she knows very little about their situation, that Professor Olson only told her that she would have a case of dragon /human pregnancy. Jared takes care of reciting the facts, seeing how Jensen is busy biting the nails of both his thumbs alternately.
After he’s done, Dr. Harris warns that she has a very intimate question for them. Jared wonders what kind of question has a doctor blushing all of sudden.
“It’s... In the studies, we’ve come to realize that if an interspecies reproduction like yours is achieved, most of the time, it’s when the were is in his dragon form. I’m not judging or anything, it’s only for statistics.”
“What? You think this guy makes love to me when he’s a dragon?” Jensen’s eyes are wide, and he’s pointing at Jared like he’s some kind of freak.
“Jen, I...” Jared clears his throat. “We don’t... I know some do, but huh... I can achieve a mid-shifting form... It’s just my wings and... we sometimes...”
“Alright!” Dr. Harris claps her hands like she’s relieved the matter has been taken care of. “An early shifting stage achieves the same results.”
“Okay, I’m glad you have your statistic covered,” Jensen cuts off abruptly.” We have some worries to address. Lots of worries.”
“Let me reassure you, Mr. Ackles. If the conception of a weredragon/human hybrid is rare, the pregnancy usually follows a normal course.”
“But why am I nesting?” Jensen insists.
“Well, you probably have some weredragon genes, even if it goes back to four or six generations. Maybe more. Where were genetics are concerned, there are still a lot of unknown factors, and we wouldn’t probably find anything even with the most specialised genetic tests. That’s not the main reason, though.”
“What is?” Jensen asks in a grim voice, like he’s ready to receive incredibly bad news.
“Were genes are dominant. You are pregnant from a weredragon, and it’s your body that’s adapting to it, not the other way around. It’s the same principle that is at the genesis of the different were species. They could turn humans in the old days, you did know that, right?”
Jared shivers. That period of history is called the Blood Age, and not for nothing. When different species of shifters appeared, they had the capacity to “turn” a human into one of their own, by biting them and sharing biologic fluid. It triggered hundreds of years of savage wars between the different species as they fought for dominance, and fought humanity as well. Luckily, this capacity has been lost with time, and the last “turning” case ever registered dates back to five centuries ago.
“Oh, my god, has Jared turned me into a weredragon by knocking me up?” Jensen’s face is pale, and he looks like he’s about to throw up.
“No-no-no,” Dr. Harris says quickly. “No, nothing like that. But it’s the same principle. Your baby’s genes are dominant over your human genes, that’s why you experience symptoms usually seen only in oviparous pregnancies.”
“So I was right, I’m pregnant with an egg,” Jensen murmurs, grabbing Jared’s hand for comfort.
That’s so unlike his comportment of the last few weeks that Jared is filled with emotions. He presses his husband’s hand back.
“Not necessarily,” the young doctor objects, smiling. “There is a fifty-fifty chance the fetus is in an egg. But let me reassure you, Mr. Ackles, if you do have an oviparous pregnancy, there is a very safe method to assure both yours and the baby’s health. We schedule a C-section at the thirtieth week of gestation and the fetus achieves its full growth safely in his egg.”
“Or it’s a human pregnancy...” Jared finishes.
“One way or another, the baby will be born in its human form, whether out of the egg or from your uterus, Mr. Ackles. I would go ahead and say that your child will be a typical weredragon because there is no known case where a were and a human birthed a child that wasn’t completely-“
“Listen,” Jensen cuts her off, voice slightly hysterical. “All of this... it’s very interesting, but can we skip to the part where you show us if I’m pregnant with an egg or a baby?”
“Yes, enough talking, right?” Dr. Harris smiles at the both of them. “Let’s move to the exam room and have your first sonogram, Mr. Ackles. This will also allow me to date your pregnancy with precision.”
Jensen refuses Jared’s help while he puts on the paper gown in the adjacent room, hidden by a curtain. Meanwhile, Dr. Harris is getting the sonogram machine ready. Jared paces in the small space that's left, getting more nervous by the second.
“My husband is a nurse in a retirement home,” Jared tells her. “He’s working nights, full time. Is this something he can keep on doing with this pregnancy?”
“Jay, I can hear you,” Jensen growls from behind the curtain.
“We, huh, can discuss it later,” Dr. Harris says, diplomatically.
