Backlog
Who: Aida, Essdara
Where: Bowl
Essdara is on the shore of the lake, and unlike Aida she is the picture of happiness. She is sitting on one of the drier rocks, a half-written note in her lap, and a sappy smile on her face as she stares out at the water.
Managing to lift her eyes long enough to look around, Aida spots who it is she's looking for -- but doesn't really look pleased about it. She stares for a long moment, then exhales a longsuffering sort of sigh, shoulders hunching just a bit more as she trudges over in the direction of the sitting Dara. Trudge, trudge, trudge.
Oblivious, Dara is. She looks back down at the note in her lap, and continues scribbling on it. And she hums! An insipidly cheerful song that matches the smile she wears, ignorant of the Doom approaching her from behind.
Drawing up a safe distance back, Aida cringes. Oh. There's insipid cheerfulness. This is going to hurt. Eyes close, she takes a deep breath, and then she lifts her chin and opens her eyes again. Proceed. Moving forward again, she clears her throat. "Dara," she greets, voice...subdued. Sulky.
Essdara looks up as her voice is called, and grins from ear to ear. "Aida!" She bounces to her feet, and practically tackles her with a hug. "Hey! I figured you'd be off and busy in the infirmary this time of day!" She pulls back after a long moment, looking her over. "You ok? You certainly have a down look to you. C'mere and tell me about it, and maybe I can cheer you up a bit and tell you about my week." She takes her hand, dragging towards the abandoned rock.
Stiffening for a moment when she's hugged, Aida eventually gives in and leans into it. Might as well take advantage of it while it lasts. She leans, exhaling a sigh and making a face when she's looked over. And then there's her hand being taken and she's being drug, and so she follows along. "I'm not working in the infirmary any more," she states bluntly, even before they're halfway over to the rock in question. "I've taken a position as the Headmaster's assistant." Let's just get this *right* out of the way.
Well, that gets Dara's attention. She looks back over her shoulder at Aida with a scolding look. "Oh, come on now, Aida. I know I tell you to branch out and find more humor in your life, but you have to start smaller. It's not funny if it's not something believable. 'I've left Br'ce because Neiran is sexy', that would have gotten me probably, cause that's at least realistic. He is sexy, and you like him a lot. But you? Sefton's assistant? C'mon." A grin and she sits down, "Can't hide behind that stuff, tell me what's bothing you."
Tugging her hand away when Dara sits down, Aida brings her arms up to cross them over her chest to regard Dara with such the sulky look. Oh, she's laying it on thick. "I'm not joking," she states quietly. "It's not meant to be funny. I'm very serious, and very well aware that you are going to be very unhappy with me for it. But there it is. I am starting as soon as I'm off of the schedule in the infirmary. And I don't like Neiran like that. I *will* request, though, that you do me the favor of possibly seeing to his meals while he's working for me. I won't have time, and he needs a bit of extra attention."
Essdara looks at Aida in silence for a few long moments. the sulking expression, the crossed arms, the tone of her voice. She gapes, "You're serious. You're really serious. You're going to work with him." Mouth closes, sharply; you can almost hear the happiness boil away from the anger. "You know you can't trust him, Aida. You are smarter than to toss your lot in with him, with someone who will toss you aside if someone gives him the slightest reason. Why would you do something like that in the first place? He's not /that/ handsome."
There it is; the expected reaction. Aida can at least take heart that something is going like she expected today. The young woman's sulk fades a little bit, to be replaced with a set jaw and clear determination. "It has nothing to do with how handsome he may or may not be," she points out. "But yes, I am really going to work /for/ him." There is emphasis placed on that word. "It is a very good opportunity for me and you know it. And..." It takes her a moment to work the words up. "I can so trust him. He is not going to just toss me aside." Her tone for that statement dares Dara to challenge it. Whether or not she actually believes it is anyone's guess; she seems to.
Daring is something Dara is not good at; but just this once, she does. "Of course he will. What do you have to offer him, Aida, that makes you more valuable than someone else? Or are you willing to give him your undying loyalty?" She frowns. "And what will you do, Aida, when Caucus and Weyr come into conflict, as they naturally will? Or are you so quick to toss aside Yevide like that? You put more effort than anyone into helping her be accepted, helping the weyr recover. Was that just a game to get yourself noticed, then? Stupid me, I actually thought you cared." She looks away. "It is a great oppurtunity for you, Aida, and you will do very well in it. I am sure the marks will be good, and given his position, I'd guess he's fulfulling your need to be a student. Well, good for you in gaining your goals. I geuss it wasn't as hard as you thought it would be."
