[FIC] Love Me Twice (… because I just can’t let you go) [26/??]
Junsu groaned as the bright sunlight streaming in through the windows hit directly in his face. He turned to his side and grabbed the pillow from underneath his head and used it as a shield from the immense brightness. His body ached with pain and he felt extremely worn out from the events that had taken place the night before. He had no intention of leaving the room all day, but when his stomach began growling louder as each second passed, he contemplated otherwise.
As he stepped out into the hallway, Junsu noticed the family was already up and eating, including Na Young. Once her eyes landed on him, a small, innocent smile crept on her lips as she greeted him, “hi uncle Su!”
He chuckled as he strolled over to kiss her cheek, “hey sweetie, how are you doing today?”
“Good” she replied, “appa and umma told me you were here, and when I asked to go see you they said to wait until you woke up because then I’d be disturbing you.”
“I wouldn’t have minded that, because it’s you I’ll make an exception” he smiled.
“Come sit next to me and eat with us uncle Su. I helped umma make breakfast today” the little girl stated proudly.
“Did you now? Then, let’s see …” he said, surveying everything on the dinning table with his eyes before picking out some to eat.
Ever since Junsu entered the room, he hadn’t looked up once at either JaeJoong or Yunho. It was partially out of anger, and partially because he felt disheartened that the two didn’t understand where he was coming from really. In a way though, Junsu could relate as to why they acted the way they did towards Yoochun. Back when JaeJoong had finally returned to where he originally belonged with them, Yunho talked about Yoochun with so much malevolence that it seemed like if the two were to ever confront each other again, Yoochun would’ve been dead by then.
“Would you like me to pour you some juice Su?” JaeJoong offered.
“No thanks” he murmured almost inaudibly.
JaeJoong exchanged quick glances with Yunho before going back to his breakfast.
The rest of the meal was spent in silence with only Na Young making occasional comments here and there about random things she thought of at the moment. After everyone was finished eating, it was time for Yunho to depart to work. Junsu stayed out in the living room while JaeJoong was accompanying Yunho in the bedroom as he was getting dressed.
“Will you be ok with them here?” Yunho asked.
JaeJoong nodded, “don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine.”
Yunho adjusted the tie around his neck before take a comb and swiping it across his hair. “Since he might be here all day, see if you can try and talk him out of whatever plan Yoochun has set in his mind. And don’t worry; everything will be fine from now on. As long as I’m here, Yoochun won’t hurt you again, ok?”
“Ok” he answered warily, “have a nice day at work.”
Yunho smiled down at him and took him in his arms, leaning down cautiously to imbed a sweet kiss atop his lips. “I’ll see you later tonight.”
JaeJoong slipped his arms around his neck and rested his forehead against his, “I’ll miss you.”
Yunho tucked a few strand of hairs behind his ear before pressing his warm lips against his once more, “Mmh, me too.”
They reluctantly let go of each another and Yunho made his way over to the front door to leave. Na Young happily skipped over to him and he bent down so she can hug him before he went on his way.
“Be good, and don’t give umma too much trouble, hmm?” he told her.
“I won’t” she promised.
By the time Yunho left for work, Ji Hoo started to cry, followed by In-Su, and JaeJoong quickly went to take care of them. He fed his little bundles of joy and burped them, prior to laying them down on the living room floor to kick and play with their play-sets for a while.
Na Young too had gone off to play with her dolls in her bedroom, giving the two brothers’ time alone as JaeJoong soon realized once he took a seat besides Junsu on the couch.
“Do you want to watch some TV?” he asked to break the silence between them.
“It’s alright” Junsu answered in a low voice.
JaeJoong sighed, “Please don’t be mad at us Su, it’s not our fault Yoochun created a bad reputation for himself.”
“I know hyung.”
“So what’s the problem? You can’t keep giving us the silent treatment forever. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“… It’s just … I want to be happy, like you and Yunho … like umma and appa how they were.”
“And you really think Yoochun would make you happy?”
Junsu sighed, “I’m hoping he would.”
“Su, if you’re having doubts about this then maybe you need to think this through a little more.”
“I’m not having doubts; I just feel things now compared to then have changed so much.”
“Nothing lasts forever; it’s natural for things to change overtime.”
“I guess” he murmured, sinking lower into the couch.
“… Can I ask you something? How did things between you and Yoochun happen when you were in high school?”
Junsu played with the hem of his shirt before answering, “In my second year, we had a sport’s competition and Yoochun was put in charge of our class. While I was taking part in one of the races, I tripped and scrapped my knee pretty badly. He carried me away towards the benches and applied the first aid on my cut. When he was finished, he looked up at me and smiled, and something just … overtook me, and I found myself melting because of the gentle smile he flashed in my direction. And then, just like that … I kissed him. He admitted to me then that he’d been watching me for a while and thought I was kind of cute. Since then, things just took off from there.”
“And … you really loved him?”
He nodded, “very much."
JaeJoong pondered his thoughts for a moment, “I can’t really blame you for falling in love because that’s not your fault, and I can’t blame Yoochun for not knowing we’re brothers in the first place, but you know, had it been any other person it’d still be wrong what he did.”