Jensen lays down on his back, a cheap thin sheet covering his legs. He’s shaking slightly, his teeth chattering. Jared knows it’s not from the cold, but from nerves. He sits next to him and puts what he hopes is a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
Dr. Harris starts by uncovering his belly and pressing her hands softly all over the lower part, nodding to herself. “Yes, I can feel your uterus, Mr. Ackles. It seems consistent with a three months pregnancy but we’ll know for sure with the sonogram. Can you lift your gown higher, please?”
Jensen complies, blushing slightly. Dr. Harris presses the skin around his nipples. Jensen winces.
“Sensitive?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s normal. The milk ducts are forming.”
“Wow,” Jared mumbles. He hadn’t noticed that Jensen’s nipples are larger and redder. It’s not that surprising, considering their lack of a sex life lately.
“Okay, now let’s get going with the ultrasound.”
Jensen closes his eyes and takes a deep, shuddering breath.
“It’s gonna be okay,” Jared tells him in a soothing voice.
Jensen doesn’t answer, doesn’t even react when Dr. Harris spreads a good amount of conductive gel below his navel, explaining that they heat it so that it’s not disagreeable for the patient.
It takes a little time before Jared can see anything on the screen other than black and grey wavering blobs. Dr. Harris presses the wand harder on Jensen’s stomach, then she smiles at Jared. “Here it is,” she says.
Jensen’s eyes open wide and he stares at Jared, then the screen. The recognizable shape of a fetus is showing on the screen, a tiny black and white bean with an enormous head. It’s not the first time Jared has seen a baby on a sonogram -his friend Lila had thrown a sonogram party when she was pregnant with her twins, and a whole bunch of her friends had to stare at the dvd recording of two little beans, “awwing” as much as it seemed necessary- but knowing that this baby is his, that he’s growing inside Jensen... It changes everything.
“Oh,” he murmurs. “Oh my god, Jensen, that’s our baby.”
Jensen stares, mouth slightly opened, his eyes bright and shining. “How could...” He swallows loudly. “How could I did not feel it, it’s... wow. That’s inside me, really?”
Dr. Harris laughs. “Yes. Let me take some measurements.”
She works on her computer, showing them the head, the legs, and the arms. She isolates the heart and the heartbeat fills the room, a loud and rapid “tump-tump-tump-tump.”
“That’s a strong heartbeat,” she declares. “Usually, weredragons fetus have a stronger, quicker heartbeat that human ones. “
“Oh,” Jared repeats. “Oh, god.”
He feels tears filling his eyes and doesn’t care. When he looks at his husband, Jensen is swallowing hard and biting his lips not to let his own tears slip.
“What... what about... Is it in an egg? How can you tell?” He asks in a shaking voice.
“No, it’s not. There is no trace of the usual markers for a shell forming. It’s in an amniotic pouch. See?”
Dr. Harris points at the moving uneven circle around the baby. There is not much to tell, Jared isn’t an expert and he has no idea what a shell would look like, but when Jensen burst out laughing nervously, hiding his face behind his hands, he stops staring at the screen.
“It’s okay, baby,” he tells him, grabbing his hand and kissing his palm. “No egg. A normal, human pregnancy.”
Jensen nods. He is still shaking.
“Hey, look at me.”
Jensen shakes his head from left to right. “No.”
“Why?”
“Cause I’m crying like a little girl,” he hiccups.
Jared laughs and wipes at his own eyes. “It’s okay, I’m crying too.”
“You always cry, it doesn’t count.”
Dr. Harris shuts the sonogram computer screen down and leaves the room discreetly, winking at Jared.
They fight in the car on the way back home. Jared knows he should let the issue go. Jensen had gotten ready for their appointment as soon as he’d come back from work, so he hasn’t slept since he woke up yesterday, when he learned that he was pregnant.
The baby, though, the baby is Jared’s as well, and after everything Dr. Harris had told them once the ultrasound was over, he wants what’s best for Jensen and the kid. That’s why he keeps on pushing despite Jensen’s irritation.
“I know! I know I have to take care of myself, I’m freaking twenty-eight years old, Jay,” Jensen snaps.
“She said your body will keep on reacting strongly to the weredragon part of the baby. She said you need a lot of sleep, a lot of rest, and I don’t see how you can achieve that by working full time. She said the night shift is especially tough on your metabolism-“
“I. Was. There,” Jensen says slowly between clenched teeth. “If I take a paternity leave now, my health insurance will cover maybe half of my salary, and it’s a standard three months. After that, the only way I can have income is by asking for temporary disability insurance, and it’s not enough, Jay! We won’t cover our expenses like that. With a baby coming...”