"Fuck you," Aida snaps, a thread of anger winding its way into her tone. "Fuck you, of course I care. I don't expect you to be happy about this, but you don't have to be nasty. This is what I wanted. You knew this was what I wanted ten minutes ago when you were just fine and happy with me, and you know it now. I'm not /tossing her aside/. I'm not tossing /you/ aside, or Br'ce, or anyone. All of that had nothing to do with this and you /know/ it." Her arms and shoulders tense up, her frame coiling with fairly well controlled anger. "You encouraged me to do this. Was it just to see me fail, Essdara? Did you want to see me try to climb so you could point and laugh when I fell on my face?"
Essdara looks at her fully, and calmly. "I did not encourage you to do this, Aida. I encouraged you to find a path, yes. I encouraged you to try to find a way to get the education you want. But never did I encourage you to trust him; quite the opposite. And of course you are. You know my feelings about Sefton as well as he does. How can I ever trust you, knowing that you are his now? How can Yevide? How can /anyone/? What /will/ you do, Aida, when as his assistant you have to do something that is bad for Yevide? Or Neiran? Or me?" She shakes her head. "I want you to succeed, and I want you to be happy. I just don't want you to give up what you've gained so far for someone like him."
"You think I'm that stupid?" Aida counters, shaking her head soundly and sending black curls tumbling about. "I'm /not/. He's not...he's not /like/ that, Essdara. I know you don't trust him and I know you don't believe me, but for /once/, fucking take me on faith." She uncrosses her arms so she can throw her hands up, turning a bit away and bringing her fingers in to rake them through her hair. "I'm being careful and he's /not/ going to ask such things of me and he's /not/ like that. I'm not giving anything up for /him/."
Essdara shakes her head sadly, and stands back up. "He is like that, but I think there's only one way you will see that. Blind faith, that's your game, not mine. But you have given something up. You loved working in the infirmary, and learning with Neiran. Just because the cost was worth it doesn't make it not a cost." She smiles to Aida, and lays her hands on her friend's shoulders. "I am happy for you, Aida. You've gotten what you wanted, and I hope with all my heart it brings you the happiness you want."
Stiffening more when Dara puts hands on her shoulders, Aida doesn't jerk away, at least. She just turns her eyes on the other girl, her hands dropping to her sides and curling up into fists. Oh, so very coiled. "I'm not giving anything up for him, I said. What I give up, I give up for me. And I don't think the price is going to be as steep as you think that it is. Please, don't make it as steep as you say it is. I'm not turning my back on anyone, but if you all turn your backs on me, there's nothing I can do about that." With those words, a hint of a plead enters both eyes and tone.
Essdara shakes her head. "Do you see my back Aida? Do you see me walking away? No. I can't speak for anyone else, but you know I'll love you until we die. Or until you stab me in the back. I mean what I said. I hope this brings you all the happiness you dream it will. To just by your expression when you came to me, and your words so far, it seems to be doing a great job of it so far." She leans in and kisses Aida's cheek. "I'd say at least now you won't be working all night so much, but somehow, I am sure you won't be working any less."
"It's not about happiness," Aida states darkly, giving a stubborn little shake of her head. "It's never been about happiness for me. It's about what I want." At least she does seem to stand down a bit, her hands uncurling and her posture relaxing enough that she's not coiled and ready to blow. "I'm going to be very busy. I already know that. It's all going to be good, though. It will be. Everything will work out."
"Of course it will." Says Dara, in that same insufferably calm tone. "Especially when hapiness isn't part of the equation. I keep forgetting how much easier that makes things." She takes a step back. "I imagine I'll be seeing a lot less of you, at any rate. That makes me sad."
"We'll find time," Aida states, with all the certainty she can muster. She turns away abruptly, shaking her head sharply again and bringing her hand up to rub a finger along her nose. "I won't be impossibly busy forever. I'm not going anywhere, Dara. You're my best friend. That won't change."
Essdara chuckles softly. "That's what my last best friend said, too. But I am sure this time, it'll be different." A shrug, and she settles back on her rock. "So Br'ce doesn't aprove? I'm surprised, he got rather snippy with me when I said Sefton wasn't to be trusted. I guess he cares less about supporting Sefton when it's you involved."