“I know, but Yoochun really feels bad about what he did. He really does.”
“Su” JaeJoong said, placing his hand gently on his knee, “I want to see you happy too, and I feel terrible for asking you to give up someone you love because that isn’t necessarily an easy thing. Trust me, I’ve learned from experience, but … is keeping Yoochun around really worth all this trouble, especially when you think about our history with him?”
“What exactly did happen between you and Yoochun? Yunho never told me specifically what Yoochun actually did to hurt you the way he did.”
“Should I show you instead?” he asked, getting up from his seat.
He turned his back to the latter and lifted up his shirt slowly, exposing the deep red marks slashed across his spine. He heard a gasp emitted from Junsu’s lips and fixed his shirt back into place as he took his seat again.
“I don’t know much about you’re past with Yoochun, but when we were together he wasn’t exactly what you call ‘nice’ towards me. He was constantly putting me down, called me hurtful and degrading names, used me for his own pleasure, beat me when I did something wrong or didn’t do what he asked of me right away, and even banned me from having friends. It was just the two of us for those four years, so I was pretty lonely and unhappy most of the time. I really thought there was no escaping his clutches until Yunho came over for a business meeting one night. At that moment, I thought it was a miracle Yunho came back into my life. If it wasn’t for him, I probably wouldn’t even have made it out alive, let alone be here together with my family again.”
“I … I had no idea Yoochun was that cruel to you. I don’t … even know what to say” Junsu said, feeling pained in his heart.
“At first, Yoochun was never that hard on me, but I guess he became angry with me after I had a miscarriage with his child” JaeJoong went on unknowingly.
Junsu looked up at him slowly, his heart beating wildly against his chest, “w-what did you say?”
He covered his mouth with his hand as he realized what he had just said, “f-forget it, it’s nothing” he answered quickly, attempting to make a dash for it, but Junsu held him back.
“Yoochun … got you … pregnant?”
“I’m sorry Su; I didn’t mean to tell you, it just slipped out and …”
Junsu blocked out whatever his brother carried on about and clutched his own stomach tightly. ‘Jae-hyung … was pregnant … with Yoochun’s child …’
“Su, are you listening to me?” JaeJoong asked, shaking his shoulder lightly.
“… Do you mind if I go lie down for a while … this is just … too much for me to handle right now.”
“Sure, go ahead.”
Junsu’s legs felt wobbly when he stood up and used the wall to support himself as he made his way back over to the guest room. He shut the door quietly and curled himself up in bed. He didn’t know why he suddenly felt sick in the stomach, or even why he could hear his heart breaking.
‘He didn’t know though … he didn’t know we were related …’
Junsu quickly wiped away the tears he’d been shedding subconsciously with the back of his hand and buried his face in his pillow.
‘What if Yunho was right all along? What if it is impossible for us to live together with Yoochun? Now that I know what he really did to hurt hyung …’
Junsu’s thoughts were cut off when he suddenly started sobbing quietly in his hands. He didn’t want to think anymore, he didn’t want to have to go through this. Junsu wished then that he hadn’t given Yoochun a second chance, let alone his heart.
He layed down and snuggled closer to his blanket before sleep had completely overtaken him once more.
*~*~*~*~*~*
The man shut the file closed and turned towards his employee, “Good work Yoochun, as always” he said, seemingly impressed. “You should probably hang around more with your other co-workers around here. Maybe your dedication to your work might rub off on them too” he nudged him playfully.
Yoochun smiled embarrassedly, “yes, sir.”
“There’s actually something I’d like to discuss with you in terms of your progress around here” he stated.
Yoochun looked up at him surprised, “what is it?”
“Come out with me to lunch, it’s on me. We’ll talk then.”
“How can I ask my boss to treat me to lunch? I should be treating you instead.”
“Nonsense, you deserve it. Besides, with our little talk later, you’ll understand why I’m treating you today” the man laughed heartily.
Yoochun didn’t know why, but he didn’t like the sound of that at all.
*~*~*~*~*~*
“Su, are you ok in there?” JaeJoong asked knocking softly on the bedroom door.
“I’m fine” he heard the latter answer a few seconds later.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.”
JaeJoong slowly twisted the knob and pushed the door open, entering in cautiously. He made steady steps towards his brother on the bed and took a seat close by.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
JaeJoong noticed Junsu’s eyes appeared swollen and moist, indicating that he’d been crying. He knew it was partially his fault for him crying like this. He had been the one to blurt out his and Yoochun’s big secret after all which was doing no good for their current situation.
“I’m sorry Su, I didn’t mean to tell you that earlier” he apologized.
Junsu looked up at his brother and offered him a small smile, “it’s fine, I’m actually kind of glad you did anyways. I’d hate for any secrets to stay lingering between us.”
JaeJoong smoothed his hair down with his hand before asking, “Are you hungry? Wanna go get a snack to eat before dinner’s done?”
“Ok.”
“Come’ on, let’s go” JaeJoong said, leading the way for his brother.