“This isn’t about the money. You know we could make it work. You’ve never been so concerned about our incomes until now.”
Jensen hits the dashboard with his hand. “Maybe it isn’t about money, but it’s my life, being pregnant with your kid doesn't give you the right to decide for me.”
Jared sighs. He just doesn’t understand Jensen these days.
“Jen. Talk to me. Please. I’m not the enemy here. I love you.”
Jared stops the car in their alley but stays seated. Jensen is immobile as well, his head lowered, his cheeks red.
“I’m scared,” he admits in a barely audible voice
.
“Jen-“
“Let me talk,” Jensen cuts him off softly. “You wanna know? Let me explain to you. I had made up my mind, ya’ know? Never getting pregnant was okay, we would adopt maybe a couple of kids and everything would be alright. And now, I’m... happy, don’t get me wrong. But everything is spiraling out of control and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m exhausted, I’m snappy, the food I used to love makes me want to vomit. All I want to do is to lock myself in our bedroom and stay there, and I know it’s supposed to be... the nesting thing, but it’s so strange to me...”
Jensen shakes his head and lets out a sad? laugh. “I took the position of head nurse because I wanted to have a more stable schedule, and because I thought I was ready to take on more responsibility, and for the past six month all I've done is fight to keep it together, and it angers me, thinking that maybe this job is not for me because I worked so hard to get there, and now... It’s all mixed up, I can’t figure out what makes it so difficult: is it just the pregnancy, or is it me, you know? I’m not strong enough to do the job.”
“That’s bullshit, you’re strong. There aren’t a lot of people that would do what you do, Jensen. I’m not only talking about the schedule, I’m talking about everything this job implies. You take care of people, some of them are dying and you stay with them until the end. You change diapers of patients that used to be lawyers or teachers and you... You’re never disrespectful, you love them. And most of them don’t recognise you from the day before. I couldn't do it. It’s a freaking vocation.”
“Yeah, well... I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. You have to give me a little time. I wasn’t supposed to be able to have a kid from my dragon husband,” Jensen smiles tentatively. “And now I’m three months pregnant, and our kid will be born on Halloween and this isn’t... it's nothing I have planned. So, major freak-out.”
Jared feels his heart melt at the pleading expression in Jensen’s eyes. Please don’t push me too hard, I need you to understand what I’m going through, they say.
So Jared bends toward Jensen and grabs his face between his hands, kisses him softly on the forehead. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jen. I’m not the one who's pregnant. If this is a shock to me, I can’t imagine how you must feel. You’re right. Let’s take time to think about all this.”
Jensen nods and kisses Jared back. “I’m happy you know. About this...”
With hesitation, Jensen slowly lowers his hand to his stomach. Jared smiles too, and joins his own hand.
“That’s incredibly cheesy,” Jensen comments.
“It is,” Jared flashes his dimples. “Can we call our parents now?”
Jensen rolls his eyes. “Yeah, you big baby, we can.”
Chapter 3
A/N: Writing something like an mpreg weredragon/human takes you to funny places. I've never read fics with dragons or weredragons and if they are implied rules, I do not know them, except for the nesting part. I still know that dragons are supposed to be borned from eggs. I know that some egg-laying fics exist out there, it's totally alright, it's just not my thing. So, when I was figuring out how my story's pregnancy would work, I had to answer some questions, trying to keep true to characters and fic -hey, writing crack doesn't mean all the logic goes out the window, at least for me, it just means that the universe I create has its own sets of rules. I write crack very seriously ;-)
Anyway, I was absorbed in the pseudo science of it all, then I came t think: wait. Jared was born from an egg. Does it mean he didn't have an ombilical cord, and therefore lacks a navel? When I realized I was in deep on wikipedia reading articles after articles on bird and lizard reproduction, I stopped. Too much! Woman, you're telling a story about a man being pregnant from a were dragon and somehow you're trying to write a thesis on oviparous versus mammal pregnancy? Enough. :D So, yes, Jared has a navel, because he's not really an oviparous, he's a man with the hability to change into a dragon. Because a man without a navel would be a little freaky (anybody ever saw the movie "The Brood" by Cronenberg?) And if I, by mistake, at any point of the story I did not follow the pre-established rules of a were universe, I am sorry.
I'm glad we clear that up. ;-)