Silence. There's a long moment of silence. Aida closes her eyes, and her shoulders slump a bit. Otherwise, she stays still like that for a good bit before lifting her chin, opening her eyes, and setting her jaw. Only then does she look over and point out quietly, "That was harsh. I'm not her. I'm...going to excuse myself, now. I'll see you later." And she turns on a heel, starting to move off.
Essdara shakes her head softly. "No, Aida, you're not like her. You, I actually thought might care. I won't get in the way of your ambitions, Aida. And I am not giving up on you. But don't ask me to lie and say I'm happy, or that I don't worry. You know me better than that anyway, and I refuse to lie just to salve your wounded conscience."
"I do care," Aida points out quietly, drawing up again but not turning back. "And I don't want you to lie, either. I don't /expect/ you to be happy. I didn't figure you would be; you /don't/ like him. I just figured you'd try and understand. But you don't. That's fine. Whatever. You *are* giving up on me. You can't tell me to go screw myself and that you don't trust me and that you think I'm just like her and don't care, and then say that oh you're still here for me. You can't have it both ways. I'm not here for you to kick."
Essdara tilts her head. "I never told you to go screw yourself. You're the only one throwing around euphamisms for sex, not me. And I certain;y haven't given up on you. You are worth more to me than that. But... I am not a girl of many hopes, Aida. I've been burned before, and it's hard not to worry about it happening again. When you get too busy, or when you need to be socialising with the Right People, and not some freakish girl in the kitchens who is loud-mouthed and likes girls. You are moving up in the world, Aida. And the world you move towards, it doesn't accept people like me."
"You're my best friend," Aida points out, shifting on her feet and turning back, one hand lifting to rest on her hip. "You haven't even given me a chance before deciding I'm going to leave you behind. Worry. Fine. Do that; I understand. But give me a chance. If I can manage to get to where I am now, I can manage to stay your friend through all of it."
Essdara says, "I /am/ giving you a chance, if you would listen, Aida." The calm wavers a bit as her anger peeks through. "Having uncertainty and misgivings is not the same as giving up. And I am not the one who was walkign away a moment ago, either. You don't want me to give up on you, but you didn't seem to mind walking away, either. You knew I wouldn't be happy, and it's a great shield for rightous anger. You had this mapped out before you got here, had your indignation ready, your anger ready to strike back. Even the way you told me, it was meant to hurt and be as harsh as you could make it. Because it feels easier to know that it's not /your/ fault. Well, Aida, it's not that easy. I'm not giving up on you. And if you walk away, that's fine. You'll find me there anyway when you need me. I won't let you make this my fault.""
Rolling her eyes, Aida deflates a bit, but her lips curve up into a smirk all the same. "Listen to you," she points out. "You're not even close to reality, here. I knew you were going to be upset with me, angry -- I figured you were going to blow up. Because I /know/ you, Dara. I wasn't angry until you started squawking at me and saying mean, hurtful things -- I was just dreading it. I told you how I did because there is /no/ easy way to break it. There just isn't. Are you just throwing things at me randomly, hoping something is going to stick? I excused myself -- and am going to be doing so again in a moment -- because I am hurt, because I am tired, and because I don't want to fight any more right now, and figure once we've both had a bit of time, we'll be calm and can talk it over a little bit and then everything will be okay."
Essdara says, softly, "I am calm, Aida. But I am also very afraid. And while there is no easy way, there are ways that make it hurt a lot more. You know me, and you know how I react to things, and you know how I feel about you. You're right, there's no way I wouldn't be hurt and angry and betrayed." She shakes her head and looks at Aida sadly, "I don't want to lose you, Aida. You're my best friend, and I love you almost as much as I do Synnie. But I can't help thinking we won't be talking in a few months, and in a turn, you'll have forgotten me, or even if not forgotten... We'll have no common ground left for friendship, and we'll just be... Aida, and Essdara. Seperate, and different."
"Our paths were different from the first day we set foot on the road," Aida points out, her free hand coming up to shove through her hair as she continues to eye Essdara. "You want to be the head cook; I want...something else. It's always been that way, and we've managed to make it this far. What do we have for common ground right now, infirmary and kitchens? Our friendship. It...it'll be okay, Dara. C'mon, I haven't let you down yet, have I?"