Junsu dabbed his eyes with the back of his hand prior to leaving the room to retrieve something to quench his hunger from the kitchen. He suddenly heard his phone vibrating on the small desk across his bed and walked over to it ruggedly. He picked up the device and flipped it open, only to see a text message from Yoochun.
‘I’m coming over to see you soon. I think we need to talk.’
Junsu’s chest felt heavy again and he swallowed hard. It was good that Yoochun was coming over again because there were a couple of things Junsu needed to tell him also. He just hoped that Yoochun’s news for him isn’t bad because today has certainly not been a good day for him.
“Su, are you coming?” JaeJoong called.
He shook his head from side to side in an attempt to rid the endless string of thoughts entering his mind, “I’m coming hyung.”
*~*~*~*~*~*
Yunho arrived home from work approximately 55 minutes later and joined the family just in time for dinner. Junsu hung his head low more than half the time, and when he was finished his meal, he excused himself and locked himself away in the guest bedroom again.
“Is he ok?” Yunho asked JaeJoong once they were alone.
“I’m not sure.”
“Is he still mad at us?”
“I think he just needs time to think things through. Maybe he realizes now that he’s rushed into this whole thing way too fast.”
“I hope so, besides, he’ll come to realize sooner or later that we’re only doing this for his own good.”
JaeJoong thought again about his conversation with his brother earlier. He really did feel sorry for him, and he can sympathize with him in a way as well.
“Yunho … what if we’re wrong?”
“What do you mean?” he asked confused.
“What if we’re only pushing Junsu away instead of protecting him?”
By now, JaeJoong had caught Yunho’s full attention, and as he said all this, he refused to make eye contact with him.
“Why are you being so conservative of him and Yoochun? There’s no need to watch over them Jae.”
“I’m not, I just think -”
Before he could even finish what he was about to say, someone knocked against the front door gruffly and Yunho went to go see who had come.
He gave their visitor a snarky look before commenting, “Do we have to go through this again?”
“I’m not here to see you, I’m here to talk to Junsu” Yoochun told him.
“That’s a relief” he replied sarcastically. “Didn’t I already say yesterday that I’m not allowing you and Junsu to see each other, or did you not get it the first time?”
“But, it’s really important. I promise I won’t take long.”
“Yunho?”
He turned around to the small voice calling out his name and saw Junsu standing there. “Please?”
Seeing the desperate look from Junsu made Yunho feel almost sorry for him, for all of them actually. He looked so pale, so weak, so vulnerable.
Yunho sighed exasperatedly, “You have five minutes and only five minutes” he muttered, stepping aside to let Yoochun pass into his home once more.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Yoochun sat opposite of Junsu on the mattress and cupped his hands in his, “is something wrong? You’ve been ignoring my calls all day.”
“I’m sorry, I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
“A lot of stuff” he mumbled.
“Su, look at me” he commanded gently.
Junsu turned his face to the side and Yoochun carefully lifted up his chin with his index finger. He leaned forward and meshed their lips together, only to retreat back a few seconds later to whisper, “I missed you.”
A small smile crept on his lips, “me too.”
Yoochun stared down at him for a moment, “did something happen?”
“Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know, you’re acting kind of strange.”
Junsu slowly took back his hands from Yoochun’s grasp and sat up straighter, “That’s because there’s something I’ve wanted to ask you all day that I should’ve asked a long time ago."
“Junsu …”
He forced a smile, “just answer me truthfully ok?”
Yoochun nodded slowly, waiting patiently for him to ask what he needed to.
“Do you really love me?”
“Of course. How on earth can you even ask me that?”
“So much that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to keep me?”
“Even more.”
Junsu nibbled on his bottom lip before continuing, “I love you too Yoochun, but I’m wondering, is it enough?”
Yoochun was stunned at the sudden question, “what do you mean?”
“Love can’t be the only foundation of this relationship, its not enough to sustain us.”
“So what are you trying to say? We should give up?” he asked appalled.
Junsu shook his head, “who are we kidding? Yunho and Jae-hyung are never going to approve of us. That seems like our only logical option left.”
“Where’s all this coming from Su?” Yoochun asked worriedly, “I thought you said you were willing to fight to keep us together.”
“That was before I knew what I wanted” he murmured.
He was afraid to ask, but he needed to know the truth, “And what do you want?”
“… I want out.”
Yoochun’s whole body felt numb. He thought his ears were playing tricks on him, but the look on Junsu’s face told him otherwise.
“I can’t keep doing this anymore. I’m sorry but … I want out.”
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A/N: Hey all~ I know it's been a while, and I just want to apologize for making you guys wait so long for an update. Truth is, I've been so busy lately studying for exams and with real life that I haven't had time to really update any of my fics. On another note, school ends in less than 7 days and graduation is in 2 weeks!! I'm so looking forward to it ;) Just thinking about attending college soon makes my stomach churn though D: I'm super nervous for that to begin.
Anyways, I have some ideas for my next fic as this one is ending (about 3 or 4 more chapters to go) xD Right now, I'm working on 3 one-shots which should be out sometime soon also^^ Thanks for reading you guys~ ♥