Falling Apart

[estherchaya]

You know what?  I'm quite tired of pretending that everything's okay.  It isn't.  I'm literally falling apart from the inside out.  In the nine weeks since Tobie was born I've had the following procedures:

• Upper endoscopy (EGD)
• ERCP (endoscopic surgery)
• Echocardiogram
• Gastric Emptying Study (eating a radioactive egg)
• Head CT Scan

Comments

[onionsoupmix]

Mastitis is so horrible. I was hospitalized for three days with the fever from hell when I had it. I am sorry for all the other crap you are going through too!

[estherchaya]

Thanks, yeah, it pretty much sucks. I have now had *two* surgeries for the abscess that resulted from the mastitis. I've just about had it. With the triplets, the first time I had mastitis I had a 106 degree fever. This time it was "only" 103. But that was *after* tylenol!

Plus, I got told on Friday that I may be looking at surgery for a "gastric pacemaker" in the near future. I mean, if it's the miracle that cures my gastroparesis and enables me to eat solid food? Great! But surgery isn't my idea of a good time.

[onionsoupmix]

I am reading your back entries now... you have a LOT on your plate. In fact, I can't even see your plate, that's how full it is. You need a getaway with a spa or something.

[estherchaya]

Yeah, but a getaway with a spa would require money. Money I don't have because I've been out of work since January (bed rest from the pregnancy). And also babysitters. Do you know how hard it is to get a babysitter for two-year old triplets?

Hah!

I feel like at some point, something has to give. And I refuse to change my Hebrew name or check my mezuzos or get some hocus pocus person to come in and get rid of the ayin hara (all of which were recently suggested on my FB posts). That's not going to make my plate any less full and it'll just piss me off. ;)

I figure when the kids are in their 30's we'll get a proper vacation. Though we'll probably be so far in debt from paying day school tuition that we can't go anywhere then either!

[estherchaya]

wow, am I ever a negative nelly tonight! I'll blame it on insufficient pain medicine and hope you understand it's just my frustration and pain level talking. I used to be a pretty positive person. Honest.

[onionsoupmix]

You're not negative, you're just going through a rough patch. Even the most positive people have those. And it's fine to vent.

[estherchaya]

Thanks. Fortunately, I do have many brachas in my life. I told my husband the other day "I have the most amazing husband in the universe, I have great children, and I've got some terrific friends; the rest of my life can suck it." He said, "Well, you've got some pretty awesome doctors, too." True enough, but no 34 year old should have THIS MANY doctors!

My kids *are* awesome, and worth every bit of stress it took to get them here, and I wouldn't survive without my husband who couldn't possibly be more supportive. Thank heavens for the good things in life.