Essdara shakes her head. "No, but then, we've already not been talking as much, either." A shrug. "I should find you more to talk. I haven't even told you all my latest dramas and stories. And other than this, I haven't heard any of yours." A sigh. "I am glad you told me, though, Aida, I am. And I really do hope it works out for yuo. I do."
"I've been around," Aida says quietly, her voice a bit unsteady as she shrugs one shoulder. "We do need to talk more. I'm not moving out of the dorms, so. It's not like I won't be around. Just...tired." A wan smile is summoned up -- and she already does look tired. Well, weary, at least. "It'll...be okay. I'll be able to manage this. /We/ will be able to manage this."
Essdara sighs, and offers her arms. "We will, really. Come here, Aida? Just... Don't walk away. I promise, I won't say anything more about it, but I don't want you to leave right now. I feel like if you do, it won't be something we get over."
There are moments where Aida is like nothing so much as a wary animal, torn between bolting and accepting food. This is one of them; she eyes Essdara for a long moment when her arms are offered, but eventually stands down, exhaling a sigh and trudging back over to the rock to flop down beside her, leaning into the offered arms. "I'm so tired."
Essdara wraps her arms around Aida, echoing her sigh. "I can only imagine, dearheart. But you know I love you, right? If I didn't, it woudln't hurt so much, right? So we'll be ok." An attempt at humor, "Just make sure that you tell me exactly what happens in those classes. Maybe I can learn through you."
"Every bit of my fire has been used up these last few days," Aida mumbles, curling in against the other girl and closing her eyes, letting herself relax. "An' I'll make sure you learn, don't worry. Will...you make sure Neiran gets fed, for me? I've got a schedule written down already, 'n stuff."
Essdara kisses her hair softly. "I will try, dearheart, I will try. and this is going to be hard on you, Aida. I know I was harsh, but I wasn't wrong. People won't trust you, not like they did." She runs her fingers through Aida's hair. "Have you told Yevide?"
"/People/ can deal," Aida points out, sighing softly. "The ones I care about, it'll be okay." Her voice quiets further, taking on a light bit of a sleepy sort of note to it; relaxed. "I haven't told Yevide yet, no; I only told Br'ce already because I ran into him on my way to try and find you. I'll get to it. I still need to tell her, and Neiran. I'll bring you his food schedule. It's not hard, or anything. Just want to make sure he gets to eat right still."
Essdara pets her hair softly, and nods. "I will help how I can, dearheart." She's quiet a moment. "Aida, when you're more settled and awake, I need you to meet someone for me."
"Okay," Aida replies quietly, chuckling softly. "I'll meet whoever. Who is it? And why?" Curiosity does manage to surface, and she lifts her head up so she can offer over a smile, cheer starting to return for all that she's clearly tired.
Essdara smiles, and it's far more genuine. "Asynnida's her name, and we're... Well, I guess you could say we're involved. She's very nice, if painfully shy, and very sweet. But she's got a fire inside, kind of like you. I think you will like her."
"Oh," Aida grins, giving an agreeable sort of nod. She lifts an arm to give Essdara a one-armed hug, squeezing briefly before she starts to withdraw, to move up to her feet. "I'll meet her soon, I'm sure. I'm glad you've found somebody to be involved with."
Essdara looks up to her. "Going to bed, Aida? And... I am glad, too. She makes me very happy. Even if I keep waiting for her to run away in terror the more she finds out about me."
"I need to rest," Aida agrees. Which isn't exactly going to bed, but it's close enough. She offers another wan smile, ruffling her hair again and taking a deep breath. It's exhaled slowly, and then another -- more sure -- smile is offered. "Good. I'm glad she makes you happy. I doubt she's going to run away. I look forward to meeting her."
"Do you want me to come with you?" Dara offers, in a hesitant voice. "Tommorow, maybe. She's a messenger, and I don't think she made it back tonight, unfortunately."
Aida gives a light shake of her head. "I need some time to wind down," she states quietly. "I appreciate the offer, but I need some time. And I'm sure she'll be back soon."
Essdara nods softly, though it's hard to hide the rejection felt. "Feel better, Aida. It will work out. And... It will be good for you." She looks back down at the note she was working on, staring at it as she tries to relocate where she was on it.
Exhaling another sigh at that hint of rejection, Aida's smile fades in favor of her just looking worn again. She watches the other girl for a long moment, then offers a quiet, "Have a good afternoon, Dara." With that said, she's shoving her hands into the pockets of her jacket, turning to trudge back the way she came.
"You, too, Aida." Dara says softly, not looking up from her note.
Where: Bowl
Essdara is on the shore of the lake, and unlike Aida she is the picture of happiness. She is sitting on one of the drier rocks, a half-written note in her lap, and a sappy smile on her face as she stares out at the water.
Managing to lift her eyes long enough to look around, Aida spots who it is she's looking for -- but doesn't really look pleased about it. She stares for a long moment, then exhales a longsuffering sort of sigh, shoulders hunching just a bit more as she trudges over in the direction of the sitting Dara. Trudge, trudge, trudge.
Oblivious, Dara is. She looks back down at the note in her lap, and continues scribbling on it. And she hums! An insipidly cheerful song that matches the smile she wears, ignorant of the Doom approaching her from behind.
Drawing up a safe distance back, Aida cringes. Oh. There's insipid cheerfulness. This is going to hurt. Eyes close, she takes a deep breath, and then she lifts her chin and opens her eyes again. Proceed. Moving forward again, she clears her throat. "Dara," she greets, voice...subdued. Sulky.
Essdara looks up as her voice is called, and grins from ear to ear. "Aida!" She bounces to her feet, and practically tackles her with a hug. "Hey! I figured you'd be off and busy in the infirmary this time of day!" She pulls back after a long moment, looking her over. "You ok? You certainly have a down look to you. C'mere and tell me about it, and maybe I can cheer you up a bit and tell you about my week." She takes her hand, dragging towards the abandoned rock.
Stiffening for a moment when she's hugged, Aida eventually gives in and leans into it. Might as well take advantage of it while it lasts. She leans, exhaling a sigh and making a face when she's looked over. And then there's her hand being taken and she's being drug, and so she follows along. "I'm not working in the infirmary any more," she states bluntly, even before they're halfway over to the rock in question. "I've taken a position as the Headmaster's assistant." Let's just get this *right* out of the way.
Well, that gets Dara's attention. She looks back over her shoulder at Aida with a scolding look. "Oh, come on now, Aida. I know I tell you to branch out and find more humor in your life, but you have to start smaller. It's not funny if it's not something believable. 'I've left Br'ce because Neiran is sexy', that would have gotten me probably, cause that's at least realistic. He is sexy, and you like him a lot. But you? Sefton's assistant? C'mon." A grin and she sits down, "Can't hide behind that stuff, tell me what's bothing you."
Tugging her hand away when Dara sits down, Aida brings her arms up to cross them over her chest to regard Dara with such the sulky look. Oh, she's laying it on thick. "I'm not joking," she states quietly. "It's not meant to be funny. I'm very serious, and very well aware that you are going to be very unhappy with me for it. But there it is. I am starting as soon as I'm off of the schedule in the infirmary. And I don't like Neiran like that. I *will* request, though, that you do me the favor of possibly seeing to his meals while he's working for me. I won't have time, and he needs a bit of extra attention."
Essdara looks at Aida in silence for a few long moments. the sulking expression, the crossed arms, the tone of her voice. She gapes, "You're serious. You're really serious. You're going to work with him." Mouth closes, sharply; you can almost hear the happiness boil away from the anger. "You know you can't trust him, Aida. You are smarter than to toss your lot in with him, with someone who will toss you aside if someone gives him the slightest reason. Why would you do something like that in the first place? He's not /that/ handsome."
There it is; the expected reaction. Aida can at least take heart that something is going like she expected today. The young woman's sulk fades a little bit, to be replaced with a set jaw and clear determination. "It has nothing to do with how handsome he may or may not be," she points out. "But yes, I am really going to work /for/ him." There is emphasis placed on that word. "It is a very good opportunity for me and you know it. And..." It takes her a moment to work the words up. "I can so trust him. He is not going to just toss me aside." Her tone for that statement dares Dara to challenge it. Whether or not she actually believes it is anyone's guess; she seems to.
Daring is something Dara is not good at; but just this once, she does. "Of course he will. What do you have to offer him, Aida, that makes you more valuable than someone else? Or are you willing to give him your undying loyalty?" She frowns. "And what will you do, Aida, when Caucus and Weyr come into conflict, as they naturally will? Or are you so quick to toss aside Yevide like that? You put more effort than anyone into helping her be accepted, helping the weyr recover. Was that just a game to get yourself noticed, then? Stupid me, I actually thought you cared." She looks away. "It is a great oppurtunity for you, Aida, and you will do very well in it. I am sure the marks will be good, and given his position, I'd guess he's fulfulling your need to be a student. Well, good for you in gaining your goals. I geuss it wasn't as hard as you thought it would be."
"Fuck you," Aida snaps, a thread of anger winding its way into her tone. "Fuck you, of course I care. I don't expect you to be happy about this, but you don't have to be nasty. This is what I wanted. You knew this was what I wanted ten minutes ago when you were just fine and happy with me, and you know it now. I'm not /tossing her aside/. I'm not tossing /you/ aside, or Br'ce, or anyone. All of that had nothing to do with this and you /know/ it." Her arms and shoulders tense up, her frame coiling with fairly well controlled anger. "You encouraged me to do this. Was it just to see me fail, Essdara? Did you want to see me try to climb so you could point and laugh when I fell on my face?"
Essdara looks at her fully, and calmly. "I did not encourage you to do this, Aida. I encouraged you to find a path, yes. I encouraged you to try to find a way to get the education you want. But never did I encourage you to trust him; quite the opposite. And of course you are. You know my feelings about Sefton as well as he does. How can I ever trust you, knowing that you are his now? How can Yevide? How can /anyone/? What /will/ you do, Aida, when as his assistant you have to do something that is bad for Yevide? Or Neiran? Or me?" She shakes her head. "I want you to succeed, and I want you to be happy. I just don't want you to give up what you've gained so far for someone like him."
"You think I'm that stupid?" Aida counters, shaking her head soundly and sending black curls tumbling about. "I'm /not/. He's not...he's not /like/ that, Essdara. I know you don't trust him and I know you don't believe me, but for /once/, fucking take me on faith." She uncrosses her arms so she can throw her hands up, turning a bit away and bringing her fingers in to rake them through her hair. "I'm being careful and he's /not/ going to ask such things of me and he's /not/ like that. I'm not giving anything up for /him/."
Essdara shakes her head sadly, and stands back up. "He is like that, but I think there's only one way you will see that. Blind faith, that's your game, not mine. But you have given something up. You loved working in the infirmary, and learning with Neiran. Just because the cost was worth it doesn't make it not a cost." She smiles to Aida, and lays her hands on her friend's shoulders. "I am happy for you, Aida. You've gotten what you wanted, and I hope with all my heart it brings you the happiness you want."
Stiffening more when Dara puts hands on her shoulders, Aida doesn't jerk away, at least. She just turns her eyes on the other girl, her hands dropping to her sides and curling up into fists. Oh, so very coiled. "I'm not giving anything up for him, I said. What I give up, I give up for me. And I don't think the price is going to be as steep as you think that it is. Please, don't make it as steep as you say it is. I'm not turning my back on anyone, but if you all turn your backs on me, there's nothing I can do about that." With those words, a hint of a plead enters both eyes and tone.
Essdara shakes her head. "Do you see my back Aida? Do you see me walking away? No. I can't speak for anyone else, but you know I'll love you until we die. Or until you stab me in the back. I mean what I said. I hope this brings you all the happiness you dream it will. To just by your expression when you came to me, and your words so far, it seems to be doing a great job of it so far." She leans in and kisses Aida's cheek. "I'd say at least now you won't be working all night so much, but somehow, I am sure you won't be working any less."
"It's not about happiness," Aida states darkly, giving a stubborn little shake of her head. "It's never been about happiness for me. It's about what I want." At least she does seem to stand down a bit, her hands uncurling and her posture relaxing enough that she's not coiled and ready to blow. "I'm going to be very busy. I already know that. It's all going to be good, though. It will be. Everything will work out."
"Of course it will." Says Dara, in that same insufferably calm tone. "Especially when hapiness isn't part of the equation. I keep forgetting how much easier that makes things." She takes a step back. "I imagine I'll be seeing a lot less of you, at any rate. That makes me sad."
"We'll find time," Aida states, with all the certainty she can muster. She turns away abruptly, shaking her head sharply again and bringing her hand up to rub a finger along her nose. "I won't be impossibly busy forever. I'm not going anywhere, Dara. You're my best friend. That won't change."
Essdara chuckles softly. "That's what my last best friend said, too. But I am sure this time, it'll be different." A shrug, and she settles back on her rock. "So Br'ce doesn't aprove? I'm surprised, he got rather snippy with me when I said Sefton wasn't to be trusted. I guess he cares less about supporting Sefton when it's you involved."
Silence. There's a long moment of silence. Aida closes her eyes, and her shoulders slump a bit. Otherwise, she stays still like that for a good bit before lifting her chin, opening her eyes, and setting her jaw. Only then does she look over and point out quietly, "That was harsh. I'm not her. I'm...going to excuse myself, now. I'll see you later." And she turns on a heel, starting to move off.
Essdara shakes her head softly. "No, Aida, you're not like her. You, I actually thought might care. I won't get in the way of your ambitions, Aida. And I am not giving up on you. But don't ask me to lie and say I'm happy, or that I don't worry. You know me better than that anyway, and I refuse to lie just to salve your wounded conscience."
"I do care," Aida points out quietly, drawing up again but not turning back. "And I don't want you to lie, either. I don't /expect/ you to be happy. I didn't figure you would be; you /don't/ like him. I just figured you'd try and understand. But you don't. That's fine. Whatever. You *are* giving up on me. You can't tell me to go screw myself and that you don't trust me and that you think I'm just like her and don't care, and then say that oh you're still here for me. You can't have it both ways. I'm not here for you to kick."
Essdara tilts her head. "I never told you to go screw yourself. You're the only one throwing around euphamisms for sex, not me. And I certain;y haven't given up on you. You are worth more to me than that. But... I am not a girl of many hopes, Aida. I've been burned before, and it's hard not to worry about it happening again. When you get too busy, or when you need to be socialising with the Right People, and not some freakish girl in the kitchens who is loud-mouthed and likes girls. You are moving up in the world, Aida. And the world you move towards, it doesn't accept people like me."
"You're my best friend," Aida points out, shifting on her feet and turning back, one hand lifting to rest on her hip. "You haven't even given me a chance before deciding I'm going to leave you behind. Worry. Fine. Do that; I understand. But give me a chance. If I can manage to get to where I am now, I can manage to stay your friend through all of it."
Essdara says, "I /am/ giving you a chance, if you would listen, Aida." The calm wavers a bit as her anger peeks through. "Having uncertainty and misgivings is not the same as giving up. And I am not the one who was walkign away a moment ago, either. You don't want me to give up on you, but you didn't seem to mind walking away, either. You knew I wouldn't be happy, and it's a great shield for rightous anger. You had this mapped out before you got here, had your indignation ready, your anger ready to strike back. Even the way you told me, it was meant to hurt and be as harsh as you could make it. Because it feels easier to know that it's not /your/ fault. Well, Aida, it's not that easy. I'm not giving up on you. And if you walk away, that's fine. You'll find me there anyway when you need me. I won't let you make this my fault.""
Rolling her eyes, Aida deflates a bit, but her lips curve up into a smirk all the same. "Listen to you," she points out. "You're not even close to reality, here. I knew you were going to be upset with me, angry -- I figured you were going to blow up. Because I /know/ you, Dara. I wasn't angry until you started squawking at me and saying mean, hurtful things -- I was just dreading it. I told you how I did because there is /no/ easy way to break it. There just isn't. Are you just throwing things at me randomly, hoping something is going to stick? I excused myself -- and am going to be doing so again in a moment -- because I am hurt, because I am tired, and because I don't want to fight any more right now, and figure once we've both had a bit of time, we'll be calm and can talk it over a little bit and then everything will be okay."
Essdara says, softly, "I am calm, Aida. But I am also very afraid. And while there is no easy way, there are ways that make it hurt a lot more. You know me, and you know how I react to things, and you know how I feel about you. You're right, there's no way I wouldn't be hurt and angry and betrayed." She shakes her head and looks at Aida sadly, "I don't want to lose you, Aida. You're my best friend, and I love you almost as much as I do Synnie. But I can't help thinking we won't be talking in a few months, and in a turn, you'll have forgotten me, or even if not forgotten... We'll have no common ground left for friendship, and we'll just be... Aida, and Essdara. Seperate, and different."
"Our paths were different from the first day we set foot on the road," Aida points out, her free hand coming up to shove through her hair as she continues to eye Essdara. "You want to be the head cook; I want...something else. It's always been that way, and we've managed to make it this far. What do we have for common ground right now, infirmary and kitchens? Our friendship. It...it'll be okay, Dara. C'mon, I haven't let you down yet, have I?"
Essdara shakes her head. "No, but then, we've already not been talking as much, either." A shrug. "I should find you more to talk. I haven't even told you all my latest dramas and stories. And other than this, I haven't heard any of yours." A sigh. "I am glad you told me, though, Aida, I am. And I really do hope it works out for yuo. I do."
"I've been around," Aida says quietly, her voice a bit unsteady as she shrugs one shoulder. "We do need to talk more. I'm not moving out of the dorms, so. It's not like I won't be around. Just...tired." A wan smile is summoned up -- and she already does look tired. Well, weary, at least. "It'll...be okay. I'll be able to manage this. /We/ will be able to manage this."
Essdara sighs, and offers her arms. "We will, really. Come here, Aida? Just... Don't walk away. I promise, I won't say anything more about it, but I don't want you to leave right now. I feel like if you do, it won't be something we get over."
There are moments where Aida is like nothing so much as a wary animal, torn between bolting and accepting food. This is one of them; she eyes Essdara for a long moment when her arms are offered, but eventually stands down, exhaling a sigh and trudging back over to the rock to flop down beside her, leaning into the offered arms. "I'm so tired."
Essdara wraps her arms around Aida, echoing her sigh. "I can only imagine, dearheart. But you know I love you, right? If I didn't, it woudln't hurt so much, right? So we'll be ok." An attempt at humor, "Just make sure that you tell me exactly what happens in those classes. Maybe I can learn through you."
"Every bit of my fire has been used up these last few days," Aida mumbles, curling in against the other girl and closing her eyes, letting herself relax. "An' I'll make sure you learn, don't worry. Will...you make sure Neiran gets fed, for me? I've got a schedule written down already, 'n stuff."
Essdara kisses her hair softly. "I will try, dearheart, I will try. and this is going to be hard on you, Aida. I know I was harsh, but I wasn't wrong. People won't trust you, not like they did." She runs her fingers through Aida's hair. "Have you told Yevide?"
"/People/ can deal," Aida points out, sighing softly. "The ones I care about, it'll be okay." Her voice quiets further, taking on a light bit of a sleepy sort of note to it; relaxed. "I haven't told Yevide yet, no; I only told Br'ce already because I ran into him on my way to try and find you. I'll get to it. I still need to tell her, and Neiran. I'll bring you his food schedule. It's not hard, or anything. Just want to make sure he gets to eat right still."
Essdara pets her hair softly, and nods. "I will help how I can, dearheart." She's quiet a moment. "Aida, when you're more settled and awake, I need you to meet someone for me."
"Okay," Aida replies quietly, chuckling softly. "I'll meet whoever. Who is it? And why?" Curiosity does manage to surface, and she lifts her head up so she can offer over a smile, cheer starting to return for all that she's clearly tired.
Essdara smiles, and it's far more genuine. "Asynnida's her name, and we're... Well, I guess you could say we're involved. She's very nice, if painfully shy, and very sweet. But she's got a fire inside, kind of like you. I think you will like her."
"Oh," Aida grins, giving an agreeable sort of nod. She lifts an arm to give Essdara a one-armed hug, squeezing briefly before she starts to withdraw, to move up to her feet. "I'll meet her soon, I'm sure. I'm glad you've found somebody to be involved with."
Essdara looks up to her. "Going to bed, Aida? And... I am glad, too. She makes me very happy. Even if I keep waiting for her to run away in terror the more she finds out about me."
"I need to rest," Aida agrees. Which isn't exactly going to bed, but it's close enough. She offers another wan smile, ruffling her hair again and taking a deep breath. It's exhaled slowly, and then another -- more sure -- smile is offered. "Good. I'm glad she makes you happy. I doubt she's going to run away. I look forward to meeting her."
"Do you want me to come with you?" Dara offers, in a hesitant voice. "Tommorow, maybe. She's a messenger, and I don't think she made it back tonight, unfortunately."
Aida gives a light shake of her head. "I need some time to wind down," she states quietly. "I appreciate the offer, but I need some time. And I'm sure she'll be back soon."
Essdara nods softly, though it's hard to hide the rejection felt. "Feel better, Aida. It will work out. And... It will be good for you." She looks back down at the note she was working on, staring at it as she tries to relocate where she was on it.
Exhaling another sigh at that hint of rejection, Aida's smile fades in favor of her just looking worn again. She watches the other girl for a long moment, then offers a quiet, "Have a good afternoon, Dara." With that said, she's shoving her hands into the pockets of her jacket, turning to trudge back the way she came.
"You, too, Aida." Dara says softly, not looking up from her note.